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Confused and Have no-one to go to

CheeseBlues

New Member
Hello everyone, my name is Eddie, I'm 22 and still live at my parents house with my 4 older brothers and my boyfriend. I have always been pretty horrible at socializing, but I always thought I was just shy? That's what everybody told me anyways... But it's come to the point lately where it's really effecting my daily life. I'm not diagnosed and I'm not completely sure if I am but I have been looking into it and a lot of the stuff online would really explain a lot about me..

I am too scared to reach out to anybody who I am close to because nobody believes me when I get sick anymore because I was always sick as a kid and "nothing was wrong" really(other than a couple of times but thats a different story), so I've been dubbed a hypochondriac.

I can't tell how long I can continue working at Starbucks, I can't look customers in the eye, I can't interact with them or anything, it's even hard for me to call out drinks or say thank you to customers.. Being on register is a nightmare and causes me to have almost instant sensory overload, same with barring(making drinks) especially when there's a rush. I get really bad sensory overload and I dissociate and I become so irritable and honestly it makes me want to die.. When that happens I want to go slam my head against a wall or just punch myself in the brain to get it to do SOMETHING at least..

I am also too scared to talk to anyone about it because I don't know what to say? It's hard to explain what I feel like is wrong with me sometimes. I can't socialize with even my closest friends now and I can't drive or anything so I'm pretty isolated.. It's extremely hard for me to make doctors appointments because i have to rely on a family member to take me and I HATE asking them for stuff because they're all abusive without meaning to be..

I just want to be able to talk to someone about all of this and see if it would be a good idea to get a diagnosis. I'm getting desperate here, I want to know that there's not something wrong with me and maybe I'm just different and there's ways to help me succeed. I want to be able to let people know why its so hard for me to work at a place like that..

The only time I like it is when I am on customer support, which is cleaning and stocking. Cleaning has become a way to help me cope with my dissociating and intrusive thoughts, and whenever I am on bar I get so frustrated when I can't keep things clean or stocked because of a constant stream of customers...

Thank you for reading, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this since I've begun to realize..
 
Welcome, CheeseBlues!
You've found the right place to discuss these things and confirm that you're not wrong or defective, you're just different. And here you'll quickly see that you're not alone in that difference :)
 
I can relate to the sensory overload for sure, retail jobs were a nightmare for me to endure.

The public can certainly be harsh and unforgiving.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when I was 11 by a medical professional, even now though as I get older I'm still learning new quirks and other things related to my autism.

Eye contact is extremely hard for me as well, even if I'm conversing with someone I love, it just makes me extremely nervous.

I would get a diagnosis if I were you, I'm sure it would certainly make you feel better knowing that what you feel and go through is connected to something and ease your mind a bit.
 
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I think it could really help if I could talk with someone one on one about this, I can't get to my doctor because I can't drive and/or my appointment ends up being when I work.. I have been trying to take my temps test but I need to get glasses and I tried to set up an appointment but I wasnt home to answer the phone call and my parents didnt answer it or return it so when we showed up for my appointment I didnt have one. Now I have to wait until september and I just want to get out of all of this but its one thing after another pulling me down and I'm realizing I can't handle it on my own.. As much as I want to be able to..
 
Welcome...this place has wonderful in helping in my journey, even though I am very new here and I hope it does the same to help you. ☺️
Retail is so hard on one processing and sensory wise. My NT coworkers even struggle. I work in a niche retail environment that works for me most of the time, but I can relate as I still often feel a lot of the things you described when the customers or my coworkers get overwhelming or overbearing. I can see how working at a place like Starbucks can be very overwhelming. I'm glad you've recognized what helps you such as the cleaning and stocking and what's bothering you the most such as being on the bar. And knowing how you respond in each situation. This will be helpful going forward for you.
 
welcome to AC
you're like me not diagnosed in childhood i'm 47 was diagnosed 18 months ago, its even harder for women!!! we are not supposed to have it !!! at least a psychologist won't think that about you
just keep coming here and talk don't hold it in remember we are all weird
we do all the weird autism things
Hello everyone, my name is Eddie, I'm 22 and still live at my parents house with my 4 older brothers and my boyfriend. I have always been pretty horrible at socializing, but I always thought I was just shy? That's what everybody told me anyways... But it's come to the point lately where it's really effecting my daily life. I'm not diagnosed and I'm not completely sure if I am but I have been looking into it and a lot of the stuff online would really explain a lot about me..

I am too scared to reach out to anybody who I am close to because nobody believes me when I get sick anymore because I was always sick as a kid and "nothing was wrong" really(other than a couple of times but thats a different story), so I've been dubbed a hypochondriac.

I can't tell how long I can continue working at Starbucks, I can't look customers in the eye, I can't interact with them or anything, it's even hard for me to call out drinks or say thank you to customers.. Being on register is a nightmare and causes me to have almost instant sensory overload, same with barring(making drinks) especially when there's a rush. I get really bad sensory overload and I dissociate and I become so irritable and honestly it makes me want to die.. When that happens I want to go slam my head against a wall or just punch myself in the brain to get it to do SOMETHING at least..

I am also too scared to talk to anyone about it because I don't know what to say? It's hard to explain what I feel like is wrong with me sometimes. I can't socialize with even my closest friends now and I can't drive or anything so I'm pretty isolated.. It's extremely hard for me to make doctors appointments because i have to rely on a family member to take me and I HATE asking them for stuff because they're all abusive without meaning to be..

I just want to be able to talk to someone about all of this and see if it would be a good idea to get a diagnosis. I'm getting desperate here, I want to know that there's not something wrong with me and maybe I'm just different and there's ways to help me succeed. I want to be able to let people know why its so hard for me to work at a place like that..

The only time I like it is when I am on customer support, which is cleaning and stocking. Cleaning has become a way to help me cope with my dissociating and intrusive thoughts, and whenever I am on bar I get so frustrated when I can't keep things clean or stocked because of a constant stream of customers...

Thank you for reading, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this since I've begun to realize..
 
Hello Eddie and welcome :)
I hope you find what you're looking for here. It really is a nice place to be.

I'm in the UK and we can book a doctors appointment online (Don't have to leave the house or use a telephone) do you have something similar where you are? As an aid to getting seen by a professional?
 
Hello everyone, my name is Eddie, I'm 22 and still live at my parents house with my 4 older brothers and my boyfriend. I have always been pretty horrible at socializing, but I always thought I was just shy? That's what everybody told me anyways... But it's come to the point lately where it's really effecting my daily life. I'm not diagnosed and I'm not completely sure if I am but I have been looking into it and a lot of the stuff online would really explain a lot about me..

I am too scared to reach out to anybody who I am close to because nobody believes me when I get sick anymore because I was always sick as a kid and "nothing was wrong" really(other than a couple of times but thats a different story), so I've been dubbed a hypochondriac.

I can't tell how long I can continue working at Starbucks, I can't look customers in the eye, I can't interact with them or anything, it's even hard for me to call out drinks or say thank you to customers.. Being on register is a nightmare and causes me to have almost instant sensory overload, same with barring(making drinks) especially when there's a rush. I get really bad sensory overload and I dissociate and I become so irritable and honestly it makes me want to die.. When that happens I want to go slam my head against a wall or just punch myself in the brain to get it to do SOMETHING at least..

I am also too scared to talk to anyone about it because I don't know what to say? It's hard to explain what I feel like is wrong with me sometimes. I can't socialize with even my closest friends now and I can't drive or anything so I'm pretty isolated.. It's extremely hard for me to make doctors appointments because i have to rely on a family member to take me and I HATE asking them for stuff because they're all abusive without meaning to be..

I just want to be able to talk to someone about all of this and see if it would be a good idea to get a diagnosis. I'm getting desperate here, I want to know that there's not something wrong with me and maybe I'm just different and there's ways to help me succeed. I want to be able to let people know why its so hard for me to work at a place like that..

The only time I like it is when I am on customer support, which is cleaning and stocking. Cleaning has become a way to help me cope with my dissociating and intrusive thoughts, and whenever I am on bar I get so frustrated when I can't keep things clean or stocked because of a constant stream of customers...

Thank you for reading, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this since I've begun to realize..

Hi CB. Welcome to AC!!!

Sorry you are having such a bad time. Maybe you do need to get diagnoses as soon as possible so you can get a little bit of help more easily.

It looks as if you are in the wrong job for you. It might help you to get a job working nights, since there will be less customer contact. Since you like cleaning and stocking, night janitor and stock clerk come to mind. Think of places near you where you could do those kinds of work and look in the phone book for more of them.

This site will probably help you to be sure whether you have Aspergers or Autism. If you are on the Autism Spectrum, then it will help you to learn to understand yourself and how to deal with your problem more.

There are lots of nice people here to give you support too.
 
I almost forgot. You need to look up Aspergers/Autism specialists in your area before you go to a doctor. Otherwise you could get referred to someone who knows nothing about the Autism Spectrum and they could be worse than useless to you in getting diagnosed correctly.
 
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Welcome CB. Retail work dealing with the public is difficult for those on the spectrum. I did night work, delivery work where I used my own vehicle, worked in a large wholesale pharmacy where I had my own room and a radio. Hardly ever had to work with others. So there are places out there if you can find them.

I certainly understand the inability to socialize and looking others in the eyes. Yes, that I was told, is definitely an Aspie thing.
As far as getting to doctor appointments without driving there are also ways around that. Most health insurances provide transportation to medical visits. There are also volenteer groups to help drive you places and some really cheap cab type ways to use if you apply. At least there are here where I live. A Social worker can help with what is available in your area.

A diagnosis does help too. Once you see all the things associated with Aspergers you'll see it all in yourself and it's like Wow, how I can relate to all this. It really helped me to understand myself.
The pieces all eventually will start falling into place and you'll be amazed.
 
Hello Eddie and welcome :)
I hope you find what you're looking for here. It really is a nice place to be.

I'm in the UK and we can book a doctors appointment online (Don't have to leave the house or use a telephone) do you have something similar where you are? As an aid to getting seen by a professional?
I can make my doctors appointments online and email my doctor through their website, but I can never guess when I'm going to be able to get a ride.I need to start making appointments earlier because my work schedule always conflicts with it, I can't even request off a month ahead of time. But I try to make appointments for asap because I want to be able to actually do something about it but then I have to work or nobody can drive me and i have to reschedule and Im so forgetful so i dont remember to ask anyone for a ride and sometimes i forget when i even have appointments.. I feel so helpless I dont understand how i have made it this far because I'm so bad at taking care of myself.
 
at the where im registered the emis system won't allow appointments -useless
how close are you to a library with internet access or a call box
Hello Eddie and welcome :)
I hope you find what you're looking for here. It really is a nice place to be.

I'm in the UK and we can book a doctors appointment online (Don't have to leave the house or use a telephone) do you have something similar where you are? As an aid to getting seen by a professional?
 
i've said funny as i never thought someone would ask me what a call box is i'm in my late 40s and everyone used them before cell phones
if they didn't have a home phone
I'm at least an hour walk away from anything and I have chronic fatigue, asthma, and chronic pain.. What's a call box?
 
a
a public telephone
in the uk they were painted red
in the us the ones ive seen in movies are metallic
or on a post
Oh! Yeah I feel like I haven't seen a public phone like that in ages. I have internet access at home and I have access to my parents home phone. My biggest problem is figuring out how to get to the appointments since I can't drive and everyone I can rely on works/complains when I try to ask for help..
 

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