I spend much time involuntarily held in my autistic inner world. For me, it is a powerful, dominant, default state, which I struggle to remain clear of long enough to use a sharp knife, crisis a street, go potty by myself. Many times during when I am trying to do something (like write a forum post--Ha!), my inner world will snatch me away. Eventually, I fight to come clear... to see my toast is by then burnt, or the person I was in conversation with is glaring, annoyed.
Imagine if you forget what you are doing... as you are doing it.
Paying attention long enough to use a sharp knife is risky, and being in the real world is
Ike a. Us le I try to flex.. but it doesn't last long before inner world snatches me away again.
Anyway, I spend my entire life constantly "coming to"--- like waking up after surgery, or like when you went to the bathroom during the commercial break and do. der what you missed of your TV show.
I get panicky as several times during a bus ride, or in a car ride with a friend or support staf, I suddenly am aware... each time thinking:
Where am I?
Who am I with?
Where am I going?
Or,...
How long have I been standing in the shower like this, the water's cold...
How long have I been on the bus? I think i missed my Stop a long time ago...
People get cross at me a lot for what they think is voluntary "daydreaming."
After EEGs, it isn't seizures, just my autism.
This has been my whole life, an interrupted, fragmented awareness. Unlike NTs who may just gave a strong imagination, this is involuntary, and snatches my awareness away from the flow and narrative of my life. Yes, it puts me at risk sometimes.
My whole life seems to be many moments each day of "coming to," feeling immediately anxious, wondering "Where am I?" I have sort of made peace with this the best I can. It's just st my autism, my neurology.
Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing? Any good ideas for safety?
Imagine if you forget what you are doing... as you are doing it.
Paying attention long enough to use a sharp knife is risky, and being in the real world is
Ike a. Us le I try to flex.. but it doesn't last long before inner world snatches me away again.
Anyway, I spend my entire life constantly "coming to"--- like waking up after surgery, or like when you went to the bathroom during the commercial break and do. der what you missed of your TV show.
I get panicky as several times during a bus ride, or in a car ride with a friend or support staf, I suddenly am aware... each time thinking:
Where am I?
Who am I with?
Where am I going?
Or,...
How long have I been standing in the shower like this, the water's cold...
How long have I been on the bus? I think i missed my Stop a long time ago...
People get cross at me a lot for what they think is voluntary "daydreaming."
After EEGs, it isn't seizures, just my autism.
This has been my whole life, an interrupted, fragmented awareness. Unlike NTs who may just gave a strong imagination, this is involuntary, and snatches my awareness away from the flow and narrative of my life. Yes, it puts me at risk sometimes.
My whole life seems to be many moments each day of "coming to," feeling immediately anxious, wondering "Where am I?" I have sort of made peace with this the best I can. It's just st my autism, my neurology.
Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing? Any good ideas for safety?