Executive Functioning Issues

[wanderer03]

Wanderer, what are we .. what will we do? We are smart at things they cannot understand and we cannot do the simple things they do everyday. I do not know about my future. I am trying to think of it objectively but there is so much feeling. My self-esteem is low because I think people think I am dumb and sometimes they look at me with soft eyes, like talking to a sick child. I am so much smarter than they are, it seems that way to me. They do not know a molecule from an atom or that digital is an idea but doesn't actually exist (ringing effect).

I can't make sure I have lunch or clean clothes. They know everything about life and I don't. They think I am stupid.

Maybe I am thinking badly right now because I am stressed. Not a good time for thinking but feelings come any time. I liked it when Homer Simpson said,"I'm not hurt, it's my feelings that are hurt."

I don't know that I can go on feeling this stupid. All the things I know don't help me with the bus or shopping or managing money or understanding my healthcare. Questions and questions and they never want to know the answer. They speak in questions, they live it seems without answers. Ten year olds ride the bus better than I do. I am a grown man and I have less lifeskill than children I see.

I am sorry, I think this is a rant. Rants aren't good or nice to listen to. Confused.

I've contacted Autism Speaks for help. I'll let you know when I learn something.

 

[grommet]

I've contacted Autism Speaks for help. I'll let you know when I learn something.

Please do. Maybe we can learn some things together. I do not know if this idea is a strange one but I wonder if there could be YouTube videos on lifeskills. You could watch each one and get tips. If the person making them understood autism they could make videos in a way that helped.

Thanks to you and other people too, I don't feel alone but I do feel .. I do not feel good about being who I am. All the intelligence that helped me as a child isn't helping me get along as an adult. I feel at wits end. I know that is just a feeling and may not mean anything but the feeling is affecting my thinking.

I think again and again of the main character in, "The Speed of Dark". He makes so much sense to me.

I hope something really good happens for all of us. Maybe good things have happened to me but I am thinking so much about one thing that I am not noticing. I am rambling today. I should keep my messages short or maybe wait to post.

 

[Rayner]

Please do. Maybe we can learn some things together. I do not know if this idea is a strange one but I wonder if there could be YouTube videos on lifeskills. You could watch each one and get tips. If the person making them understood autism they could make videos in a way that helped.

Thanks to you and other people too, I don't feel alone but I do feel .. I do not feel good about being who I am. All the intelligence that helped me as a child isn't helping me get along as an adult. I feel at wits end. I know that is just a feeling and may not mean anything but the feeling is affecting my thinking.

I think again and again of the main character in, "The Speed of Dark". He makes so much sense to me.

I hope something really good happens for all of us. Maybe good things have happened to me but I am thinking so much about one thing that I am not noticing. I am rambling today. I should keep my messages short or maybe wait to post.

I'm not sure if there are YouTube videos on life skills. I'm checking that out to see what I find.

 

[grommet]

I'm not sure if there are YouTube videos on life skills. I'm checking that out to see what I find.

I think I feel better knowing we are looking for the same kind of help. I think that feeling may be better than even finding help.

 

[Rayner]

I think I feel better knowing we are looking for the same kind of help. I think that feeling may be better than even finding help.

I'm glad I'm not alone either.

 

[Warmheart]

Part of executive dysfunction is low self-esteem. If someone has a hard time getting their body to do what they want it to, and have a hard time managing the details of living a life, it can make us feel ineffective.

We all have value. It is our neurology that makes us amazing in our passions, incredible in our hyperfocus, and so gifted in many ways. Our neurology is also what makes it hard to follow our day, or to understand what comes next in a sequence of tasks we must do.

DDS really does have agencies who help us manage our lives better. I did have to wait a few months after I sent the application in to get a caseworker. The cool thing is that DDS caseworkers really want to help us feel competent, safe, and well in our world.

 

[wanderer03]

Part of executive dysfunction is low self-esteem. If someone has a hard time getting their body to do what they want it to, and have a hard time managing the details of living a life, it can make us feel ineffective.

We all have value. It is our neurology that makes us amazing in our passions, incredible in our hyperfocus, and so gifted in many ways. Our neurology is also what makes it hard to follow our day, or to understand what comes next in a sequence of tasks we must do.

DDS really does have agencies who help us manage our lives better. I did have to wait a few months after I sent the application in to get a caseworker. The cool thing is that DDS caseworkers really want to help us feel competent, safe, and well in our world.

That's pretty insightful. I know I suffer from low self-esteem. As I slowly start to feel better, certain things become easier, like bathing and certain lower self-care things. Over the last two years I really bottomed out so recovery has been slow and some days are easier than others.

 

[grommet]

Part of executive dysfunction is low self-esteem. If someone has a hard time getting their body to do what they want it to, and have a hard time managing the details of living a life, it can make us feel ineffective.

We all have value. It is our neurology that makes us amazing in our passions, incredible in our hyperfocus, and so gifted in many ways. Our neurology is also what makes it hard to follow our day, or to understand what comes next in a sequence of tasks we must do.

DDS really does have agencies who help us manage our lives better. I did have to wait a few months after I sent the application in to get a caseworker. The cool thing is that DDS caseworkers really want to help us feel competent, safe, and well in our world.

Thank you for writing such lovely words. I also think you put things clearly and it helps me understand myself but I still feel bad. Yesterday was awful, trying to get to the doctor and managing the process on my own. I felt .. I was shaking the whole time I was in the office.

My girlfriend offered many times to take off work and go with me but I couldn't have her do that again. She has to make up the work and it makes her so tired and all that just because I can't take care of myself. I told myself that no matter what I wouldn't make her miss work again.

Being at the clinic felt like .. it felt like too many things to describe but I just kept moving forward and hoping. The staff is very nice and very good, so that helps. But I didn't understand what was going on and what decisions were being made.

As I mentioned in previous post I have bookmarked that site. I am encouraged about what you said, that they want you to feel competent safe and well. I am so embarrassed by who I really am that I think I am not ready to face seeing counselors yet. I thought I was but as it seems more real I think about being in a room with some one and having to tell them the real truth about me.

Like many aspies, I lie everyday. I think I am good at it but I don't really know. I am good at so many things but not the things you do in public. The grocery store must be the scariest place for aspies. The bank doesn't make any sense to me and I know I am on video camera so I try not to look nervous because I don't want them to think I am up to something bad. Then I wonder if that makes me look more nervous.

The awful trick I've used for years is to act angry. Just be angry and say angry things and it kind keeps a momentum going. Being mean or complaining about something seems so acceptable in public but I get the funniest looks if I am myself and tell the person I do not understand what they told me to do, that I need help. They get along better with angry. When I am myself, there is really very little that gets me angry.

Angry makes you seem strong. Being honest seems to make people think I am crazy or stupid. Sometimes they are mean. I have said, "I don't understand." and they have been sarcastic and said, "What part don't you understand?" they say it in the meanest way. So instead I pretend I understand and walk away knowing nothing or I act angry and then they seem to be able to understand that.

I wonder if many aspies do this. Try telling a bus driver you don't know how to know when it will be your stop. You can't. I have to pretend the whole time I am on the bus I know what I am doing and it's no big deal but I have almost no idea especially when the bus turns a corner.

I keep writing posts that are too long but you seem to understand so finally I am talking about what it's really like.

I remember how exciting it was to learn about metal migration failure in digital circuits. In a few weeks my new person checks will arrive and I will have to remember how to write one. I admit I can't remember if cyanoacrylite goes from polymer to monomer but at least I know what those states are. I do not know why the waitress at a restaurant got upset with me when she asked me if everything was alright and I told her the french fries were bad. I would not have brought it up but I thought it was rude to ignore her question.

I am a freak but I may have to start feeling pride about it because I know too many good people who are aspies and my girlfriend is very smart and won't suffer fools for a second and, she really really likes me. So maybe I've got to figure some things out and be okay with being me.

Thank you again for finding the DDS in my area for me. That was work you did not have to do. I think that is very kind. I think when I am ready, it could help me a lot.

 

[Rayner]

Thank you for writing such lovely words. I also think you put things clearly and it helps me understand myself but I still feel bad. Yesterday was awful, trying to get to the doctor and managing the process on my own. I felt .. I was shaking the whole time I was in the office.

My girlfriend offered many times to take off work and go with me but I couldn't have her do that again. She has to make up the work and it makes her so tired and all that just because I can't take care of myself. I told myself that no matter what I wouldn't make her miss work again.

Being at the clinic felt like .. it felt like too many things to describe but I just kept moving forward and hoping. The staff is very nice and very good, so that helps. But I didn't understand what was going on and what decisions were being made.

As I mentioned in previous post I have bookmarked that site. I am encouraged about what you said, that they want you to feel competent safe and well. I am so embarrassed by who I really am that I think I am not ready to face seeing counselors yet. I thought I was but as it seems more real I think about being in a room with some one and having to tell them the real truth about me.

Like many aspies, I lie everyday. I think I am good at it but I don't really know. I am good at so many things but not the things you do in public. The grocery store must be the scariest place for aspies. The bank doesn't make any sense to me and I know I am on video camera so I try not to look nervous because I don't want them to think I am up to something bad. Then I wonder if that makes me look more nervous.

The awful trick I've used for years is to act angry. Just be angry and say angry things and it kind keeps a momentum going. Being mean or complaining about something seems so acceptable in public but I get the funniest looks if I am myself and tell the person I do not understand what they told me to do, that I need help. They get along better with angry. When I am myself, there is really very little that gets me angry.

Angry makes you seem strong. Being honest seems to make people think I am crazy or stupid. Sometimes they are mean. I have said, "I don't understand." and they have been sarcastic and said, "What part don't you understand?" they say it in the meanest way. So instead I pretend I understand and walk away knowing nothing or I act angry and then they seem to be able to understand that.

I wonder if many aspies do this. Try telling a bus driver you don't know how to know when it will be your stop. You can't. I have to pretend the whole time I am on the bus I know what I am doing and it's no big deal but I have almost no idea especially when the bus turns a corner.

I keep writing posts that are too long but you seem to understand so finally I am talking about what it's really like.

I remember how exciting it was to learn about metal migration failure in digital circuits. In a few weeks my new person checks will arrive and I will have to remember how to write one. I admit I can't remember if cyanoacrylite goes from polymer to monomer but at least I know what those states are. I do not know why the waitress at a restaurant got upset with me when she asked me if everything was alright and I told her the french fries were bad. I would not have brought it up but I thought it was rude to ignore her question.

I am a freak but I may have to start feeling pride about it because I know too many good people who are aspies and my girlfriend is very smart and won't suffer fools for a second and, she really really likes me. So maybe I've got to figure some things out and be okay with being me.

Thank you again for finding the DDS in my area for me. That was work you did not have to do. I think that is very kind. I think when I am ready, it could help me a lot.

I understand the feeling of what it feels like to be a freak. I often struggle with having what I need when I need it. Like today when I was buying groceries it took me several minutes to get my wallet out, then use my debt card, then put my debt card back into my wallet,then lastly put my wallet back in my pocket. It so simple for other people they don't understand how diffuclt it is at all.

 

[Warmheart]

I can relate to trying to seem more able than I actually am. I believe when we are not honest about who we really are, it costs us a lot of energy. We get really tired trying to carry the mask we try to wear. Tiredness makes executive function stuff even harder.

Wearing a mask also makes us feel depressed, because we are not being genuine, and we are not being proud of who we are.

It is possible to remove the mask-- with help. If we feel open to it, an ASD specialist can help us learn that the autistic we really are is wonderful, of great value, and to be appreciated-- even though we have significant challenges. Our weaknesses do not define us. Our strengths mean we have so much to offer. Plus, being autistic is... well... cool.

It does feel scary to learn to trust an ASD specialist. I'm working on that. D'oh!

There can be a lot of help out there for autistic adults like us who struggle with hygiene, house chores, bills, self care, appointments, etc. Where we live may have an impact on services available.

This forum is a good place to share ideas and resources. I also am grateful that I can read what others share here, that I am not the only one who feels so overwhelmed with simple things in life. It helps when someone is encouraging or shares simple solutions. We are all in this together.

 

[grommet]

I can relate to trying to seem more able than I actually am. I believe when we are not honest about who we really are, it costs us a lot of energy. We get really tired trying to carry the mask we try to wear. Tiredness makes executive function stuff even harder.

Wearing a mask also makes us feel depressed, because we are not being genuine, and we are not being proud of who we are.

It is possible to remove the mask-- with help. If we feel open to it, an ASD specialist can help us learn that the autistic we really are is wonderful, of great value, and to be appreciated-- even though we have significant challenges. Our weaknesses do not define us. Our strengths mean we have so much to offer. Plus, being autistic is... well... cool.

It does feel scary to learn to trust an ASD specialist. I'm working on that. D'oh!

There can be a lot of help out there for autistic adults like us who struggle with hygiene, house chores, bills, self care, appointments, etc. Where we live may have an impact on services available.

This forum is a good place to share ideas and resources. I also am grateful that I can read what others share here, that I am not the only one who feels so overwhelmed with simple things in life. It helps when someone is encouraging or shares simple solutions. We are all in this together.

I smiled so much reading your post. Maybe I will smile all day.

I love that poster. It is so true but I never thought of it that way. I really do love my things more than other people love their things. I could go on too long talking all about that.

The lifeskills you mentioned .. sometimes I forget how to shave. I stand there and can't remember the first thing to do in the process. Once it comes to me the rest seems to go on automatic. Most of my chores are like that. I forgot how to brush m y teeth once. I stood there holding my electric toothbrush and was just stuck. The worst was when I came home one day. I couldn't remember how I used my front door. I had absolutely no idea whatsoever. I saw the door was in front of me and I knew where I lived was inside, on the other side of it, but I didn't know what to do about the door thing in my way. I lasted about a minute as I puzzled it out.

I would like to feel pride. The things you are saying are making me realize there can be pride and I really do love that picture. I would so much like to have that as a poster for my home or maybe there could be a series of those pictures on cards and we could look at them when we feel bad about who we are. We could remember that it's also pretty neat

 

[grommet]

I understand the feeling of what it feels like to be a freak. I often struggle with having what I need when I need it. Like today when I was buying groceries it took me several minutes to get my wallet out, then use my debt card, then put my debt card back into my wallet,then lastly put my wallet back in my pocket. It so simple for other people they don't understand how diffuclt it is at all.

Wow, I am so surprised to hear you talk about that problem with your wallet. I have that problem every time and I start feeling more and more pressure like there is a growing crowd all watching and waiting for me to finish. Of course there isn't but it's that feeling.

 

[Rayner]

Wow, I am so surprised to hear you talk about that problem with your wallet. I have that problem every time and I start feeling more and more pressure like there is a growing crowd all watching and waiting for me to finish. Of course there isn't but it's that feeling.

Wow, I am so surprised to hear you talk about that problem with your wallet. I have that problem every time and I start feeling more and more pressure like there is a growing crowd all watching and waiting for me to finish. Of course there isn't but it's that feeling.

Exactly.i have that same feeling specially when their is a group of people. I don't like being in the way of others. And that how I feel when people are waiting on me to finish

 

[wanderer03]

I had a really good conversation with my therapist about this subject and wanted to share the outcome. He posed the question, "Why do you want to improve your executive functioning?" At first, I thought the answer was patently obvious but I realized that the reasoning was external stimulus. I was comparing myself artifically to other people when we each have our own time table. I realized that my reasons for wanting to improve my executive functioning might be mostly for negative reasons: because I SHOULD be better. Negative reasoning is almost doomed to failure.

Instead, he shifted the conversation towards goals with the thought that goals are a starting point. My current job is okay but not where I ultimately want to be. Driving passengers around is tiresome. After a lot of research, I want to buy a dually and trailer and become an independent hauler. By my therapist's thinking, we can design a program of learning executive functioning skills as part of reaching this goal.

 

[Judge]

Instead, he shifted the conversation towards goals with the thought that goals are a starting point. My current job is okay but not where I ultimately want to be. Driving passengers around is tiresome. After a lot of research, I want to buy a dually and trailer and become an independent hauler. By my therapist's thinking, we can design a program of learning executive functioning skills as part of reaching this goal.

Sounds good. Especially if you focus primarily on executive skills really needed to succeed in such a business venture.

 

[wanderer03]

Sounds good. Especially if you focus primarily on executive skills really needed to succeed in such a business venture.

That is exactly the plan

 

[grommet]

I had a really good conversation with my therapist about this subject and wanted to share the outcome. He posed the question, "Why do you want to improve your executive functioning?" At first, I thought the answer was patently obvious but I realized that the reasoning was external stimulus. I was comparing myself artifically to other people when we each have our own time table. I realized that my reasons for wanting to improve my executive functioning might be mostly for negative reasons: because I SHOULD be better. Negative reasoning is almost doomed to failure.

Instead, he shifted the conversation towards goals with the thought that goals are a starting point. My current job is okay but not where I ultimately want to be. Driving passengers around is tiresome. After a lot of research, I want to buy a dually and trailer and become an independent hauler. By my therapist's thinking, we can design a program of learning executive functioning skills as part of reaching this goal.

Wow, I didn't think of it that way but I think most of my reasons for wanting to change are the same. Not all my reasons though. Life is harder with the problems I have. I mentioned in a recent post that my budget was off by more than $1,000 and that is after I managed things as carefully as I could. Also, once my utility company told me they were going to shut me off for non-payment but I did not pay because I forgot - I had the money.

So yes I do not want to be made fun of and I do want to fit in but also the stress of trying to make it to a single appointment can last a week or more and be really bad. There are real and practical reasons why I want to be better but maybe I can't be better. Maybe with some good techniques based on my skills, I can improve. I do not know but I think this is a very good discussion to have.

Thank you or sharing.

 

[Rayner]

I had a really good conversation with my therapist about this subject and wanted to share the outcome. He posed the question, "Why do you want to improve your executive functioning?" At first, I thought the answer was patently obvious but I realized that the reasoning was external stimulus. I was comparing myself artifically to other people when we each have our own time table. I realized that my reasons for wanting to improve my executive functioning might be mostly for negative reasons: because I SHOULD be better. Negative reasoning is almost doomed to failure.

Instead, he shifted the conversation towards goals with the thought that goals are a starting point. My current job is okay but not where I ultimately want to be. Driving passengers around is tiresome. After a lot of research, I want to buy a dually and trailer and become an independent hauler. By my therapist's thinking, we can design a program of learning executive functioning skills as part of reaching this goal.

I thought you like driving passengers around?

 

[wanderer03]

I thought you like driving passengers around?

I like driving very much. I don't mind passengers when they're quiet. However, mine have been especially chatty this week. It began getting on my nerves this morning.

 

[Rayner]

I like driving very much. I don't mind passengers when they're quiet. However, mine have been especially chatty this week. It began getting on my nerves this morning.

Oh I that would get on my nerves too.