What Are Your Triggers?

[Dan Metevier]

Can't necessarily explain the "how" of it all, but I certainly recall "when".

I always had some kind of social anxiety under such circumstances, but this particular behavior began to manifest itself after my father died. I had just graduated college into a very bad economy and very much could have used his wisdom and influence in getting a job. It was a real struggle to find employment and quite an assault on my self esteem. One I never really got over.

I'm sorry for the loss of this very important person in your life.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Yes! It's a house rule that NO one can tickle Mommy, absolutely NO ONE. If someone tickles me, even if they don't mean to, I go into a panic. Can NOT stand to be tickled, even in fun.




I had this problem when I was a kid. Not fun. I'm sorry.




Usually I have to leave...either I go hide in the bathroom for a little while, or check out with my ipod, or pretend to care about what's on Facebook on my phone. If I'm at home, I can just go back to work, since I work from home and my deadlines are so heavy that there's always more work to do than what I have time for.

Earlier this year, I was working through some stuff with help from my pastors at church, and there was so much triggering so many things, it was horrible. I would go hiking for hours, literally TRYing to lose myself in the woods. Eventually I would find enough equilibrium that I could return to the "real" world. But there were a couple of months there where I was going hiking a couple of times a week just to keep from doing something really stupid. Even now, almost a year later, I still take a very long shower nearly every morning to "get my head on straight" before trying to face the day. I just need that time to think, to remember what my priorities are and how I'm going to face certain challenges each day.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm glad you're finding some ways to deal with these feelings. Very important.

 

[Dan Metevier]

This is a difficult question. I had to think about it all day. I have a lot of triggers, but these are some of the worst:

Loud, piercing or clanging noises (even a loud sneeze or cough grates on my nerves).
Changes in routine or plans.
Surprises (even good ones).
Crowds, chaos.
Any animal being sick, hurt or suffering in any way.
Being rushed and hurried.
Too many obligations and responsibilities at one time.
Inability to distract myself in a situation that is creating anxiety or boredom in me.
Someone ordering me to do something I’ve either already done or planned on doing.
Making mistakes and forgetting things.

I'll have to think more about your secondary question.

Thank you for this. I appreciate your taking time to answer. I hope you have found ways to deal with these.

 

[Dan Metevier]

I wonder if your approach is as effective with autistic adults as with other adults?

Actually this is what I'm trying to figure out. It seems to me that it could be, given that it's more body-based than "mind-based." I'll let you know if I figure anything out. Thanks.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Autistic people don't mix well with bipolar people.

I appreciated everything your said and the fact that you shared it. This stood out for me as very interesting. I can see where a person in a manic state might not have the patience to allow for an autistic person to do their thing, so to speak. Thanks for this insight.

 

[Dan Metevier]

I'm learning to comment on people's yelling instead (Are you done screaming at me; Why are you yelling at each other etc.), which seems to work quite well for me nowadays.

I appreciate all that you said and I'm glad you have found creative ways to deal with strong emotions. This one in particular caught my eye, as it seems you are able to establish a "boundary" (pardon the psychobabble) for yourself. Thanks again.

 

[Dan Metevier]

But whatever, I am still alive, and working on being well adjusted, it just took me 35 years to make a friend.

I am sorry that life has been as it has been for you. I am glad you are still alive and have a friend. Thanks for your post.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Actually this is what I'm trying to figure out. It seems to me that it could be, given that it's more body-based than "mind-based." I'll let you know if I figure anything out. Thanks.

I don't know how your approach works, but that makes sense. I've read loads and the general idea is that aspies have sensory issues and that for whatever unknown reason their brains work differently, process everything differently. Loads of aspies have issues learning to drive and some like me at 23 still aren't driving.

You asked about triggers and how they're dealt with, so I'll get to that. I've never been through anything traumatic but i don't exactly have a great relationship with my parents either. People being mad at me is probably the most obvious 'trigger' for me. Being an aspie i can't really tell irritation from anger so I'm left to asume one way or another, oftentimes wrongly, because all i can tell is that they're not happy about something. It depends on the situation how i react though. If its a customer at work angry about something, i freeze up but because i'm in a role with authority over them at that point as a cashier i can force myself to work through it. I generally end up shutting down afterwards or at least withdrawing. It depends how chaotic work has been.

People yelling or being tense bothers me as well, and i generally avoid the people in question. If its my parents i'll usually simultaneously avoid them and act/get busy doing something productive so as to avoid becoming the center of attention and getting yelled at for nothing. If the situation doesn't resolve itself and continues on, i'm prone to eventually shutting down.

Lots of things just make me anxious. A chaotic, loud environment like the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon. Sudden changes in the day's plans, like when i was a kid and mom wouldn't tell me i had a dentist or eye doctor's appointment until the day before. Having to talk to strangers - though as a cashier i've gotten better at this and at least learned to script simple conversations well enough to get by with it in small doses.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Yes! It's a house rule that NO one can tickle Mommy, absolutely NO ONE. If someone tickles me, even if they don't mean to, I go into a panic. Can NOT stand to be tickled, even in fun.

Were you torture tickled or is just a natural fight/flight response? One of my closest friends was over-tickled when he was a kid and now he gets a very edgy/half-crazed look during the rare times he's ticklish and somebody's goosed him.

I had this problem [emotional shutdowns] when I was a kid. Not fun. I'm sorry.

Ouch... Mine were as a teen and adult. I'm sorry you had it as a kid. =(

 

[Kari Suttle]

To join in on the conversation about emotional shutdowns, I didn't even start having them until i was in my teens and early twenties. Well i'm still in my early twenties I guess. Its like it just gets worse as i get older, I don't get it. I always thought it was supposed to be the other way around. That's why i was so unsure about me being an aspie when mom first suggested it, cause i was such a well behaved kid.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Were you torture tickled or is just a natural fight/flight response? One of my closest friends was over-tickled when he was a kid and now he gets a very edgy/half-crazed look during the rare times he's ticklish and somebody's goosed him.

"torture tickled"...hadn't heard that term before, lol. Yes, but only a couple of times. Mostly it was softer, fondling-type touches where he insisted on touching areas I didn't want touched...I think I became more ticklish as time went on so I had some kind of excuse that occasionally got me out of some of the touching.

We've always taught our kids that "if someone says 'stop', you have to stop." That empowers even the youngest to say when he's had enough tickling or whatever. Everyone has to respect the first "stop"...male or female, young or old, doesn't matter.

Ouch... Mine were as a teen and adult. I'm sorry you had it as a kid. =(

It was a somewhat subtle message most of the time for me, but there was one time my dad said very seriously and thoughtfully that he wished we had never been born. The implication was always there that we were too much trouble, even though we were good kids. And he often struggled with suicidal thoughts himself, and told us about it from when I was young, and told us that the pressure on him from our family problems were what pushed him to the edge repeatedly. I got the message loud and clear that my existence made his life miserable.

So is this ongoing for you? Is it someone you're around a lot? That's a horrible message to hear from anyone, but especially if you get it over and over. How do you deal with it?

 

[Dan Metevier]

I don't know how your approach works, but that makes sense.

If you're interested, there are many books out now about trauma therapy that have the word "body" or "somatic" in them. One of the best, in my mind, is "The Body Keeps the Score," by Bessel van der Kolk.

 

[Dan Metevier]

I've never been through anything traumatic but i don't exactly have a great relationship with my parents either.

I always say that "Trauma is in the eye of the beholder," meaning it's how you perceive something that makes it overwhelming or not. People in the trauma therapy biz talk about little "t" trauma and big "T" trauma. I'm not trying to talk you into anything, but consider that your relationship with your parents and maybe just being "different" in a world that encourages homogeneity might fit in with the former. Or not. Your decision. Just a thought.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Its like it just gets worse as i get older, I don't get it.

Sometimes, the list of things that trigger us can grow (unfortunately) as we go along in life. One thing can trigger us. Then as we are experiencing the results, other things that are happening at the same time as the shutdown (or whatever) can become triggers too later on. And so it goes. It seems that the more you can recognize your triggers and then find healthy ways to soothe yourself/"put on the brakes," the less you'll be triggered in the future. At least that's the theory. Your mileage my vary.

 

[Vanilla]

I'm much better than a I was as a child, as my triggers seem to be something I can generally control well, or anticipate, and then deal with appropriately; although there are exceptions.

The exceptions, which are at times unavoidable, have more to do with my reactions towards people, or how the world in general works (which can frustrate me). These include, but are not limited to:

• Injustice
• Cruelty, abuse, manipulation, power games
• People who go out of their way to behave unfavourably towards me (I generally have trouble with trusting people once they betray my trust)

 

[Dan Metevier]

I'm much better than a I was as a child, as my triggers seem to be something I can generally control well, or anticipate, and then deal with appropriately; although there are exceptions.

Thanks! Would you be willing to say something about how you learned how to control, anticipate, and deal with triggers?

 

[Vanilla]

Thanks! Would you be willing to say something about how you learned how to control, anticipate, and deal with triggers?

You simply have to develop a good sense of self-awareness. Understand who you are; not who you think you may be, or who others perceive you to be. Use this to understand what sets you off, and what calms you down. Understand the difference between dealing with these issues in a healthy manner, and one that is not.

One example is when I will say something, and someone disagrees with my opinion; which I had strongly beleived in. My initial "flight or fight" response would be to argue my point (and I can feel the anger rise within me at this point), but I've now learned to stop myself (most of the time). I'll stop, and give myself a moment to re-analyse the situation; using logic, and not emotion. If what the person has said is resonable, then this idea alone can calm me down, as I am able to appreciate accuracy, and constructive feedback. If not, then I will decide on the appropriate way in which to respond. Most of the time I am quite lovely, but I have my days where I can slip up

 

[Kari Suttle]

If you're interested, there are many books out now about trauma therapy that have the word "body" or "somatic" in them. One of the best, in my mind, is "The Body Keeps the Score," by Bessel van der Kolk.

That does sound interesting, actually. The word psychosomatic comes to mind, is that what you're taking about? I took an AP psychology class back in highschool and have loved it ever since. I'm going to take online classes for it once i finish my basics.

I always say that "Trauma is in the eye of the beholder," meaning it's how you perceive something that makes it overwhelming or not.....People in the trauma therapy biz talk about little "t" trauma and big "T" trauma. I'm not trying to talk you into anything, but consider that your relationship with your parents and maybe just being "different" in a world that encourages homogeneity might fit in with the former. Or not. Your decision. Just a thought.

I go between thinking that (trauma is in the eye of the beholder) and attempting to force myself to think the opposite and just agree with everything they've said to me about the subject my whole life. Its interesting to know that in some professional circles there's a norm on this. I like it. =) It also backs up my own somewhat shaky opinion which is always a good thing.

Sometimes, the list of things that trigger us can grow (unfortunately) as we go along in life. One thing can trigger us. Then as we are experiencing the results, other things that are happening at the same time as the shutdown (or whatever) can become triggers too later on. And so it goes. It seems that the more you can recognize your triggers and then find healthy ways to soothe yourself/"put on the brakes," the less you'll be triggered in the future. At least that's the theory. Your mileage my vary.

That makes sense. The list of things that can easily upset me or sway my mood has grown exponentially just because the list of things i associate with hurtful events has. I agree with the self awareness thing, like with what Vanilla said. That's a good point to consider. I guess its not always about trying to figure everything out for sure, but finding out your triggers and dealing with those so as to minimize how things affect you.

 

[Dan Metevier]

You simply have to develop a good sense of self-awareness. Understand who you are; not who you think you may be, or who others perceive you to be. Use this to understand what sets you off, and what calms you down. Understand the difference between dealing with these issues in a healthy manner, and one that is not.

One example is when I will say something, and someone disagrees with my opinion; which I had strongly beleived in. My initial "flight or fight" response would be to argue my point (and I can feel the anger rise within me at this point), but I've now learned to stop myself (most of the time). I'll stop, and give myself a moment to re-analyse the situation; using logic, and not emotion. If what the person has said is resonable, then this idea alone can calm me down, as I am able to appreciate accuracy, and constructive feedback. If not, then I will decide on the appropriate way in which to respond. Most of the time I am quite lovely, but I have my days where I can slip up

This seems to me to be a "quite lovely" description of good mental health. Did you figure all this out by yourself? Or did you have help (therapist, books, friends, etc.)?

 

[Dan Metevier]

The word psychosomatic comes to mind, is that what you're taking about?

I guess you could say that. If a body memory is not cared for in some way, it may crop up as an illness or pain or something. That's how I think about psychosomatic.