• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Do you love yourself?

There are some things about myself that I like. I'm learning to have more compassion for myself, understanding that I'm doing the best I can and it's not fair to hold myself to standards I'm incapable of meeting. I try to take good care of myself, because I don't like the consequences when I make bad decisions. Is that love?

However, I don't have warm, fuzzy feelings toward myself. If I knew someone else just like me, I probably wouldn't want to be around them. Frankly, I don't think anyone else should want to be around me, and so I try to minimize their exposure to me, especially to the real me-ness under the surface. I'm trying to learn to be more authentic with people, but at the same time, I feel deeply ashamed of what they have to see of me. And so I'm stuck in a catch-22, where I feel dishonest if I'm not authentic, and I feel ashamed if I am authentic.

My therapist reminds me that I shouldn't choose for other people whether they want to be around me. If they say they want to be my friend, I should believe them. But then they still seem to greatly limit their contact with me. They rarely seek me out, even when I'm doing my share to try to build the relationship. And so I can only conclude they want to have a limited relationship with me. This seems to confirm that I'm not a particularly enjoyable person to be around.

So...I tolerate myself, because I'm stuck with me. At the same time, there's no one else I'd rather be. So I end up concluding that humanity in general is rather repulsive. And I feel badly about that because how can a person love God if I can't love God's creation? But I do want people to be successful and cared for, and I work in a serving profession of sorts, and I work hard to do right by people. So maybe that's love? I don't know. I don't feel warm, fuzzy feelings toward most people. Does that mean I don't love them? Perhaps sacrificial love...choosing to tolerate them and work for their betterment...is more loving than needing them to fulfill some kind of emotional emptiness in me. Or maybe not. I don't know. I'm having a hard time defining love.
 
I used to really hate myself, but now I have come to realize that God made me just the way I am. Sure there are some things I wouldn't mind changing but as I have gotten older I've gotten pretty good at being me. I try to focus on the positive things about me and remember that God is slowly transforming me into the person he wants me to be.
 
Instinctively no, I was pretty much raised to hate myself. Logically I see the strengths I have and that I'm not completely worthless but those automatic subconscious thoughts are still not entirely convinced.
 
"Loving yourself" is a concept that is entirely baffling to me & one I really don't understand. I get the phrase (especially from one of my ex's on her way out) that you cannot truly love someone else unless you love yourself. I don't agree with that at all & see it as pseudo-psychological nonsense (frankly).

But my GF now asked me a while ago if I'm happy with who I am. I said that I'm loyal, honest, intelligent, compassionate & passionate. So yes, I am happy with who I am. Maybe that's self love?

But my areas of esteem issues are not with who I am, but rather if others find me i interesting, engaging, & want to be with me. I think a lot of us get that to one degree or another.
 
I suppose I do, but it's complicated.

As others have stated, love is a relationship, and my experience with "self love" has depended on the quality of the relationships
I have with others.

I believe I loved myself, or at least liked myself the most when I have been less involved with others, when I had fewer responsibilities, when what other people needed from me, or depended on me for was well within the realm of possible for me to reliably provide.

I do enjoy many aspects of my life, and there are a lot of ways in which I have a strong sense of self, of self esteem. But they don't seem to be areas which are of much value to others.

That is not the case now, has not bern the case for several years and will not be the case for several more, unless something profound or drastic happens.

I am struggling to find a reliable center, where I feel I can provide enough for others and not feel exhausted and needing to run and hide. That is what keeps me from being able to say I like or love myself, and that is troublesome, because I like being around people, I like having relationships (friendships, bio- family, romantic, etc.) But I have waded too far into the deep end for my own good. Meaning I have far too many responsibilities and people depending on me for me to be able to satisfy their needs.

It sucks, I really didn't understand the nature of relationships and the need to fulfil the needs and wants of others. But it seems (from how others have found me lacking) that is kind of the point of the whole thing and since I seem ill equipped to provide those needs and wants, I am not a good person. The stress and anxiety this brings has made me even less of a good person. Not a good partner, father, brother, nephew, cousin, uncle, friend, so how could I be someone that I love? Very troublesome.

I am grateful for those who do accept me as I am. I am grateful for this community. I am grateful for the opportunity to be helpful and contribute without the nagging feeling that others are wanting, hoping and expecting more.
 
I hated myself quite a lot for quite a few years. ATM I'm trying to be neutral, which is pretty amazing compared to how things used to be.
 
No, I don't love myself! On the contrary I hate my life at the moment, can't get a job due to disability, still single at 40 odd.... And I am half considering not renewing my Martial Arts license next month because I can't pass yellow belt.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom