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Asperger's & Autism Forum
Just saw a post about NTs feeling traumatized in a relationship with an Aspie. The article describing the relationship trauma might have been written by my spouse, who is often convinced he "bought a lemon" when he fell in love with me. He also thinks I use my AS diagnosis as an excuse to get a free pass on responsibility for temper tantrums, social gaffes and so on.
My mother thought she bought lemons too when she found motherhood so hard, she put my sister and me in an orphanage- so this lemon thing just pisses me off.
My husband feels held back by a spouse who is not a true partner; I point out that a "normal" person could not keep up with him. I feel like it would take Superwoman to please him, much less an Aspie! But his idea that pretty much everything is my fault is insulting because, heaven knows, I try. It's like I'm the dairy maid who married the lord of the manor- from another planet!
Back to the toxic relationship thing, I don't think NTs acknowledge the pressure...
I am the mother of a son who is on the spectrum. While he was diagnosed several years ago, I have known that he processed things differently for a long time. I thought the diagnosis gave Me Something to work with; and I some ways it has, but it also creates a lot of questions.
When I look at lists of Asperger traits many of them fit but many do not. As a parent I want to be understanding and be supportive, but at the same time I also want to instill proper values. By values, I mean honesty, trustworthiness, consideration, kindness, etc.
My son who is 17 seems to lack impulse control. Not hyperactivity or in a Tourette's manner, but if he wants something he will take it regardless of the situation. I try to explain why the particular behavior is wrong, but he always has a justification for his poor behavior. The way he so easily rationalizes his dishonesty truly scares me because I am afraid that if he carries this behavior outside the house it will...
For most of my life, I have suffered from severe insomnia. When I was little I hated taking naps because I always felt like I was missing out on things, and/or that everyone did all of the fun things while I was sleeping so that I couldn't be included. I know about this because my parents told me about it, but I don't how I slept after that until I was about 12 because I tended to keep my problems to myself, and my memory doesn't go back that far. But around the age of 12 is when my insomnia started getting really bad. By the time I was 15 I often would only sleep 2 or 3 hours a night, and it got to the point where I'd just start falling asleep in class or or the bus. It got better for a short while, but now over the past 5 or 6 years or so it has gotten bad again. Currently, I only sleep a 2 or 3 hours a night, and when I do sleep I have terrible nightmares and suffer from frequent bouts of sleep paralysis. I've tried teas, aroma-therapy, peaceful sounds, medications, not...
This kinda ties in with my post about me needing to be more submissive...Probably my most serious problem right now is I have anger issues that border on hellatious and god-awful. I went from kid screaming and kicking the ground in a time out spot to a four armed, masochistic demiurge of destruction in the span of only two years. I've been known to attack my stepfather who frequently only makes my anger worse thanks to his belief in "disciplinary negative reinforcement", which of course results in me crawling away with a black eye, bloody face, swollen cheeks or all three, and at one point what was supposed to be a slightly overpowered love tap turned into a faceblast which resulted in my front right tooth escaping my mouth (though he formally apologized for this and made up for it later on).
Getting back to the issue, my rage is getting worse and my breaking points are getting thinner! Allow me to explain the formula of how my anger issues work in my case:
The level of tolerance...
Everyone educated enough in autism knows despite sharing a lot of similarities, we are all different.
Lorna Wing described autistic people as being in one or in a few categories. They are:
Most frequent subtype among the lower functioning. Most high-functioning in this group are a mixture of aloof and passive. Limited language use. Copes with life using autistic routines. Most are recognised in childhood. Independence is difficult to achieve. There may be loneliness and sadness beneath the aloofness. Rain Man is an excellent example of this subgroup.
Often amiable, gentle, and easily led. Those passive rather than aloof from infancy may fit AS. More likely than the aloof to have had a mainstream education, and their psych skill profiles are less uneven. Social approaches passively accepted (little response or show of feelings). Characteristic autistic egocentricity less obvious in this group than in others. Activities are limited and repetitive, but less so than...
My birthday passed recently. I spent it alone and was happy to do so. I was given a couple well wishes from people but as usual I did not receive any gifts. I haven't received a single gift in the last five years or more.
This didn't bother me before except that I've noticed I always give gifts to family and people I've known for a long time. I make sure to send some type of gift on birthdays, mother's day, and other holidays. But I might get a late card for my birthday and that's it.
Although, I give gifts even though I'm on a tight budget because I thought that was a nice, kind thing to do. They aren't expensive gifts. But I do it because it shows that I'm thinking of the person and that I care. I also thought that it's something everyone does.
Now I'm wondering after so many years if I'm missing something? Is there some type of social or gift etiquette that I'm not aware of? Or could this lack of reciprocation be a sign that I'm not well liked or respected by the people I...
Has anyone considered something like Internet PenPals or the like?
I'm asking this because, considering I struggle to talk to others in real life and also struggle with forming and maintaining friendships, I've recently made accounts on a couple of PenPal sites I've found through Google. However, I'm beginning to wonder: is this a good/effective way to form friendships and meet new people?
I'm mostly directing this question at others here who've tried something like this in the past (or currently are) and about their experiences with it, or suggest it to people here who have social struggles like myself. They say talking to people through the Internet is the easiest form of communication, after all. Or something like that anyway...
Also, I apologize if this is in the wrong category or if the subject was brought up and discussed before. I know this isn't an excuse, but I'm still pretty new here and this is only my second post ever since I signed up on this forum (the first...
All over my facebook I am seeing people complain about fiddle cubes, spinners etc but why. Since fiddle toys have come on to the mainstream market they are getting a lot of bad press. I always have a fiddle toy such as a tangle or snake with me to stop me scratch my hands and keep my anxiety at bay. However since the fidget cube phone on people have been making negative comments about my use of them.
Anyone else experienced this or just me.
Hey all, this is my first post. My ex is an aspie, unfortunately I did not learn this till after our second split. The first split he stop talking to me because I pushed for an answer as to what we were. After 3 ignored texts over 6 months, we started talking again.
Things were going well we were casual but it was obvious we cared about one another. I had a scary health issue and was upset that he wanted to talk about work and didn't appear to care about my health. I was angry and said some mean things then told him he never has to call me back. A few weeks later my health worsened and my friend texted him to let him know (without my permission). He subsequently changed his number.
I get that he's upset and doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I would have reacted differently if I knew he was an aspie (a mutual aquaintence informed me after the altercation). There is no way of predicting the future and I don't want a romantic relationship anymore because it's not...
This happens ALL THE TIME in my family. If something important comes up, either no one tells me, I have to ask them myself if I suspect something; or they wait until the last minute to tell me. Yesterday was a prime example of such things, most notably the fact that because both of my brothers were at work, Mom decided I'd be on my own for dinner, but she didn't tell me. She stayed upstairs and had leftovers while I stayed in my room until 7. Sometimes we have dinner around 6:30 instead of 6 so I didn't think much of it at first, but when I noticed it was almost 7, I suspected that something was up. I heard the TV on upstairs and my dad come home, no clattering of dishes, no one calling me, so I figured everything out and just didn't have dinner. Today I brought that up to Mom and she just started yelling at me, claiming the reason she didn't tell me was that she had leftovers and I don't care for leftovers.
How hard would it have been for her to either come down or e-mail me...
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