Hi there!

[Shimofuri-tan]

My name is Sarah, I’m 26-years-old, and I was diagnosed in September. Since then, I’ve been looking for a place where I can talk to others who are like me. It’s difficult to even get started here; I feel like no matter what I say, I’m never actually expressing myself how I would like to. But I really want to try! Being different alone is no fun.

I struggle a lot with self-shaming and am continually working past that. When I was first diagnosed, I was a little dismayed by the “high-functioning” label, because I definitely do not feel that way. Many “ordinary” things are (and have always been) difficult. Just going to the post office is a huge undertaking because I need to know exactly what to expect when I go: Who I will be talking to? What I will need to say? Will there be a line? How will I know for sure when it’s my turn? Any kind of socializing can at times be excruciating, and unfamiliar things can be overwhelming. I’ve been hoping that now I’m more aware of my strengths and limitations, these sorts of things will become easier for me. And I can become more forgiving.

Just a few of my interests include: drawing in my sketchbook and on my Cintiq, Star Trek, survival horror, RPGs, listening to every genre of music, peanut butter + chocolate, etc. So, yeah! Thank you for reading my introduction. I look forward to meeting you!

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! I can't say for sure, but I think there's some overlap between the neurodiverse world and Trekkies.

 

[LuLus_DaD916]

Very nice to meet you. I am new to this community myself.and I can say that the people here are very kind and supportive! Welcome Shimo!

 

[330]

Hello

 

[grommet]

My name is Sarah, I’m 26-years-old, and I was diagnosed in September. Since then, I’ve been looking for a place where I can talk to others who are like me. It’s difficult to even get started here; I feel like no matter what I say, I’m never actually expressing myself how I would like to. But I really want to try! Being different alone is no fun.

I struggle a lot with self-shaming and am continually working past that. When I was first diagnosed, I was a little dismayed by the “high-functioning” label, because I definitely do not feel that way. Many “ordinary” things are (and have always been) difficult. Just going to the post office is a huge undertaking because I need to know exactly what to expect when I go: Who I will be talking to? What I will need to say? Will there be a line? How will I know for sure when it’s my turn? Any kind of socializing can at times be excruciating, and unfamiliar things can be overwhelming. I’ve been hoping that now I’m more aware of my strengths and limitations, these sorts of things will become easier for me. And I can become more forgiving.

Just a few of my interests include: drawing in my sketchbook and on my Cintiq, Star Trek, survival horror, RPGs, listening to every genre of music, peanut butter + chocolate, etc. So, yeah! Thank you for reading my introduction. I look forward to meeting you!

Except for your interests you and I are almost the same. Today I had to go to the dentist and it was miserable preparing for it. Worrying about everything and starting to panic. All my tics started, I was making little shouts and slapping my head, my heart was pounding. This was before I left.

I was finally in the office and the dentist, who was very nice, said something as he went past me and touched my shoulder. I did not expect that and I really thought I might have a heart attack. People will think I am being hyperbolic or dramatic, I am saying the truth. My whole body was in shock for a few seconds. I froze and almost screamed. My heart did something very fast.

While I was in the dental chair I was shaking and it was making the chair move.

I use an iPad to communicate because talking in public is something I cannot do unless I pretend. Everyone was so nice but it was still so hard and I rushed home as fast as I could.

I have Alexa devices at home and when I got back I could not speak even at home by myself so I could not use them. The whole trip was just one hour but it felt like so much.

I am so worried about people talking to me I do not turn the lights on early in the morning because of an irrational fear that if someone knows I am up they might want to talk to me. I cannot reasonably think how that would even happen, someone knocking on my door? It makes no sense but my fear of talking to people is that deep.

Oh, I do share you interest in Start Trek TNG and Data is my favorite. Data thinks exactly like I do.

 

[Outdated]

Welcome Sarah. You sound very similar to so many of us here. It's a friendly place and it's somewhere that we can talk without feeling weird.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Welcome! I think we have a lot in common

 

[Owliet]

Welcome.=)

Just a few of my interests include: drawing in my sketchbook and on my Cintiq, Star Trek, survival horror, RPGs, listening to every genre of music, peanut butter + chocolate, etc. So, yeah! Thank you for reading my introduction. I look forward to meeting you!

I saw RPGs, I play a lot of these. What ones do you like playing?

Just going to the post office is a huge undertaking because I need to know exactly what to expect when I go: Who I will be talking to? What I will need to say? Will there be a line? How will I know for sure when it’s my turn? Any kind of socializing can at times be excruciating, and unfamiliar things can be overwhelming. I’ve been hoping that now I’m more aware of my strengths and limitations, these sorts of things will become easier for me. And I can become more forgiving.

Yes, it is quite a task to just do things like this that people take for granted. Going to the supermarket, taking the bus or train etc. There’s so much that can be scary and overwhelming. But sometimes it is good to do these things and be aware of the strengths that can come from this, and knowing what works for you, strategies to deal with difficult moments. I’m still figuring it all out and I’ve been diagnosed for 16 years now.

 

[SusanLR]

When I was first diagnosed, I was a little dismayed by the “high-functioning” label, because I definitely do not feel that way. Many “ordinary” things are (and have always been) difficult.

I was not in agreement with the high-functioning label either.
What is everyday ordinary, never has been for me.
I even asked the psychologist who diagnosed me, how can I be high-functioning when I'm a nervous wreck doing everyday things?
I feel a little better if I have someone with me. I don't feel I stand out so much.

I've always been a Star Trek fan, although I started out with the original series.
Spock was my immediate favorite I related to, and always will. But I like TNG better for story lines. Data is my favorite on TNG.
So...

Welcome aboard!

 

[tree]

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome. Lots of life experience on this forum. Many here have difficulties socializing and in new situations. Some of difficulties socializing are from social delays, some from a lack of agency. I was always shy and rejection sensitive, but eventually decided to change when I desired connection and a relationship. Being able to advocate for my happiness was hard, but crucial.

I hope for your success in your journey.

 

[madisen622]

My name is Sarah, I’m 26-years-old, and I was diagnosed in September. Since then, I’ve been looking for a place where I can talk to others who are like me. It’s difficult to even get started here; I feel like no matter what I say, I’m never actually expressing myself how I would like to. But I really want to try! Being different alone is no fun.

I struggle a lot with self-shaming and am continually working past that. When I was first diagnosed, I was a little dismayed by the “high-functioning” label, because I definitely do not feel that way. Many “ordinary” things are (and have always been) difficult. Just going to the post office is a huge undertaking because I need to know exactly what to expect when I go: Who I will be talking to? What I will need to say? Will there be a line? How will I know for sure when it’s my turn? Any kind of socializing can at times be excruciating, and unfamiliar things can be overwhelming. I’ve been hoping that now I’m more aware of my strengths and limitations, these sorts of things will become easier for me. And I can become more forgiving.

Just a few of my interests include: drawing in my sketchbook and on my Cintiq, Star Trek, survival horror, RPGs, listening to every genre of music, peanut butter + chocolate, etc. So, yeah! Thank you for reading my introduction. I look forward to meeting you!

welcome, it's nice to meet you!

i understand where you're coming from, i do the same with labeling myself as "not THAT autistic" in my head. ive come to learn over the past two years no one see's what goes through your head, no one understands your struggles you go through. people are so painfully uneducated about autism it's unfortunate.

i wanted to ask if you were also into horror movies? i know you mentioned survival horror, i do see the appeal but i get frustrated when im not good at video games, i play games like animal crossing and stardew valley haha. ive heard people refer to them as "cozy games."

 

[Shimofuri-tan]

Except for your interests you and I are almost the same. Today I had to go to the dentist and it was miserable preparing for it. Worrying about everything and starting to panic. All my tics started, I was making little shouts and slapping my head, my heart was pounding. This was before I left.

I was finally in the office and the dentist, who was very nice, said something as he went past me and touched my shoulder. I did not expect that and I really thought I might have a heart attack. People will think I am being hyperbolic or dramatic, I am saying the truth. My whole body was in shock for a few seconds. I froze and almost screamed. My heart did something very fast.

While I was in the dental chair I was shaking and it was making the chair move.

I use an iPad to communicate because talking in public is something I cannot do unless I pretend. Everyone was so nice but it was still so hard and I rushed home as fast as I could.

I have Alexa devices at home and when I got back I could not speak even at home by myself so I could not use them. The whole trip was just one hour but it felt like so much.

I am so worried about people talking to me I do not turn the lights on early in the morning because of an irrational fear that if someone knows I am up they might want to talk to me. I cannot reasonably think how that would even happen, someone knocking on my door? It makes no sense but my fear of talking to people is that deep.

Oh, I do share you interest in Start Trek TNG and Data is my favorite. Data thinks exactly like I do.

Thank you for sharing that experience with me, that must have been so scary. Often, when I get into certain situations (like going to any appointment, dentist included) I get so overwhelmed I get disoriented, and it's hard to comprehend what people are even saying to me. Everything sounds like gibberish. I can hardly keep track of what I'm saying myself or even remember what I said later. I worry I come off as dramatic sometimes, but it truly is intense. When I'm especially stressed, I go mute. Nothing comes out. When I was in school, I was put in a group with some new classmates whose personalities were vastly different from my own. They spoke to me, a few words, and I was so panicked I couldn't respond, couldn't even look at them. It was very embarrassing. In fact I dropped out of that class after.

I worry so much about people talking to me, too. Sometimes, I will sneak around the house, not turn lights on, hide, etc. just to avoid any sort of interaction. Phone calls almost always go to voicemail. Just having someone else--anyone else--in the same room as me can be very unsettling.

Data, I don't understand humans much either, so it's you and me!

 

[Shimofuri-tan]

Welcome.=)


I saw RPGs, I play a lot of these. What ones do you like playing?

Yes, it is quite a task to just do things like this that people take for granted. Going to the supermarket, taking the bus or train etc. There’s so much that can be scary and overwhelming. But sometimes it is good to do these things and be aware of the strengths that can come from this, and knowing what works for you, strategies to deal with difficult moments. I’m still figuring it all out and I’ve been diagnosed for 16 years now.

Hello, it's very nice to meet you!

When it comes to MMOs, I used to try every single one that I could download. I've been playing WoW off and on since 2008, and also really like Guild Wars 2, Tera, and La Tale. Others I have played include FFXIV (would like to get back into someday), MapleStory, Genshin Impact, and ESO. As for non-MMOs, some I like: Fallout 3, 4 and New Vegas. The Outer Worlds, Diablo series, Elden Ring, Grim Dawn, some Mass Effect, Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (I really need to play more modded Morrowind), Torchlight 2, Fable 2 and 3... I want to try the Monster Hunter series so bad! As for tabletop, I've always wanted to learn Starfinder and Vampire: The Masquerade, just never had the group. I'm sorry, I just threw a lot of titles out there! I thought I would name a variety, maybe there is something particular out of those you really like, too.

 

[grommet]

I was not in agreement with the high-functioning label either.
What is everyday ordinary, never has been for me.
I even asked the psychologist who diagnosed me, how can I be high-functioning when I'm a nervous wreck doing everyday things?
I feel a little better if I have someone with me. I don't feel I stand out so much.

I've always been a Star Trek fan, although I started out with the original series.
Spock was my immediate favorite I related to, and always will. But I like TNG better for story lines. Data is my favorite on TNG.
So...
View attachment 96178
Welcome aboard!

My best friend saw the original Star Trek set and met the cast. I knew him for years before he mentioned it. His uncle was a famous actor so my friend met lots of actors.

 

[grommet]

Thank you for sharing that experience with me, that must have been so scary.

It was. I wish people believed me when I talk about how hard it is. I think they think I am making it up for attention but almost every day is really hard. You understand.

Often, when I get into certain situations (like going to any appointment, dentist included) I get so overwhelmed I get disoriented, and it's hard to comprehend what people are even saying to me. Everything sounds like gibberish.

Yes! That is exactly what happens to me too, it is like a wall of words, like water rushing and I cannot pick any words out of it. Whatever they said means nothing to me. I wait for them to stop and I feel embarrassed because I have no idea at all what they were saying.

That is another time I wish people believed me. They might say, "Which part did you not understand?" I try to explain it is not like that. I literally did not hear a single word, I heard them talking and it went on until it stopped.

I can hardly keep track of what I'm saying myself or even remember what I said later. I worry I come off as dramatic sometimes, but it truly is intense. When I'm especially stressed, I go mute.

It feels like we are twins in this way. The same thing happens to me. I wear a silicone bracelet that says Autism/Mutism and I wear an ID card on a lanyard that explains it too with my photo on it. I worry people will get mad or think I am faking because sometimes I can talk. It is not up to me, something happens and I cannot speak at all. Then I start to panic because I cannot speak and it gets worse. When I calm down again I can start to get words out.

Almost all the strangers I have met have been nice about it. One bus driver was cruel but he is the only one I can remember doing that.

What do you do when you become mute but have to communicate? I type on an iPad, I also know American Sign Language.

Nothing comes out. When I was in school, I was put in a group with some new classmates whose personalities were vastly different from my own. They spoke to me, a few words, and I was so panicked I couldn't respond, couldn't even look at them. It was very embarrassing. In fact I dropped out of that class after.

I worry so much about people talking to me, too. Sometimes, I will sneak around the house, not turn lights on, hide, etc. just to avoid any sort of interaction. Phone calls almost always go to voicemail. Just having someone else--anyone else--in the same room as me can be very unsettling.

Data, I don't understand humans much either, so it's you and me!

When I first saw Date on TNG it was like the only other person in the world who thought like I did. I understood everything he said and the way he said it. It was exactly how I thought and in my head spoke. His reactions to things were the same as mine too. I learned when I was a kid that people make fun of you if you act like yourself so I started lying and acted like a character. Then I could speak and say the things they did. It feels bad, like I am lying to myself when I act like that character.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Shimofuri-tan]

welcome, it's nice to meet you!

i understand where you're coming from, i do the same with labeling myself as "not THAT autistic" in my head. ive come to learn over the past two years no one see's what goes through your head, no one understands your struggles you go through. people are so painfully uneducated about autism it's unfortunate.

i wanted to ask if you were also into horror movies? i know you mentioned survival horror, i do see the appeal but i get frustrated when im not good at video games, i play games like animal crossing and stardew valley haha. ive heard people refer to them as "cozy games."

Hey! Thank you, it's nice to meet you as well!

At times, it's been hard for me to accept encouragement from other people in my life (even though it's meant well of course!). I might be expressing how difficult it can be to go places or decide my future, and have it met with something simple like, "you've gone to the store on your own before, so you can again." Which doesn't always feel helpful, sometimes just defeating, because it implies to me that I "should" be able to do something. It's so much more complex than a little social anxiety, not everyone can see that.

I do like horror movies! Just to name a few: Pet Sematary (1989)- I haven't seen the new one!, Jacob's Ladder, Cube (1997), 28 Weeks Later, Jeepers Creepers, Pandorum, Army of Darkness (if that is even technically horror haha)... Some overlap with sci-fi/thrillers.

By the way, I have played plenty of Stardew Valley!

 

[Shimofuri-tan]

That is another time I wish people believed me. They might say, "Which part did you not understand?" I try to explain it is not like that. I literally did not hear a single word, I heard them talking and it went on until it stopped.

It can be so frustrating (hardly a strong enough word) to not be able to explain to others what is going on. This is a situation where I struggle with mutism; if I'm pressed to explain or involved in a confrontation, I often just give up or become totally unable to respond. I was on a week-long (extended) family vacation at a beach in October. It was miserable, actually! It was an unfamiliar place with a lot of people I wasn't wholly comfortable with. No way to turn around and go home. No concrete plan for the week, totally unstructured. I was caught crying alone in the bedroom and was asked, "What's the matter? I don't understand. Don't you like this place? This isn't a nice place?" How do I begin? It's too daunting. Trying to explain feels pointless sometimes.

What do you do when you become mute but have to communicate? I type on an iPad, I also know American Sign Language.

I would love to use an assistive device like an iPad, but I don't. I would be more confident if I did! I don't know how to transition. Nowadays, I rarely go anywhere alone. If I'm out and someone interacts, I look to the person with me so they will respond instead. This way, I don't have to worry about getting flustered under pressure.

I learned when I was a kid that people make fun of you if you act like yourself so I started lying and acted like a character. Then I could speak and say the things they did. It feels bad, like I am lying to myself when I act like that character.

I have struggled so much with this. I think most of my life, I haven't know who I am because I've spent so much time emulating "popular/likeable/funny" people. As a teenager, I wouldn't share musical interests with my friends because it felt too personal. I was deathly afraid of being rejected or made fun of for what I liked, so I pretended to like anything and everything my friends did. It made me very unhappy (and guilty) to fake my interests. It made it especially hard to connect with anyone. But what if I told the truth, acted myself, and lost my friends? It never seemed worth the risk.

 

[grommet]

It can be so frustrating (hardly a strong enough word) to not be able to explain to others what is going on. This is a situation where I struggle with mutism; if I'm pressed to explain or involved in a confrontation, I often just give up or become totally unable to respond. I was on a week-long (extended) family vacation at a beach in October. It was miserable, actually! It was an unfamiliar place with a lot of people I wasn't wholly comfortable with. No way to turn around and go home. No concrete plan for the week, totally unstructured. I was caught crying alone in the bedroom and was asked, "What's the matter? I don't understand. Don't you like this place? This isn't a nice place?" How do I begin? It's too daunting. Trying to explain feels pointless sometimes.


I would love to use an assistive device like an iPad, but I don't. I would be more confident if I did! I don't know how to transition. Nowadays, I rarely go anywhere alone. If I'm out and someone interacts, I look to the person with me so they will respond instead. This way, I don't have to worry about getting flustered under pressure.


I have struggled so much with this. I think most of my life, I haven't know who I am because I've spent so much time emulating "popular/likeable/funny" people. As a teenager, I wouldn't share musical interests with my friends because it felt too personal. I was deathly afraid of being rejected or made fun of for what I liked, so I pretended to like anything and everything my friends did. It made me very unhappy (and guilty) to fake my interests. It made it especially hard to connect with anyone. But what if I told the truth, acted myself, and lost my friends? It never seemed worth the risk.

I apologize for not responding sooner. I was overwhelmed reading the post. We are so much alike. I always felt alone how life felt for me but maybe there are a lot of people like us we never met and that is why we felt alone.

One thing I still wish I could find is someone who likes the things I do. No one I talk to gets excited about the things I do. I do not understand that.