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Levels of Aspergers

Darwin162

Active Member
Yesterday I went to my first Aspie meeting. I was really looking forward to meeting people like me and hoped I could perhaps make a friend. I am 34 was diagnosed last year and am well and truly socially disabled, but the people I met were not what I was expecting. I felt more out of place than a steak at a vegan dinner party. Hey were all very nice and I really liked them but I felt so advanced compared to them that I should have been running the group not taking part. I'm married 15 years and counting, have 2 teenagers who are my best friends and am the manager at my work. I own my house and have a good small group of friends. All my life I have struggled but I just pushed myself and never gave up trying. It has been hard but I did it. So are there different levels of Aspergers and if so I must be at the top. I'm not trying to be rude or nasty I just want to understand why I couldn't even fit in with a group of Aspies. I'm very confused right now.
 
I know what you mean. Personally I don't struggle so much with socialising. Yes, I can overuse sarcasm and jokes and I can't maintain friendships with people now since leaving the education environment but I don't have problems with saying socially unacceptable things or miss-cuing in reciprocating conversations and for that reason I do feel out of place in the autism community.

I went to a peer support group for autism a few months ago and whilst I haven't given up on the group it does feel quite alien to my other peer support group I go to. I guess that's just the difference between being around majority people for the first time who can't socialise good and that's a weird experience. I guess I'm just used to the flow of the NT world.
 
I'm pretty much the same way. I struggled a lot in my younger years, but kept pushing myself through. I learned to navigate, and I learned what worked and what didn't work. I believe myself to be quite high-functioning now, even though many Aspie issues still plague me. I'm pretty sure there levels to AS, as there is with the whole autistic spectrum. You and I are probably on the higher functioning side of the spectrum. It's almost like being a "half-breed." You don't completely fit in with NTs or with Aspies.
 
It's truly a very broad spectrum. Where we discover that there are those both behind us and in front of us in terms of the degree of their autism as well as whatever traits we may- or may not share, and at different amplitudes.

Makes for quite an eclectic lot at times.
 
The neighbor boy a few doors down is diagnosed with Asperger's, he is much more disabled than I am, he cannot read and nothing they have tried seems to work. He is probably closer to classic autism than Asperger's in my opinion. But he does share a connection with me that he does not have with others. As has been said, it really is a spectrum. If we take the 3 level scale used in the current DSM, my therapist says on most days I am a level 1, but on my off days when I struggle or am overwhelmed I can get very close to a level 2 in my need for support. Whilest some Aspie's can manage on thier own, I cannot in some aspects. Should something happen to my wife, I have trustee's in place to help me manage money to keep bills paid and to help me keep the house in order/cleaned up. I would spend every time I have on trains, tractors and junk food if not for thier help. The house would go uncleaned till I was a wreck, then I would get overwhelmed trying to clean it up once it got to that point and meltdown. Mike
 
I am actually willing to bet you didn't look more advanced to the other people there.
 
Yesterday I went to my first Aspie meeting. I was really looking forward to meeting people like me and hoped I could perhaps make a friend. I am 34 was diagnosed last year and am well and truly socially disabled, but the people I met were not what I was expecting. I felt more out of place than a steak at a vegan dinner party. Hey were all very nice and I really liked them but I felt so advanced compared to them that I should have been running the group not taking part. I'm married 15 years and counting, have 2 teenagers who are my best friends and am the manager at my work. I own my house and have a good small group of friends. All my life I have struggled but I just pushed myself and never gave up trying. It has been hard but I did it. So are there different levels of Aspergers and if so I must be at the top. I'm not trying to be rude or nasty I just want to understand why I couldn't even fit in with a group of Aspies. I'm very confused right now.

Indeed there are different levels of Aspies and some function at a much higher level the others. I think you should take comfort in the fact that you discovered that you are one of those who obvioulsy do function at a higher level - as I see from your broad outline of your life.

It also depends on the group you joined. Was this strictly an Aspies group, or an autism group in general? I am general isn't, but sometimes when a group of similar people gather, it leads to a kind of 'regression'. In other words, because the masks are dropped, the Asperger's/autism characteristics become far more obvious than otherwise. So, some Aspies may not try to use their usual coping mechanisms that they use in general in order to fit in and be accepted.

Try another group.
 
I am actually willing to bet you didn't look more advanced to the other people there.
Well considering one man only ever left his house to come to the meetings and another had his mum with him and another asked me what I was doing for new years eve and did he want me to spend it with him. Oh and the fact I had a car, tattoos and a flipping job was about the greatest thing they had ever seen so I probably did look more advanced because I am. But despite everything I took some phone numbers and have asked the new years guy if he wants to hang out some time cos he was really nice. I don't care what level they're on I was just a little taken a back.
 
Indeed there are different levels of Aspies and some function at a much higher level the others. I think you should take comfort in the fact that you discovered that you are one of those who obvioulsy do function at a higher level - as I see from your broad outline of your life.

It also depends on the group you joined. Was this strictly an Aspies group, or an autism group in general? I am general isn't, but sometimes when a group of similar people gather, it leads to a kind of 'regression'. In other words, because the masks are dropped, the Asperger's/autism characteristics become far more obvious than otherwise. So, some Aspies may not try to use their usual coping mechanisms that they use in general in order to fit in and be accepted.

Try another group.
Thanks dude. I do take comfort I'm just a little lost right now. I don't seem to fit in anywhere but at least I have my awesome little family. They are my group, well them and my dogs. I'm pretty sure my sheepadoodle has aspergers.
 
The neighbor boy a few doors down is diagnosed with Asperger's, he is much more disabled than I am, he cannot read and nothing they have tried seems to work. He is probably closer to classic autism than Asperger's in my opinion. But he does share a connection with me that he does not have with others. As has been said, it really is a spectrum. If we take the 3 level scale used in the current DSM, my therapist says on most days I am a level 1, but on my off days when I struggle or am overwhelmed I can get very close to a level 2 in my need for support. Whilest some Aspie's can manage on thier own, I cannot in some aspects. Should something happen to my wife, I have trustee's in place to help me manage money to keep bills paid and to help me keep the house in order/cleaned up. I would spend every time I have on trains, tractors and junk food if not for thier help. The house would go uncleaned till I was a wreck, then I would get overwhelmed trying to clean it up once it got to that point and meltdown. Mike
I was literally telling my wife the same thing. I find if I'm tired or moody I drop a level but if all is well or I'm at work I can function almost close to "normal" as boring as that is. It's fun to be different.
 
I was just using the "levels" as a tool to describe and its what is used here in the states. For what its worth, my therapist doesn't agree with dropping AS from the new DSM, and neither do I. I think we all have days that we function better than others. Come see me after a meltdown or shutdown, I don't function much at all. But on a good day at work, I am one of the more brilliant small engine mechanics my boss has ever seen according to him. Mike
 
I don't like the concept of ranking in terms of levels. I prefer looking at it as a spectrum of behaviors and symptoms.

And that is the difference between the DSM-5 and the DSM-4. There is a lot more than three levels on a spectrum.
 
It's not as simple as different levels, being an Aspergian isn't something that's linear, each person will be very different to each other.

That's why everyone was so different from yourself, yet it seemed like you were family. You're simply not going to find anyone that's exactly like you are.

And in terms of struggles and obstructions, it's always going to be different between different Aspergians. If you were talking about say; specific skills, like for example, light sensory tolerance level, then I suppose you could apply some sort of leveling system to that. But overall, no.
 
I have a general expectation that the people I will relate to the most, are unlikely to frequent support groups, for the similar reasons that I am reluctant to do so myself. Maybe a lot of these people whom I am theoretically looking for, have never been diagnosed or, even if they have, don't think about so much or make it a big part of their daily life, and just carry on with the same routines they've usually had, engaging in the same (special) interests they usually have. Being socially disabled isn't something I'm so interested in dedicating the time and energy to bond over in and of itself.
 
9 times out of 10 I cannot get along with other aspies at all. I used to go to this aspergers group for kids, and I could not stand any of them because I felt more advanced than them as well.
 
I'm not a fan of the whole idea of levels. Personally my own ability to function fluctuates greatly from day to day even hour to hour at times.
I note that the DSM5 does use levels, I think it's mostly about levels of needed support.
I've been to a support group a few times and didn't find it great. I found it difficult to be there to be perfectly honest. I think a lot of that was just the sheer variance, I guess I hoped to find people I would just click with or something but I didn't.

I don't think functioning labels help us at all to be honest, I think the only thing they help do is pigeon hole us into predefined stereotypes of what we can do, what we can't do, what traits we will have and what we won't.

Personally I just prefer to think of being autistic, and if you want to know the things I need help with or the things I am good at then come and find out, don't make assumptions.
 
I'm not a fan of the whole idea of levels. Personally my own ability to function fluctuates greatly from day to day even hour to hour at times.
I note that the DSM5 does use levels, I think it's mostly about levels of needed support.
I've been to a support group a few times and didn't find it great. I found it difficult to be there to be perfectly honest. I think a lot of that was just the sheer variance, I guess I hoped to find people I would just click with or something but I didn't.

I don't think functioning labels help us at all to be honest, I think the only thing they help do is pigeon hole us into predefined stereotypes of what we can do, what we can't do, what traits we will have and what we won't.

Personally I just prefer to think of being autistic, and if you want to know the things I need help with or the things I am good at then come and find out, don't make assumptions.
That is so very well put :)
 
I'm not a fan of the whole idea of levels. Personally my own ability to function fluctuates greatly from day to day even hour to hour at times.
I note that the DSM5 does use levels, I think it's mostly about levels of needed support.
I've been to a support group a few times and didn't find it great. I found it difficult to be there to be perfectly honest. I think a lot of that was just the sheer variance, I guess I hoped to find people I would just click with or something but I didn't.

I don't think functioning labels help us at all to be honest, I think the only thing they help do is pigeon hole us into predefined stereotypes of what we can do, what we can't do, what traits we will have and what we won't.

Personally I just prefer to think of being autistic, and if you want to know the things I need help with or the things I am good at then come and find out, don't make assumptions.
And also, there's a thing I saw somewhere about why 'levels' aren't helpful: If you're 'low functioning' people think you have nothing to say and nothing to add, and if you're 'high functioning' people think you don't have anything that causes you to struggle.
 
I have a general expectation that the people I will relate to the most, are unlikely to frequent support groups, for the similar reasons that I am reluctant to do so myself. Maybe a lot of these people whom I am theoretically looking for, have never been diagnosed or, even if they have, don't think about so much or make it a big part of their daily life, and just carry on with the same routines they've usually had, engaging in the same (special) interests they usually have. Being socially disabled isn't something I'm so interested in dedicating the time and energy to bond over in and of itself.

This is very close to my position. Currently I have held off chasing an assessment, it just felt wierd/wrong to pigeon hole myself into one of the boxes. I was also worried that once I had my aspergers deffined I would stop striveing & growing. It took me a long time & a lot of lost friendships to get to my semi high functioning level. Most people don't see it.. but if they looked they'd see how I avoid eye contact generally & get unsettled in certain situations. It is a tough one, I don't doubt that some people need a deffeniton. But I do worry about how that might just set in stone ones attitude & give a reason to not try.
I want to try, to get a job & get off the dole. I don't want to rot on the dole making do.
 

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