Does anyone else feel like they are constantly putting on an act?

[Chris Russell]

Most of my life I've played numerous parts, but only when I have to such as at work or when I was in college. Basically, when acting more normal will get me the job, promotion, etc. I will act and talk differently to each person based on how they act and talk. But, like others have said, it is EXHAUSTING! At 51, I don't have the energy to keep it up, but it is hurting my job search. I don't really try to act "normal" since I fail at that when I've tried, but I do try to conform enough to make work easier. I like being different, or rather I like being myself. I just don't understand why other people care if I'm different

I think I too, am starting to run out of patience with some elements of fitting in - but this is to be expected. It is well known that us older citizens eventually lose patience with the world in general and people in particular, so I guess it's natural to be starting a bit early as Aspies!

 

[WereBear]

Everyone puts on an act. We just have to work harder at it... and... we also are far more likely to be annoyed by it!

 

[tree]

Apparently many people do feel they are
constantly putting on an act.

I don't feel that way.

Sometimes there are circumstances which
impinge upon the expression of exactly what
I am thinking or feeling. I don't consider
my behavior at those times to be 'an act'/
a falsehood.

Just a pinched feeling.

The way I relieve that feeling is to either
exit the situation.....or decide whether
being pinched in/pruned is worth it, and
if not, then go ahead and say what is
on my mind at the time.

 

[SnowTiger20]

I put on an act for many reasons,one of the big ones is that I feel justifying my true personality will not only take forever,but people will not understand,leading to more "awkward" moments.

 

[Chris Russell]

I put on an act for many reasons,one of the big ones is that I feel justifying my true personality will not only take forever,but people will not understand,leading to more "awkward" moments.

Yup - this, I think, is the key behaviour that gets us labelled as anti-social or preferring our own company... But it's just that being social in the normally prescribed ways is soooooo exhausting and ultimately disappointing, that it can be easier just to avoid the whole thing.

 

[Meistersinger]

I normally NOT putting on an act unless I'm onstage playing a part or singing and trying to get the point of the song across (for example, Scott Adams song depicting Palm Sunday, The Holy City or Charles Gounod's Repentir (O Divine Redeemer).

 

[Meg12]

I feel that no one really understands or knows me, like I am constantly playing a part. Does any one else feel this way? I recently started my first job; this feeling is really starting to hit home with me.

~Irene

Always! I even call my work clothes my "uniform" even though it's not technically a uniform. It gets very stressful and draining to be putting on an act for most of the day.

 

[Greg]

I feel that no one really understands or knows me, like I am constantly playing a part. Does any one else feel this way? I recently started my first job; this feeling is really starting to hit home with me.

~Irene

I have to say I totally agree with you. Over the past 4 and a half years I have been seeing my therapist every week. He has seen me at my worst and we have worked extremely hard to get where I am today. He is the only person who truly knows me. Most people see me and I am very good at hiding what really is going on with me. My family knows more about me but not at all to the level that my therapist. I think family wants to help but they don't have the clinical knowledge a trained professional has.

 

[Greg]

Yes, very much so! I feel that it is all horribly superficial and I cannot cope with that, so it takes a lot of effort to "imitate" them! Because I have got the sense that not many people like facts; they really like to stay in their bubble if ignorance and I find that really intolerable!

I agree with you. It is too much work to put a front on that is not me at all to impress people that don't understand. Since I have gotten older I have no tolerance for other people.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Yep, I put on an act all the time. Mostly at work; I act cold and disengaged - no smiling, no eye contact, etc. - to try to reduce the chances of harassment. I'm still working on the details though, such as walking away as soon as I get a bad feeling from a customer. In 2017 it's my goal to perfect my act as much as possible.

At home or in non-work situations I don't put on much of an act. I might hide anxiety if I'm experiencing it, but that's pretty much it. I figure if someone wants to be my friend they'll like me for me and not a facade, so I do what I want.

 

[nowwhat]

I'm just getting to the age where I kind of dont give a rip anymore. Tired of playing a role. Doing so puts you on a weak and defensive footing when conflicts do arise. People may be like, "WTF?" at me, but the truth is, there are very few people I have interest in or admiration for, and I can't be arsed to pretend otherwise anymore.

 

[Bellatrix]

No, and I don't see why I should have to. If people don't like me as I am, on my own terms, then as far as I'm concerned they can just go and get stuffed. No one expects N.T.'s to pretend to be as we are, so why should we be expected to be as they are? Hell no, screw that!

 

[Chris Russell]

No, and I don't see why I should have to. If people don't like me as I am, on my own terms, then as far as I'm concerned they can just go and get stuffed. No one expects N.T.'s to pretend to be as we are, so why should we be expected to be as they are? Hell no, screw that!

You're right of course - no-one expects NTs to act like us. This is because we are the minority and the majority makes the rules. There is little incentive for them to learn about us; it is as difficult for them to see though our eyes as it is for us to see through theirs. It is up to us to help them understand. I'm trying to do this in my own little way, and I have been overwhelmed by the positive response I have had from NTs. Many of them genuinely want to learn, but you have to pick your battles...

 

[Chris Russell]

I've been diagnosed practically my entire life, so it's hard to imagine not knowing for 40 years or something.

I'm sorry I missed your reply... I guess Christmas got in the way! The jury's still out on whether life would have been better, had I known earlier. I'd like to think so - perhaps I wouldn't have been so hard on myself, then. Are you glad to have known early? Do you think it's preferable to not knowing?

 

[Reedstorm17]

I'm glad I found out early. If I didn't know, my life wouldn't really make too much sense. Knowing I have Asperger's kind of gives me an explanation for why some things are harder for me than they are for others.

 

[Mr Allen]

When I have job interviews, I have to act like an NT, able bodied 42 year old, I can't do it.

What annoys me is that the world of employment is geared towards "normal" (I hate that word! Define "Normal"?!) so if you're Neurodiverse and otherwise disabled you got no chance.

 

[clg114]

When I have job interviews, I have to act like an NT, able bodied 42 year old, I can't do it.

What annoys me is that the world of employment is geared towards "normal" (I hate that word! Define "Normal"?!) so if you're Neurodiverse and otherwise disabled you got no chance.

"Normal" is a setting on the washing machine. As it applies to us, we are all normal. The way that I am, is normal for me.

 

[FreeDiver]

"Normal" is a setting on the washing machine. As it applies to us, we are all normal. The way that I am, is normal for me.

Are you sure that aspies aren't on the "delicate" or "permanent press" settings?

 

[clg114]

Are you sure that aspies aren't on the "delicate" or "permanent press" settings?

Maybe.