Corrupt A Wish

[Flinty]

Granted. You can forget the Battle of the Plains of Abraham.

I wish celebrities would quit dying for a little while.

 

[Bird]

Granted. They stop dying for two days. Then they all die.

I wish humans would go extinct, and New Caledonian Crows evolved to fill their niche.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. If humans go extinct... Well, you're dead.

If wish these annoying sophomores would stop throwing food at my friends and me during lunch.

 

[tree]

WISH GRANTED.
The juniors throw food at you and the seniors
pour Sunny D on your head. The kids from middle
school trip you and the elementary schoolers laugh.
Only the kindergartners are sympathetic to you...
but that's because you have been demoted to
preschool.

I wish the weeks after the funeral had been as much
fun as the day of the funeral.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. The person whose funeral it was is so annoyed that you had fun at the funeral that they come back to get you. So... Now it's your funeral.

I wish I felt more confident about midterms.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. Confidence does not necessarily match results.

I wish I could be on Pacific Time.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. Go pack all your stuff into the moving van. It's waiting outside your house.

I wish the water from the refrigerator was a little colder.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. I have transferred one calorie to the air.

I wish that cat would stop staring at me.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. The cat is now blind. Its head is still pointed at you, but it can't be staring, because it cannot see you.

I wish I had something to do for the next two and a half hours besides sitting in a staircase writing and studying.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. You are sitting in an elevator writing and studying.

I wish I could turn the heat all the way off in this apartment.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Granted. The heater gets stuck off. You know, I heard there's a big snowstorm coming... Hope you don't become an icicle!

I wishI could get inspiration for my next book fast.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. You will be inspired by taking the ice for the Buffalo Sabres against the Detroit Red Wings tomorrow.

I wish people understood how hardy Canadians can be about cold weather.

 

[Mads]

I wish I had cake and cookies.

 

[tree]

WISH GRANTED:
In order to further understanding about how hardy Canadians
can be about cold weather, your Prime Minister offers the entire
population of Manitoba, Saskatchewan, and British Columbia as
subjects for live cryogenic experimentation.

I wish somebody with more sense was in charge of the potluck tonight.

 

[Maelstrom]

WISH GRANTED:
In order to further understanding about how hardy Canadians
can be about cold weather, your Prime Minister offers the entire
population of Manitoba, Saskatchewan, and British Columbia as
subjects for live cryogenic experimentation.

I wish somebody with more sense was in charge of the potluck tonight.

Mael tips his hat to tree for her legendary mastery of Ironic Humor.

tree 's wish is granted Chef Ramsy shows up shouts at all the church lady cooks. He throws half the food in the garbage can, makes them all cook scallops over and over, poking the scallops with his finger to see if they are soft enough. Then he storms out in a huff, leaving the poor bewildered church cooking ladies to put half the church in the hospital with food poisoning. Baaaaaarf! Baaaaarf! Baaaarf!

I wish some one would tell me the secret to not making ladies upset.

 

[Datura]

Wish granted. You get kidnapped by a gang of radical feminists who intern you in a secret training facility. You will only be relased upon graduation. It may take weeks, it may take decades. Either way, once you leave you will be incapable of offending a lady ever again.

I wish I knew what I wanted.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. You know what you wanted in the past. What you want now? Still a mystery.

I wish I knew why the new square downtown comes with curling ice.

 

[Reedstorm17]

Wish granted. The ice is there so you can play against a bunch of skeletons who are experts. (By the way, you're not allowed to leave until you beat them.)

I wish I wasn't so hard on my characters.

 

[Flinty]

Granted. They are all now 18/18/18/18/18/18 and thus terribly dull because they can do anything you ask.

I wish that I wasn't hearing a 35-year-old song at this moment.

 

[Pondering]

Wish granted. You are no longer listening to a 35 year old song at this moment. However, the song will be suck in your head on replay for the next 48 hours.

I wish it weren't possible to develop an allergy to peanuts.