Retirement not a cure-all.

[Jumpinbare]

Since retiring, I have been able to dial back social interaction almost entirely. I mean, I still have to go grocery shopping, occasional doctor visits, etc, but mostly I am very solitary. This has greatly reduced the daily stress of having to function as an autistic in an NT world. It has been great. But in the absence of that daily stress, the non-social impacts of my autism and comorbidities have become more obvious.

I have dypraxia. I have fantastic long-term memory, but can forget what I am talking about in the middle of a sentence. Or lose a tool I was using 30 seconds ago when I haven't moved from where I used it. I frequently have to describe in detail what something is or does because I don't remember its name.

Today was very much a reminder that social issues aren't my only problems. I dropped a 32 ounce glass full of water in the middle of the kitchen floor. I didn't trip, or get jostled or bump into or something. I simply wasn't gripping the glass adequately. Shortly after that, I was walking and turned to the side and painfully stepped on my own toe with my other foot. I misplaced several tools while working on projects around the house. I lost my phone no less than 5 times, and had to use the house phone to call my phone and hunt it down from the ringtone sound.

This really was not an unusual day. The amount of time I have spent in my 65 year life looking for misplaced items would probably be measured in years. I have scars on every appendage including my head from all the running into walls, trees, doorways, or accidentaly cutting or impaling myself. I sprained my ankles so much as a child that my ankle ligaments became elastic. Now when my ankles give, they bounce right back. With my alexithemia, I am generally unaware of emotionality. Then at seemingly random times, I cry for hours, or find myself suddenly angry.

I had really hoped my solitary retired life would make things so much easier since I didn't have to deal with traffic, job frustrations, etc. Easier it is. Ideal it still isn't.

 

[Misery]

I'm not anywhere near retirement age myself, but I still sympathize with a lot of this.

Due to a lot of my ASD issues I exited the work force many years ago... I dont know how long it's been. But at least a decade. And yeah, a lot of what you discuss here is accurate for me as well. I dont have to deal with the social problems nearly as often as I did back when I worked or was in school... but this then made other problems jump to the forefront. It also though means that when it IS time for social situations, they are now much harder due to being far less frequent. Like, I get rusty at them.

Also I do a lot of the crashing into things and whatnot. It's very odd... in an overall sense my coordination is excellent. And I never trip & fall, I'll always catch my balance. But I absolutely will do things like crash into doorframes and whatnot. And as for memory... I once lost my 2 and a half foot long keychain. Where was it? I'd hung it around my neck. I still "lost" it though, took 10 minutes to find it. So... yeah. That. Fun stuff.

I've lost track of whatever else I was going to say.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I literally looked in every room of the house as well as the car for my cell phone WHILE I WAS TALKING ON IT!

 

[Au Naturel]

Depending on your physical, financial, and mental health, retirement is a mixed bag. Without someone else telling us what to do all day, we have to figure out what to do on our own, 24/7, while often having far fewer resources to do it with. That is both good news and bad news.

Many people go to pot physically because they no longer need to be physically active. The same thing goes for mental fitness. There is a sudden spike in deaths right after retirement.

Retirement solves the problem of a crappy job and obnoxious coworkers and management. It doesn't solve anything else. If you have obsessions, now they can control your entire life. If you have anxieties, there's nothing to distract you from them. Retirement can be a dangerous time for a marriage. Too much time together, and you can get on each other's nerves.

Retirement gives one too much time to think.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

With all seriousness, this phenomenon of mental decline can occur quickly in retirees who do not keep their minds and bodies busy. This is why some professionals never retire, like physicians and Wall Street bankers. People who wake up in the morning with something to do that day will keep their minds sharp. Those that just want to sit in front of the television like a lump will decline very quickly. If you are socially isolated and that's not your thing, create 2, 3, 4 things that you like to do and keep doing them. Personally, I've got a long list of special interests to focus upon into retirement, such as travel, indoor/outdoor gardening, engineering and building things, rock polishing, etc.

Sure, genetics and health play roles in this, but working in the medical field as long as I have, it's pretty clear to myself and others, that overall, physical and mental activity, being engaged in life, is key to living into our retirement years with mental clarity.

 

[Judge]

It is a weird transition to go from being productive and busy-busy-busy to nothing beyond paying the bills to keep it all afloat. I'm finding that things I don't regularly think about can get "lost" temporarily, until I recall them again whether it be minutes or hours later. Just gettin' old.

Retirement is definitely not that "cure-all" that I know of. Not to mention worrying about the fiscal and political longevity of Social Security and Medicare. Making a lot of elderly folks nervous for good reason.

 

[Jumpinbare]

As a teenager, my family doctor told me to always stay physically active. He said as a long-time doctor he has seen that "You will rust out far faster than you will wear out".
Staying active has never been a problem for me. I am so busy now it's hard to see how I ever had time for a full time job on top of everything else.
And it's not physical grunt work. I design things and build and troubleshoot and refine, etc. Currently I have a totally homemade pontoon boat, and wilderness cabin in various stages of completion.

 

[The Pandector]

I wrapped up my work just before my wife began hospice, spent her last months as her caregiver. I had solid plans for keeping myself occupied thereafter. I had no reason to think I would lose my marbles, but I did. I woke up after her death with something like zero executive function. Deciding to do something made no difference. I dragged myself through the showering and eating, simply couldn’t get past bare survival.

Many months later, I tried to assume the activities I had planned for retirement. My drone was an interest that I thought would replace my old love of RC gliding, when I could spend hours lost in the thermals. As it turns out, apparently drone pilots are all pervs intent on spying from the sky, or at least that’s the public perception. So, my hoped-for long hours of peaceful distraction turned into trying to avoid any appearance of flying to spy, which in my book is pretty disgusting. Took the fun out of that.

I enjoy eating, and wine has always been an interest. However, my wife thought wine was grape juice that had spoiled, so I didn’t spend money enjoying it on my ownsome. My financial plan included one or two quality bottles a month, and I bought myself a dual zone wine cooler and an argon decanter. My only motivation for cooking a real meal was to enjoy a worthy pairing. Before a year was up, US inflation hit hard and fast; within two years, I was living on 60% of what I had retired on. Any serious reevaluation cut quality wine from the budget, and I settle for a few good bottles a year. Hardly a hobby. Yes, I hear you cry, there are many decent, affordable wines these days. But I sampled those through the years and simply am not inspired, as a good bottle will do.

My wife also lacked appreciation for photography beyond a snapshot, so combining photography with travel wasn’t popular. I intended to travel and hike, taking time for the keeper shots. However, traveling without my loving wife lacks all luster. And like everything else, gasoline prices have soared. The family wants me to work up some photos of the kids, but portraits are what I absolutely suck at. I’m assembling the gear from storage, but I feel I’ve lost that footloose shutterbuggery that I had so much hoped to indulge in my twilight years.

Not a musician, but a musical hobbyist, I collected several instruments over the years. No intention of becoming a musician, I enjoy trying. With serious learning issues, successes in life came from self learning. Unlike other pursuits, never able to master an instrument on my own. Always frustrated by that, I didn’t give up; recently I’ve learned not to care about being any good, just take the time to enjoy what I can do. So, I’m seeing some little progress.

I could go on. The things I set myself up to do haven’t worked out and I find myself majoring in the minors. However, my discombobulation left me with a story to tell and I recently finished first draft. Hadn’t foreseen writing as a constant, but life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I retired, went on vacation, came back to a husband who said he wanted a divorce and he left me. So I am doing a lot of adjusting, myself.

I've been unable to pursue the things I do love to do because I am so depressed, anxious, sad and in general messed up. So, I have lots of things in place, assuming I ever get back to enjoying anything.

I do find some structure to be useful and I have hung onto those with a passion. Every morning I do my Quaker meeting and walk the dog 1 mile, and walk the dog another mile in the evening. If I do nothing else, at least I do that.

and wilderness cabin in various stages of completion

I'd love to see the plans for your wilderness cabin. I also spend time outdoors.

 

[Au Naturel]

My main issue with staying active mentally is the sheer number of hours in a day. I get bored easily.

The issue with staying active physically - at least for me - is wear and tear. Arthritis has kicked in for most of my joints. Motion hurts, some days a little, some days a lot. I used to do a dozen miles in the wilderness in a day. The amount of walking I can do has diminished greatly, and the terrain I can do it on is also greatly restricted. Weight training does horrible things to my elbows, shoulders, and hands.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

The issue with staying active physically - at least for me - is wear and tear. Arthritis has kicked in for most of my joints. Motion hurts, some days a little, some days a lot. I used to do a dozen miles in the wilderness in a day. The amount of walking I can do has diminished greatly, and the terrain I can do it on is also greatly restricted. Weight training does horrible things to my elbows, shoulders, and hands.

Me too. I;ve had an autoimmune disease since early 40s and that really kicked my butt. I've been crawling my way back ever since.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Watching u-tube videos one walk 2,5 km due to stroke cannot do much else. Slowly improving daily. as it gets colder by the day.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I'd love to see the plans for your wilderness cabin. I also spend time outdoors.

8 foot wide, 16 feet long. 2 feet above gound. Screening remains to be done. Hopefully this weekend. It's in central Florida so I am not planning to use solid walls. Just screen.

A view from SW corner looking toward east where screen door will be.

Pontoon boat. If it looks similar to the cabin, it's not coincidental. They both have 8 x 16 decks. The boat has roll down screens on the front half, making a screen room to escape skeeters when at anchor. The pontoons are plastic 55 gallon drums. Note solar anchor light on starboard stern upright

 

[Ken]

Since retiring, I have been able to dial back social interaction almost entirely. I mean, I still have to go grocery shopping, occasional doctor visits, etc, but mostly I am very solitary. This has greatly reduced the daily stress of having to function as an autistic in an NT world. It has been great. But in the absence of that daily stress, the non-social impacts of my autism and comorbidities have become more obvious.

I have dypraxia. I have fantastic long-term memory, but can forget what I am talking about in the middle of a sentence. Or lose a tool I was using 30 seconds ago when I haven't moved from where I used it. I frequently have to describe in detail what something is or does because I don't remember its name.

Today was very much a reminder that social issues aren't my only problems. I dropped a 32 ounce glass full of water in the middle of the kitchen floor. I didn't trip, or get jostled or bump into or something. I simply wasn't gripping the glass adequately. Shortly after that, I was walking and turned to the side and painfully stepped on my own toe with my other foot. I misplaced several tools while working on projects around the house. I lost my phone no less than 5 times, and had to use the house phone to call my phone and hunt it down from the ringtone sound.

This really was not an unusual day. The amount of time I have spent in my 65 year life looking for misplaced items would probably be measured in years. I have scars on every appendage including my head from all the running into walls, trees, doorways, or accidentaly cutting or impaling myself. I sprained my ankles so much as a child that my ankle ligaments became elastic. Now when my ankles give, they bounce right back. With my alexithemia, I am generally unaware of emotionality. Then at seemingly random times, I cry for hours, or find myself suddenly angry.

I had really hoped my solitary retired life would make things so much easier since I didn't have to deal with traffic, job frustrations, etc. Easier it is. Ideal it still isn't.

I retired just a bit early in 2016 at the age of 64. I was looking forward to being free to work on my own projects. Projects that I have been longing to do since the early 1970's.

Now, seven years later, in 2023 none of those projects have been completed. The reason is because I have not been able to actually retire. That is because some of the customers that I did work for, at the job I retired from, followed me to my home. So, I have continued to work even in retirement.

I have heard it from everyone that I should just put my foot down and tell them NO. The difficulty there is that I feel honored that they want me for that work as opposed to the original business. Also, they are very nice people. So, here I am still working. It seems that real retirement is not as simple as I thought it would be.

It is still much better though. I have my own design lab. No boss or manager. I work in much greater solitude. Life is better. It's just not quite as I expected and I still haven't been able to work on my projects that I have longed to do for the past five decades!!!

Not just retirement, life simply never turns out exactly as planned. As Muriel (in the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) says, however, "...Most things don't, But sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff." I try to keep that in mind...

 

[Tom]

I find my slow deterioration much like yours and choose to see it comically. I don't know if that's possible for others or just the way my mind works. But I think it takes some of the stress out of it. I even saw recently that laughter is a recommended therapy for depression (or anxiety...I forget which). Like you should watch a funny show or videos for an hour in the same way people exercise to stay in shape (also recommended).

 

[grommet]

Since retiring, I have been able to dial back social interaction almost entirely. I mean, I still have to go grocery shopping, occasional doctor visits, etc, but mostly I am very solitary. This has greatly reduced the daily stress of having to function as an autistic in an NT world. It has been great. But in the absence of that daily stress, the non-social impacts of my autism and comorbidities have become more obvious.

I have dypraxia. I have fantastic long-term memory, but can forget what I am talking about in the middle of a sentence. Or lose a tool I was using 30 seconds ago when I haven't moved from where I used it. I frequently have to describe in detail what something is or does because I don't remember its name.

Today was very much a reminder that social issues aren't my only problems. I dropped a 32 ounce glass full of water in the middle of the kitchen floor. I didn't trip, or get jostled or bump into or something. I simply wasn't gripping the glass adequately. Shortly after that, I was walking and turned to the side and painfully stepped on my own toe with my other foot. I misplaced several tools while working on projects around the house. I lost my phone no less than 5 times, and had to use the house phone to call my phone and hunt it down from the ringtone sound.

This really was not an unusual day. The amount of time I have spent in my 65 year life looking for misplaced items would probably be measured in years. I have scars on every appendage including my head from all the running into walls, trees, doorways, or accidentaly cutting or impaling myself. I sprained my ankles so much as a child that my ankle ligaments became elastic. Now when my ankles give, they bounce right back. With my alexithemia, I am generally unaware of emotionality. Then at seemingly random times, I cry for hours, or find myself suddenly angry.

I had really hoped my solitary retired life would make things so much easier since I didn't have to deal with traffic, job frustrations, etc. Easier it is. Ideal it still isn't.

Thank you so much for talking about yourself. I thought I was too strange and nobody would be like me but I do those things too. I lose things so much it makes me crazy. I have to force myself to always put them in the same place, even then a few inches off and I can stare and not find it.

All of the things you talked about. I drop things for no good reason. I used to joke to myself, but I did not think it was funny, I would say the only reason I pick things up is so I can drop them. It makes life so hard.

Hurting myself, banging into things. I am so worried I will leave my hand out and crush it in the front door when I go out that as soon as it begins to open and I go through I pin my hands hard against my chest to make sure I know where they are and I won’t get badly hurt.

I hold knives and sharp edge very far away from me. If I am carrying something hot I lean back so my face is not near it. I have to be careful.

I do not know what my emotions are. I feel things and have no idea what they are, I try to find their names. I used to describe what was happening to me and ask people what it was.

I do not work and I live alone, all day I am fighting myself trying to manage. Spilling things, misplacing things, knocking things over constantly, hurting myself and forgetting so much I spend a lot of time just trying to remember or making notes and forgetting I made a note.

It is very hard. My GP doctor once asked rhetorically insensitively what I do all day. She has no idea. I think she thinks I sit around and do nothing. I am very busy all day every day just trying to manage.
When I was working I was so busy masking and in shock overwhelmed because I was socializing and around a huge number of people for hours that I was buzzing when I came out, kind of out of my body, so I did not notice all the things I do now.

It never seems to be easy just being autistic.

 

[grommet]

I find my slow deterioration much like yours and choose to see it comically. I don't know if that's possible for others or just the way my mind works. But I think it takes some of the stress out of it. I even saw recently that laughter is a recommended therapy for depression (or anxiety...I forget which). Like you should watch a funny show or videos for an hour in the same way people exercise to stay in shape (also recommended).

Nothing makes me feel better or cures me from anything quicker than laughing. It is the best.

 

[grommet]

I literally looked in every room of the house as well as the car for my cell phone WHILE I WAS TALKING ON IT!

I once looked for the belt I was wearing.

 

[Jumpinbare]

View attachment 120009
8 foot wide, 16 feet long. 2 feet above gound. Screening remains to be done. Hopefully this weekend. It's in central Florida so I am not planning to use solid walls. Just screen.
View attachment 120010
A view from SW corner looking toward east where screen door will be.

View attachment 120011
Pontoon boat. If it looks similar to the cabin, it's not coincidental. They both have 8 x 16 decks. The boat has roll down screens on the front half, making a screen room to escape skeeters when at anchor. The pontoons are plastic 55 gallon drums. Note solar anchor light on starboard stern upright

I am at my camp tonight. Woke up and figured I would post here. My ATV would not start. I have ordered parts, but rather than stay home I HIKED to my camp. I tied a 100 foot roll of window screen to my backpack. I also had a hammock I wanted to leave at camp. Otherwise my pack was lightly packed. It was a 9 mile hike because I took a wrong turn and had to backtrack. Return hike on Saturday will be MUCH easier with an almost empty pack.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I love your camp. We were planning to build something like that but a bit smaller. Something you can be inside in and away from the bugs, but still enjoy being outside.

It can get quite cold where you live. I live south of you and we will have nights that go to freezing.

I spend a lot of time looking for things I had in my hand 3 seconds ago. I have looked for my glasses that were on my face, looked for keys held in my fingers.

This has gotten somewhat better since retirement and some of the pressures are off. I have found if I stand quietly and just let my mind rove I usually figure it out in a few minutes. The confidence that comes from remembering correctly grows with each success.

Good luck.