It looks like I'm a bit late to the party but wow! I am impressed with the responses.
I have had similar suicidal thoughts recently, and though some of the counselors I have seen managed to help me they have nothing on Aspie Central. This community has been my life line lately, and the best therapist I could ask for.
As for survival strategies:
I for one have been subject to a lot of "positive thinking " and "motivational" workshops. I hate them, and think they are less than useless. The optimism they encourage is often unrealistic and illogical. There also seems to be an outright denial that any of your problems are real. "Hey look, this guy was crippled as a child but is now a champion marathon runner. And this person was horribly disfigured in a fire, but she doesn't let that get her down!"
All of this just seems terribly dismissive to me. They preach that you are totally in control and that if you look at things the right way then you too can be a millionaire, an astronaut, or Academy award winning actor. It's so easy. You just have to want it. You just have to believe. This is of course nonsense as only so many people can possibly win Academy Awards, jobs as astronauts are similarly scarce, and if everyone were a millionaire we would be in the midst of the greatest recession the world had ever seen.
The implication is that if you can't get what you want, that if you aren't happy, well, it's all your fault.They act as though changing ones state of mind is as simple as turning on a light switch. This is pretty much the worst message you can send to somebody with depression or low self esteem. "So that guy ran a marathon after doctors said he would never walk again? I've never been physically handicapped, yet I could never do something that. Why am I so useless?", "That girl has gone through such hardship and yet she still gets on with life. What's my excuse? I must be a horrible person." Such is the depressive thought process, therefore a different approach is needed.
I think the first step is to not feel bad about feeling bad. Realize that it isn't your fault you feel this way. Your feelings are the result of external stimuli and your own biology. Both of these factors are beyond your direct control. Your pain is real, and there is no reason to feel ashamed about it.
Moving on: there are ways you can change your thought processes, and subsequently your mood. Unlike flicking a switch though, this process takes work. Exercising ones brain to think in a different way is not so different from exercising the body to increase strength or flexibility. It takes time, and repetition.
Some resources and strategies I would suggest are:
- Look into Mindfulness Meditation. Others have mentioned the value of living in the present and deep breathing and this combines the two. Slow, controlled breathing from the diaphragm actually disrupt the physiology of the fight or flight response, essentially making it impossible to panic. Meanwhile, focusing intently on the breath and physical sensations of your immediate surroundings disrupts the cyclical thought processes that create anxiety.
- Try grounding exercises. The idea is similar to mindfulness meditation. Find a comfortable sitting position and plant your feet firmly on the floor. Practice deep breathing from the diaphragm. Then pay close attention to the things around you. How many sounds can you hear? How many things can you feel, see, smell?
- SCREAM! Seriously. Find a place where nobody can hear you, or cover your mouth with a pillow and just let it all out. If you are so inclined you might even want to start a metal band. Catharsis is good.
- Find an exercise that you enjoy. Physical activity has many benefits and stress relief is just one of them.
- Immerse yourself in your interests and hobbies. Do the things that make you happy and permit you joy in the present. Sometimes this can become addictive and aspects of your life suffer. Think of this as harm reduction though. Spending too much time doing what you love is better than hurting or killing yourself.
I would also really recommend the book
Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws. This is the book that taught me not to feel bad about feeling bad. It gave me permission to do whatever I have to in order to cope, so long as it doesn't hurt others. Even cutting and drug use are still preferable to jumping off a bridge, if that's really what you need to hold on for an other day. But she is careful to list the drawbacks of each method and encourages the reader to move toward some of the more self loving and safe coping mechanisms, like listening to music, or finding your "tribe."
That's all I have for now. I hope I could be of help to you.