I'm throwing this out there in order to get some feedback about how to get my point across on something that is really detrimental to my relationship.
My ASD boyfriend and I have been at odds on many occasions since the US Presidential election. Not surprisingly, he tends to be very rigid in the way he sees the world. We just see things differently, but he is unable to GET that he isn't RIGHT. His beliefs are just different.
Sometimes his apparent lack of empathy toward others is truly shocking. He sees himself as compassionate, which he is toward people with whom he has a personal relationship. We are very different in this. I am a bleeding heart. I feel strongly about social justice, human rights, etc.
Since the election I've been obsessed with keeping up on the news. I belong to an activist group. I've volunteered my time for these efforts.
My bf hates the government, believes citizens can't change anything, says I'm wasting my time, says it's bad for my mental health (what's bad for my mental health is , says I'm a "sheep" (I think he is), doesn't see the current environment of hostility toward the vulnerable and powerless in our society, that I should do something that "really matters"- like mentoring (which I plan to do in addition), etc. etc. Ultimately, this sums it up. "I have other things that interest me/to worry about". That's the crux. I'm not him!!!
I tell him I believe people can make a difference, that I'm not sitting down when I see injustice, that it makes me feel good to be involved.
HE DOES NOT GET IT. It's really killing the warmth I normally feel toward him. I can accept someone with differences of opinion and values. I cannot accept his dismissing my concerns.
So, to get to the point, I'm asking if there are any suggestions out there for communicating this to him. The strategy I'm considering is the following: Write down a few of statements that reflect my values. Ask him to read them. Explain that I have my own beliefs just as he has his own priorities and values, and basically tell him that I don't want to hear anymore comments about it. I won't be constantly dismissed for something I'm passionate about.
Thanks for your input and time!
My ASD boyfriend and I have been at odds on many occasions since the US Presidential election. Not surprisingly, he tends to be very rigid in the way he sees the world. We just see things differently, but he is unable to GET that he isn't RIGHT. His beliefs are just different.
Sometimes his apparent lack of empathy toward others is truly shocking. He sees himself as compassionate, which he is toward people with whom he has a personal relationship. We are very different in this. I am a bleeding heart. I feel strongly about social justice, human rights, etc.
Since the election I've been obsessed with keeping up on the news. I belong to an activist group. I've volunteered my time for these efforts.
My bf hates the government, believes citizens can't change anything, says I'm wasting my time, says it's bad for my mental health (what's bad for my mental health is , says I'm a "sheep" (I think he is), doesn't see the current environment of hostility toward the vulnerable and powerless in our society, that I should do something that "really matters"- like mentoring (which I plan to do in addition), etc. etc. Ultimately, this sums it up. "I have other things that interest me/to worry about". That's the crux. I'm not him!!!
I tell him I believe people can make a difference, that I'm not sitting down when I see injustice, that it makes me feel good to be involved.
HE DOES NOT GET IT. It's really killing the warmth I normally feel toward him. I can accept someone with differences of opinion and values. I cannot accept his dismissing my concerns.
So, to get to the point, I'm asking if there are any suggestions out there for communicating this to him. The strategy I'm considering is the following: Write down a few of statements that reflect my values. Ask him to read them. Explain that I have my own beliefs just as he has his own priorities and values, and basically tell him that I don't want to hear anymore comments about it. I won't be constantly dismissed for something I'm passionate about.
Thanks for your input and time!