Are you "not normal"?

[superawesomeme]

Before I start I want to make it clear this is not necessarily about the difference between Aspie and NT. I was only diagnosed fairly recently and wanted to see if a certain behavioural trait of mine is common amongst other aspies.

So, here in the UK, like many places in the world, there are a number of "social norms" and conventions that people follow, participate in or enjoy. I've always been acutely aware that I rarely fit in with the majority here and often align my preferences with other cultures of fringe groups. Since learning of my diagnosis I'm wondering if that is because:

a) I struggle to understand social norms so subconsciously adopt opposing traits or behaviours to avoid having to interact with others;

b) I am attracted to opposing social norms because I subconsciously want people to be aware that I am different to them without spelling it out;

c) I just genuinely don't buy into all the crap and do my own thing.

Just wondered if you guys had experienced anything similar and what your thoughts were on the subject.

For example...

I live in England but I do not identify as 'English' and rarely as 'British'.

People here drink hot tea, with milk and sugar - or coffee. I don't drink tea or coffee at all, but on the rare occasion I will have a green tea with lemon if I have a cold or something.

People still measure themselves in feet and inches and weigh themselves in stone. I can't wrap my head around it so I just use metric for everything.

I don't really enjoy popular tv shows (such as soaps, XFactor, dramas, etc) and I prefer to watch obscure programmes from other countries, sometimes in other languages.

I'm vegetarian, I don't like curry, I don't drink alcohol, I prefer LIDL/ALDI or artisan brands to well-known brands and stores, I'm usually about 6 months behind on popular music, I don't like Katie Price, the Kardashians or Cheryl Cole... the list goes on but you get the idea.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I can sympathize with what you're saying. Cause 'everyone else does it' is rarely if ever motivation for me to do something. As a kid I was always late getting into anything that was popular cause I never saw the point. If a band was popular, I only tried out a song or two years afterwards by chance, usually from youtube. Everyone around hear drinks coffee and/or energy drinks but I've never been motivated to even try them. I only tried coffee and hate it a year or two back but have yet to sip an energy drink or such. Its been that way my whole life with everything. I just do my own thing, really. Mom used to say that I was the quietest, most mellow baby ever - apparently I was happy to just lay in the middle of the floor on a blanket and play with my toys.

 

[midlife aspie]

I can sympathize with what you're saying. Cause 'everyone else does it' is rarely if ever motivation for me to do something. As a kid I was always late getting into anything that was popular cause I never saw the point. If a band was popular, I only tried out a song or two years afterwards by chance, usually from youtube. Everyone around hear drinks coffee and/or energy drinks but I've never been motivated to even try them. I only tried coffee and hate it a year or two back but have yet to sip an energy drink or such. Its been that way my whole life with everything. I just do my own thing, really. Mom used to say that I was the quietest, most mellow baby ever - apparently I was happy to just lay in the middle of the floor on a blanket and play with my toys.

Doing something because you are genuinely interested in it for yourself regardless of what others may think makes you strong. You get to stand back and laugh as the 'herd' stampedes over the proverbial cliff!

 

[WereBear]

I go my own way, always have. I have always been astonished that someone will feel constrained from doing something they like because "no one else does it."

Well, someone else must, or it wouldn't exist, would it?

 

[Warmheart]

I just do my own thing, with little concern for what's trendy.

I don't own a TV. I've never seen Game of Thrones, reality TV, etc. I did not read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I have never tried sushi, nor do I plan to. I don't own a pair of Crocs or Ugg boots. I don't really know who the current film and music stars are. I don't drink coffee, cola, or anything carbonated.

I enthusiastically like what I like, but I prefer interests unrelated to what is trending.

Why would I want to follow the crowd, when I'm perfectly capable of finding my own passions?

 

[Jimbo]

Yes! I am exactly like you! I have never been one to follow the cultural norm. I despise having this stupid cell phone I'm typing on right now just because I see how stupid everyone looks pecking on them all the time.

I have never been into sports which is really odd in my area. I only keep up with NASCAR racing. I don't give a crap about the new movies that come out or having the latest technology.

Like you I don't drink alcohol. Only sweet ice tea for me.

I have no desire to eat in fancy restaurants, I am just as happy eating a sandwich and potato chips at home.

I have always felt like all that stuff that people "enjoy" is not meant for me. And I'm happy living this way!

 

[clg114]

How I am is normal for me. So ,I am normal. My normal. In fact, I do not think there is anyone as normal as me.

 

[superawesomeme]

How I am is normal for me. So ,I am normal. My normal. In fact, I do not think there is anyone as normal as me.

Haha that's what I always say "I'm not strange, it's everyone else."

 

[superawesomeme]

Wow some really positive and encouraging comments. I would probably never know if it's related to the Aspergers or just a happy coincidence but I guess the commonality of "poor social skills" and "narrow interests" certainly lends itself to not "following the crowd".

I do often wonder if people actually enjoy a lot of these things or if they just do them habitually because they have been conditioned that way. Especially when you consider how drastically these norms change from country to country or culture to culture.

 

[artfull dodger]

I prefer to be myself, I would rather watch documentrys on the Titanic, various railroads and trains in general than watch whats popular on regular TV. My mother always said I was the most content as a young boy when I had my toy trains and model trains. Still holds true to this very day. I also usually find music I like, long after its been on the popular airwaves. Everybody has always told me that I wasn't normal, espically before I was diagnosed. Then, those that know, say its normal...for me! Mike

 

[umbrellabeach]

Yup. I do what I like regardless of its popularity. Actually, back in my teens I used to shun things merely because they were popular. But now I don't care if something is popular or not. If I like it, I like it.

 

[Mia]

Do feel as if I am sometimes the odd person out. My early interests in LOTR and fossils and books continually kept me isolated and unwilling to be part of the group. Do like sports, but not competitive ones, things like cycling, gymnastics, running, hiking and swimming were all personal competitions. My father taught me to box, to defend myself, and I later took up tau kwon do to keep in shape.

Yet most of the things I became involved with were my choice, outside of popular culture, although there was a time when popular music appealed. Suppose it was more a question of my not being interested in many of the fads that came and went, rather than a purposeful desire to not fit in.

 

[Suzanne]

It is a case of: if everyone is doing A, I will always do B.

I am from the uk too, but live in France.

Those "star"s you mention, I wonder how they are stars?

I love Taylor Swift.

 

[superawesomeme]

I bought this subject up at work today, mainly focusing on the key question of...

Do most people in Britain actually like tea, or have they been socially conditioned to habitually drink it?

The discussion was quite interesting and resulted in my two colleagues feeling desperate for a cup of tea, despite the fact they rarely drink it at work. Which was interesting.

 

[NovaScotia Aspie]

I have never had any desire to follow the herd. I don't drink or smoke which is probably an oddity in this area. I spend an incredible amount of time alone and most of the time , don't feel particularly lonely, although lately I have.

 

[StephF]

I agree with many on this thread about not wanting to be part of the herd mentality. I don't care what celebrity is doing whatever or who is being unfaithful to who. I am not a follower of fashion either.

I do what I want, I regard many of the blind followers as sheep or my favourite term "Sheeple".

 

[Adder1234]

I get what you're saying and honestly sometimes I do things or don't do things purely to be different from others. I mainly never did what everyone else was doing because I never saw the point in doing something I didn't want to.
Basically the way I see it is if you like doing something, do it.

 

[Adora]

I can relate to this,a big deterrent thing for someone to say to me when they are trying to get me interested in something is "everyone is doing it" or "it's the latest trend" as for not feeling like your country of birth I'm sort of the same way,I don't see myself as the typical Australian since I'm pretty introverted and also feel like I don't relate to other people plus I am not sports crazy, but I have always felt like others don't think like I do even before I discovered that I'm on the spectrum so this thread has really hit home for me since feeling different has been a massive issue all my life.

 

[Cali Cat]

Interesting ...

As a child (beginning around age 5-6), I began strongly identifying with elements of British culture I picked up from TV. My parents watched several shows distributed by the BBC to our market, and I picked up straight away the differences in social etiquette and adopted it. Of course, this led to all manner of problems in school, because I was deemed "weird." However, it didn't bother me because I felt I was striving to better myself through a culture that was superior to the one in which I was living. British culture, at least in the 1960's, seemed to have so much more class.

I never considered that adopting British customs might be my way of dealing with a social landscape that seemed foreign to me anyway. Interesting perspective.

 

[WereBear]

The times I did something because "I am supposed to like it" always became unpleasant in some way.

I still remember struggling to keep my mouth shut during the movie Steel Magnolias. A group of ladies invited me to watch a video, and they loved crying through all the sad things that happened in it.

I thought all the sad things were because Julia Roberts' character kept making incomprehensibly ridiculously bad decisions, and she brought it on herself constantly, and so about five awful decisions in, any trace of sympathy I had for anyone was long gone.

And I was the only one who didn't, couldn't, cry. Yes, I felt abnormal that day, but I saw it as better than the alternative.