Are you "not normal"?

[WereBear]

Of course, this led to all manner of problems in school, because I was deemed "weird." However, it didn't bother me because I felt I was striving to better myself through a culture that was superior to the one in which I was living. British culture, at least in the 1960's, seemed to have so much more class.

To me, that alone would be a good reason to do it. But I would likewise do what made sense to me, not what everyone else did, and this was certainly regarded as "weird."

But to me, they were the weird ones for doing things that made no sense.

 

[Kupu2]

Before I start I want to make it clear this is not necessarily about the difference between Aspie and NT. I was only diagnosed fairly recently and wanted to see if a certain behavioural trait of mine is common amongst other aspies.

So, here in the UK, like many places in the world, there are a number of "social norms" and conventions that people follow, participate in or enjoy. I've always been acutely aware that I rarely fit in with the majority here and often align my preferences with other cultures of fringe groups. Since learning of my diagnosis I'm wondering if that is because:

a) I struggle to understand social norms so subconsciously adopt opposing traits or behaviours to avoid having to interact with others;

b) I am attracted to opposing social norms because I subconsciously want people to be aware that I am different to them without spelling it out;

c) I just genuinely don't buy into all the crap and do my own thing.

Just wondered if you guys had experienced anything similar and what your thoughts were on the subject.

For example...

I live in England but I do not identify as 'English' and rarely as 'British'.

People here drink hot tea, with milk and sugar - or coffee. I don't drink tea or coffee at all, but on the rare occasion I will have a green tea with lemon if I have a cold or something.

People still measure themselves in feet and inches and weigh themselves in stone. I can't wrap my head around it so I just use metric for everything.

I don't really enjoy popular tv shows (such as soaps, XFactor, dramas, etc) and I prefer to watch obscure programmes from other countries, sometimes in other languages.

I'm vegetarian, I don't like curry, I don't drink alcohol, I prefer LIDL/ALDI or artisan brands to well-known brands and stores, I'm usually about 6 months behind on popular music, I don't like Katie Price, the Kardashians or Cheryl Cole... the list goes on but you get the idea.

I am probably a blend of all three, to varying degrees. I had massive culture cringe as a teen (from Oz) & there are still some cultural elements I've never bought into. Part was not wanting to identify with such silly folk, part was genuine lack of understanding at why people did such things to begin with, and a little bit was just wanting to do what pleased me. I'm very left of centre on nearly everything.

An example: Aussie Rules football. I think it a stupid sport. Injuries are common and all that effort for a weirdly shaped ball?! I find followers of the spirt act in ways I sure don't. I never want to be thought of as one if them. And I would rather do a sport than watch it. My choice of 'sport' is weight lifting.

I do drink coffee. A very bourgeoise thing to do. I still, childishly, think I'm in some Russian tea house or a tiny bohemian French cafe whilst drinking coffee. I drink it black, and only certain brands.

So, no, I am far from normal.

 

[Catlover614]

I've never been one to strive for popularity either. I don't like today's fashion. I still dress modestly and what is most comfortable for me. I do like my morning coffee, though. Following the norm is boring as heck to me. I love that I am a unique individual and it doesn't bother me if I'm accepted by others or not anymore...it used to. I'm "not normal" and that's just fine. I do feel like I'm trapped in an Era I don't belong in. This world is so dark with hatred and violence and I don't want any part of it.

 

[Vanilla]

I can relate to choosing to hang out with the fringe groups. I don't do it so much to make any kind of statement though. I do so because I relate to them more. Most fringe groups tend to understand what it's like to be a minority. Being a minority means going against the majority. Because of this, minorities are more understanding when you don't do what everyone else is expected to do. I've found that they value authenticity more, and are more forgiving and understanding of the fact that life is messy, and doesn't always fit in to pre-determined cookie cutter expectations. The majority will tend to have greater expectations, and tend to frown on those who choose not to conform. It's not necessarily good or bad though, though it depends on the group (that goes for minority groups too). It's only because they perceive it as a rejection of their way of life. They're just more comfortable when their world makes sense in a way that they're used to, just as we're more comfortable with life being the way that we are used to.

I have had a few issues though with some people who don't understand why I choose minority groups. According to most people, I "look like someone who is supposed to be quite popular". People expect me to be one of the majority, and have many friends. It's one reason people don't believe me when I say I like being alone, or focusing on interests unrelated to social activities. They find it weird when they see me with the fringe groups, and will often try to encourage me to switch sides. I always found that rather strange.

 

[Nitro]

I always hung with the freaks and geeks because they are so much more colorful.
My idea of entertainment is to be the show others want to watch instead of watching what others think I should.
I love the life of a showman. Just ask me
TV? Oh,those boxes that I use for computer monitors. Broadcast and cable TV do not exist in my world and I do hate the commercials the most. If I ever see the Geico lizard on the street,I will run him over with a car
Music to me is who is getting it right,now who is shoved down my throat.

Drank a small amount of coffee but don't really care for it. Will drink iced tea,but prefer an Arnold Palmer over straight tea. Black cherry Koolaid resides in the fridges usually two to three gallons at a time.
At the present,there are five refrigerators and one deep freezer stuffed with provisions.One of them is an old round top ammonia one from 1952 that is just plain awesome if ya ask me.Can't wait to do a custom paintjob on it
There are two more backup fridges sitting unplugged in the pole building just in case
I hate to not have choices of what to eat and keep quite a variety of food at all times. I have a pantry that resembles a grocery store too

We the sheeple are a serious problem that needs addressed asap. Run little lemmings,run!

 

[Kupu2]

I always hung with the freaks and geeks because they are so much more colorful.
My idea of entertainment is to be the show others want to watch instead of watching what others think I should.
I love the life of a showman. Just ask me
TV? Oh,those boxes that I use for computer monitors. Broadcast and cable TV do not exist in my world and I do hate the commercials the most. If I ever see the Geico lizard on the street,I will run him over with a car
Music to me is who is getting it right,now who is shoved down my throat.

Drank a small amount of coffee but don't really care for it. Will drink iced tea,but prefer an Arnold Palmer over straight tea. Black cherry Koolaid resides in the fridges usually two to three gallons at a time.
At the present,there are five refrigerators and one deep freezer stuffed with provisions.One of them is an old round top ammonia one from 1952 that is just plain awesome if ya ask me.Can't wait to do a custom paintjob on it
There are two more backup fridges sitting unplugged in the pole building just in case
I hate to not have choices of what to eat and keep quite a variety of food at all times. I have a pantry that resembles a grocery store too

We the sheeple are a serious problem that needs addressed asap. Run little lemmings,run!

I reckon I could hang with you, Nitro. You ARE certainly colourful. And you live life to your fullest. While we watch the Lemmings, pass the popcorn please.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Normal doesnt exist, most folks see me as abnormal but i see the rest of the world just as abnormal!

 

[Hartley]

Most people think I'm utterly insane, but obviously they haven't met someone who is utterly insane. I do have my own brief moments of insanity (don't we all?) but most people misunderstand my eccentricities for something much more sinister. I've been called "Evil" and a "Scumbag" countless times, and you actually start believing you are one, when you've been called it so many times. I'm beginning to really dislike mankind collectively, I wish people wouldn't assume these things about me.

 

[Kupu2]

Most people think I'm utterly insane, but obviously they haven't met someone who is utterly insane. I do have my own brief moments of insanity (don't we all?) but most people misunderstand my eccentricities for something much more sinister. I've been called "Evil" and a "Scumbag" countless times, and you actually start believing you are one, when you've been called it so many times. I'm beginning to really dislike mankind collectively, I wish people wouldn't assume these things about me.

Hartley, I have to own up and admit I found your humour very black.

 

[Turanga Veela]

I enjoy lots of "normal" things, I suppose, but not because they are. I watch GoT because I genuinely enjoy that genre and always have. Though I do admit to it being nice to enjoy a few things that many others do, have some common ground to be able to discuss them online. I don't actively strive for inclusion -- I like what I like.

I loved dystopian fiction long before it was popular. I love coffee because I used to share it with my mom (it was literally one of the very few things we had in common), but I don't enjoy places like Starbucks. I gravitate to and trust people who are on the fringe of things. If I see rules for wearing white, perfectly-groomed brows, long hair past 40, expensive designer bags, pedicures, cargo pants, and trends in someone's Pinterest or Facebook, it tends to make me shy away. If you cosplay or Ren Faire or geek out in almost any way, even if I don't share it in particular, or even if you just don't look like you're trying to look like everyone else, for some reason I'll automatically feel "safer" around you.

 

[Hartley]

Hartley, I have to own up and admit I found your humour very black.

That's okay, Kupu2. Hope everything's well in your world.

 

[Hartley]

I should also own up and admit that I was intoxicated on Sunday. I very rarely log onto the internet whilst I am under the influence. It was dumb and I made a complete tit of myself.

 

[Hartley]

There's probably only two or three people I've met in my entire life that are comfortable with my eccentricities and aren't freaked out by my weirdness & black sense of humor. I think people are initially afraid or distrustful of me, but once you get to know me, you'll realize that I'm pretty harmless. Unfortunately, most people just assume I'm a lunatic, and want nothing to do with me, but that's okay I've dealt with rejection before, it used to really upset me in the past, but I'm beginning to accept it. I think I know myself better than anyone else, and I know the truth about myself. I've never considered myself normal or abnormal, I am what I am. I'm simply the life form known as Hartley. "One of God's own prototypes. a high powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass-production. Too weird to live, too rare to die" - Hunter S. Thompson

 

[Kupu2]

There's probably only two or three people I've met in my entire life that are comfortable with my eccentricities and aren't freaked out by my weirdness & black sense of humor. I think people are initially afraid or distrustful of me, but once you get to know me, you'll realize that I'm pretty harmless. Unfortunately, most people just assume I'm a lunatic, and want nothing to do with me, but that's okay I've dealt with rejection before, it used to really upset me in the past, but I'm beginning to accept it. I think I know myself better than anyone else, and I know the truth about myself. I've never considered myself normal or abnormal, I am what I am. I'm simply the life form known as Hartley. "One of God's own prototypes. a high powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass-production. Too weird to live, too rare to die" - Hunter S. Thompson

Hartley, I kind of got your humour anyway cos you sound very much like my son. He has a very macabre, dark humour. And yes, on the 'wrong' day, people find him unpredictable and a little ... looney.

 

[Kupu2]

I enjoy lots of "normal" things, I suppose, but not because they are. I watch GoT because I genuinely enjoy that genre and always have. Though I do admit to it being nice to enjoy a few things that many others do, have some common ground to be able to discuss them online. I don't actively strive for inclusion -- I like what I like.

I loved dystopian fiction long before it was popular. I love coffee because I used to share it with my mom (it was literally one of the very few things we had in common), but I don't enjoy places like Starbucks. I gravitate to and trust people who are on the fringe of things. If I see rules for wearing white, perfectly-groomed brows, long hair past 40, expensive designer bags, pedicures, cargo pants, and trends in someone's Pinterest or Facebook, it tends to make me shy away. If you cosplay or Ren Faire or geek out in almost any way, even if I don't share it in particular, or even if you just don't look like you're trying to look like everyone else, for some reason I'll automatically feel "safer" around you.

YES! That feeling of being safer. Spot on!

 

[WereBear]

If you cosplay or Ren Faire or geek out in almost any way, even if I don't share it in particular, or even if you just don't look like you're trying to look like everyone else, for some reason I'll automatically feel "safer" around you.

YES! That feeling of being safer. Spot on!

The capacity to "geek out" is an important part of my own relationships as well. Mr WereBear has vast knowledge of WWII, medieval history, and aviation. Another friend loves Ren Faire. Another is IT techy.

People who get deeply involved in the latest reality show, yet forget it as soon as it goes off the air; who feel uncomfortable with a conversation that has more than three exchanges on any subject; who respond blankly to quantum physics concepts or psychological principles; these are folks I know I won't have anything in common with. And they are the most likely to find me bizarre and incomprehensible.

 

[CaptainMatthew]

Before I start I want to make it clear this is not necessarily about the difference between Aspie and NT. I was only diagnosed fairly recently and wanted to see if a certain behavioural trait of mine is common amongst other aspies.

So, here in the UK, like many places in the world, there are a number of "social norms" and conventions that people follow, participate in or enjoy. I've always been acutely aware that I rarely fit in with the majority here and often align my preferences with other cultures of fringe groups. Since learning of my diagnosis I'm wondering if that is because:

a) I struggle to understand social norms so subconsciously adopt opposing traits or behaviours to avoid having to interact with others;

b) I am attracted to opposing social norms because I subconsciously want people to be aware that I am different to them without spelling it out;

c) I just genuinely don't buy into all the crap and do my own thing.

Just wondered if you guys had experienced anything similar and what your thoughts were on the subject.

For example...

I live in England but I do not identify as 'English' and rarely as 'British'.

People here drink hot tea, with milk and sugar - or coffee. I don't drink tea or coffee at all, but on the rare occasion I will have a green tea with lemon if I have a cold or something.

People still measure themselves in feet and inches and weigh themselves in stone. I can't wrap my head around it so I just use metric for everything.

I don't really enjoy popular tv shows (such as soaps, XFactor, dramas, etc) and I prefer to watch obscure programmes from other countries, sometimes in other languages.

I'm vegetarian, I don't like curry, I don't drink alcohol, I prefer LIDL/ALDI or artisan brands to well-known brands and stores, I'm usually about 6 months behind on popular music, I don't like Katie Price, the Kardashians or Cheryl Cole... the list goes on but you get the idea.

I can TOTALLY sympathize! I would have to pick D:all of the above. I have unconsciously picked up others "vibes" (for lack of a better word) and mirrored things unconsciously, probably to my/others detriment. I grew to become invisible with the Mask of "common norms". Later in teenage years I tried to be myself, at the rejection of all the normal people. I teeter toted back and forth trying to be an acceptable balance of both. Now in my maturity, I don't care for any of societies "norms" I simply stopped giving a F#%k.
I AM WHAT I AM. I use my "quarks" to my advantage, try to consider others feelings but remaining true to who I am, not their expectations. I now feel this label "Aspie" is derogatory although true, but who is the judge of what this gift is?? Certainly NOT some stupid shrink who thinks I can be fixed or that I'm autistic or "Damaged" I can do higher mathematics in my head, work out complex 3D puzzles I'm my mind, see computer code and algorithms. I however suck at visual nonverbal clues and struggle at verbal communication. My solution is just simply be MYSELF unapologetically and I will not conform to anyone's expectations. I do try to address my shortcomings by finding alternative methods. Example: I suck at face to face communication so I try to write more. I hate large crowds so I force myself to go and be "visible". I hate explaining my "mixed emotions" that always get suppressed to make others comfortable, but I'm learning their discomfort isn't my problem, it's theirs. I'm learning being "Different" is a great thing! Ordinary/normal people are boring.
Celebrate your uniqueness!! Being different ROCKS once you realize it's a gift!

 

[Misery]

I enjoy lots of "normal" things, I suppose, but not because they are. I watch GoT because I genuinely enjoy that genre and always have. Though I do admit to it being nice to enjoy a few things that many others do, have some common ground to be able to discuss them online. I don't actively strive for inclusion -- I like what I like.

I loved dystopian fiction long before it was popular. I love coffee because I used to share it with my mom (it was literally one of the very few things we had in common), but I don't enjoy places like Starbucks. I gravitate to and trust people who are on the fringe of things. If I see rules for wearing white, perfectly-groomed brows, long hair past 40, expensive designer bags, pedicures, cargo pants, and trends in someone's Pinterest or Facebook, it tends to make me shy away. If you cosplay or Ren Faire or geek out in almost any way, even if I don't share it in particular, or even if you just don't look like you're trying to look like everyone else, for some reason I'll automatically feel "safer" around you.

Ah, this looks a whole lot like my own sort of viewpoint. I've never been one to follow trends, but this is partly because I'm typically not even aware of them. Whatever I like is what I like, and if that just happens to go along with the norm (very rare), well.... yay?

Just a bit about me as it relates to the idea of this thread:

Yes, I'd definitely be counted as bizarre by most people. I get alot of... stares. I dont particularly like that, but it happens. I'm male, but my appearance is kinda androgynous. Long hair, get mistaken for a girl every now and then. I also carry a 2-foot keychain with me everywhere (which has exactly one functioning key). It's hard not to notice THAT thing. Who carries something like that? ....me, that's who.

I'm definitely into geeky stuff, particularly gaming. It's most of what I do. Even within that though, my interests tend to not follow the norm. The big, huge, expensive-looking games that you see in TV commercials? Chances are I dont care about them. My interests tend to go elsewhere, as I like games of the "bullet-hell" and "roguelike" genres, as well as old retro games. I'm also a big fan of Star Trek.

TV, movies? Hahahaha NOPE. I dont really watch any. Just... cant be bothered. They take too long. I typically just watch Youtube stuff, when I have my meal. Usually LPs of various games, or stuff like that. The idea of NOT watching or caring about movies tends to just utterly baffle some people. Their expressions when I say "I dont like movies" tend to be entertaining.

Also, I'm into anime conventions and cosplay. Going along with the "I dont look right for my gender" theme that seems so attached to me, my cosplay outfits tend to just exaggerate that. My main cosplay has me looking like a nun in a miniskirt (Bridget from Guilty Gear). I've done a few female characters, really. What just makes this weirder is that nobody laughs at me, and many people seem to like it, or think it's "fitting". As such, I just get even stranger, really.

Next is a BIG one: I *hate* alcohol. I'm an extremely negative person to begin with (and I invented sarcasm, by the way) but my hatred of alcohol goes waaaayyyyy beyond that. I'm happy to say I've never touched even a single drop of that stuff. But more than that, I cant stand being around anyone that's had any. The moment the drinking starts, I leave. And I dont allow friends to bring alcohol into my car, or into a hotel room if one of them is staying with me at a convention. And if they dont like that, well... tough. It's my car, or my hotel room, and I make the rules in that sort of situation. And that is ALWAYS a rule. The good thing is, friends of mine, while they dont hate alcohol, tend to just not have any interest whatsoever in drinking it. They dont really care. So that's good. I also tend to have a general disdain for society for building the stuff up into something that you HAVE to do if you're "normal", and if you dont do it you're "no fun". I'm sorry, but I dont see how drinking something that makes you slower and dumber for the duration of it's effect causes you to be "fun". I dont want to know, either.

Books, I read ALOT of them. They're all over my room. Alot of people I meet just dont seem that interested in reading... they'd rather watch TV. But I guess this one still isnt particularly abnormal.

Sports: I dont watch or understand them. Football? Baseball? Basketball? .....wut? And that's my opinion of those summed up nicely.

Creepy/spooky stuff or places: I tend to be comfortable around it. Think like, oh, the sorts of places that people think of as "haunted houses", or creepy passageways to who knows where... stuff like that. Many people get into a freaked out mood in places like that. I tend to find it comforting. No, I dont know why. But I will say that I love exploring places like that.... which isnt exactly something I get to do much.

Bugs: I like spiders and insects. Unlike basically everyone ever, I do not kill them. If I find one in the house, I must catch it and take it outside. I'll do this with my hands if I need to (if it's something that doesnt bite). The exception is house centipedes; they are WAY too fast to catch, so I just ignore them. They seem happy enough to go about their business doing... whatever the heck it is they do.

Also, I'm really, REALLY absent-minded. Ever try to make a sandwich and forget the bread? Done that. Or there was the time I was at a hotel, couldnt get back into the room... kept trying, couldnt do it. It took me over 5 full minutes to realize a simple fact: Pointing my car key at the door and hitting the unlock button over and over has no effect unless it's the actual car door I'm pointing it at. Doesnt work too well with hotel room doors.

And lastly, I'm about as social as a brick. An unpleasant brick that's prone to dark moods.


And when I think about it, I do tend to be a bit like what I quoted at the start of this, in that I'll tend to be alot more comfortable around other people that are "weird outcasts", or such as that. Wheras when I'm around "normal society" my only thought is "Okay, so.... how can I get out of here, exactly?". I think this might be part of why I get along with the geek crowd so well.

So there, that's my general weirdness. You're welcome.

 

[pineman93]

Everybody is different weather you share something or not,you do you, besides if every body was the same more or less the world would be kind of boring

 

[Thanatos]

Yeah, I'm odd. But you have to be odd to be number one.

Like others have said, I tend to just do my own thing regardless of if others do or don't like it. I don't intentionally do the opposite of things, though.

For instance, I wear my watch with the clockface on the bottom of my wrist (below the palm) though what's "normal" is to wear it on top.