Just over a decade ago, autism and ADHD were thought to be mutually exclusive. But in recent years, all that has changed
www.theguardian.com
Interesting (though I'm getting pretty tired that these articles persist in representing autism as predominantly being a young, female thing with their interviews and images).
Through discussion with my psychologist we've come to the conclusion I very likely have ADHD. Which type is difficult to say, because I understand the hyperactivity is usually internalised in adults, and externalised in kids. That would suggest combined type is likely, but the autism clouds things. I'm putting in an appointment with a psych to get the diagnosis, though as I have no family here, no school reports, etc it might be a struggle and if they are unable to understand how it presents with autism, it will be even more challenging. So how does it present?
Well, this post is a great example of one aspect which is the tug of war between focus and distraction. I have something else I need to be doing, but the idea of writing this post was irresistible. So I started with enthusiasm. I had a structure in my head and a ton of ideas. I started writing, kind of got the idea of how it was going to go and basically had it all laid out in my head. At that point, I don't want anything more to do with it. Since I started writing this I've actually already been to about three or four different other sites to have a look around, played with the puppy for a bit, made a coffee, played with the puppy again, had a chat with someone. I may or may not finish it. But as you're reading it I guess I did.
If I do post it the autistic side will kick in again and I'll edit it many times (I'll try to resist just this once) to improve how it reads. ETA: It's this ongoing conflict between needing precision and really not being bothered. It's like I almost get to the point where I'm begging myself to leave the details alone because they bore me soooooo much, but I simply must go back and tweak.
And that is how it is with everything. I have this hyper focus which allows be to mentally arrange things but the ADHD distracts me. It might sound like I get nothing done, but I can move mountains. If there is something urgent (as in needs doing, not should be done by some arbitrary date), something incredible difficult, challenging, etc. it'll get done. Some of the biggest and most difficult ideas get solved. I can see patterns and solutions, models, outcomes. My autistic side has blessed me with this ability. My ADHD has blessed me with a curiosity, but also handed me a short attention span. My autism has handed me a difficulty in communicating my understanding. My life is full of incredible insights and half-filled forms.
We thought I might have some sort of demand avoidance thing, because I leave so many things I should be doing undone, but it's not that, I just get incredibly distracted as soon as the problem is 'solved', even if that solution only exists in my head.
I can finish things (like this post!!!) but it takes effort to stay focused. But I am able to finish stuff, which means I have a fairly successful career, but I could have been so much more. I have a general level of noise in my head, including music on repeat, phrases people said playing back a few times, etc. I'm hoping to get that diagnosis.
