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Person has suddenly gone from Friendly to cold/Avoiding me. I can’t cope

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Frostee

Well-Known Member
So, I met this group of girls at an Autism club (I’m Male and I get a long with women more than men), we exchanged numbers and arranged a meet up.

The Meet up went great. We then decided to head to the city for a day trip with the rest of the group, we went together on the train.

I noticed on the trip to the city, one of the girls had turned a little unfriendly. She wasn’t rude but started to ignore me and didn’t interact with me massively.

Throughout that day she didn’t really bother speaking to me. She ignored a call (although this is no big deal), moved seats on the journey home, didn’t wave bye when I was getting lifted to go to my house and talked about arrangements with the other people on the Train without inviting me.

The next day we went to a venue as part of the wider group. She was in the same car as me and did not talk to me. She did not talk to me all day. She kept jiggling her legs everytime I sat near her and looked on edge.

I sent her a text yesterday “are you going to the group next week?”, she ignored that. I then sent a text today “hi, I noticed a little distance from you have I done anything to offend?”. She ignored that too.

Now, it’s clear to me that this girl is now showing me the cold shoulder. I don’t know why though? She was super friendly towards me when we first met, now she’s sort of ignoring me and doesn’t want to bother.

I don’t know what I’ve done. The whole thing is giving me anxiety and keeping me up at night. I can’t cope with her ignoring me and the awkwardness that is going to ensue with this.

I do not know what I have done. I had no evil intentions. I merely went about my way and on the way she got annoyed at me.

This is bizarre and I have no clue what’s going on.
 
If this is the first time something like this has happened to you, you've been very lucky thus far. Welcome to the world of being on the spectrum!
 
My therapist told me once that some people don't deserve my friendship.
Do not assume it was something you did, or didnt do and “should” have. Even if you did offend her, she needs to let you know. We all know it feels awkward to communicate. You made the right attempts to reach out to her, so now it is up to her to respond. What else can you do? Nothing that I can think of.
Sorry you have this going on. Try to get some rest, take care of yourself, eat well, etc.
 
That is really sad because you REALLY did something that is so hard. You point blank ask her if you offended her. That is so hard to do and you were amazing. Move on. Treat her the same way that she is treating you. Ignore her unless she has the decency to respond to a question that is put right into her face! That is not Aspie, that is just downright rude.

If she comes to you with a good explanation, that is different. Maybe she has a crush on you. Sometimes women or men can do things like that if they cannot process it.

Let us know what happens. If she is doing this ONLY to you, then it will be a mystery unless she tells you. If she starts to make your brain hurt, you have to let her go. Harder done than said, I know, but....
 
I was thinking the crush thing too, like maybe she flirted with Frostee and when he didnt respond the way she wanted, she went into a snit. Such a dramatic snit too!
Her behavior cant be called Aspie, i agree Rude is more like it. And hurtful.
 
No, she clearly does not have a crush on him. She sent many many signs and signals that she does not want to talk to him, sit near him, or have him be friendly towards her. She is trying not to say something rude or unkind, but she does send a lot of signals he is not picking up on. That can be very annoying. That is frustrating her and if he persists, then she will say something bitchy.

Who knows why? There does not have to be a why, nor does she have to spell out a reason. Depending on her age and level of maturity, maybe she just doesn’t like a nice guy milling around her. Maybe he was too friendly. Maybe she likes “bad boys.” Maybe she is not attracted to him. Maybe she has a boyfriend. Maybe he reminds her of someone else. Maybe she is into females. Maybe he is annoying in some way known only to her. Maybe it’s not about YOU at all. Maybe she just got uncomfortable when she realized how much he seems to like her.

She just wants to be left alone. Life sucks sometimes.
 
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What hints did I not notice? Everything I mentioned here was noticed, otherwise I wouldn’t say it. I also mentioned it in the texts.
And I should tell you that she told me to ask her to hang out anytime a few weeks ago.

I think that her behavior is a little rude and I am wondering/concerned about what I have done. And why the sudden change in attitude towards me after the friendliness.

And I agree, I don’t think she fancies me. She was too jittery to be interested.

The whole thing is a little off and sudden for me.

I’d rather she just told me what the issue is so we can both move on. She has made it awkward.
 
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Fitzo said:
If this is the first time something like this has happened to you, you've been very lucky thus far. Welcome to the world of being on the spectrum!
Click to expand...

I have had people take a dislike to me numerous times.

The issue is the sudden, almost Bipolar switch in how she treats me, from friendliness to coldness is a matter of days. This is bizarre and I am wondering what I have done because it must’ve been something seriously irritating for her to take on such a drastic change in opinion towards me.
 
I hate it when people don't tell you why they're avoiding you, especially when directly and politely asked.

That said, she doesn't have to either engage with you or tell you why she's not.

I wouldn't worry about it, especially if this isn't a regular occurrence. (if it is, you might want to invest more in finding out what you're doing wrong.)

Not everyone likes everyone. It's not even necessarily anything you did wrong. Sometimes these things happen, through no one's fault. Unless it happens often, I wouldn't try to assign blame or work too hard to understand the situation. Just accept that she's made a decision that she's entitled to make, and go on.
 
Frostee said:
I have had people take a dislike to me numerous times.

Why? Do you know?

The issue is the sudden, almost Bipolar switch in how she treats me, from friendliness to coldness is a matter of days. This is bizarre and I am wondering what I have done because it must be something pretty irritating for her to take such a dramatic response.

I would tend to agree.
Click to expand...
 
Frostee said:
What hints did I not notice? “
Click to expand...

Well you kept bothering her after all the signs...you said,
“I sent her a text yesterday “are you going to the group next week?”, she ignored that. I then sent a text today “hi, I noticed a little distance from you have I done anything to offend?”. She ignored that too.”

You still kept engaging with her. Now she ignored you. TWICE. She is not worth it. Too immature. You were civil, polite, and friendly. It hurts to not know what is going on, but the more you try to converse with her, the worse it gets. Leave her alone. Sometimes people try too hard.
 
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Oh, I am Mary Anne. I just thought that maybe she didn’t see the first message or forgot about it so sent another one for confirmation that she was ignoring me.
 
Frostee said:
Oh, I am Mary Anne. I just thought that maybe she didn’t see the first message or forgot about it so sent another one for confirmation that she was ignoring me.
Click to expand...

I understand that, but it probably inflamed her. Made her mad.
 
It would be better to leave her alone, otherwise you’re getting into stalking territory.
Maybe there is someone in your group that needs your friendship right now. This would be a better use of your kind energy.
 
Frostee said:
What hints did I not notice? Everything I mentioned here was noticed, otherwise I wouldn’t say it. I also mentioned it in the texts.
And I should tell you that she told me to ask her to hang out anytime a few weeks ago.

I think that her behavior is a little rude and I am wondering/concerned about what I have done. And why the sudden change in attitude towards me after the friendliness.

And I agree, I don’t think she fancies me. She was too jittery to be interested.

The whole thing is a little off and sudden for me.

I’d rather she just told me what the issue is so we can both move on. She has made it awkward.
Click to expand...

Maybe she was trying out a new script or social strategy, and doing so made her feel so inauthentic and uncomfortable that she is trying to forget it.
 
Is she autistic?

If she isn't then she doesn't like you. Why? Could be a million things, not worth staying up all night over unless you have some solid ideas on things you want to improve. NT girls don't typically behave like this so I'm assuming she's autistic. In that case I don't know. Just leave the girl alone. Some really like their distance. In this case she's clearly showing you that and you can behave like a typical NT and start going crazy over what's going on or just accept the fact that she wants to stay away from you.
 
Frostee, I did not mean to be so blunt. I have been through exactly what you describe many times in my life. It hurts, it’s confusing, and often, the mystery is never solved, as to why a person stops engaging. I remember decades past, asking people in the same way, and they were arrogant, and retorted back that “You should know.” Well, I would not have asked if I did knew, right???

But I also have been in her same situation and might have acted as she did, when guys just would not leave me alone (in hindsight now, I realize they had austism also), so I do see this from both sides.

There is no way to understand her if she won’t explain, so best to try and leave her alone, and forget about it.
 
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