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Corrupt A Wish

Granted. It is now possible to develop an allergy to oxygen.

I wish I didn't have a screechy-voiced "singer" stuck in my head.
 
Granted. But by the time you get to the library, someone's already checked them out.

I wish it wasn't possible to split in the Agar.io game.
 
Granted. But for every game from now on, you will come into a situation where you need to split, and you will lose every game because of that.

I wish candy wasn't bad for you.
 
Granted, although candy has no negative effect on health directly, it brings on incredible hunger that forces you to gorge yourself.

I wish i could play better guitar.
 
WISH GRANTED.
You will be making monthly payments equal to 1/5 your
income for the next 35 years to pay for the exquisite
guitar that you wanted to play.

I wish Febreze wasn't so stinky.
 
Granted. Febreze doesn't seem so stinky when compared to your repulsive stench. You're forced to live with it everywhere you go, and no one will ever want to date you or be friends with you because of it.

I wish my dad was home tonight.
 
WISH GRANTED.
He's home.
He's a miniature Beagle now,
but he's home. Doesn't cost
much to feed or house and is
so cute to take out for a walk.

I wish my fairy godmother would give
all the mean people in the world a dozen
roses and a box of chocolates, each.
 
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(My dad actually came home early (not in beagle form) so I got my wish!)

Granted. They are encouraged that someone supports them, and decide to be even meaner.

I wish there was no more war.
 
Granted. Everyone is dead.

I wish I had a guardian angel on high with nothing to do.
 
Granted. It can't actually do anything for you, because that would mean it would have something to do. So it's pretty much useless.

I wish the Montreal Canadiens would win more hockey games.
 
Granted. They will win one more game. (Checks.) Yeah, they have two games left with the Sabres; they should win at least one of those.

I wish I could have made a Leafs joke there.
 
Granted. Then you didn't have to wish for it, and you could not come up with another wish, so you couldn't actually post your joke to begin with.

I wish my friend played Village Life more often.
 
Granted. Your friend wants you to play the native guy while they play the cop.

I wish that Reedstorm17 had the slightest clue about that joke.
 
Granted. She decides it is highly offensive, and retaliates by killing you.

I wish there wasn't so much nastiness on the Internet.
 
Granted. The nastiness is no longer online, it is now residing in your fridge.

I wish cycling races were no longer televised.
 
WISH GRANTED.
The looks and talents of 3 Arts are yours.
You look like Art Garfunkel, sing like
Art Linkletter, and dance like Art Buchwald.

I wish tomatillos laughed more often.
 
Wish granted. They'll now sneak around your house in the early morning giggling, tittering, chuckling and generally preventing you from getting any sleep.

I wish chocolate grew on trees.
 
Granted. Chocolate grows on really tall trees. Like, so tall it's impossible to harvest. So it doesn't really matter if chocolate grows on trees, because you can't actually get to it.

I wish I wasn't already in the last ten chapters of the third draft of my book.
 
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