I have had a phobia of vomiting (emetophobia) since childhood, and it's worse than it sounds. I went 17 years without physically being sick, until I caught norovirus 6 years ago from the care home where I worked, and that has actually worsened my emetophobia to the extreme. Now whenever I feel sick I worry that I'm going to suddenly start vomiting and not know why, or have caught another norovirus and might vomit like 20 times before I'm better (I never thought that was physically possible but apparently it is).
I sometimes do wake up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous and fighting it off, so when I had norovirus that time I thought it was just one of my nausea attacks that will go on its own. I didn't know I had norovirus at first, as I felt fine and had eaten well the previous day. But for about an hour and a half I laid awake fighting off the nausea and wondering why it wouldn't go.
Not only that was scary, it was also scary and distressing beforehand, where I spent an hour and a half or more battling with severe nausea and not knowing what my body wanted to do. I don't burp (maybe like once or twice a year if that), so it's like I don't have very strong muscles in my throat (or maybe the opposite, where the muscles are too strong) that makes regurgitating or burping almost impossible or at least very difficult and painful. So my emetophobia isn't just an irrational phobia that can be cured by therapy, it's also the physical strain that I find scary. Whenever I feel sick now, I start obsessing, thinking I have norovirus again and I keep thinking ''no, I can't go through with vomiting, I don't ever want to vomit again in my life''.
It's why I live my life doing everything I can to avoid vomiting, such as drinking alcohol, getting pregnant, eating foods I'm unsure of, working in a school or hospital where noroviruses are likely to spread, going on rides that spin around or drop very fast (in fact all rides now make me queasy), and arming myself with every antisickness remedy I can think of when traveling. I even have antisickness remedies at home too, like ginger, pills, wristbands, etc. I suffer from vertigo that can easily be triggered by motion or alcohol, even though I otherwise have a very strong stomach where I am very rarely sick, but I still don't want to chance it.
Can anyone else relate or understand this phobia? Not sure what triggered it during childhood exactly, but I know having norovirus 6 years ago has worsened it. I wish I were a rat because they don't ever vomit.
I sometimes do wake up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous and fighting it off, so when I had norovirus that time I thought it was just one of my nausea attacks that will go on its own. I didn't know I had norovirus at first, as I felt fine and had eaten well the previous day. But for about an hour and a half I laid awake fighting off the nausea and wondering why it wouldn't go.
Then my body suddenly gave up on trying to fight it, and I threw up (luckily I kept a bucket beside my bed). Lucky for me I only threw up once, but it was the worst experience I have ever faced. I had difficulties bringing the vomit up at first, so from uncontrolled wretching I wasn't breathing, then as the vomit did come up I involuntarily sucked in air, which pushed the vomit down into my lungs. I nearly drowned in my own vomit but luckily my lungs threw it back out instantly, and after that I just sat on the bed shaking and crying and never wanting to experience that again.
Not only that was scary, it was also scary and distressing beforehand, where I spent an hour and a half or more battling with severe nausea and not knowing what my body wanted to do. I don't burp (maybe like once or twice a year if that), so it's like I don't have very strong muscles in my throat (or maybe the opposite, where the muscles are too strong) that makes regurgitating or burping almost impossible or at least very difficult and painful. So my emetophobia isn't just an irrational phobia that can be cured by therapy, it's also the physical strain that I find scary. Whenever I feel sick now, I start obsessing, thinking I have norovirus again and I keep thinking ''no, I can't go through with vomiting, I don't ever want to vomit again in my life''.
It's why I live my life doing everything I can to avoid vomiting, such as drinking alcohol, getting pregnant, eating foods I'm unsure of, working in a school or hospital where noroviruses are likely to spread, going on rides that spin around or drop very fast (in fact all rides now make me queasy), and arming myself with every antisickness remedy I can think of when traveling. I even have antisickness remedies at home too, like ginger, pills, wristbands, etc. I suffer from vertigo that can easily be triggered by motion or alcohol, even though I otherwise have a very strong stomach where I am very rarely sick, but I still don't want to chance it.
Can anyone else relate or understand this phobia? Not sure what triggered it during childhood exactly, but I know having norovirus 6 years ago has worsened it. I wish I were a rat because they don't ever vomit.
