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Person has suddenly gone from Friendly to cold/Avoiding me. I can’t cope

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AloneNotLonely said:
Is she autistic?
NT girls don't typically behave like this so I'm assuming she's autistic. In that case I don't know.
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Actually, a lot of NT women DO act like this...especially teenagers, and 20-something women. It’s pretty common behavior. Especially for attractive women, and socially “popular” gals.
 
I knew a girl that used to behave like this when a male would by accident trigger a reminder of past trauma for her. Be it this or whatever else - it's best to leave her alone. She doesn't want to communicate with you.
 
AloneNotLonely said:
Is she autistic?

If she isn't then she doesn't like you. Why? Could be a million things, not worth staying up all night over unless you have some solid ideas on things you want to improve. NT girls don't typically behave like this so I'm assuming she's autistic. In that case I don't know. Just leave the girl alone. Some really like their distance. In this case she's clearly showing you that and you can behave like a typical NT and start going crazy over what's going on or just accept the fact that she wants to stay away from you.
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She is Autistic yes.
 
I already said in the beginning post that we want as part of an Autistic group. She was openly friendly then distanced herself.
 
Frostee said:
I already said in the beginning post that we want as part of an Autistic group. She was openly friendly then distanced herself.
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I did not see that the meetup was for “autistics.” Sorry. Autism is a spectrum. We are all as different as trees or flowers in the earth, or stars in the sky. She probably freaked out at your attentions. Let her take her own time and way to get to know you. Only allow her to make the next conversation or action. Give her that space. Please. You cannot expect to understand her. Ok?
 
I don’t know. Tbh, I was thinking that I got too close to her too early.
 
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Frostee said:
I don’t know. Tbh, I was thinking that I got too close to her too early.

I think that was her fault though. She invited me to hang out anytime.
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Well, she was exploring being “social “ too, and found herself panicking and probably needed to withdraw. How old do you think she is? I explored social situations for decades before I felt I had a handle in things...probably near my mid 50s! I made a lot of mistakes and experimentations previously.
 
Frostee, in a later post you said she asked you a few weeks ago to hang out. So, if that request she made was directed at you at the Autism club before the group meetup, after you all exchanged numbers, then it would seem to me she may have felt you did not listen to her, if you did not attempt to call her before the meetup to hang out with just her. So, once the meetup occurred and after she saw you did not either apologize or address that issue where you did not call her to meet, she turned pouty and cold. Or if she is Autistic, maybe she felt you broke her rule.
 
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I think it might be best to observe simple courtesy when she is present and refrain from anymore attempts at personal communication. The ball is now in her court and she must decide how to play it. Don't let this incident shatter your personal security. How she thinks and feels is strictly about her, and if you are not getting adverse feedback from others who may have witnessed your interactions with her, the odds are you are doing fine. Don't let this become an emotional minefield. It is not worth it.
 
Message is very clear. She does not want to get to know you better. Don't call, don't text and leave her alone. She doesn't owe you anything.
 
Frostee said:
YES, that’s her best friend.
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Ok, so I am not sure why then she is avoiding you now and why she seemed suddenly not interested. The best thing is then to avoid her, and see then if she later then shows more interest, which then you can act accordingly how you feel then depending on what she says, does, or requests.
 
I would say just don't worry about it. A similar thing happened to me last year, and I was very upset. But eventually I just left it and then it got better
 
I feel like I understand where this girl is coming from. Maybe going to the social event was all the energy she had to socialize. Maybe she said hang out anytime before she got to know you alittle better and decided she did not want to hang with you anytime. So maybe she was trying to make it clear that invite was no longer in play. After all - it’s easier to do the cold shoulder than to bluntly tell someone you don’t want to be their friend after all. Cause then you ask why and then she has to explain and take your feelings into account and that’s a lot more exhausting than just letting it go and ignoring communication- ignoring is easier and less exhaustive. It’s not nice and it looks rude but sometimes you can’t cope with the social way of letting someone down. Just my 2 cents.

I don’t have friends that I keep in contact with. I have people that want to be my friends but I have a very hard time being genuine friends with them because it is so exhausting for me to put that effort into. Every once in awhile, I’m like I want a friend to hang with but then I try to socialize with them and I try to be interested in what they want and do etc - and becomes more than I could cope with so I back off. I personally can’t do it. Maybe that’s her. She tries sometimes and then realizes she can’t do it.
 
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