Hello (M39, Finland)

[Arrokoth]

Hello,

I am a 39-year-old self-diagnosed Finnish male (pun intended). I would describe my autism as high-functioning because I have been able to live a relatively normal life so far, having found a relationship, friends and a job.

I think I am on the spectrum because I often find myself lost and anxious in social situations, which easily get me overwhelmed or overloaded, I am sensitive to noises, I have several special interests, I often miss what's going around because my focus is on some detail I get interested in, and I find relief in stimming-like behaviour, finding patterns or getting a nice big hug.

Well, I've written a few pages of such observations from my life, which I was planning to show my doctor to start discussing a possible diagnosis. Unfortunately the doctor did not take me seriously, but he nevertheless referred me to a psychiatrist just to get the same answer: it's not in the interest of healthcare to get me diagnosed as an adult because there is no treatment and my peace of mind alone is not a reason to get the diagnosis. I was a bit discouraged by this because I rely on authorities in such things, and it has been hard for me to accept that I might have to rely on my own diagnosis instead, being afraid that people continue to ignore this part of me, which really does help a lot in explaining why I am the way I am.

I realised that I am like this in 2017 when I really started reading into it and correcting some misconceptions I had over the condition. Since then, it's been a journey of self-acceptance and forgiveness for those numerous times I have screwed up in social situations, blaming myself for being stupid. Although I was bullied in school and nowadays I have issues in my relationship and friendships because I often annoy or frustrate people without realising, I think I am still lucky to have made it this far, knowing that not everybody in the spectrum makes it.

I don't know anyone else on the spectrum (at least for certain) so it would be nice to meet some autistic soulmate who can relate to my experience.

 

[Loren]

Hello and welcome, Arrokoth. It's nice to have you, here.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I can relate. not diagnosed, married was gainfully employed, now retired. Welcome to forum.

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Aspychata]

Finland is so beautiful. I lived a year there. Welcome to the forum. I was shocked at how incredibly difficult Finnish language is. Do you travel to Sweden for vacation much?

 

[Forest Cat]

Moi Finland

 

[VictorR]

Welcome and sorry about the dismissals you received from the professionals you were interacting with.

If it makes you feel less alone, the first specialist I attempted to see twice dismissed me on the basis that he wasn't interested in doing a diagnosis for the sake of it, and similarly, in my area, supports for adults are close to nonexistent.

It took me some time to gather the courage to ask for help, and eventually, I found the psychologist who I ended up seeing and who confirmed my thoughts, which was a great relief as now I had an answer, and it lead me to be comfortable in going out into the community and doing some advocacy work as well.

A big part of my continuing journey has also been to be able to look at past mistakes in a more sympathetic light, and to, when I make social faux pas presently, be better able to recognize them sooner and to try to ensure that where possible, that I recognize, apologize for, and try to learn from my missteps, while also trying to be more comfortable with who I am naturally.

If you haven't already read it,

Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity

“For years, I’ve been using my skills as a social psychologist to make sense of the scientific literature on Autism, and connecting with Autistic activists, researchers, and therapists to develop a rich understanding of our neurotype. I’ve also...

www.autismforums.com

is an excellent book which you may find helpful.

 

[Kisa the tea]

Hello and welcome to the forum! I hope you're able to enjoy your time spent on here!

 

[Arrokoth]

Finland is so beautiful. I lived a year there. Welcome to the forum. I was shocked at how incredibly difficult Finnish language is. Do you travel to Sweden for vacation much?

Thank you and nice to hear you've been in my country. Yes the language is difficult and pretty unique, even I have realised that! I do travel to Sweden every now and then, sometimes for work, sometimes for leisure. Are you from Sweden?

 

[Arrokoth]

Welcome and sorry about the dismissals you received from the professionals you were interacting with.

If it makes you feel less alone, the first specialist I attempted to see twice dismissed me on the basis that he wasn't interested in doing a diagnosis for the sake of it, and similarly, in my area, supports for adults are close to nonexistent.

It took me some time to gather the courage to ask for help, and eventually, I found the psychologist who I ended up seeing and who confirmed my thoughts, which was a great relief as now I had an answer, and it lead me to be comfortable in going out into the community and doing some advocacy work as well.

A big part of my continuing journey has also been to be able to look at past mistakes in a more sympathetic light, and to, when I make social faux pas presently, be better able to recognize them sooner and to try to ensure that where possible, that I recognize, apologize for, and try to learn from my missteps, while also trying to be more comfortable with who I am naturally.

If you haven't already read it,

Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity

“For years, I’ve been using my skills as a social psychologist to make sense of the scientific literature on Autism, and connecting with Autistic activists, researchers, and therapists to develop a rich understanding of our neurotype. I’ve also...

www.autismforums.com

is an excellent book which you may find helpful.

Hi VictorR, thanks for sharing this. I need to regain some confidence to face another doctor or psychologist and hope that they would at least listen to what I have to say before dismissing my case as irrelevant. Honestly I would even be happy with some professional agreeing with me about this even without getting into the diagnosis process. It's great that you decided to be persistent and found some good closure for the issue. I don't have any books about autism so I'll definitely consider your recommendation.

 

[tazz]

Welcome. I spent a couple of weeks motorcycling through northern Finland. Beautiful and interesting area, particularly around Inari. I'd love to return and spend some more time there.

 

[Arrokoth]

Welcome. I spent a couple of weeks motorcycling through northern Finland. Beautiful and interesting area, particularly around Inari. I'd love to return and spend some more time there.

Thanks and that sounds like a cool trip! I've never been to that part of Finland myself but looking forward to. I hope you saw some reindeer.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome Arrokoth. It is good that you have made it thus far without trauma, despite bullying. I needed the diagnosis late in life because PTSD ideation was being triggered. All of us are different and of those here, many have managed to put a decent life together.

 

[Forest Cat]

I was just thinking, you'll probably feel more at home with one of these close by, so I'll just install this sauna here.

 

[Aspychata]

Not from Sweden, but people ask me if l am Swedish because of my looks. But l remember everyone liked going to Sweden, when l was there.

 

[tazz]

I hope you saw some reindeer.

I did. Loads of them. They move like each leg has its own brain and they all want to go in different directions So it's a bit of a concern when passing them on a motorcycle!

I enjoyed that trip so much I wanted a tattoo as a permanent reminder - so now I have a mystical reindeer with me always...

 

[Forest Cat]

I did. Loads of them. They move like each leg has its own brain and they all want to go in different directions So it's a bit of a concern when passing them on a motorcycle!

I enjoyed that trip so much I wanted a tattoo as a permanent reminder - so now I have a mystical reindeer with me always...

View attachment 100611

So you were in Lapland with the Sami and the reindeer, that sounds nice. North Finland is special.

 

[tazz]

with the sami and the reindeer,

Yes. I met some very nice people from the Sami community in Arctic Finland and Norway. I learnt a lot about the history of the area, and I'm sure I only scratched the surface. I have a vague plan to spend a whole year in the north but I don't know when or if that will ever happen. I've seen a lot of the world and that area is by far my favorite. It was magical.

 

[Shevek]

I don't know anyone else on the spectrum (at least for certain) so it would be nice to meet some autistic soulmate who can relate to my experience.

It would be easier to relate if we share more than the general symptoms - what are some of your special interests and examples or problems that arose?
I am interested in Finland, having a similar climate, but a Canadian government. How was school for you? One amusing incident I had was when my then wife and I received a letter accusing us on one page of being communists, and on the next of being fascists. To me, the two epithets cancelled each other out. My wife took the opposite view, one of our points of divergence.