Levels of Aspergers

[wanderer03]

It really irks me how people expect aspies to be like non-verbal drooling vegetables. Even medical professionals that haven't done any continuing education have certain symptoms they look for. Hey stupid, that's why the DSM calls it a spectrum of behaviours!

 

[garnetflower13]

I am general isn't, but sometimes when a group of similar people gather, it leads to a kind of 'regression'. In other words, because the masks are dropped, the Asperger's/autism characteristics become far more obvious than otherwise. So, some Aspies may not try to use their usual coping mechanisms that they use in general in order to fit in and be accepted.

I remember going to an Aspie support group, and feeling relaxed enough to "drop the mask" after a few meetings. It was wonderfully restful! We were a mixed group though, with both high and low functioning Aspies.

 

[Ylva]

Additionally, just because someone prefers staying at home and you don't, it doesn't mean you are better than them. Maybe you don't have PTSD-like symptoms from bullying, maybe you don't feel overwhelmed by social interaction or get uncomfortable around people – or maybe you do and choose to go through with it anyway. And another person chooses not to go through with it anyway, because they don't love being social more than they love not having to deal with too many symptoms.

 

[garnetflower13]

Additionally, just because someone prefers staying at home and you don't, it doesn't mean you are better than them. Maybe you don't have PTSD-like symptoms from bullying, maybe you don't feel overwhelmed by social interaction or get uncomfortable around people – or maybe you do and choose to go through with it anyway. And another person chooses not to go through with it anyway, because they don't love being social more than they love not having to deal with too many symptoms.

I don't think that Darwin162 meant to say that he felt that he was better than the stay at home Aspies, merely that he felt that he wouldn't fit in. I often found myself in similar situations when at certain workplaces, where I was outnumbered by people of low to average intelligence. I didn't feel myself to be better than they, what I felt was lonely because I had no one that I could relate to. If I spoke up, I was accused of showing off or using big words. So I was left to feel isolated and misunderstood. Perhaps Darwin162 is looking for "like minded" people; and aren't we all?

 

[Darwin162]

I don't think that Darwin162 meant to say that he felt that he was better than the stay at home Aspies, merely that he felt that he wouldn't fit in. I often found myself in similar situations when at certain workplaces, where I was outnumbered by people of low to average intelligence. I didn't feel myself to be better than they, what I felt was lonely because I had no one that I could relate to. If I spoke up, I was accused of showing off or using big words. So I was left to feel isolated and misunderstood. Perhaps Darwin162 is looking for "like minded" people; and aren't we all?

Thank you flower you are spot on. 162 is actually my IQ so I can relate to being more intelligent than most people. But I would happily trade 30 points for some friends who were more like me. Sometimes I get lonely in a room full of people Aspies or not, so for me finding a similar thinking person would be like a dog with peanut butter.

 

[royinpink]

And also, there's a thing I saw somewhere about why 'levels' aren't helpful: If you're 'low functioning' people think you have nothing to say and nothing to add, and if you're 'high functioning' people think you don't have anything that causes you to struggle.

Were you thinking of Amythest Schaber?

Could've been something else though, a lot of people in the self-advocacy / blogging community write about this topic.

 

[NtNoWay]

Were you thinking of Amythest Schaber?

Ah Amythest's videos are brilliant.

 

[Professori]

Thank you flower you are spot on. 162 is actually my IQ so I can relate to being more intelligent than most people. But I would happily trade 30 points for some friends who were more like me. Sometimes I get lonely in a room full of people Aspies or not, so for me finding a similar thinking person would be like a dog with peanut butter.

Hey, meet some peanut butter, assuming you are the dog! Been a professor for many years, but still find most academics difficult to relate to, but Let me not imply that is because most are of very average intelligence - that would not be very polite, to use NT terminology .

Here's hoping!

 

[paloftoon]

Depending on your location, I can give you some ideas Darwin162 (state and approximate city is enough). Generally speaking, it's much harder to find people that you'll be able to relate to more in your situation. I know exactly how you feel!

 

[Darwin162]

Depending on your location, I can give you some ideas Darwin162 (state and approximate city is enough). Generally speaking, it's much harder to find people that you'll be able to relate to more in your situation. I know exactly how you feel!

I live in England but I appreciate the offer of help. Lately I have been drifting from my wife and kids with my obsession over my aspergers so I'm going to put it all to one side and get obsessed with them again instead. Turns out I have my friends right here but I forget they love me. [emoji7]

 

[pax]

Yesterday I went to my first Aspie meeting. I was really looking forward to meeting people like me and hoped I could perhaps make a friend. I am 34 was diagnosed last year and am well and truly socially disabled, but the people I met were not what I was expecting. I felt more out of place than a steak at a vegan dinner party. Hey were all very nice and I really liked them but I felt so advanced compared to them that I should have been running the group not taking part. I'm married 15 years and counting, have 2 teenagers who are my best friends and am the manager at my work. I own my house and have a good small group of friends. All my life I have struggled but I just pushed myself and never gave up trying. It has been hard but I did it. So are there different levels of Aspergers and if so I must be at the top. I'm not trying to be rude or nasty I just want to understand why I couldn't even fit in with a group of Aspies. I'm very confused right now.

Almost a decade ago I went to a few aspie meetups, and felt pretty much the same. The person running it was an aspie, and had a masters in psychology, strangely enough, but she didn't run the meetings well,- the venue and time changed randomly, (usually held in working hours)and directions were ambiguous. Her communication skills were no better than mine, probably worse.

The people at the few meetings I got to were all unemployed, one had terrible personal hygiene to the point I had to sit on the other side of the room, one was also paranoid schizophrenic and ranted for most of the meeting about conspiracy theories, one female may have been interesting to get to know if the conspiracy theorist would let her speak. At another meeting I met another woman who was quite possibly conspiracy theorist's mother, and had her own issues.

So not a positive experience overall. I was hoping to find some people I could relate to, or even aspire to . It didn't happen.

 

[Professori]

Hey, meet some peanut butter, assuming you are the dog! Been a professor for many years, but still find most academics difficult to relate to, but Let me not imply that is because most are of very average intelligence - that would not be very polite, to use NT terminology .

Here's hoping!

My last post was poorly phrased - I simply mean I can relate - all the best with your family and friends.

 

[hiraeth]

This is very close to my position. Currently I have held off chasing an assessment, it just felt wierd/wrong to pigeon hole myself into one of the boxes. I was also worried that once I had my aspergers deffined I would stop striveing & growing. It took me a long time & a lot of lost friendships to get to my semi high functioning level. Most people don't see it.. but if they looked they'd see how I avoid eye contact generally & get unsettled in certain situations. It is a tough one, I don't doubt that some people need a deffeniton. But I do worry about how that might just set in stone ones attitude & give a reason to not try.
I want to try, to get a job & get off the dole. I don't want to rot on the dole making do.

Another thing you seem to be getting at here is (at least it reminded me of that for myself) the desire to connect with people whom we can look up to, role models, success stories. A few times I have hung out with an autistic person "in person" and it seemed like the blind leading the blind. Neither of us knew how to communicate, how to take initiative in situations for example we are standing at a street corner, which way do you want to go? it was generally very frustrating and not at all enjoyable.

I suppose that also explains why I read and follow and occasionally publicly respond to online discussions of topics concerning shared suffering and very rarely privately approach any of the people writing and sharing. No matter how much I can relate to them, no matter how rare that is, and how outside of this anonymous space I may never find contact with others who "get" me as much as they do ever again. Because what would we talk about? How much everything sucks and how confused we are about how to move forward in the world? How many times can we go over the same thing before it gets really, really old? I don't want to talk about suffering for the sake of talking about suffering, because the act of bringing it up is painful. And as a result, the sacrifice (feeling pain) should come with a gain, in the form of new ideas, something I hadn't heard about before, some perspective that I didn't have before. The likelihood of such a return goes down each time I talk again about the exact same thing in the exact same way.

 

[RecklessMick]

I know the feeling, a similar thing happened with me when I went to a group, I'm not sure if it was just Aspies or what but, I felt odd, they gave us assignments, one I specifically remember involving using a scissors, and everyone had to learn how to use scissors except for me.

Then in school I was always around other 'special needs' kids but I was the only kid in school with Aspergers' syndrome - the rest had different things. I did not feel right with them, in both cases I felt I was much more intelligent.

I'm not sure if there's 'levels' of Asperger's syndrome, it seems to be a genetic thing, and if Asperger's is a form of Autism then all Autistics must have something in common. There's a lot of things associated with Asperger's syndrome, some people might not have something that they are 'supposed' to if they have Aspergers or Autism, I think it mostly has to do with stereotypes and not actual science. I think it is a stereotype that we don't like being social (I find in many cases, especailly with myself, we want to be social, we just aren't very good at it).

And things like that. I'm sure if a person really felt weird about their diagnosis they could have their genetics tested as there seems to be genes associated with it. I'm sure mis-diagnosis happens and this might be the way to tell for sure. I'm pretty confident in my having Aspergers' because I know myself the things I feel, others around me cannot - and it's the explanation the doctors give. I really wish I didn't have it many times - other times it makes me feel special. It's a double edged sword I think.

 

[SingaSong]

Yesterday I went to my first Aspie meeting. I was really looking forward to meeting people like me and hoped I could perhaps make a friend. I am 34 was diagnosed last year and am well and truly socially disabled, but the people I met were not what I was expecting. I felt more out of place than a steak at a vegan dinner party. Hey were all very nice and I really liked them but I felt so advanced compared to them that I should have been running the group not taking part. I'm married 15 years and counting, have 2 teenagers who are my best friends and am the manager at my work. I own my house and have a good small group of friends. All my life I have struggled but I just pushed myself and never gave up trying. It has been hard but I did it. So are there different levels of Aspergers and if so I must be at the top. I'm not trying to be rude or nasty I just want to understand why I couldn't even fit in with a group of Aspies. I'm very confused right now.

As far as socialising I am at One end of the spectrum. I find it almost impossible to make friends. However I am able to make acquaintances and do daily tasks. I do feel disabled by the way that I am. I have only just been diagnosed as an adult. Intellectually I'm fine, and I do function. I live on my own but with a lot of support from my parents, financially and emotionally. My diagnosis is autism spectrum disorder as it was made under DSM5.

I have found an autism support group so I think I might try that out.

 

[paloftoon]

Might be worth looking for conferences and workshops in your area, and have your wife and kids attend with you too.

 

[shinkansen]

So are there different levels of Aspergers

Like you, I've been attending meetings. The meetings have been really helpful. Not because they show the extent of the autism spectrum. The meetings have been helpful because I can have honest conversations with other people about being on the spectrum.

Regardless of where you think you are on the spectrum, the meetings also shown me that we've all needed some help at some point. Help with getting a diagnosis, help with employment, medical help and help with being understood.

 

[Ylva]

This reminds me of someone who used to attend our group who at every meeting would brag that she could have been a member of MENSA, until one brave soul informed her that it really didn't matter to the rest of us. After that she mostly stopped showing.

 

[Darwin162]

This reminds me of someone who used to attend our group who at every meeting would brag that she could have been a member of MENSA, until one brave soul informed her that it really didn't matter to the rest of us. After that she mostly stopped showing.

You sound like a bully

 

[Ylva]

You sound like a bully

You sound like you are not that good at reasoning, whether or not you have high IQ. I didn't even do anything in that story.