Taking things literally; any funny stories to share

[royinpink]

I think I am grateful for my obliviousness and literalness as a young child, because it saved me from realizing how hurtful certain classmates were being toward me. I still tend not to dwell on or remember misunderstandings of this sort, but I know they exist, because my boyfriend has nicknamed me Drax the Destroyer for that line, "Nothing goes over my head! My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it."

 

[karla]

Once I was in a market and I saw something that I liked, it was a plant but kind of dry, it looked strange. I asked the guy what was it, and he said it was for tripping. And I thought he meant like for going on a trip. It didn´t make any sense. He saw that I was confused and explained it to me. It was embarrassing.

 

[Jocee]

Went out to a place called BounceSports for my friends birthday, we all decided to wear our onsies. Everyone was loving our animals and we even got ourselves on their Instagram account, apparently there's a such thing as "best dressed" at a sports facility. Nonetheless, we enjoyed ourselves and had an amazing time jumping around in these. To the one grown as guy who thought it was funny to pull my tail, I thank you. I thank that guy because I've noticed that I am no longer staying quiet about things, though it did take a lot for me to project my voice towards him and say "I rather you not do that" out loud so that he can feel the slightest embarrassment.
Many little kids were telling us they liked our onesies and gave us high fives.
But really how funny did we look doing front flipping into foam pits, dunking on the basketball hoops, and playing dodgeball?!

 

[pax]

When I was a kid my Dad would ask me to wash up the dishes after dinner, which I would do, then go off and do my own thing. I didn't understand for years why he was always annoyed at me later, until one day my Mom explained that he meant me to dry up and put them away too

Well that doesn't even make sense. Most people I know if one washes, someone else dries and puts away. He should have said what he meant.

My mum used to have a habit of saying (she WAS a lazy so and so) "O, Pax, while you're up and about, could you boil the water for a cup of coffee. " So I'd boil the jug.What she ACTUALLY meant was " I'm too lazy to get off my donkey and make myself a coffee. How about you make one for me???"

 

[garnetflower13]

Lol I wish it was undirty! I get something more like that with 'dick'... and when they said a certain manager at work's 'balls were on the line', my mind did not go to footballs on the railway line...

I pictured something unpleasant like someone's scrotum only pinned to a clothesline.

 

[Breaking Enigma]

As an adult I have heard and thus understand the majority of common metaphors, such as, "He's got all of his eggs in one basket."

Now I'm just gullible, I would say. The most recent example of being extremely gullible or literal in a humorous - yet embarrassing - way took place this past Friday at my little brother's eighth grade graduation. The graduation ceremony took place in the school gym. We were all packed in like sardines and it was extremely warm and humid; everyone was sweating profusely and the air was heavy. After the graduation ceremony had ended, we were all talking about how warm it was in the building and we were all dying for fresh air. My sister's boyfriend said, "I wasn't hot. I used the fan app on my phone." I said, "Really? Wow, I need that." He said, "Yeah, you just turn on the app and hold the speaker up to you." Apparently he had seen that I had completely believed him and thought this to be the greatest app of all time because after a moment he looked at me funny and said, "You know I was joking, right?" Well, no, no I didn't...

 

[Ylva]

[reading comic]

Kid: "What does [this drug] do?
Other kid: "It decays the x-gene and eventually kills you."
First kid: "Haha, gimme some!"

Me: Why does he want to lose his x-gene? [reads again] Does he want to die? [reads again] …Oh, he thinks the other kid is joking.

 

[Suzanne]

As an adult I have heard and thus understand the majority of common metaphors, such as, "He's got all of his eggs in one basket."

Now I'm just gullible, I would say. The most recent example of being extremely gullible or literal in a humorous - yet embarrassing - way took place this past Friday at my little brother's eighth grade graduation. The graduation ceremony took place in the school gym. We were all packed in like sardines and it was extremely warm and humid; everyone was sweating profusely and the air was heavy. After the graduation ceremony had ended, we were all talking about how warm it was in the building and we were all dying for fresh air. My sister's boyfriend said, "I wasn't hot. I used the fan app on my phone." I said, "Really? Wow, I need that." He said, "Yeah, you just turn on the app and hold the speaker up to you." Apparently he had seen that I had completely believed him and thought this to be the greatest app of all time because after a moment he looked at me funny and said, "You know I was joking, right?" Well, no, no I didn't...

You are not the only one then, because that is exactly what I thought! Wow really, that is amazing and I would want to download that app, even though, I was thinking: but how would it work?!

 

[Suzanne]

[reading comic]

Kid: "What does [this drug] do?
Other kid: "It decays the x-gene and eventually kills you."
First kid: "Haha, gimme some!"

Me: Why does he want to lose his x-gene? [reads again] Does he want to die? [reads again] …Oh, he thinks the other kid is joking.

Me too thought the same as you!!!!!

 

[tree]

I envy you both your undirty minds. I can't help picturing a human-sized penis in a suit.

Well at least he shows up in a suit.

 

[Breaking Enigma]

You are not the only one then, because that is exactly what I thought! Wow really, that is amazing and I would want to download that app, even though, I was thinking: but how would it work?!

Needless to say, I was a little heartbroken to find out that I wouldn't be getting this awesome app.

 

[Grimbor]

A google image search of "cat scan" can turn up some very literal pictures

 

[tree]

 

[Ylva]

Similar one that I remembered recently.

Colossus: Was that Dafi?
Kitty: Like the duck.

Me: Well, that was a random-ass comment.
Me, years later: Or was she trying to help him remember the character's name?

 

[Ylva]

And while I'm at it, there was the bit in The Brothers Lionheart that I read when I was little, where Jonathan tells his brother that even if he lives until he's ninety, waiting for him in the afterlife will only be like three days. And then the one died a week before the other, and when they meet again the first one seems to know everyone quite well, and I remember desperately trying to corelate 90 years = 3 days to 1 week = ???.

Had the same problem with the Narnia books. It's only been sensible since I started watching Dr. Who.

 

[Ylva]

I suppose since I've already hijacked this thread that there is room for one more.

When I was little I would encounter descriptions in novels like "he had dark circles under his eyes due to sleeplessness", and I would always envision tiny dark circles – multiple circles – under each eye. Small, dark, doghnut-shaped rings. No matter how tired I got, though, I could not seem to accomplish a more tired look than dark arcs – not even semi-circles, a fifth of a circle at most.

 

[rache86]

Thinking that 'catch a crab', in rowing, actually meant someone had caught a crab...

 

[tree]

Crab, or Catch a crab
A rowing error where the rower is unable to timely remove or release the oar blade from the water and the oar blade acts as a brake on the boat until it is removed from the water. This results in slowing the boat down. A severe crab can even eject a rower out of the shell or make the boat capsize (unlikely except in small boats). Occasionally, in a severe crab, the oar handle will knock the rower flat and end up behind him/her, in which case it is referred to as an 'over-the-head crab.'
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_rowing_terms


[I didn't know what that was...]

 

[pax]

Worse when there are actually crab traps set up . I caught a kamikaze mullet once.

 

[tree]