i had a relatively recent experience that i've been denied having asperger syndrome, they said that it is very unlikely that i have this disorder (it was a doctor for this disorder, meaning the highest professional), but now my psychologist looks at the data (which is a diagnosis for aspergers) from my early childhood and reckons that i must have autism (i mean autism is a very serious illness) because she has observed my social interactions in the group i have partaken for a month. and she's not the most qualified to diagnose me even thought she is qualified in some way. and the problem is that the time i was denied having this disorder wasn't documented anywhere, so i have no proof. when i told her that i cant possible have autism she said that there are different kinds of autists, high functioning and other. and she suggested that i may be high functioning and just know how to pretend. she said that i pretend to have feelings, which sounds to me like i have aspd or something. or maybe she meant that i know how to react and respond... anyway i just want to ignore this aspect of my life because all people that haven't known me long, start to, if not treat me differently, look at me in a new light after being told. i have learned in my late teenage years how to overcome issues with overthinking and obsession or compulsions, which i had pointed to having ocd even thought i was never diagnosed with it, but one time in turkey after telling the doctor my symptoms and telling her that i suspect having ocd, she told me that i was right and it wouldn't get better if i refuse to take medication, but i never have and i'm fine. and since the time i had psychosis which i'm currently in threatment for i didn't have accute symptoms of ocd or even any that i noticed. i live in germany btw since i was born. my current psychologist is very attending and always takes notes, but i feel bad after talking with her because she has at least a realistic view of me if not negative (regarding my recovery). and i dont take medication for psychosis anymore, i just quit taking it because i've taken it now for a year and felt cheated for not being allowed to quit. until now i never took any medication for mental disorders and only started taking the medication for psychosis after being locked inside the emergency station of a mental hospital or something (it was inside a village for mental health), for a day then getting out and being locked in again and maybe a third time? i don't even remember that time clearly because i didn't sleep or could process normaly. i was 17 when the psychosis started for the first and only time until now (lasted about at most 1,5 weeks, the accute state) and my psychosis wasn't from drugs because i never took any, which is almost never the case according to my current psychologist. regarding the question, i should ask inside the topic of autism because this forum is about it:
autism at the time is not a big problem for me, i can picture myself getting a diagnosis further down the line, but what my psychologist suggested is that i get an iq test because she suspects that my iq has sunken, check my brain damage, get a diagnosis on this autism thing and go to a stationary place for mentally ill. she fears that my psychosis may come back without the pills and that i will have more brain damage at the end because of it which is impossible to recover from completely, she says. she also said that i should refrain from going to work because i could get another episode of psychosis if i am exposed to stress. she says that psychosis is chronic and will never really be gone. i'm at home already since my release from highschool and getting my diploma. i was in college (or "Technisches Berufskolleg I") at the start of this year for few months before i quit because, it would be best described as, i was too lazy and wanted a quicker way to success. for the subjects i learned for i became an A, i had 3 As for the first class tests of 3 classes and a B to C for physics, the other classes i exculpated myself from on test-days or we didn't write any. i was doing good. i want to add that i became psychosis after half a year from high school (or "Realschule") and started college after half a year from psychosis, so high school is almost 2 years away from now and im 2 months away from being 19 years old. because time for registering for schools or "Ausbildung" which is schooling for work, i don't know if they have "Ausbildung" in any country other than germany, has passed i need to wait until next year and my dream is to first make enough money for becoming a pilot by programming so i think i will learn to code until next year and if i haven't made a decent amount of money until then i will sign up for school or schooling in the it section which take max. half a decade to complete then work as an it person until i have made enough money to start my schooling as a pilot. if i make enough money from the internet i can just use that money to become a pilot. I think i have explained my situation now, so my question is: how should i proceed? finding a new "therapist" is hard and i think she does her job good but i want to exert myself ideally from now on and she treats me like i'm at the risk of breaking and will be for the rest of my life. should i just listen to her for a while? i have pretty high standarts for myself and end up thinking of myself as lazy because of them. and if i have a problem, i almost never fault another person even if they are the cause of my distress. i overthink about how i could have avoided the problem. my parents never had to deal with my brothers emotional problems, only me. and i knew i was more prone to outbursts than the average person because of that. i could cry for up to 2 weeks in my childhood because someone touched me inappropiately, before overcoming it and then another person did something that i didn't like. i was bullied in 7th grade which i switched to and then switching again after that year and it took me 1,5 years before overcoming my anxiety from being too weak to being bullied again. if i repress myself people tell me that i am too silent, if i forcefully try to overcome my "shyness", i get in the worst case bullied because they found it funny how angry i was. in my early teenage years i thought that it was cool to be loud so i acted that way in 7th grade, because i thought i could change my image as nobody did know me at that school. after that i didn't care for friends, even distanced myself if i could, i didn't have any problems with being alone. in 9th grade i made real friends, but as i said i have pretty high standarts for myself so i didn't allow myself to go out with them to have fun. i had already distanced myself from my childhood friends a couple of years before that. so in short, i didn't have any friends outside school, meaning i wasn't going outside my way to maintain friends. now i pretty much am socially capable, i think being bullied helped me? i thought that way in high school at least. i am and never will probably be comfortable in a class and be all friendly with everybody like most people, but capable enough. now i have written an essay. so, what are your thoughts? you are allowed to ask for more details if that allows you to give better answers
autism at the time is not a big problem for me, i can picture myself getting a diagnosis further down the line, but what my psychologist suggested is that i get an iq test because she suspects that my iq has sunken, check my brain damage, get a diagnosis on this autism thing and go to a stationary place for mentally ill. she fears that my psychosis may come back without the pills and that i will have more brain damage at the end because of it which is impossible to recover from completely, she says. she also said that i should refrain from going to work because i could get another episode of psychosis if i am exposed to stress. she says that psychosis is chronic and will never really be gone. i'm at home already since my release from highschool and getting my diploma. i was in college (or "Technisches Berufskolleg I") at the start of this year for few months before i quit because, it would be best described as, i was too lazy and wanted a quicker way to success. for the subjects i learned for i became an A, i had 3 As for the first class tests of 3 classes and a B to C for physics, the other classes i exculpated myself from on test-days or we didn't write any. i was doing good. i want to add that i became psychosis after half a year from high school (or "Realschule") and started college after half a year from psychosis, so high school is almost 2 years away from now and im 2 months away from being 19 years old. because time for registering for schools or "Ausbildung" which is schooling for work, i don't know if they have "Ausbildung" in any country other than germany, has passed i need to wait until next year and my dream is to first make enough money for becoming a pilot by programming so i think i will learn to code until next year and if i haven't made a decent amount of money until then i will sign up for school or schooling in the it section which take max. half a decade to complete then work as an it person until i have made enough money to start my schooling as a pilot. if i make enough money from the internet i can just use that money to become a pilot. I think i have explained my situation now, so my question is: how should i proceed? finding a new "therapist" is hard and i think she does her job good but i want to exert myself ideally from now on and she treats me like i'm at the risk of breaking and will be for the rest of my life. should i just listen to her for a while? i have pretty high standarts for myself and end up thinking of myself as lazy because of them. and if i have a problem, i almost never fault another person even if they are the cause of my distress. i overthink about how i could have avoided the problem. my parents never had to deal with my brothers emotional problems, only me. and i knew i was more prone to outbursts than the average person because of that. i could cry for up to 2 weeks in my childhood because someone touched me inappropiately, before overcoming it and then another person did something that i didn't like. i was bullied in 7th grade which i switched to and then switching again after that year and it took me 1,5 years before overcoming my anxiety from being too weak to being bullied again. if i repress myself people tell me that i am too silent, if i forcefully try to overcome my "shyness", i get in the worst case bullied because they found it funny how angry i was. in my early teenage years i thought that it was cool to be loud so i acted that way in 7th grade, because i thought i could change my image as nobody did know me at that school. after that i didn't care for friends, even distanced myself if i could, i didn't have any problems with being alone. in 9th grade i made real friends, but as i said i have pretty high standarts for myself so i didn't allow myself to go out with them to have fun. i had already distanced myself from my childhood friends a couple of years before that. so in short, i didn't have any friends outside school, meaning i wasn't going outside my way to maintain friends. now i pretty much am socially capable, i think being bullied helped me? i thought that way in high school at least. i am and never will probably be comfortable in a class and be all friendly with everybody like most people, but capable enough. now i have written an essay. so, what are your thoughts? you are allowed to ask for more details if that allows you to give better answers
Last edited:
