Burden

[Kari Suttle]

Don't deserve it.

I've had a series of emotional breakdowns. Not even my dear friend MyWay can help me. I feel ALONE!

I can't handle failure. I'm driven to succeed at everything I do. My loss at the SOKY State Golf Championship was devastating. I'm also dealing with PTSD and nightmares.

I'm glad that you've reached out to us, Eric. People on here are very nice. Personally, I think they're very understanding and i'm not used to that so i really like it. I see that you like golf. Is there anything else you like that can help? I like music, video games, youtube, tv shows, and anime. I often retreat to one of them if i'm feeling really low.

 

[WereBear]

Perfectionism is a trap, as you have discovered. We are only human and that means we will have setbacks. They are teaching opportunities, though!

I find something else I am good at for such times. We must all have facets, like diamonds

 

[Catlover614]

I feel like such a burden to everyone around me. I just want to evaporate.

Awe..Eric...so sorry . I feel the same way. I am a burden to my boyfriend & he's all I've got. I feel trapped by unfavorable circumstances beyond my ability to find a solution. But, this isn't about me, it's about you. The only positive words I can think of to comfort you are...you're not a burden. That "feeling" is a lie to make you feel lousy about yourself. You're a special Olympic golfer so be proud of that.

 

[wanderer03]

I can't handle failure. I'm driven to succeed at everything I do. My loss at the SOKY State Golf Championship was devastating. I'm also dealing with PTSD and nightmares.

Those are no laughing matter. I empathize with you - I really do. Are you getting or pursuing the help that you need?

 

[midlife aspie]

Have you ever thought of becoming a golf tutor or mentor to youth? Simply being a competitor at your level is a win in and of itself. If I were to try golfing, I would be digging my own traps around the balls.

 

[EricD]

Friday I wronged someone I care about very much. What I did was terrible, and I was ready to pay for my wrongdoing with my life. I have been forgiven, but how do I heal the rift that I have created? I did wrong, I must make it right.

 

[WereBear]

You don't need to pay with your life. It is great that you have been forgiven. Take the gift.

 

[nowwhat]

That is just life. Everyone, and I mean everyone has hurt someone and regretted it. Sometimes the other party does not want reconciliation, or it's not possible. Attempt reconciliation, but if it is rejected, it's not your fault. and rest assured, they will have their turn on the other end of the thing one day. Move on if you must. That's just being human, aspie or not.

 

[Hartley]

I can relate to how you're feeling, Eric. I feel like a burden to everyone around me, and I have issues with abandonment, too. My friends (who are few in number) think I should start dating, but because of my trust issues I would not be able to maintain a healthy relationship for very long. I am a very lonely person and Aspiecentral is practically my life. My only other hobbies besides getting drunk is DBZ/DBS, learning about different countries/their cultures, and reading the threads on AC. 9/10 I won't post a response to any of the threads posted, but I wanted to let you know, Eric, that I care about you and other people like us dealing with depression.

 

[EricD]

I am guilty of what amounts to emotional murder. I've been the victim, and now I am the perpetrator. I must make amends with MyWay for what I have done.

 

[tree]

Friday I wronged someone I care about very much. What I did was terrible, and I was ready to pay for my wrongdoing with my life. I have been forgiven, but how do I heal the rift that I have created? I did wrong, I must make it right.

This post [#26] demonstrates several of the concepts described by
Albert Ellis as Irrational Ideas. To note:

1) It is a dire necessity for an adult human being to be loved or approved by virtually every other person in one’s life.

2) One should be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile.

3) Certain people are bad, wicked, and villainous and they should be severely blamed or punished for their villainy.

4) It is awful and catastrophic when things are not the way one would very much like them to be.

When a person holds these ideas, suffering is the result.

 

[EricD]

Tree, you do not know my history. If you did you would understand. The problem is, it is a story I am not strong enough to tell.

 

[tree]

EricD

Not every person is in a position to gain
insight from Rational Emotive Therapy
concepts.

That is unfortunate.

 

[EricD]

I don't need cold logic, I need a warm, understanding heart.

 

[tree]

I don't need cold logic, I need a warm, understanding heart.

One doesn't exclude the other.

The logic that can be applied would be applied
by the person in question. When a person can
see that he is adding to his own misery, and
stops doing that so often, that is a good thing.

The understanding heart can belong to the
person himself, when he stops judging himself
by a harshly irrational standard.

 

[EricD]

I'm leaving AC forever. Good bye

 

[nowwhat]

I am guilty of what amounts to emotional murder. I've been the victim, and now I am the perpetrator. I must make amends with MyWay for what I have done.

Then go and settle your business with her. Don't broadcast is to others whose business it is not.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I know how it feels to fluff a tournament. When I was a teenager, I participated in a tournament for an online computer game. My first round was to a well known player with a mutual respect for each other. Let's just say that respect didn't last longer than the game, I used techniques which were within the bounds of fair play but afterwards I was guilt tripped into believing I played dirty; instead of playing with what all other people viewed as "skill" I utilised the full set of items available and got the job done by any means. I felt so guilty that I didn't show up to the next round in the tournament and bailed out of the competition. That ate at me for years before I eventually, slowly came to the thought that I didn't actually do anything wrong.

Regrets like these are pointless, all they do is eat at you, you can't change the past. It's a learning experience, next time you can do things differently.

 

[paloftoon]

For anyone, even if you feel or know you are more of a burden than a help, it doesn't mean that you can't work on improving yourself for something. Like if you don't know how to do something, you can look it up on the Internet and try to learn that way as a start.