CheeseBlues
New Member
Hello everyone, my name is Eddie, I'm 22 and still live at my parents house with my 4 older brothers and my boyfriend. I have always been pretty horrible at socializing, but I always thought I was just shy? That's what everybody told me anyways... But it's come to the point lately where it's really effecting my daily life. I'm not diagnosed and I'm not completely sure if I am but I have been looking into it and a lot of the stuff online would really explain a lot about me..
I am too scared to reach out to anybody who I am close to because nobody believes me when I get sick anymore because I was always sick as a kid and "nothing was wrong" really(other than a couple of times but thats a different story), so I've been dubbed a hypochondriac.
I can't tell how long I can continue working at Starbucks, I can't look customers in the eye, I can't interact with them or anything, it's even hard for me to call out drinks or say thank you to customers.. Being on register is a nightmare and causes me to have almost instant sensory overload, same with barring(making drinks) especially when there's a rush. I get really bad sensory overload and I dissociate and I become so irritable and honestly it makes me want to die.. When that happens I want to go slam my head against a wall or just punch myself in the brain to get it to do SOMETHING at least..
I am also too scared to talk to anyone about it because I don't know what to say? It's hard to explain what I feel like is wrong with me sometimes. I can't socialize with even my closest friends now and I can't drive or anything so I'm pretty isolated.. It's extremely hard for me to make doctors appointments because i have to rely on a family member to take me and I HATE asking them for stuff because they're all abusive without meaning to be..
I just want to be able to talk to someone about all of this and see if it would be a good idea to get a diagnosis. I'm getting desperate here, I want to know that there's not something wrong with me and maybe I'm just different and there's ways to help me succeed. I want to be able to let people know why its so hard for me to work at a place like that..
The only time I like it is when I am on customer support, which is cleaning and stocking. Cleaning has become a way to help me cope with my dissociating and intrusive thoughts, and whenever I am on bar I get so frustrated when I can't keep things clean or stocked because of a constant stream of customers...
Thank you for reading, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this since I've begun to realize..
I am too scared to reach out to anybody who I am close to because nobody believes me when I get sick anymore because I was always sick as a kid and "nothing was wrong" really(other than a couple of times but thats a different story), so I've been dubbed a hypochondriac.
I can't tell how long I can continue working at Starbucks, I can't look customers in the eye, I can't interact with them or anything, it's even hard for me to call out drinks or say thank you to customers.. Being on register is a nightmare and causes me to have almost instant sensory overload, same with barring(making drinks) especially when there's a rush. I get really bad sensory overload and I dissociate and I become so irritable and honestly it makes me want to die.. When that happens I want to go slam my head against a wall or just punch myself in the brain to get it to do SOMETHING at least..
I am also too scared to talk to anyone about it because I don't know what to say? It's hard to explain what I feel like is wrong with me sometimes. I can't socialize with even my closest friends now and I can't drive or anything so I'm pretty isolated.. It's extremely hard for me to make doctors appointments because i have to rely on a family member to take me and I HATE asking them for stuff because they're all abusive without meaning to be..
I just want to be able to talk to someone about all of this and see if it would be a good idea to get a diagnosis. I'm getting desperate here, I want to know that there's not something wrong with me and maybe I'm just different and there's ways to help me succeed. I want to be able to let people know why its so hard for me to work at a place like that..
The only time I like it is when I am on customer support, which is cleaning and stocking. Cleaning has become a way to help me cope with my dissociating and intrusive thoughts, and whenever I am on bar I get so frustrated when I can't keep things clean or stocked because of a constant stream of customers...
Thank you for reading, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this since I've begun to realize..