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Aspergers and Fear

mmnxccox said:
My daughter is 11 and she has been diagnosed with aspergers since she was 7. The last 8 months she has been afraid of eyes watching her or looking at her. She will turn dolls around and scratch out eyes in drawings in her workbooks. She tells me that she fells like everyone is watching her. I have her seeing a counselor and she wont open up to her or any other one I have taken her to. At my daughters first appointment she became upset and the counselor and the counselor was looking at her and my daughter screamed at her " stop looking at me" and then began to cry and wanted to leave. She is almost always pretty mellow and this is not like her at all. I am wondering if I need to be worried or talk to her doctor or is this something normal?
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Aspies are much more attentive and will catch on differently than others. Meaning, they see things this way: why fix it if it ain't broken? Aspies are very much aware of the fact that they are being observed. I myself hate any type of observation and I will do ANYTHING not to be observed. It interferes with my privacy when knowing that I am observed.
I know that a therapist has to observe to heal but here, right here and now I am confessing that is driving me up the wall. I have mental images of screaming at the top of my lungs that I am being observed and I hate it so much that I now have stopped doing the things that I normally would do. I refuse to partake in actions of any kind that I usually partake in. Why? Because I know I am being observed. I think it is unfair, even if it is from a therapist and I almost feel like your little girl right now. I could scratch someone's eyes out because of this, I really could.
 
If you can make an agreement with the therapist you work with, maybe you could communicate via online. These special arrangements may cost a ton of money and a ton of liability forms, or they may not agree to try this out altogether.

Develop her trust that way and then agree to in-person. Even tell the girl this would be the plan. Maybe limit the amount of time on the computer, but give her a chance to communicate this way. Try to ease her in to working on trust, taking risks, and building as much confidence as possible.
 
I get something like this, however not the same. There are days where it wont bother me, but if im stressed or upset over something and am out in public with people, i go into meltdowns feeling like everyone is watching and judgeing me. i cant figure out why it happens, its uaually if im upset or stressed, if im in a good mood i usually dont have an issue. I also have the paranoid fear that anything anyone gave me, has a camera in it and they are watching me all the time. now, there are things i know they would have to pay a lot of money to get a camera in, such as a picture or a ring, and i know in a part of my mind that "why would my friends want to watch me, why would they pay so much money to get a camera i cant see" but i still feel like im bieng watched by anything given to me by friends, sometimes ill hide it all under a blanket or set the pictures face down when im changeing or something, lately ive been a bit better with this though.

Something may have frightened her. or she may be stressed and just feel like shes bieng watched like i get, im not really sure though.
 
mmnxccox said:
My daughter is 11 and she has been diagnosed with aspergers since she was 7. The last 8 months she has been afraid of eyes watching her or looking at her. She will turn dolls around and scratch out eyes in drawings in her workbooks. She tells me that she fells like everyone is watching her. I have her seeing a counselor and she wont open up to her or any other one I have taken her to. At my daughters first appointment she became upset and the counselor and the counselor was looking at her and my daughter screamed at her " stop looking at me" and then began to cry and wanted to leave. She is almost always pretty mellow and this is not like her at all. I am wondering if I need to be worried or talk to her doctor or is this something normal?
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^^That

When I was around your daughter's age, I started feeling like everyone was watching me too. And following me. But I have Schizoaffective disorder as well, so I can be a paranoid wreck off meds. It could just be anxiety, or the fact that some Aspies just don't like to look others in the eyes? I'm not sure. There's also the possibility of what others have said, that she might have experienced something frightening and now is afraid people are watching her.
 
Well, being looked at feels a lot like being touched. Dolls are so uncanny valley you can't really blame her for freaking out about them.
 
SammiArielle said:
I get something like this, however not the same. There are days where it wont bother me, but if im stressed or upset over something and am out in public with people, i go into meltdowns feeling like everyone is watching and judgeing me. i cant figure out why it happens, its uaually if im upset or stressed, if im in a good mood i usually dont have an issue. I also have the paranoid fear that anything anyone gave me, has a camera in it and they are watching me all the time. now, there are things i know they would have to pay a lot of money to get a camera in, such as a picture or a ring, and i know in a part of my mind that "why would my friends want to watch me, why would they pay so much money to get a camera i cant see" but i still feel like im bieng watched by anything given to me by friends, sometimes ill hide it all under a blanket or set the pictures face down when im changeing or something, lately ive been a bit better with this though.

Something may have frightened her. or she may be stressed and just feel like shes bieng watched like i get, im not really sure though.
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I wish it was only my imagination, but the people that have been stalking me have indeed set up cameras to watch me, causing me to invest in expensive equipment to counteract their actions. Stalkers stop at nothing, that much I have learned by now for sure.
If a stalker can not have you, he or she will try to wipe you out, wipe you off the slate.
 
Hi

I hated to look into peoples eyes as a kid, and still do. I also could, and cannot bear to have people look at me or have my photo taken. I feel like it is an invasion of my privacy. My favourite doll l remember had no eyes. I can't remember whether it was me who poked them out. It must have been me. But l loved that doll a lot. I cannot suggest a way to make your daughter accept being looked at unless it is to build her self esteem. I also wished that l was mute. It seemed as though l would be liked/loved if l could not speak.
 
When I was younger I used to see red eyes around my bed and I used to have a picture of a clown in my bedroom so that was pretty scary. What I did was use my imagination to get rid of my problems. For example I used to imagine that I could summon a big bubble around me that expandid and blasted all of the evil or negative stuff that I was imagining away and it worked most of the time.

I've never liked people looking at me and I can see why she would turn the dolls around or even photos but I think that what she needs is some kind of mental mediction like what I said that I did with the bubble until she can cope with it or maybe something to hold or fidget with so she takes her mind off the people watching her and she will probably grow out of it.
 
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Huh, I used to know a girl, from university, who had the same issue. She still has the same issue with eyes staring at her as an adult, I'm afraid, though it only really got to her sometimes. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it, but I was once visited her, and saw her wall of cut outs (she liked to cut out magazine pictures of celebrities, and create posters out of them). I had seen the cut outs before, but during one of the visits, all the eyes had been scribbled out with a pen.

When I asked her about it, she told me she had to do it, as they were freaking her out. I don't know if it's related, or helpful, but she would often talk about dreams of premonitions, and seeing spirits of dead people. I suspect she was an Aspie too.

If your daughter's afraid of being stared at, there's obviously an underlying fear prompting it. It may help to speak to a specialist, or analyse what the eyes mean to her. As mentioned by Manca, perhaps giving something to "shield" her, would help her feel better protected. Even a hat, or coat, might help.
 
I had the dolls problem as a kid. There's something about dolls that are just scary, and I later saw that "Chuckie" movie, which scared me only further. On that, maybe take the dolls from her room? Ask her if she'd rather not have the dolls, and ask what she'd like instead. There's actually a phobia, and perhaps it's driven by anxiety, or maybe someone is making her feel that way? Does she go to school?
 
mmnxccox said:
My daughter is 11 and she has been diagnosed with aspergers since she was 7. The last 8 months she has been afraid of eyes watching her or looking at her. She will turn dolls around and scratch out eyes in drawings in her workbooks. She tells me that she fells like everyone is watching her. I have her seeing a counselor and she wont open up to her or any other one I have taken her to. At my daughters first appointment she became upset and the counselor and the counselor was looking at her and my daughter screamed at her " stop looking at me" and then began to cry and wanted to leave. She is almost always pretty mellow and this is not like her at all. I am wondering if I need to be worried or talk to her doctor or is this something normal?
Click to expand...
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This is a little out of the box, but you could tell your daughter it's okay not to look people in the eye. I struggled with thinking everyone was looking at me for quite some time. It was like i was in a movie and everyone is watching me. When I learned more about aspergers I learned about the neurological connections or lack of connections for certain things. When people gather together the mind is making connections, consciously and subconsciously. The mind is seeing others and reinterprets that it is also being seen by others. Without the wiring to make that connection the mind isn't seeing others. The mind interprets that it is only being seen which gives the illusion of being watched. When I figured out that I wasn't really being watched, that it was only the minds interpretation, I was able to start recovering from that illusion. I never feel like I have to look anyone in the eye, it happens sometimes but its not forced or necessary. Without looking people in the eye I found out I can still communicate, interact, participate in activities, pretty much all the things you would do the same if you looked someone in the eyes.
 
Wooaspie said:
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This is a little out of the box, but you could tell your daughter it's okay not to look people in the eye. I struggled with thinking everyone was looking at me for quite some time. It was like i was in a movie and everyone is watching me. When I learned more about aspergers I learned about the neurological connections or lack of connections for certain things. When people gather together the mind is making connections, consciously and subconsciously. The mind is seeing others and reinterprets that it is also being seen by others. Without the wiring to make that connection the mind isn't seeing others. The mind interprets that it is only being seen which gives the illusion of being watched. When I figured out that I wasn't really being watched, that it was only the minds interpretation, I was able to start recovering from that illusion. I never feel like I have to look anyone in the eye, it happens sometimes but its not forced or necessary. Without looking people in the eye I found out I can still communicate, interact, participate in activities, pretty much all the things you would do the same if you looked someone in the eyes.
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Indeed, the "no eye contact" thing is NOT an issue until some uneducated idiot makes it one.. Like that time I went for an interview at Remploy in 2007, I didn't even know about the "lack of eye contact" issue until this woman delighted in pointing out at every available opportunity, I wouldn't mind but Remploy in particular are supposed to know about this kind of thing as they are a disability centred organisation.
 
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