Person has suddenly gone from Friendly to cold/Avoiding me. I can’t cope

[Frostee]

I think you’re right there was something about me that put her off a Friendship. But I think her behavior is immature.

She’s dragging this out by ignoring me: a stranger. It’s rude, in my opinion.

 

[aspiechic]

I think you’re right there was something about me that put her off a Friendship. But I think her behavior is immature.

She’s dragging this out by ignoring me: a stranger. It’s rude, in my opinion.

I can see why she’s ignoring you now instead of confronting you - you are relentless in your negative judgement of her - and she doesn’t have the energy to be able to cope with you. I might be rude - but I’d probably ignore you too if I thought you weren’t going to get my point of view. She just wants you to go about your business and forget she ever existed.

 

[Frostee]

Sorry, but that’s rude imo. She started this up with me.And now she’s avoiding me. That’s actually manipulative. She’s playing with my feelings.

 

[pamelaperejil]

Unfortunately, I think you're making this girl's case for her. OP, let it go.

 

[Jane Smith]

Sometimes people just don't like you, sadly. There isn't a rhyme or reason. They just don't. It happens to everybody, sadly. :/ Aspie or not.

I mean people don't like me. I will never know why. But they just don't. It sucks, but what can you do? At least you confronted her! That shows a lot of maturity.

Focus on the friends who do care about you and want to talk. Don't focus on people who ignore you.

 

[Frostee]

Maturity! My father said I looked desperate!

 

[AloneNotLonely]

I think everyone just figured out why she doesn't like you.

Dude, she's autistic. Just like you have issues so does she. She's not being manipulative, she's just not your typical bubbly NT girl. There could be a zillion reasons why she's being skittish, stop being an offended little princess and accept that this is the reason she wanted to hang out with you at first. Clearly you don't understand either despite also being autistic so don't be surprised if she stops showing up altogether if you keep up this attitude.

 

[Frostee]

Keep up what attitude? I literally stopped speaking to her when she ignored those messages. Infact I didn’t speak to her on the Train because I noticed how off she was earlier that day and I couldn’t be bother. I have said nothing rude to her.

Yes, I don’t understand. I haven’t done anything to her.

If I personally have anxiety or don’t want to hang out, I send a text and make it clear that I cannot and for those reasons. I don’t sit and ignore text messages because I don’t want to deal with the problem. That shows that she doesn’t respect me or care that their is a satisfactory resolution.

OK

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

OK

OK

 

[BraidedPony]

Frostee, I see red flags everywhere and dont know where to begin.
You are a male and not respecting a female’s boundaries.
Please take some time to question your thinking regarding why you think she should respond in a way You think is “right” and earlier you said that she “led you on” by being friendly to you.
Your beliefs about male and female roles are not going to be beneficial to you and will eventually be hurtful to women.
Take a breath and look at yourself, without blame, and adjust accordingly.

 

[Frostee]

.... I literally don’t speak to her anymore.

She is the one who initiated this acquaintanceship with me.

 

[AO1501]

.... I literally don’t speak to her anymore.

She is the one who initiated this acquaintanceship with me.

She is also the one who seems to have decided she does not want an acquaintanceship with you. That seems fairly simple to understand.

Which gives rise to the obvious question - what are you hoping to achieve through your posts here?

 

[Frostee]

Wtf. I had a person come up to me, initiate contact, tell me to hang out anytime. Then, randomly one day go cold.

It’s not difficult to see why I would be confused and want to know what happened.

I am offended at an earlier posters assertations that this change in attitude was justified.

 

[AO1501]

Wtf. I had a person come up to me, initiate contact, tell me to hang out anytime. Then, randomly one day go cold.

It’s not difficult to see why I would be confused and want to know what happened.

I am offended at an earlier posters assertations that this change in attitude was justified.

With all due respect to you, I think the reason some are suggesting it is clear why she is treating you this way is that perhaps by continually repeating what has happened, you seem rather fixated on the fact she encouraged you, then ignored you. Behavior which understandably upsets you, but which is actually quite common, not really at all unusual, and which nobody here can help you with because we can't change her behavior, or read her mind and explain it.

Hence I asked what you are hoping to achieve by posting this here.

Which is not to suggest you shouldn't post, but that if all you are able to do is repeat what has happened, it isn't apparently moving you on from the incident.

'What happened' is not something any of us can really know, and therefore tell you. Some have suggested possible reasons, but you seem unwilling to accept these suggestions, so I wonder is there a particular explanation you are hoping for, or expecting, because all I see is a girl who for whatever reason initiated contact with you, and then decided to ignore you.

In my experience there are two possible and common reasons for this behaviour, the first is that her circumstances may have changed, such that she has no interest in pursuing what she started, and the second is that once contact was initiated, she discovered something about you that she didn't like, and decided to 'opt out'.

Of course there's a third, and that is that perhaps she's just very changeable, moody and unpredictable. We don't have any knowledge of her or her circumstance to make that assessment.

 

[BraidedPony]

It has happened to me hundreds of times in my life and I don’t know why. I think it is common for Aspies to be misunderstood and it’s also common that people act in ways that we will never understand.
Life is very hard. Your life, my life and the cold shoulder girl’s life is hard too.
I dont mean to offend you but there is something you are not getting and I don’t think it’s an Aspie thing. Your obsession with a person sounds Aspie but the lack of self awareness on your part is something else. This is just my opinion for you to listen to or ignore. But I do wish you well.

 

[paloftoon]

In the future, if you contacted someone, I wouldn't do it more than twice in a row in two days if you don't know them well. If you aren't sure based on context, leave at least a 3 day gap between your first time communicating and the next. There are no "rules" per se, but people in our group generally can do better with "guidelines." If after two or three times, they don't respond, you can leave the door open for them to communicate. However, have them meet you at YOUR convenience so that he/she can prove his/her seriousness to you in actually talking/meeting.

 

[Frostee]

With all due respect to you, I think the reason some are suggesting it is clear why she is treating you this way is that perhaps by continually repeating what has happened, you seem rather fixated on the fact she encouraged you, then ignored you. Behavior which understandably upsets you, but which is actually quite common, not really at all unusual, and which nobody here can help you with because we can't change her behavior, or read her mind and explain it.

Hence I asked what you are hoping to achieve by posting this here.

Which is not to suggest you shouldn't post, but that if all you are able to do is repeat what has happened, it isn't apparently moving you on from the incident.

'What happened' is not something any of us can really know, and therefore tell you. Some have suggested possible reasons, but you seem unwilling to accept these suggestions, so I wonder is there a particular explanation you are hoping for, or expecting, because all I see is a girl who for whatever reason initiated contact with you, and then decided to ignore you.

In my experience there are two possible and common reasons for this behaviour, the first is that her circumstances may have changed, such that she has no interest in pursuing what she started, and the second is that once contact was initiated, she discovered something about you that she didn't like, and decided to 'opt out'.

Of course there's a third, and that is that perhaps she's just very changeable, moody and unpredictable. We don't have any knowledge of her or her circumstance to make that assessment.

Thank you for taking the time to write this post. You have articulated your post to a high standard, by explaining social mistakes that I have made and the circumstances surrounding her behavior. Other members just made statements and didn’t explain them, for ex, a member has said that I have poor Self Awareness, why?

The whole thing has confused me. I have not had this happen before, so I would see her behavior is being a little “off”. In the sense that it is out of nowhere, and unexpected.

I am not sure that this is Aspergers or what. But I can tell you that, in cases where a person had a change of opinion towards me, it was not out of the blue and it was obvious what had gone wrong.

 

[Frostee]

In the future, if you contacted someone, I wouldn't do it more than twice in a row in two days if you don't know them well. If you aren't sure based on context, leave at least a 3 day gap between your first time communicating and the next. There are no "rules" per se, but people in our group generally can do better with "guidelines." If after two or three times, they don't respond, you can leave the door open for them to communicate. However, have them meet you at YOUR convenience so that he/she can prove his/her seriousness to you in actually talking/meeting.

I am well aware.

 

[pamelaperejil]

OP, this thread is actually kind of frustrating to read. In my view, you received ample patience, sympathy, and advice from posters regarding your initial complaint (which advice you largely ignored, and most of which was also pretty polite...) and now you're complaining that posters weren't helpful enough. In reality, the girl in question never owed you anything and neither did forum members. You're not being very gracious, in my opinion.

 

[Frostee]

Well tbh i’m not going to have someone saying that i’m not self aware if they don’t explain why they think that.