What Are Your Triggers?

[Dan Metevier]

I use the word "trigger" to mean anything that someone sees, hears, touches, smells, senses, imagines, tastes, and so on, that activates their "fight/flight/freeze" survival mechanism (causes a meltdown, a fight or argument, a high degree of distress, avoidance, etc.).

If you're willing to say, what are some of the strongest triggers of which you are aware?

Thank you!

 

[Dan Metevier]

Oops! I just noticed that Arashi222 has a similar Thread. I'll look there. Sorry about that!

 

[DogwoodTree]

I don't think I saw the other thread...here are some thoughts of mine...

Perceived rejection

Chaos, noise, indecision

Sudden changes of plans

Manipulation, where someone is using me to get what they want

Sexual attraction

Crowds

A child being mistreated

A man giving any kind of appearance of being overbearing

Touching or hearing, sometimes even just seeing, aluminum foil

Guilt trips

Attention from my family, even for something like a birthday

Deadlines approaching that I'm unprepared for

This one is bad...seeing others getting compliments for something I know I could do better, and have, and often was not recognized for it

Lack of access to distractions when I'm around people I don't really want to be with

Getting into trouble for doing something wrong...for example, a parking ticket can double or triple my heart rate, so I'm very careful to obey laws as best I know how!


I'm sure I'll think of more...

 

[Judge]

In the immediate past I'd say any unprepared social interaction with someone I'm unfamiliar with. Instantly stressful where I would usually break out into a cold sweat. Certainly the one trigger that often could produce awkward responses, especially if the social interaction held any importance for me.

For some reason in the last few years this seldom ever happens to me. Self-employment, self-confidence, living in near isolation at times? Maybe I've just gotten old and no longer care. I'm just not sure.

While I can't bar myself from every scenario of having to deal with people I don't know, I'm just grateful that I can interact with them a little easier these days for whatever reason.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Here is a secondary question that just came to mind: once you're in a fight/flight/freeze mode, how do you get out of it? In other words, how do you soothe yourself or "put on the brakes?"

Thanks again.

 

[Dan Metevier]

I don't think I saw the other thread...here are some thoughts of mine...

Perceived rejection

Chaos, noise, indecision

Sudden changes of plans

Manipulation, where someone is using me to get what they want

Sexual attraction

Crowds

A child being mistreated

A man giving any kind of appearance of being overbearing

Touching or hearing, sometimes even just seeing, aluminum foil

Guilt trips

Attention from my family, even for something like a birthday

Deadlines approaching that I'm unprepared for

This one is bad...seeing others getting compliments for something I know I could do better, and have, and often was not recognized for it

Lack of access to distractions when I'm around people I don't really want to be with

Getting into trouble for doing something wrong...for example, a parking ticket can double or triple my heart rate, so I'm very careful to obey laws as best I know how!


I'm sure I'll think of more...

I am primarily a trauma therapist who works with a wide range of trauma clients. This includes people who have suffered severe childhood abuse/neglect. These people can find themselves triggered quite frequently by a lot of different things and be in fight/flight mode a lot as a result. I want to tread lightly on this, but can you relate at all to this (the last sentence)? I wonder just how traumatizing life (especially early life) was for you. Does this make sense? Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

 

[Dan Metevier]

In the immediate past I'd say any unprepared social interaction with someone I'm unfamiliar with. Instantly stressful where I would usually break out into a cold sweat. Certainly the one trigger that often could produce awkward responses, especially if the social interaction held any importance for me.

For some reason in the last few years this seldom ever happens to me. Self-employment, self-confidence, living in near isolation at times? Maybe I've just gotten old and no longer care. I'm just not sure.

While I can't bar myself from every scenario of having to deal with people I don't know, I'm just grateful that I can interact with them a little easier these days for whatever reason.

I'm glad to hear this is improving for you, for whatever reason. In psychobabble, this might be called "social anxiety" or "social phobia" (I used to have this). I wonder if you have any thoughts on how this came about? Don't worry if you don't want to say. No problem.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I am primarily a trauma therapist who works with a wide range of trauma clients. This includes people who have suffered severe childhood abuse/neglect. These people can find themselves triggered quite frequently by a lot of different things and be in fight/flight mode a lot as a result. I want to tread lightly on this, but can you relate at all to this (the last sentence)? I wonder just how traumatizing life (especially early life) was for you. Does this make sense? Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

Oh yes, and it's a long story that gets boring unless you're just really fascinated by stuff like that. I don't mind talking about it, but I find people get bored pretty quickly, and I end up having to pull it all back inside in the end anyway because people just can't relate. Then I feel like I've dumped on people and it's very awkward.

So as a trauma therapist, let me ask you...do you believe there's any legitimacy to "recovered memories?" I remember clearly most of what happened to me, but I've recently experienced a "recovered" memory, and I still struggle with how much validity to attribute to it. It feels very real, and explains an awful lot, especially if it's representative of more, similar events. But it's very difficult to know how to process the relationship with that person if there's no clear evidence to justify setting more appropriate boundaries.

Do you ever have to deal with that kind of thing with your clients? Have you found these recovered memories to be reliable at all, or maybe not so much?

 

[DogwoodTree]

These people can find themselves triggered quite frequently by a lot of different things and be in fight/flight mode a lot as a result. I want to tread lightly on this, but can you relate at all to this (the last sentence)?

...and to respond specifically to this statement...

Yes. I remember being fascinated 20 years ago by a high school friend who said he was stressed about a research paper we had to do. I couldn't imagine being so stressed over such a thing. That, in comparison to what I faced every day, actually seemed like a vacation to deal with. Even today, in relative safety, I don't know what it means to feel truly safe with someone, even with my awesome DH. It takes a lot of energy to force myself to relax in physical or social contact with people.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Oh yes, and it's a long story that gets boring unless you're just really fascinated by stuff like that. I don't mind talking about it, but I find people get bored pretty quickly, and I end up having to pull it all back inside in the end anyway because people just can't relate. Then I feel like I've dumped on people and it's very awkward.

So as a trauma therapist, let me ask you...do you believe there's any legitimacy to "recovered memories?" I remember clearly most of what happened to me, but I've recently experienced a "recovered" memory, and I still struggle with how much validity to attribute to it. It feels very real, and explains an awful lot, especially if it's representative of more, similar events. But it's very difficult to know how to process the relationship with that person if there's no clear evidence to justify setting more appropriate boundaries.

Do you ever have to deal with that kind of thing with your clients? Have you found these recovered memories to be reliable at all, or maybe not so much?

I want to be careful not to appear to be doing therapy here. Your response was helpful to me as I am trying to formulate a general theory. While one part of me wants to hear more, another wants to keep you safe. So, I'm going to move on to your question about "recovered memories." To be honest, that whole thing was a bit before my time (I have only been practicing for about ten years). My understanding is that some people were given strong suggestions by rather unethical therapists that there might have been abuse in their history. I am very careful not to do this and, quite honestly, I can do very effective trauma therapy without ever even talking about a person's history. This is done by working primarily with body sensations and learning how to regulate emotions and sensations related to "memories" that are stored in the body. Don't need to know what it was, just that it's bothering you now. At any rate, again, I'm reluctant to go there with you in this forum, but I can imagine that it's difficult to know what to do with the feelings. Sorry if this response is disappointing.

 

[Dan Metevier]

...and to respond specifically to this statement...

Yes. I remember being fascinated 20 years ago by a high school friend who said he was stressed about a research paper we had to do. I couldn't imagine being so stressed over such a thing. That, in comparison to what I faced every day, actually seemed like a vacation to deal with. Even today, in relative safety, I don't know what it means to feel truly safe with someone, even with my awesome DH. It takes a lot of energy to force myself to relax in physical or social contact with people.

Thanks again for more information. I'm sorry that life is like this for you. I can only begin to image how traumatizing (if you'll allow that word) life has been for someone who doesn't feel like they fit in anywhere (I'm assuming here). I hope you find people and places that help you relax.

 

[bentHnau]

Men's voices.

 

[Judge]

I'm glad to hear this is improving for you, for whatever reason. In psychobabble, this might be called "social anxiety" or "social phobia" (I used to have this). I wonder if you have any thoughts on how this came about? Don't worry if you don't want to say. No problem.

Can't necessarily explain the "how" of it all, but I certainly recall "when".

I always had some kind of social anxiety under such circumstances, but this particular behavior began to manifest itself after my father died. I had just graduated college into a very bad economy and very much could have used his wisdom and influence in getting a job. It was a real struggle to find employment and quite an assault on my self esteem. One I never really got over.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I want to be careful not to appear to be doing therapy here.

Understandable

...I can do very effective trauma therapy without ever even talking about a person's history. This is done by working primarily with body sensations and learning how to regulate emotions and sensations related to "memories" that are stored in the body. Don't need to know what it was, just that it's bothering you now.

I have yet to find a trauma therapy, despite all my looking, that's reliably effective over the long term at all, especially one that doesn't need to address the underlying memories causing flashbacks and body memories and all the other fun stuff. All the mental "tricks" and things I've tried just never worked, in fact, it often made it worse. But I'm glad you've found something that seems to work for your clients. I wonder if your approach is as effective with autistic adults as with other adults?

 

[Cali Cat]

If you're willing to say, what are some of the strongest triggers of which you are aware?

This is a difficult question. I had to think about it all day. I have a lot of triggers, but these are some of the worst:

Loud, piercing or clanging noises (even a loud sneeze or cough grates on my nerves).
Changes in routine or plans.
Surprises (even good ones).
Crowds, chaos.
Any animal being sick, hurt or suffering in any way.
Being rushed and hurried.
Too many obligations and responsibilities at one time.
Inability to distract myself in a situation that is creating anxiety or boredom in me.
Someone ordering me to do something I’ve either already done or planned on doing.
Making mistakes and forgetting things.

I'll have to think more about your secondary question.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Loud, chaotic noise that I can't get away from, especially if I'm being poked and prodded a lot. Only times for me to have illogical meltdowns was when I was in college, and when my kid is really bouncing off the walls and hitting me a lot.

Shut downs are always due to high emotional stress, usually after hours or days of somebody riding on me about how they don't find me good enough. Not uncommon for those same people to tell me to commit suicide so nobody has to deal with me anymore. Autistic people don't mix well with bipolar people.

Everything else just makes me aggressive. I despise perverts and cat callers with a passion, I don't appreciate busy bodies or bullies, and I have little tolerance for animal cruelty.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Loud, chaotic noise that I can't get away from, especially if I'm being poked and prodded a lot. Only times for me to have illogical meltdowns was when I was in college, and when my kid is really bouncing off the walls and hitting me a lot.

Yes! It's a house rule that NO one can tickle Mommy, absolutely NO ONE. If someone tickles me, even if they don't mean to, I go into a panic. Can NOT stand to be tickled, even in fun.

Shut downs are always due to high emotional stress, usually after hours or days of somebody riding on me about how they don't find me good enough. Not uncommon for those same people to tell me to commit suicide so nobody has to deal with me anymore. Autistic people don't mix well with bipolar people.

I had this problem when I was a kid. Not fun. I'm sorry.

Here is a secondary question that just came to mind: once you're in a fight/flight/freeze mode, how do you get out of it? In other words, how do you soothe yourself or "put on the brakes?"

Usually I have to leave...either I go hide in the bathroom for a little while, or check out with my ipod, or pretend to care about what's on Facebook on my phone. If I'm at home, I can just go back to work, since I work from home and my deadlines are so heavy that there's always more work to do than what I have time for.

Earlier this year, I was working through some stuff with help from my pastors at church, and there was so much triggering so many things, it was horrible. I would go hiking for hours, literally TRYing to lose myself in the woods. Eventually I would find enough equilibrium that I could return to the "real" world. But there were a couple of months there where I was going hiking a couple of times a week just to keep from doing something really stupid. Even now, almost a year later, I still take a very long shower nearly every morning to "get my head on straight" before trying to face the day. I just need that time to think, to remember what my priorities are and how I'm going to face certain challenges each day.

 

[May Black]

I very rarely have strong reactions to anything anymore, I'm very controlled in negative situations.

People screaming at each other or me (has to do with my brute of a step father more than anything)
I will remove myself from the situation, if I cannot do this I might panic, cry and lock myself up in a bathroom, closet, something small. I'm learning to comment on people's yelling instead (Are you done screaming at me; Why are you yelling at each other etc.), which seems to work quite well for me nowadays.

Feeling like I'm not in control of a situation, both physically and mentally
I have a funny habit of freaking out on Ferris wheels, open glass elevators, spaces that hang in the air and stop. Moving through the air does not cause me discomfort, I'm not afraid of heights and I'm not claustrophobic. I am yet to figure out a good way to deal with this, as of now I seem to cry hysterically till I can remove myself from said object. It's not a great reaction to have in an amusement park.
I hate being given orders and I will generally ignore them and eventually leave if the situation does not change. I might also turn rather arrogant and even condescending if pushed. I perform best when given guidelines to follow and goals to reach. I tend to have somewhat unorthodox approach to things and need to be lead by people who appreciate that.

I guess you could say that if I cannot remove myself from the situation that causes me distress, I will either panic and cry or turn very cold. I didn't learn to try to leave the situation till I was older though, and I used to just react. I don't have any particular way of getting myself out of my moods, they pass rather fast for me, even though I might feel rather worn afterwards, since both of those reaction drain me. Either way, I end up reacting maybe couple of times a year at most, it's not a real problem.

 

[Randomperson]

I am primarily a trauma therapist who works with a wide range of trauma clients. This includes people who have suffered severe childhood abuse/neglect. These people can find themselves triggered quite frequently by a lot of different things and be in fight/flight mode a lot as a result. I want to tread lightly on this, but can you relate at all to this (the last sentence)? I wonder just how traumatizing life (especially early life) was for you. Does this make sense? Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

I could have used you about 20 years ago, yep. I can recall daily verbal and physical assaults from before I could walk, and I was walking before I was 2. On a scale of 0-10 I would give my childhood an 8.5 for traumatizing, could have been worse, but sure as **** could have been so much better. But whatever, I am still alive, and working on being well adjusted, it just took me 35 years to make a friend.

 

[Dan Metevier]

Men's voices.

Thanks for sharing this. This must happen a lot, I imagine.