Interpreting Things Literally

[Sabrina]

My dude totally freaks out if we're a minute late to parties as well, and even being a bit late we're always there first and the people throwing the party are nowhere near ready. I can't count how many times we've shown up as his singers house for some kind of party and neither him or his wife have showered or gotten dressed. It's totally awkward. Idk why people don't just say the party starts at 8 rather than 6 but I hate showing up at a party at any time before two hours after the expressed start time. Most people seem to show up 3-4 hours after the intended start time. People show up as late as 6 hours after. lol. I'm a girl and I want to spend hours getting ready now rush getting ready to go sit awkwardly somewhere and wait for everybody else to get ready and show up. x.x The only times I want to show up early (on time) is if I'm not planning on staying very long and basically am planning on dropping by to say hi or whatever.

Thank you for this post! IDK if you wanted to make me laugh but it's awesome to know that this happens to somebody else!
LOL!
You know what was the last drop? We arrived one time so early (or "on time" according to my husband) that we had to wait inside the car, waiting outside of the house, because the people who invited us were not even there!

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I'm very literal. Others think so too - my boss, my coworkers, my psychologist, etc...even as a teenager I remember seeing the word "filename", which was only there to represent the file name portion of a file path. The instructions said to type in the path, and I typed in "filename" literally. Another example - I was once told to type in "caps", but I understood it to mean the actual word "caps", not in capital letters. I always believed what people would tell me even if they were just messing with me, being extremely gullible. It makes me feel like I'm really stupid, even though I know in my heart of hearts that I'm not. To this day I create a lot of miscommunication with people because of the different way I understand the things that they tell me.

I think the best way for me or anyone else to improve on this would be experience, and that experience would come from socializing with people. Easier said than done, because that is a whole other quest of its own. Personally have terrible social skills and I've never been good at making friends so this quest might take many years for me to achieve. For a long time I didn't have any friends, and only in recent years did I manage to make some. I'm actually in the process of making more by joining some meetups; my parents recommended it to me because despite having even a few friends I still feel lonely because 3 is not a lot to have.

Recent example: my doc said "look around" and I actually looked around the room. Still being literal to this day.

 

[Streetwise]

I'm very literal. Others think so too - my boss, my coworkers, my psychologist, etc...even as a teenager I remember seeing the word "filename", which was only there to represent the file name portion of a file path. The instructions said to type in the path, and I typed in "filename" literally. Another example - I was once told to type in "caps", but I understood it to mean the actual word "caps", not in capital letters. I always believed what people would tell me even if they were just messing with me, being extremely gullible. It makes me feel like I'm really stupid, even though I know in my heart of hearts that I'm not. To this day I create a lot of miscommunication with people because of the different way I understand the things that they tell me.

I think the best way for me or anyone else to improve on this would be experience, and that experience would come from socializing with people. Easier said than done, because that is a whole other quest of its own. Personally have terrible social skills and I've never been good at making friends so this quest might take many years for me to achieve. For a long time I didn't have any friends, and only in recent years did I manage to make some. I'm actually in the process of making more by joining some meetups; my parents recommended it to me because despite having even a few friends I still feel lonely because 3 is not a lot to have.

Recent example: my doc said "look around" and I actually looked around the room. Still being literal to this day.

You're not as bad as me i just live by panic and o.c.d so its tormenting

 

[Streetwise]

Thought i was doing well but now i know I've had another horrible incident of panic

 

[Tyrantus1212]

You're not as bad as me i just live by panic and o.c.d so its tormenting

I have both, very severe. Completely taking over my life, terrible just terrible.

 

[Kirsty]

Yesterday, at a minutes silence for the London attack, I was still doing my duties at work. I thought as long as I'm silent I can continue on with my job, but I was told later I was to stand or sit still. I'm anxious a lot of the time there. Think that was why I didn't know how to act appropriately during this time.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Omg I want to stab him for you! >: >: >:

Um, I think you'd better just give me the knife before you get yourself in trouble, Knives are pointed and pointed things hurt when poked

 

[Bella Pines]

All the time. The main problem for me is when people ask rhetorical questions for example:

Friend (or a close approximation) : I shouldn't have taken this job, I think it might have been a mistake, but they promised things, do you think I made a mistake?
Me: yes.

After that she got all upset and sulky, in retrospect I think she wanted me to tell her that she hadn't made a mistake and that it was a perfectly understandable and rational decision. It wasn't, but I think she wanted that empty reassurance that so many people seek.

So I am very literal, but I am learning to recognize patterns in peoples behavior that suggest a literal answer is not required. So far it is often post event but I'm sure if I put the effort in I would recognize it during the event. Can't promise to pander to them, maybe one day.

 

[Ylva]

If someone wants you to step aside, and they really care about which way and how far, it's their job to tell you, not your job to ask.

 

[Sabrina]

I used to be so clueless about my literary understanding of things, that I thought everybody understood things that way. ( So I could be very exasperared at people in the past). My new awareness has helped me a lot.

The other thing that has helped me a lot, is learning that when people talk, they have their own (hidden) agendas. So sometimes, mostly when what people tell me, doesn't make much sense to me, I make a huge effort to try to see if there's something else behind the words.

How? I think looking around (literally) helps. For example, a cashier at a cafe tells you that your order will ready immediately, but there's a lot of people waiting at the counter. So that can give a clue, of "what's behind the words". In this case, what's behind the words is (the real meaning and/ or hidden agenda) could be "who knows! But I don't want to admit it, because it might mean that I've been too slow and I don't want to lose my job" . Bottom line and what matters: what he's telling you, is not true.

Another thing to be aware, or to remember when something doesn't make any sense, is that people lie a lot, in a daily basis (according to a ted talk that I saw) . So, if something doesn't add up, it could mean that the person is either lying or telling a half truth (leaving stuff unsaid on purpose).

Looking for patterns of behaviour also helps to see what's the real meaning of words.
For example, my youngest boy usually starts to say that he feels bad, and that his throat hurts, when we're in the middle of a crowded place or in heavy traffic. Almost immediatly, he usually starts to cry in desperation. In the past, I would have rushed him to the ER. But now I've seen the pattern (it always happens in crowded situations), so I take him out of the place we are in, as soon and quietly, as possible. If we're in the middle of a traffic jam, I try to get out,and take a longer, less crowded route, if possible. As soon as he's out of the overwhelming environment, his "throat pain" disappears and he stops being upset.

 

[Sabrina]

Anecdote:
Me, to my kid: "Aren't you going to say hi?" (to our neighbors). Him (very serious) : No.

 

[Thursday]

At least he's honest. <3 I myself are oftentimes confused with the so-called hidden agendas people have. Where I live, saying "come, sit and eat" while pointing towards your own plate of food is common courtesy and I am ever baffled by it. Hubby and I dislike this practice as it's related to the notion of shelling out more than you can afford when there are guests coming versus eating well as a family. We know of some who prepare meager meals for their kids, but going out of their way to buy expensive food when someone's coming over. There's a double bind in there for sure...they got shocked when you actually take up their offer and say "yes, let me have that piece of chicken on your plate".

Anyway, I think we're honest to a fault until we learn from experience. Here's me as a kid:
Teacher: "Okay kids, the lesson here is...when you have plenty, you need to learn to share. Thursday, if you have two candies, will you give one to your friend?"
Kindergarten me: "No."
Teacher: "Why not?"
Kindergarten me: "Two is just enough for me."

You can probably guess what happened next. For a while, they thought I was just mischievous or a smart aleck, while in reality, I was just clueless! At least it made for silly stories.

 

[MonolithImmortal]

I'm just like, "huh? you didn't tell me to wake you up at any certain time."

OH MY GOD THIS. I have no idea how many times I've found myself in in a similar situation. For example, I tell the wife "I'm going to coffee shop to get myself a cup of coffee." She says ok. I come back with my coffee. She wonders where hers is. I'm like "I had no idea you wanted one, you didn't ask or suggest you wanted any coffee." She thinks I should have known that she wanted one. I'm like HOW?

Not that I'm mad about this, nor is she, it's one of those momentary frustrations for both of us that we just shrug off and realize that this is just the way I am.

Sorry you got into an argument.

 

[RiverSong]

I was extremely literal minded as a kid, which proved to be pretty funny on a couple occasions. I'm a little less literal now. I think it just took me some years to learn not to take everything literally or to really take people at their word. I've gotten a little better at this. But I still have times where I take a person seriously only to find out they were being sarcastic or joking and it went over my head.

 

[Reedstorm17]

I've gotten to the point where I can tell my parents I need more specific instructions if they tell me to do something but they're being too vague.

 

[Alaska]

Move? Move what? If they said excuse me at least that would make more sense and be more polite. >:

Earlier today dude had to go somewhere at four, he told me he needed to go somewhere at four and he was taking a nap, didn't say anything else, so naturally I assumed he was good and had it covered. I was totally shocked when he came to me at 4:12 and started yelling at me for not waking him up. I'm just like, "huh? you didn't tell me to wake you up at any certain time." So we got into an argument and he yelled at me the entire time he was getting ready. I'm completely confused, if you wanted me to wake you up, why didn't you say, "Hey wake me up at x time if I'm not up not just oh I have something to do later." WTF dude. >: Then he proceeded to blame me for everything that goes wrong ever. Ugh, one of those times I really wish I could have a beer, wtf. 119 more days plus a couple weeks of breastfeeding. x.x Come on October.

This might just be an abusive guy. They like to pick a woman to blame everything on. He seems worse than just normal NT misunderstanding. He also seems like a good person to get out of your life as soon as possible. We have a hard enough time dealing with normal NTs, let alone abusive types.

 

[Alaska]

Yup. I usually respond by just doing something, taking some sort of action, they typically respond better to that than to total inaction.

That is a good idea.

Most of the time I manage to avoid being too literal-minded. Occasionally I backslide and get literal. This confuses NTs more than being literal-minded all the time. Lol.

I found that reading stuff about body language helps with stuff that we people on the spectrum have so much trouble with when dealing with NTs. I subscribe to a newsletter about it to keep it in mind better. This might help other spectrum ppl besides me.

I just watched a video by the newsletter author about how to tell if a dreaded hug is coming at you and how to avoid it. I think this is especially helpful for me. I very rarely like hugs and am usually distressed by the unwanted variety.

Our inability to read body language may be the worst barrier to successful relations with NTs for spectrum people. I think a conscious attempt to learn more about body language may be a good way to compensate.

 

[Ambi]

I'm embarrassed to admit how literal-minded I can be sometimes.

For example, if someone tells me to move, like out of their/somebody else's way, then I'll either stand in one spot looking around like a lost puppy or move a couple of steps in a completely random direction, usually not where they wanted me to go, and then cue the face-palm or eye-roll from the person talking to me. Half the time, it hardly occurs to me that, hey, I could just ask them where they want me to go. It usually doesn't occur to everyone that they're dealing with someone who needs specific instructions instead of a simple hand gesture or a word or two either. Otherwise, you may as well be speaking Greek to me.

This is less a "ask the opinion of the audience" sort of post and more of a "this is a problem I go through sometimes" post, but I guess it could be the former as well. Does this ever happen to you guys? Does it happen often, and does it affect (effect?) you in day-to-day life (i.e. at a job)? Do you have a way of "teaching yourself" to understand something that isn't a completely specific instruction (if that's even possible)? Can't really think of any other questions off the top of my head, so, that is all.

I don't read between the lines accurately. Here's an example. I used to get very annoyed and feel very violated when people ask if my husband and I are "trying for a baby". I did not like being asked about our sexual activity! It was just very inappropriate and violating. Then my friend explained what they were really just asking was, "Do you want kids?". A totally different question, which less emphasis on the sexual activity. Still violating to me, as it's none of their business. For all the know, I've had 10 miscarriages and don't want to discuss the whole topic. But anyway....yeah, I find I really hold people to exactly what they are saying. I don't get confused by idioms and things like that, though.

 

[toothless]

i have an extremely rigid and literal mind,part of it is my autism and part of it is my intellectual disability.
i live in a world of confusion because people constantly use language that confuses me,to me its honestly like being english in a japanese town,i dont understand human language and people struggle to understand me when i look at them blankly all the time as they use words like 'going forward' every few sentances or 'take a seat' or 'sit down' [where? right here?],my mother is the worst she uses an incredible list of words and sayings every day that make my literal and rigid brain go into overload.

i wish humans just spoke plain clear simple english.

 

[MonolithImmortal]

Funny story about being literal minded: When I was a kid I was playing kickball with my next door neighbors and I kicked the ball pretty far. Everyone stared yelling "RUN HOME, RUN HOME!" I got upset and ran back to my house thinking my friends didn't want to play with me anymore.