Family discussions

[thejuice]

Anyone have a member of a family where you dare not say anything on certain topics because they will spend the next 10 minutes forcefully telling you how wrong you are?

Let's keep it generalised about family relations rather than specific topics.

 

[tree]

One sister-in-law, was surprised to realize that
whenever she and her husband had a difference of opinion,
it didn't necessarily mean that she was wrong.

Spoiler

She and he eventually divorced.

 

[Misty Avich]

My uncle.
While we see eye to eye on political matters, he's an ableist and so often criticises if you're not doing what you "should" be doing according to him.

 

[Au Naturel]

LOL! I have a friend who is otherwise intelligent but has become a die-hard extremist. When he comes over, we carefully steer the conversation away from anything remotely political.

 

[AndyFBlues]

It happens from time to time with some family members. If there is a topic that I know is going to end in an argument, then I just won't go there. I'd rather hang out with them and focus on good things.

 

[thejuice]

I had to tell my parents not to bring up certain topics because it will end in arguments as father and brother are both stubborn as ox's

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I like having debates with my family, we enjoy it, but then being different has its benefits.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Anyone have a member of a family where you dare not say anything on certain topics because they will spend the next 10 minutes forcefully telling you how wrong you are?

Let's keep it generalised about family relations rather than specific topics.

Yes. My parents and siblings. It rarely came to being forceful, but more like smiling at me like I am a fool while explaining how I didn't know anything. You can't communicate with people like that. Anything that is outside their cognitive bias will immediately be shut down. They didn't know how to discuss any side of a topic other than their own. I don't communicate with them anymore. Cut that umbilical cord.

I find it rather satisfying that I am doing better than they are by several metrics. So, not once have I had to later agree that they were correct. The Dunning-Kruger effect was definitely at play in my family. Experts in everything in their own minds.

Moving along now. Eyes forward. No regrets.

 

[Au Naturel]

Then there are always the ones who carry childhood grudges all the days of their lives. End up having to tip-toe around those people, too.

 

[thejuice]

Then there are always the ones who carry childhood grudges all the days of their lives. End up having to tip-toe around those people, too.

That's what I think it is. Like these discussions are proxy wars for childhood hurt

 

[thejuice]

Yes. My parents and siblings. It rarely came to being forceful, but more like smiling at me like I am a fool while explaining how I didn't know anything. You can't communicate with people like that. Anything that is outside their cognitive bias will immediately be shut down. They didn't know how to discuss any side of a topic other than their own. I don't communicate with them anymore. Cut that umbilical cord.

I find it rather satisfying that I am doing better than they are by several metrics. So, not once have I had to later agree that they were correct. The Dunning-Kruger effect was definitely at play in my family. Experts in everything in their own minds.

Moving along now. Eyes forward. No regrets.

Sounds like my brother. He is better informed than I am on his special interests but definitely some dunning Kruger there. There is not many topics he doesn't have a strong opinion on. If he doesn't have an opinion, he will act like he doesn't care or you shouldn't care.

He uses teacher- pupil techniques like question and answering. Walking you through everything step by step. Feels patronising. I don't want to be educated I just want to relax!

He will get out his phone to fact check you. Fine, there is a part of me that doesn't like to admit I'm wrong.

You can never save face, it's like he's not satisfied until you admit you are wrong and will keep pestering you until you do.

He doesn't read signals or doesn't care that you're not that interested and made a casual comment. Or that you're irritated.

So I just don't have opinions around him anymore and if I do make the mistake of having one and he attacks me, I just don't engage. Or I'll talk like a broken record. It does make you feel a little resentment though.

 

[Harmonie]

Well... Fortunately all of my close family are aligned politically. The family members that aren't are distant and I don't have to deal with them. So politics is not typically a hot issue in my family.

The one thing I have to be careful with is religion. Almost my entirely family is Christian of some sort. I'm one of the few that is not. But I keep quiet about that, actually. I try to at least. Since my family aren't the Trump-worshiping, bigoted kind, it's easy to keep the peace.

The one thing that can get me in trouble is ways in which me being non-religious might effect the way I look at things.

An example of this, which got my dad going off on me once is that perhaps because I'm non-religious, I take more of a removed, historical look at Christianity. I read up a lot on early Christianity, and was fascinated by a lot of aspects, like Gnosticism, and I don't know how but I got into a discussion with my dad about early Christianity and I got into Gnostic Christianity and it's strange but intriguing views on interpreting Christianity through a more polytheistic framework with the God of the OT being a lesser, evil being and Jesus being an entirely different being. (this is a very simplistic way of putting it and it's been a long time since I read up on this, so don't rely on my memory for the fine details on this lol).

I was bringing it up, just as an ancient form of Christianity that was interesting and bizarre. My dad took great offense to this. We were sitting in a restaurant and he started getting a little out of hand. "I don't know what kind of weird people you're listening to, but those people [the Gnostics] whatever they were, they weren't Christian!" He then quoted the one commandment where it says you shall have no God before me (probably in reference to the Gnostics thinking that the OT God who proclaimed the Ten Commandments is different from Jesus) and he raised his voice more and more. The trip home was rough. D:

All I was doing was going on one of my info dumps of ancient history. I had no clue that I was going to offend my dad. I fear this is where my detachment as a nonbeliever can get me in trouble. D:

Otherwise, we're peaceful. But now I know to be extremely careful around my dad.