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Aspergers and Fear

mmnxccox

Well-Known Member
My daughter is 11 and she has been diagnosed with aspergers since she was 7. The last 8 months she has been afraid of eyes watching her or looking at her. She will turn dolls around and scratch out eyes in drawings in her workbooks. She tells me that she fells like everyone is watching her. I have her seeing a counselor and she wont open up to her or any other one I have taken her to. At my daughters first appointment she became upset and the counselor and the counselor was looking at her and my daughter screamed at her " stop looking at me" and then began to cry and wanted to leave. She is almost always pretty mellow and this is not like her at all. I am wondering if I need to be worried or talk to her doctor or is this something normal?
 
my suggestion would be gently ask her about why the eyes or watching in her mind bothers her. Like oscar said did she watch something or see something that bothered her or frightened her that maybe she is exhibiting this behavior because to her this event triggered the fear and doesn't want it to happen again.
 
When I was a child I strangely used to be frightened of hanging light shades, especially when lying down looking up at them above. I know it sounds ridiculous now, but back then I used to have terrible nightmares about them attacking me and I used to be very frightened in the dark, hiding under the bedclothes scared to come out. When you lie down in bed and look at a light shade hanging down above the angle looks like it's tilted slightly towards you as if it's looking at you and if you move it's like an optical illusion as it still looks like it's tilted slightly towards no matter how you look at it, that is strangely what started it all off. Obviously as I grew up I overcome the fear and I'm now even interested in ghosts & spirits. I can even spend time alone in allegedly haunted places where most people would be frightened in the dark without even being bothered and if something unexplained does happen I will literally go towards it to investigate without any fear (yet I'm more afraid of going into a busy supermarket getting served, lol!).

Being frighten of dolls sounds more "normal" than being frightened of hanging light shades as I was when I was a child, but there is more to it than just that. I'm not sure whether it's entirely Aspie related in your case or not as any child could develop some fears such as this, but Aspies could be complicating the situation making it worse and/or it could be making it more obsessive. On the other hand being frightened of people watching her could be more Aspie related however, especially when it's related to eyes as eye contact is obviously difficult with Aspies. You could chat to a professional like a child psychologist for further advice (preferably one that has experience with Aspies) or maybe someone else who has more experience with children could advise better here as apart from my own childhood memories I am no expert.
 
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I struggled greatly with this around the same age as your daughter. It started when I became "self aware" of how some things I would or say sounded stupid, this self awareness is actually a normal developmental milestone, however the effects can be negative for us Aspies. My family was very religious and the idea that jesus was always watching me freaked me out when I was going through this. If your family is religious I would try lessening the frequency of mentioning were all being "watched" 24/7. Aside from that accommodate what you can and wait for her to get used to her new stage in childhood development.
 
Maybe sunglasses would help her calm down and it would be easier to talk with her then?
I had (and still have) issues with mirror in the bedroom... It has to be gone or covered, otherwise it freaks me out and I can't sleep. I can't figure out why.
 
All I know is I hate looking people in the eye. I try to avoid it as much as possible. My nephew has Aspergers and when he was a lot younger he used to scribble over the eyes of the cartoon characters in his book. Every book had the eyes coloured over (mainly coloured in thick black crayon or texta) but the rest of the character was pretty much left untouched. His older brother never did this, he scribbled quite normally really. However, my daughter (3 &1/2), who I suspect is on the spectrum, does the same thing. She always colours over the eyes first. Has done for ages. She also has gaze avoidance issues with her peers.
So, not very helpful but I am wondering if this is also gaze avoidance but the extreme end? Maybe some real time skills would help. Like looking at the side of the persons face instead of focusing on their eyes. I always find myself staring at peoples mouths, but that can make some people really uncomfortable. I don't know, maybe you know of some better techniques already, to provide her with real time coping skills. Advice on public speaking can be a good source for some hints and tricks too.
 
I struggled greatly with this around the same age as your daughter. It started when I became "self aware" of how some things I would or say sounded stupid, this self awareness is actually a normal developmental milestone, however the effects can be negative for us Aspies. My family was very religious and the idea that jesus was always watching me freaked me out when I was going through this. If your family is religious I would try lessening the frequency of mentioning were all being "watched" 24/7. Aside from that accommodate what you can and wait for her to get used to her new stage in childhood development.


I struggle with the saying stupid things EVERYDAY and all-day-long.

One time in high school, I had UNknowingly, and UNintentionally, called one of my teachers a cow. I ended up feeling AWFUL and cried my eyes out after I had realized what I had done. She had to point it out before I had realized WHAT exactly I had, in fact, done.

I've said things about Obama, and my teachers knew me well enough to not think anything of it (if they had not known me, I would have been in SERIOUS trouble). Heck, I've called one of my classmates as an INTENDED but FAILED joke, a child molester. In Gym class I had told the person their team in floor hockey, could play the Nazis, and the team I was on, could play the Allies. To ME, it was JUST a SIMPLE HISTORICAL ANALOGY. To them, it was an insult. Yet ANOTHER example of how I know to say the most PERFECT things in the MOST perfect way (yes, sarcasm). The epitome of Aspergers. I've once told one of the hall monitors he looked like John Wilkes Booth. A teacher that he looks like Robert E. Lee (though THAT WAS a compliment in EVERY way. Robert E. Lee was NOT ONLY a genius, but ALSO a respectable man. He did NOT believe in slavery; he simply did not wanna invade his homeland. He was VERY honorable and had A LOT of respect for Lincoln AND Grant, and many others, regardless of WHICH side; I stand by that statement, even today) I've even said one of the professors looks like Albert Einstein (it was a COMPLIMENT! At least that's how I had MEANT it). The Lord knows I've learned my lesson THERE.

I've even asked a WHOLE classroom what the heck an orgasm is. I had NO idea that it means what it means. 2 years later, I've apologized to the teacher, when I've looked it up. I had thought it's just an organism. I was embarrassed to say the least. I've even once, when thinking of names to call our school mascot, the name, Promiscuous Puma. How the BLOODY HECK would I know that means what I know NOW that it means??? Well, that didn't go as planned.
 
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I struggle with the saying stupid things EVERYDAY and all-day-long.

One time in high school, I had UNknowingly, and UNintentionally, called one of my teachers a cow. I ended up feeling AWFUL and cried my eyes out after I had realized what I had done. She had to point it out before I had realized WHAT exactly I had, in fact, done.

I've said things about Obama, and my teachers knew me well enough to not think anything of it (if they had not known me, I would have been in SERIOUS trouble). Heck, I've called one of my classmates as an INTENDED but FAILED joke, a child molester. In Gym class I had told the person their team in floor hockey, could play the Nazis, and the team I was on, could play the Allies. To ME, it was JUST a SIMPLE HISTORICAL ANALOGY. To them, it was an insult. Yet ANOTHER example of how I know to say the most PERFECT things in the MOST perfect way (yes, sarcasm). The epitome of Aspergers. I've once told one of the hall monitors he looked like John Wilkes Booth. A teacher that he looks like Robert E. Lee (though THAT WAS a compliment in EVERY way. Robert E. Lee was NOT ONLY a genius, but ALSO a respectable man. He did NOT believe in slavery; he simply did not wanna invade his homeland. He was VERY honorable and had A LOT of respect for Lincoln AND Grant, and many others, regardless of WHICH side; I stand by that statement, even today) I've even said one of the professors looks like Albert Einstein (it was a COMPLIMENT! At least that's how I had MEANT it). The Lord knows I've learned my lesson THERE.

I've even asked a WHOLE classroom what the heck an orgasm is. I had NO idea that it means what it means. 2 years later, I've apologized to the teacher, when I've looked it up. I had thought it's just an organism. I was embarrassed to say the least. I've even once, when thinking of names to call our school mascot, the name, Promiscuous Puma. How the BLOODY HECK would I know that means what I know NOW that it means??? Well, that didn't go as planned.

I had and sometimes still have the same problem, my mother as well. Often times I don't think of anything clever to say at all until days after a conversation, this has actually been one thing my Adderall has actually improved. I think the stupid comments occur sometimes because we have an extensive vocabulary, yet some of our vocabulary we just kind of speculate what the meaning of a word is and we can be so far off it's painfully embarrassing when brought to our attention. I feel like it makes me look so stupid when I do this when my intelligence is considerably adequate in my opinion. I once threatened a teacher in middle school with what I viewed as harmless...well...it got me expelled for life. When I would become angry with classmates, the few friends I had would tell me that everything I was yelling made absolutely no sense lol, I never realized it before...me and my aspie temper went through the ringer.
 
I've had a child hood fear of the dark and I have never ever gotten rid of it. And if my bulb in my light goes I'm going for all and every alternative to have a light of some sort. Other wise I panic like crazy and feel really paranoid.
 
hi as she watched something recently or been frightened by someone or something

No I am pretty strict with what I let the kids watch and she has not mentioned anything to me. She seems to tell me everything even things that I am like "That's okay if you want to keep that to yourself"
 
Thank you, dont feel bad about the light shades I have seen so pretty weird ones. I had one at my house when I first moved in that looked like a space ship and my daughter wanted it out. So it's gone now but I do want to take my daughter to a "talking doctor" (what she calls them) but she gets very uncomfortable and angry. She thinks that they have wasted their time getting a degree just to sit around and talk. I disagree with her on that and she wont talk to them because she "will not tell her life and secrets to a compleate stranger", I'm working on it. : )
 
The Impossible Girl- My daughter also uses black. Thank you. I will pass this advice on to her and I hope it works. Thanks again.
 
Imanerd- My daughter has also said some things to kids that she wanted to be friends with - she meant them as compliments but they took them rudely and honestly my daughter has no friends outside my home. It makes her very upset and I do what I can but she wants to fit in so I am worried about her choices later in her life ya know. Thank you for sharing.
 
Hi, I love the advice and knowledge that I am finding on this site. If anyone would like to find me on facebook.com My name is Marian Cox. I would love to find out more about everyone's life as an aspie. Thank you so much.I live in Washington - in case anyone needs to know. Thank you.
 
Hey my name is kade vilbig I'm a 22 year old college student I with Aspergers although I can read body language and my sensory issues and symptoms have subsided over the last year I given multiple seminars on autism spectrum. Disorders and have started a higher education program for students on he spectrum. Children with autism and Asperger's syndrome don't instinctively like eye-contact there's damage to the genetic component that normally makes eye-contact and observing faces and tones of voice pleasant this is important because building schemes or patterns of faces and voices programs the the area of the Brian that connects to the limbic/emotional system hence ability to read body language and then learn social rules. Say a child asks a women If she's pregnant and she's really not how does the child learn that question isn't the best to ask and It can hurt feelings well the left side of the Brian controls verbal language and the right side controls nonverbal language and learning social rules the child has to be able to process her negative reaction or a parents negative reaction to put all the pieces together and learn that rule so next time when the child sees a lady with a big tummy he/ she can take the rule from memory and act accordingly. This is also important in autism because parents still scold and pause there kids but if a child with autism makes a mistake a is scolded for it and they can't process all aspects of the situation they get frustrated and hurt and eventually shut down. I have seen it happen a lot and experienced it my self I didn't learn read body lanuage till I was twenty one and had the right positive environment to do those things so I'm still learning but autism and Aspergers can be overcome and here at some solutions to help your daughter

Here are some things you can do to help you daughter
1. Because there isn't an innate neurotransmission in the Brian that says eye contact is good and because these things normal happen form birth-3 mouths of age your daughter probably has a lot of anxiety and frustration built up towards it.
2. So you have to do something that already motivates your child and facilitate eye contact while doing e special Interest because in order to program the Brian it has to be her choice she has to want to look people in the eyes. Just about every child on the spectrum has a repetitive special Interest it may be an activity or talking about a certain subject as you do that participate with genuine interest they will look up at you and you can praise them for it increase the eye-contact
3. Also the more you interact with your child doing there special Interest the more they will look at you to see if your going to join in and if you do it teaches that eye contact is a way to get need met

4. You can also use toys or food pretty much anything your child wants or needs and put it up to your eyes and kneel down on there level not close but just enough so its easy for them to look at the object you want and at yours when they do praise them thanks oh for looking me in the eyes hers your blank
It teaches the child that eye contact is a way to get needs met and once the can look a person in the eyes without distress the can start to build schemes for faces and tones of voice and start pairing what voice goes with what face and after you have body language you can learn social rules and being to program the left side of the brain.

After I learned to read body language and started to learn social rules my balance and coronation approved my sensory issues went away and I could understand the main idea big picture my handwriting got better.

P.S. I have video examples if you would like me to send it to you or would like more information on helping your daughter I'd love to help I, in the processing of proving that autism can be overcome through my defying odds program my email is [email protected]
 
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this made me think of santa clause... o_O I can just imagine someone with this fear being terrified of santa. Interesting thought....

It sounds like a phobia, worsened by aspergers. Over imaginative, pervasive and excessive thoughts. Also aspergers tends to go hand in hand with a ton of anxiety disorders. We are a high strung bunch.

I am not sure what you can do to help her though...
 

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