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Someone called me ugly

Doggies are GREAT therapy - thinking of getting a dog for our son who is depressed and has some other things goin on- glad to hear he is keepin u goin/ be strong my friend [emoji123]
 
There you go. There is something to help you, a dog. Keep using the dog as a mental decoy for the situation. I am sure life will improve if you look at the positives of life and not the negatives. Someone close to me said something hurtful to me this summer and I had to learn to let it go.
 
Robby said:
It still really hurts what she said. The only thing keeping me going is trying to forget it and my little dog who I love very much.
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Another thing that might be cathartic is to write her name on some toilet paper before you use it.
 
I honestly wouldn't waste the toilet paper with that b****'s name on it. Not worth my time or energy. I hope she can sleep at night knowing how awful she made me feel thinking I was so stupid as to think someone who was nice to my face would make fun of me behind my back. So whatever.
 
I honestly wouldn't waste the toilet paper with that b****'s name on it. Not worth my time or energy. I hope she can sleep at night knowing how awful she made me feel thinking I was so stupid as to think someone who was nice to my face would make fun of me behind my back. So whatever.
 
I don't know, why would I care if she's a NT or not? I assume she is, because most people who've made fun of me seem to be NT's. I assume she is though she would be nice to me and stuff but then I overheard her in the break room talking to two other people and she was saying "omigosh guys he's (me) so weird" and then she laughed and said my beard is ugly and the two other people there were laughing with her. I heard it all. So obviously she was being fake to my face but saw fit to talk **** behind my back. I don't even care anymore, it just hurt my feelings but whatever. I guess being nice to someone's face and actually meaning it is too much to ask any more. I don't get how someone can be so two-faced and fake.
 
Ok. Well don't dwell on it. You have us. And that is all that matters. Right?
 
Robby said:
Just when I think things can't get any worse. They continue to do so. I overheard a so-called family member telling another that they think I'm ugly. Yes, they were talking about my beard that I've been growing out and said it was ugly. I mean, really? Excuse me for being a ****ing human being and having feelings no wonder my self-esteem is in the ****ing toilet and I just want to hurt myself all the time. I'm no good I have no job no prospects am gay and everyone hates me because of that oh they'll be nice to your face but when your back's turned people's real feelings come out and no I did not misunderstand them I heard them say it like 4 times that they think my beard is ugly and that "they can get anyone they want" unlike me. I just want to to die I hate myself.
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Try not to worry about what they think. They could just be someone that doesn't like beards full stop but there are plenty other people that would love your beard. If you like it, stick with it! Bottom line, don't beat yourself up over the warped opinion of one person.
 
Were there any clues to this woman's b***** nature before you overheard her? Were there any warning signs that you know to look out for next time? Unfortunately some people are just not very nice. Even more unfortunately, they don't always make themselves obvious. I fell out bitterly with a longstanding email acquaintance of mine a few weeks ago - it seems like he had a weird view of our friendship that I had no idea that he had and when I disappointed him too severely, the insults flew! This from somebody who was always telling people off for "personal attacks". (No, he's not on AC.)

My point is, I guess, a lot of people are hypocrites. You are not the only one to have misjudged somebody - NTs do it all the time, hence the high divorce rates - and you won't be the last. Try not to let one misjudgement shatter your world. There are people out there who are really nice - not fake nice. They're the ones you want to try and find. The remainder can all go hang (not literally).
 
There were no clues at all I mean she wasn't someone I really liked or hungout with she was the real perky type I would just say hello to her in passing & once held the door for her & she would occasionally smile at me but that was that. And the people she was talking sh** about me with had been nice to me also so I guess I know where I stand now it really hurts to think people think I am ugly but they were nice to my face and one of the guys she was talking with had been decent to me before. I remember when I overheard her making fun of me that she was making some gesture with her face too so it seemed she was mocking me even more and it really hurt my feelings but it's not someone I'll ever talk to or deal with again but somehow it still hurts when someone you don't give a sh** about talks sh** about you. How fu**ed up is that? Maybe it's the two-faced being fake I don't know but it really threw me to hear them laughing the way they were I cried, my god. I cried. I'm trying to just forget about it and move on and know they aren't worth sh** anyway but it just threw me, but I'm a bit better than I was when I first overheard them.
 
You may be overestimating the "nice" part, unless they actively went out of their way to be chummy with you, say hi, ask how you were doing, etc. Very few adults are openly rude. Most will put on a veneer of politeness, no matter what they really feel about the other person inside. As a general rule of thumb, it's best to put on the same veneer of politeness with acquaintances. It's the most superficial form of "nice" imaginable, which has no deeper meaning beyond stopping the group from tearing itself apart from the inside.

I'd say the "perky" part was probably a clue in itself. Some perky people are fine - even lovely people. But some are right fakes. I want to say more but I'm tiring and need to go to bed... :/ For whatever it's worth, I don't think anyone likes having the piss taken out of them. They may say they don't care, but if they overheard it they'd probably be bothered by it. I don't think your reaction is that abnormal: extreme perhaps, but not fundamentally weird or wrong.
 
I'm going to paraphrase what someone once told me. If they said you are a green giant with purple ears you wouldn't have to believe them. In the same logic, you don't have to believe anything anyone says.

Also if you think something, you don't have to believe your own thoughts. You can can mentally say something like -ok I thought that but I don't have to believe it.
 
My two cents: Don't let it get to you man. People will be people, we all do that, it's in our nature. Just have to thicken your skin. Have you tried talking to her about what she said? Sometimes it's best just to let her know it hurt your feelings. Don't be aggressive, just be cool and say, "Hey, you know when you said __________. It really hurt my feelings, and I didn't appreciate that." Usually people will respond very well. Just explaining things to people can make world of difference.

Another thing. I know empathy can be a challenge to many of us (it's mostly associated with those of us on the spectrum, but a lot of NT's struggle too), but try to see her side. She wasn't necessarily attacking you. If I've read correctly, she said she thought your beard was ugly, not you, your facial hair. That isn't very far someone saying they don't like your shoes, sweater, or hair-style. Now, I don't know what she said exactly, or what happened after that but I'll give her the benefit of doubt for now.

MOST PEOPLE won't say kind of stuff to your face BECAUSE they don't want to hurt your feelings. Not all people are this way, but most. I think we all know a time when we didn't like something about someone and we said it out of their presence, or we did say it in the presence and they got upset.

What I'm saying is, YES, you shouldn't be a jerk about something you don't like about a person, BUT if someone says something you don't like don't let it eat you up either. People are entitled to feel the way they do, and we all should respect that. You can't expect people to know what you're thinking or feeling, you have make it known.

Last thing: Don't stoop the the level of calling her nasty names, at times like this be the better person. Keep in mind, there a many reasons for things, just because someone says something mean they're trying to hurt you, sometimes they don't know. Until you can confirm they're trying to be jerks, don't jump to conclusions.

Again empathy is known weak-point for many, let's all do our best to keep the golden rule. Sorry for the long post! ^_^
 
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