Rant - I feel stupid

[AuroraBorealis]

I'm sorry, this is going to be somewhat of a rant. I will try to be as kind to myself as possible, but sometimes it's hard to filter my thoughts.
I feel so, so, so freaking stupid because I can't grasp even the basics of statistics and programming. I need both to some extent for my postgraduate studies, and I've been trying to self-teach myself in it for about 2 years, on-off. It's silly because I know that I'm reasonably smart - I got a medical degree, for Christ's sake. But it feels like as soon as it's about statistics, my brain shuts down. I've been always a quick and consistent learner, and in school I've always been fairly good at math (I really liked it), but only as long as I have a clear algorithm to memorize and to follow, I suppose. I need to understand every single variable and detail in order to be able to memorize and implement something (like in maths or physics). If even one little thing is unclear, the entire thing seems impossible. I haven't been taught statistics properly, since the bit we did at uni was just way too fast. And it doesn't matter how much I read about it and how many tutorials and online course I try, my brain just blocks.
I know it's irrational, but I feel really stupid. I feel like I'm dyslexic but for statistics, if that makes sense. No matter how much I read up on it and try, I just don't get it. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I know I have other talents, but I feel like crap about this right now.
I know some little things by now, but I don't understand them. I read a few statistical things so often that I could recite them if someone asked, but I don't understand a single word. I wouldn't have any idea on how to calculate with them or make sense of them. I'm really having a crisis about this.
Thanks for reading, and sorry for ranting...

 

[Judge]

Just another example of how there's nothing "linear" when it comes to our neurological strengths and weaknesses. I can relate, thinking at times how the hell I can comprehend one complex issue, and yet at another I can draw a complete blank.

Compounded at times by certain traits and behaviors that are not present at all. Where I can observe them in others, but not experience them myself.

Indeed, autism can be very frustrating at times, particularly over that which may be beyond our control.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Just another example of how there's nothing "linear" when it comes to our neurological strengths and weaknesses. I can relate, thinking at times how the hell I can comprehend one complex issue, and yet at another I can draw a complete blank.

Compounded at times by certain traits and behaviors that are not present at all. Where I can observe them in others, but not experience them myself.

Indeed, autism can be very frustrating at times, particularly over that which may be beyond our control.

Yep. I'm really, really frustrated right now. I need to present some stuff about this soon, and I feel like all I can do is write down a text I can read out and hope that no one will ask me a question to which I don't have a memorized answer. I'm really talented at writing, thank god, but at this statistics stuff, I am anti-talented. And this makes me feel even more like a fraud - like I truly have no idea what I am doing. And no matter how hard I try to get it, my brain says "nope". I understand the weirdest space-related stuff (which I don't even need for anything), but as soon as I see a table or a scatter-plot, I'm drawing a blank. This sucks (sorry).

 

[Judge]

Yep. I'm really, really frustrated right now. I need to present some stuff about this soon, and I feel like all I can do is write down a text I can read out and hope that no one will ask me a question to which I don't have a memorized answer. I'm really talented at writing, thank god, but at this statistics stuff, I am anti-talented. And this makes me feel even more like a fraud - like I truly have no idea what I am doing. And no matter how hard I try to get it, my brain says "nope". This sucks (sorry).

Sounds very much like how I very privately felt about my programming skills when it came to sophisticated website design working for a major corporation. While I could modify elaborate scripts and make them do what I want, I had terrible difficulty creating them from scratch. A skill I was supposed to have given my vocational training, but had a complete mental block in terms of basic programming. So when I had to be deeply immersed in programming, it was quite stressful.

I kept it a very tidy secret...no one ever figured it out. I too felt like a fraud of sorts. Then again in the world of high tech, one might also say I was just better at "reverse-engineering".

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Sounds very much like how I very privately felt about my programming skills when it came to sophisticated website design working for a major corporation. While I could modify elaborate scripts and make them do what I want, I had terrible difficulty creating them from scratch. A skill I was supposed to have given my vocational training, but had a complete mental block in terms of basic programming. So when I had to be deeply immersed in programming, it was quite stressful.

I kept it a very tidy secret...no one ever figured it out. I too felt like a fraud of sorts. Then again in the world of high tech, one might also say I was just better at "reverse-engineering".

I get the feeling. I also feel as if I find it way easier to deal with more complicated stuff of a field than to understand the respective basics. However, often I can't start understanding and working with the more complicated stuff if I haven't really understood the basics. But with this statistics stuff, I feel in a similar way you describe.
Thanks for answering. I feel somewhat better now.

 

[marc_101]

Oh man. Not sure how to answer. It happens that statistics is my area so I can offer all the concrete help you need. My gut feeling is that -- if you're anything like me-- you didn't cover some of the basics and is difficult to get the "big picture" without the basics. I can't learn details unless I can see how they fit together.

Send me a message. Maybe I can point you in the right direction.

 

[Rodafina]

I understand your frustration in feeling so capable in some areas and not-so-much in others.

I've been trying to self-teach myself in it for about 2 years, on-off.

Is there a way that you could get some lessons from another human in this area? Maybe it is one of those rare things that you could learn better if someone else was explaining it to you.

EDIT: ^ Like maybe @marc_101! ^

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Oh man. Not sure how to answer. It happens that statistics is my area so I can offer all the concrete help you need. My gut feeling is that -- if you're anything like me-- you didn't cover some of the basics and is difficult to get the "big picture" without the basics. I can't learn details unless I can see how they fit together.

Send me a message. Maybe I can point you in the right direction.

Thanks @marc_101, I really appreciate it. As it happens, I even have someone who can help me - my partner, who's quite adept at both statistics and programming. The problem starts at asking questions - I never know which questions I even need to ask. It's always something like "everything......". My brain sort of blocks the whole area. So it's not only the lack of knowledge but also the despair that blocks me during those moments. I alternate between crying and being angry when he tries to explain something to me. But I will take you up on your offer if it's needed in the future. Thank you.
I'm not surprised to see people on here who have good skills in this field - isn't this what I am stereotypically supposed to be good at? (that was irony... sorry. Filter is a bit damaged right now)
My partner (on the spectrum too) seems to have an affinity for this statistics and programming stuff. Makes me feel even more inadequate, even though I obviously know that everyone has different skills.
Okay, I'll stop whining and ranting now.

 

[Nervous Rex]

@AuroraBorealis, there are two approaches to understanding mathematics. You need to figure out which one is best for you.

Approach 1: It's a black box
You memorize formulas, i.e. "In this case, we use this formula". You just need to understand what the inputs are and what the outputs are. If your math tests just require you to know the formulas, this will get you through the classes. It will be good enough to use for routine work. In the real world, you'll have google, stack exchange, and books available.

Approach 2: Understanding the Why behind the Math
This is what most math classes teach, when they go through derivations and proofs of math formulas. You only need to know this if your math tests require you to write proofs, if you plan to publish papers that use the math, or if you want to extend the use of the math to do new things.

In either case, I highly recommend that you buy a copy of the CRC Standard Mathematical Tables book. I had a few math-intensive college classes that allowed you to use reference books in the tests and this book saved my life. I also use a few times a year to look up "what's the formula for...".

 

[AuroraBorealis]

My gut feeling is that -- if you're anything like me-- you didn't cover some of the basics and is difficult to get the "big picture" without the basics. I can't learn details unless I can see how they fit together.

And yeah, you're spot on with this.

 

[marc_101]

Nah. Special interest stuff. I can't do, say, medicine. I don't understand a word of chemistry. I can't see it. I have a bad memory so I couldn't memorize anatomy. That combined with a lack of interest in memorizing anything. I'm better at cause and effect. I was the worse waiter in college because I couldn't remember anything.

Also, as @Judge said, I do think that ASD is related to asymmetric/uneven skills. I'm terrible at arithmetic. Zero savant skills here. Don't ask me to divide or multiply in my head.

Start with shaking off the bad feelings towards stats. I'm absolutely certain you can do it. Email if you have questions.

 

[Kayla55]

This is what I noticed, is can be another method to solve math problem...and it's dependent on your route to problem solving. There are also different languages and approaches...
So while my db design is solid, and write few stored procedures and queries....it's old school and programming in the db wasn't my experience, java was and java was new mindset when it came out so lot new concepts to learn from other languages.
Modifying scripts is starting/newbie so you doing well. Takes time to get to write these yourself.
Keep searching for knowledge, never give up on world

 

[Hypnalis]

Most people can't self-teach Statistics or Programming. They both have quite high "startup thresholds".

Same people who can handle such topics can't teach them: high startup thresholds are difficult for people with little teaching experience.

I could probably help you get started in either one, but there's no shortcut. Unless you're aiming very low, you have a lot of work to do. And it's impossible to motivate people via chat.

 

[MNAus]

I have a similar mental block with matrices. Don't know why but i can't get to the how and why it works, so I need to learn rote and that really doesn't sink in as well. Like matrix multiplication. You put one on its side. Why? I'm sure I could learn it but it's been such a long time as something I didn't get that there's a layer of resistance in my brain to picking it up.

Anyway. For stats, try ChatGPT. It is infinitely patient. Try having a conversation and actually digging into bits you don't understand. Ask it for examples, analogies, other ways of explaining. It really helped me on a couple of topics.

For programming, it's tricky. If you're trying to pick up something like python, all the stuff on libraries, etc. can clutter your learning. Programming is not 'easy' it DOES take effort and learning. Don't beat yourself up. So there are a few options:

First off, baby steps and repeat them ad nauseum. If you're learning Python, use Thonny and just produce a million version of Hello World. Then a million versions of a simple addition function, etc. Wipe the slate clean each time, and type them in each time, all of it. It's not the most interesting, but you need to get that stuff to stick in your brain. ChatGPT can help here too. Ask it to give you twenty different problems for a particular topic.

Second you might want to learn concepts with pseudocode. It doesn't even have to be anything particularly recognisable. So you can try solving problems in your own words to understand the flow before learning the syntax to code. The downside here is that a lot of languages have capabilities built in (like handling arrays/lists). But it wouldn't hurt IMO.

Finally, and this is a bit of a risky one, it might be that imperative focused languages aren't a good starting point for you. You might find functional languages work better. BUT, they are cerebrally more challenging IMO, so they certainly aren't a beginners approach, but they might work if you find c, python, etc a tangled mess. Another BUT being that you will find imperative approaches vulgar and clumsy after you use functional and will likely try to emulate the approach you learned in, say, Clojure or Scheme in Python. That's not a big problem, but as it's not how most people use them, you might find yourself slightly distanced from the majority of code you see

 

[Suzanne]

I cannot even say: statitstics and my husband laughs when try in vain to say the blasted word.

I am very good at book keeping, but absolute dunce with math.

Have a lot of words floating in my head, but unable to spell very well.

 

[Hypnalis]

@MNAus

Functional programming is more nearly mainstream these days. There are adequate implementations in most modern "real" languages.

FWIW: Matrices are quite similar to Functional programming applied to e.g. data pulled from a table-centric database.

Try this as a starting point:

A. A "data matrix" which captures a set of observations. Horizontally they're related (e.g. one person's physical dimensions)
B. An "operator" matrix that performs some useful operation vertically on each instance of a measurement across the whole sample space (e.g. "all noses", or "all left thumbs")

AFAIK that was the first step (use of matrices to solve sets of "simultaneous" linear equations). Then the math guys spent a couple of hundred years figuring out how to get more out of them while confusing everyone else more and more at the same time

They found a lot of good stuff though.

 

[marc_101]

I have a similar mental block with matrices. Don't know why but i can't get to the how and why it works, so I need to learn rote and that really doesn't sink in as well. Like matrix multiplication. You put one on its side. Why? I'm sure I could learn it but it's been such a long time as something I didn't get that there's a layer of resistance in my brain to picking it up.

Interesting. I had the same issue with matrix algebra, until I found a book that explained math from the very basic to the complex with the Why of it. For matrices, it was a system of two linear equations as @Hypnalis said. The ones we see in high school. You multiply one of them and then subtract, etc, to solve them. Well, that's where the rules of matrices come from, including multiplication.

I need to know the Why or else I don't care. I find it difficult to learn rules for their own sake. I need to connect things.

 

[Chailatte_]

Find your approach (it may seem trivial, but it's just what you need to understand everything around you, including your studies). My approach is to seek similarities/keys in every aspect of life, from social dynamics to studying, utilizing the concept of 'similar but different.'

For example, I have difficulty navigating and understanding social interactions, so I imagine our 'social existence' as an intricate web of boxes, each containing unique patterns, beliefs, traumas, and life experiences, etc. These boxes are connected by invisible threads, similar to the concepts of string theory. Each social interaction 'pulls' on a specific thread, causing reactions based on individual experiences. I apply this approach to studying as well, looking for 'keys' of similarity as if they were connected particles. While this is a simplification, the concept of 'similar but different' helps me navigate complex social dynamics and understand what I'm studying, finding common connections and applying them to specific situations. You just have to find a common ground and create a sort of bridge/connection.

Many subjects need to be 'humanized' to be appreciated and understood; often, an overly impersonal and generic 'gap' is created. Make what you're studying your own and personal without shame! It will change your life.
PS: The original text was in Italian; this is just my free interpretation of how I've applied the theory of strings in a social context in a very simplified and metaphorical way.

 

[MNAus]

@MNAus

Functional programming is more nearly mainstream these days. There are adequate implementations in most modern "real" languages.

FWIW: Matrices are quite similar to Functional programming applied to e.g. data pulled from a table-centric database.

Try this as a starting point:

A. A "data matrix" which captures a set of observations. Horizontally they're related (e.g. one person's physical dimensions)
B. An "operator" matrix that performs some useful operation vertically on each instance of a measurement across the whole sample space (e.g. "all noses", or "all left thumbs")

AFAIK that was the first step (use of matrices to solve sets of "simultaneous" linear equations). Then the math guys spent a couple of hundred years figuring out how to get more out of them while confusing everyone else more and more at the same time

They found a lot of good stuff though.

That's actually very helpful. Thanks, I get it.

Re: functional programming. Yeah, I know most the languages can support it, but you'll probably find the vast majority of Python taking that imperative approach, which can make it confusing to learn in a functional-declarative way. I think it's probably easier to use a purely declarative language to learn, then if you wanted, for valid reasons, to use Python or C later, it would be possible.

 

[Hypnalis]

I originally had a "multi-paradigm" language paragraph in that post, but decided it's too "beginner hostile" even for a casual post I agree though - anyone learning alone who starts with one of those is very likely to get lost and give up.

What I usually tell people is to ignore all the fancy stuff: learn to code basic logic, then file I/O and interacting with text screens.. Hopefully they'll start learning what else is needed along the way.
At first, anything that breaks the rule "it should be possible to do simple things in a simple way" should be avoided.

IMO Functional Programming makes sense only after you understand data structures quite well - which is a higher threshold than basic logic.