Aspiegirl75
Active Member
My oldest son apparently was a classic Asperger's case, but I never knew! I had never heard of Asperger's when he was growing up, doctors never asked the right questions like they do now and I struggled with him his whole life, trying to talk to him in the way I knew he'd understand and try to explain every situation before and after, and just attending to and accommodating him as best I could without even knowing there was anything different about him.
I guess the fact that I was an undiagnosed Aspie myself helped in me being 'in tune' with how he feels and what he needs.
Anyway, our relationship had been so great until maybe he became 15 or so, when he just started becoming more and more disrespectful to me and his father.
He managed to completely alienate his 20 months younger brother, they barely have a relationship anymore !
Sometimes I would try to talk to him to make him understand how bad his behavior affected all of us, I would talk until my voice went and...nothing! Sometimes I'd just stop talking to him, in hope that he would realize he was wrong and apologize but....nothing!
Punishing him by taking stuff away didn't work either.
I still kept trying with the hope that some day when he's out of the house he would regret the way he treated us and maybe try to be better.
Last fall after he turned 18 we finally found out about his Asperger's, and it was very helpful to finally find out that I didn't totally fail as a mother and the way he acts with us is not my fault, but it also came down like a ton of bricks on me that he will not likely change on his own.
He attends an ivy league school now, has a ton of friends, participates in so many activities and is quite successful in his academic and otherwise life .
He never calls or texts unless he needs something from me or just wants to let me know something , and quite often whether via text or in person when he comes back he is so unbelievably disrespectful and condescending, and I just can't take it anymore!!!
He is not like that with anybody except us, his family! I don't know what to do anymore and I'm at the very end of my rope.
Any advice, please?
I'm currently not talking to him because of a condescending text, his father talked to him last week and told him to apologize, but he hasn't even bothered .
At this point I don't want an apology , and I don't even want to talk to him at all, which makes me feel like a horrible mother.
Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated! !!
I guess the fact that I was an undiagnosed Aspie myself helped in me being 'in tune' with how he feels and what he needs.
Anyway, our relationship had been so great until maybe he became 15 or so, when he just started becoming more and more disrespectful to me and his father.
He managed to completely alienate his 20 months younger brother, they barely have a relationship anymore !
Sometimes I would try to talk to him to make him understand how bad his behavior affected all of us, I would talk until my voice went and...nothing! Sometimes I'd just stop talking to him, in hope that he would realize he was wrong and apologize but....nothing!
Punishing him by taking stuff away didn't work either.
I still kept trying with the hope that some day when he's out of the house he would regret the way he treated us and maybe try to be better.
Last fall after he turned 18 we finally found out about his Asperger's, and it was very helpful to finally find out that I didn't totally fail as a mother and the way he acts with us is not my fault, but it also came down like a ton of bricks on me that he will not likely change on his own.
He attends an ivy league school now, has a ton of friends, participates in so many activities and is quite successful in his academic and otherwise life .
He never calls or texts unless he needs something from me or just wants to let me know something , and quite often whether via text or in person when he comes back he is so unbelievably disrespectful and condescending, and I just can't take it anymore!!!
He is not like that with anybody except us, his family! I don't know what to do anymore and I'm at the very end of my rope.
Any advice, please?
I'm currently not talking to him because of a condescending text, his father talked to him last week and told him to apologize, but he hasn't even bothered .
At this point I don't want an apology , and I don't even want to talk to him at all, which makes me feel like a horrible mother.
Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated! !!