Wish I could find a girl to even hang out with me

[Gerald Wilgus]

Not a date meaning going to to the movies, or out to dinner or anything like that. But a simple walk in the park or a hot coffee, chocolate I seem to get turned down every time. I usually don't strait out ask directly though. I will ask just like I would not mind joining you and get a response like I like to go alone. Or in a more recent text with the very nice Christian girl I meet at the coffee shop only because a friend was there and she approached us. I just indirectly asked in a text since she could not make it for the third week to church. Last week she was sick and she could not partake in our activities we did with our friends. She politely said that we can see each other during service when it resume back normal time. However she was very happy with my accomplishment I made the past two weeks.

What am I doing wrong if anything and please don't blame my autism because I am way more socaliable than before. Both of my therapists and friends see it. Many are surprised when I tell them I have autism for the first time. I even maintain eye contact better now.

Little steps, little victories, guy. You are maturing socially, but I think right at the periphery of dateable. She notices you. That is nice. Now build on that.

 

[Misty Avich]

No I believe her. She is not lying. She was really sick last week. Many of you have trust issues. I did too which is why I did not trust anyone for 15 years. I read the horror stories from other bloggers and people from reddit and man they know rotten toxic people. The people I know are good Christian people I trust. She is a good Christian person. Sorry you all have trust issues.

I believe you. You know these people more than we do, so it's unfair for us to make assumptions about people we've never met. That's the way I see it anyway.

 

[Hypnalis]

Many of you have trust issues. I did too which is why I did not trust anyone for 15 years. I read the horror stories from other bloggers and people from reddit and man they know rotten toxic people. The people I know are good Christian people I trust. She is a good Christian person. Sorry you all have trust issues.

This sounds like you're "over-correcting" a little after your breakthrough.
The breakthrough is clearly real, but it's not likely you're perfectly "in balance" with the ND world yet.

Everything about establishing a romantic relationship is difficult for most men, and in your age range it's difficult for almost everyone. The "shortcuts" are: exceptional social skills, exceptional physical attributes, and/or exceptional access to resources.

Absent those, you need to be realistic and patient.
:
:
Something you might think about: everyone (100% of humanity) has some degree of the "Dunning-Kruger Effect" (a cognitive bias) regarding everything for which they are not truly expert.

We see it here all the time. E.g. where NT's "drop in" asking for advice, then indicate that they're "shopping the web" for advice that suits them. Dunning-Kruger tells us (all of us) that if you need advice, you're not competent to select from a range of different suggestions.

Which implies that if you rush something difficult you will make bad decisions.

The fix? Some version of "realistic and patient". Neither come naturally - you have to work on them.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Count there is one girl from church count only one girl my age who's number Back prep pandemic she approached me at a party I was invited too. I got. I actually asked for it. We occasionally text. I use to be a bit uncomfortable talking to her until I opened up more at the Christmas party. Otherwise all my friends are younger than me which I sometimes find frustrating but non of them believe me when I tell them my real age also frustrating.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I know I've said this before but cases like Tony just fill me with anger and rage and with a lot of resentment due to how it feels like a cruel injustice how it's more common for men than it is for women to remain chronically alone or single later than normal

 

[Rodafina]

I know I've said this before but cases like Tony just fill me with anger and rage and with a lot of resentment due to how it feels like a cruel injustice how it's more common for men than it is for women to remain chronically alone or single later than normal

Yes, you have said this before.

Maybe feeling so much anger, rage and resentment is something you could work on changing. It sure doesn't seem to be helping you. You've told yourself a story about men and women and dating and allowed anger, rage, and resentment to build and build over the years. This doesn't sound very healthy.

I suggest you find some professional mental health support. It could help you.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yes, you have said this before.

Maybe feeling so much anger, rage and resentment is something you could work on changing. It sure doesn't seem to be helping you. You've told yourself a story about men and women and dating and allowed anger, rage, and resentment to build and build over the years. This doesn't sound very healthy.

I suggest you find some professional mental health support. It could help you.

Part of me is reluctant to do that because reality will never change, reminds me of certain comments I've heard over the years that have only added more fuel and Fire and more anger and rage

 

[Rodafina]

reality will never change

Your perception of reality can change.
Your reaction to reality can change.

reminds me of certain comments I've heard over the years that have only added more fuel and Fire and more anger and rage

More anger and rage. Beware.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

That failed relationship I had sure didn't help me at all which I already explained

 

[Tony Ramirez]

When hanging out with these women in groups I am no longer looking to date them. I am just looking to be my friend. I never had that growing up. I'm my mid 20s at my first church with my fake friends who eventually abandoned me I really only hung out with them and it was only three of us with two external girls outside. With the true friends I am always branching out meeting new women all the time.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I know I've said this before but cases like Tony just fill me with anger and rage and with a lot of resentment due to how it feels like a cruel injustice how it's more common for men than it is for women to remain chronically alone or single later than normal

I know your angry and stuff but these past couple of years I had more women approaching and saying hi to me ever then when I was a teenager and young adult in the 90s and early 2000s. I found out why. I talked to my therapist who is younger and my mother who watches shows. Things changed. Women do approach guys more. My therapist said it. Heck it's happening to me. It happened to some random girl at a coffee shop and now we are friends, texting each other. I know you are bitter thinking that men have to make the first move. I use to think like that for two decades but now just socializing I am living proof it is not the same anymore.

 

[Judge]

When hanging out with these women in groups I am no longer looking to date them. I am just looking to be my friend.

Tony, from my own perspective that's a HUGE step for you in the right direction.

I could never conform to dating or more conventional aspects of courtship with women. Where I came to the conclusion that all I had was to make friends, with a possibility of some of those friendships blossoming into something more. And while it didn't happen very often, it did happen.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I know your angry and stuff but these past couple of years I had more women approaching and saying hi to me ever then when I was a teenager and young adult in the 90s and early 2000s. I found out why. I talked to my therapist who is younger and my mother who watches shows. Things changed. Women do approach guys more. My therapist said it. Heck it's happening to me. It happened to some random girl at a coffee shop and now we are friends, texting each other. I know you are bitter thinking that men have to make the first move. I use to think like that for two decades but now just socializing I am living proof it is not the same anymore.

Yeah basically it fills me with resentment on how it's more common for men than it is for women to remain chronically alone or single later than normal

 

[tree]

All the Single Ladies: Washington, D.C., Has the Highest Ratio of Unmarried Women to Unmarried Men

A new data visualization shows the ratio of unmarried men to unmarried women by state, age, race and ethnicity.

www.census.gov

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Believe it or not all my female friends except one that British woman from the after coffee service from church who I approached named Tracy they all approached me.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Believe it or not all my female friends except one that British woman from the after coffee service from church who I approached named Tracy they all approached me.

Normally if women approach men they only do it just to convey friendliness or they're just doing it just to be social or friendly but women normally don't do that when they're trying to pursue a romantic or sexual relationship with a guy they like

 

[Bolletje]

Now that I’m dating again after over a decade I find myself very aware of my personal safety and I find that a lot of suggestions for hanging out are things I’d rather not to with someone I don’t feel safe with yet.

A cup of tea or coffee in a public place is fine.
Going for a stroll in a crowded area? Fine. A park, absolutely not. Dinner or a movie or something more time consuming is not generally something I’d do with someone I haven’t spent any alone time with yet, because I’m not sure how well we get along and don’t feel like being stuck for hours in an uncomfortable situation.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Normally if women approach men they only do it just to convey friendliness or they're just doing it just to be social or friendly but women normally don't do that when they're trying to pursue a romantic or sexual relationship with a guy they like

So what. Two decades ago. I did not even had that. I use to be ignored by them which was very painful. I am not even looking for romance. I am just looking for a good friend. I never had that growing up. I remember one girl was forced upon to me because she was the daughter of my mother's friend but she ended up marrying, having two kids then divorced one of my cousins just to remarried again. I use to barely hang out with her. Now I hang out with many females and even if they approach me just to be friends, who cares they at least do that now which I am thankful for.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

All the Single Ladies: Washington, D.C., Has the Highest Ratio of Unmarried Women to Unmarried Men

A new data visualization shows the ratio of unmarried men to unmarried women by state, age, race and ethnicity.

www.census.gov

Im Assuming those women have at least had boyfriends before, meanwhile It's Not Unusual and not unheard of for many men to reach a certain decade and to have always been alone or never dated just like Tony has unfortunately.

The phrase or quote that there's someone for everyone is a quote that will forever make me mad and angry and enraged until the day I die

 

[Mikah]

But a simple walk in the park or a hot coffee, chocolate I seem to get turned down every time.

Unless they are your sister or mother, being alone together has a certain connotation from a third party perspective and invites further development between the two of you. They likely don't want other people getting the wrong idea and most of all they don't want you getting the wrong idea. You may well tell them you have no intentions, but if they have any experience at all, they will know not to believe it, even if they believe you believe it.