As One on the Autism Spectrum, Do You Have Barriers that Seem to Stop You?

[Judge]

I am not talking about SSI. This is about social security that people count on when they age, and Medicare. If u r not getting SSI now, u could wind up with nothing when u hit retirement age. U really need to take care of this.

Thanks for your concern. But I'm not prepared to explain or debate personal finance here. TMI.

 

[Alaska]

Thanks for your concern. But I'm not prepared to explain or debate personal finance here. TMI.

Not interested in that either. Would links to social security information be any help to u?

 

[Judge]

Not interested in that either. Would links to social security information be any help to u?

Thanks, no need.

 

[Thursday]

Adjusting. It just happens at a painfully slow rate for me. When I make up my mind to do something, I feel I have to trick myself into getting hyper about it to trigger adrenaline, otherwise I get overly anxious. This relates to one of my biggest letdowns these past two weeks and is related to what Judge mentioned here:

Anything related to seeking work. Holding it was never a problem. But getting there was always a nightmare for me. Though age and healthcare costs have more or less made it a moot point for whatever time I have left.

I woke up one morning and was weirdly motivated to look for some stay-at-home work. Nothing too big, I was merely going to browse. Luckily, I found a post looking for a cartoonist, stay-at-home and seems fun. Sounds like my cup of tea...I was able to doodle and finish drawings for the application that night, so far so good.

Then the next day, I woke up with the flu. A really bad one with coughs you can hear from outside the house (or so I've been told). I've never been that sick for a while now so it's just crummy luck, maybe. But then, I lost motivation and as I was putting together my resume, I found myself focusing on how I'm not going to make the deadline and got really anxious.

I froze and was again, back to the same "why the heck does his happen just when I've found the motivation to pick myself up. Why can't I just adjust to things? Sure, I was sick...but I'm wondering if I was just ignoring the stress (excitement is stress) and so I kind of doomed myself into getting that sick. If I don't trigger the adrenaline, I feel I lose being passionate about art or writing. It's such a delicate balance that so many things throw me off center.

Then there's the looping "I can't/I can" speech in my head that makes it all the harder. Reminding myself of the futility of worrying helps to an extent, but it feels so crushing when there's an opportunity and I feel it slips by so easily.

Sorry to sound like such a downer. Anyway, I'm trying to pick myself up again and I feel okay enough to talk to people (a.k.a. you guys) once more.

 

[Thursday]

Zillions of barriers.

Lack of motivation makes me more prone to being distracted, as well as under-perform in life and miss out on a lot of opportunities - just like with the fears.

I understand and can relate to several of your points (like the self-esteem and not being a good son/daughter) but I get this the most right now. When I'm focused, I just can't think of anything else, but when I'm not, I'm just so distracted.

Thank goodness for AC...I appreciate being able to hang out with all of you.

 

[OkRad]

Zillions of barriers.

Lack of social skills prevented me from making friends most of my life; they can be so terribly bad, even to the point of me saying something inappropriate without even realizing it. People always have to be direct with me, NEVER passive - otherwise I'm very unlikely to understand what's going on.

Lack of common sense prevents me from doing my job as well as I should and that brings about lots of very awkward moment with my boss and coworkers. It also makes me say and do a lot of silly things that lead to very awkward and embarrassing situations with NT's. It also causes me to make so many obvious mistakes at work without even realizing it unless I'm told, and that ends up leading to another barrier I'll be describing here (very low self esteem).

Being unable to control my emotions makes me not be as good a son as I should be, and I've written very long rants about that on here. It makes me lash out verbally at my parents whenever I'm in a bad mood, and the smallest thing can trigger it. Even if I lash out at myself, it totally drives them nuts - all the childish tantrums, and never being able to stop them. The meltdowns are the worse, they can get as bad as me punching myself in the face. It makes my parents (and honestly, myself) really worried about my mental health.

Being afraid of so many things makes me limit myself on what I do in life. I never learned how to swim because I'm afraid of drowning and pool germs. Being afraid of insects and bats makes me not go camping, and people were shocked to hear that I've never gone camping. Being afraid of driving (stemming from my fear of death combined with hit & run OCD) makes me stay home much of the time or otherwise ask other people to drive me places (like Sheldon Cooper from TBBT) or waste money on a cab. When I actually drive myself, I never go anywhere far. Being afraid of raw meat germs and getting burned and/or cut prevented me from learning how to cook. The fact that I limit myself so far actually makes me boring. I'm also literally afraid of people's reactions, so it pretty much makes me afraid of people - in a way. Many of my specific fears are actually stemming from one huge general fear - death. I fear germs because they might cause a potentially deadly infection. I fear driving because of deadly accidents. I fear bats because of deadly rabies. I'm afraid of drowning because drowning leads to death. As for insects, I mostly fear them because they're creepy and their stings can be very painful (low tolerance to pain, another fear).

Always worrying about things limits me in terms of how happy I can be. The continuous anxieties about the uncertain future, as well as regrets about past situations, simply make me miss out on half of life. This actually leads to a new regret, over what these anxieties made me miss out on. A never-ending vicious cycle. The anxieties also make me under-perform at work because all these intrusive thoughts are capable of clouding my mind, therefore prevent me from concentrating on the tasks at hand and thus prone to making more mistakes.

Speaking of cycles - being unable to ever let go of things makes me constantly cycle over the same topics and that really pushes people's buttons, at home and at work - often to the point of them screaming at me and really hurting my feelings and self-esteem.

Speaking of which, having extremely low-self esteem makes me limit myself in how I function in this world. I feel like I'm bad at so many things and it might be one of the reasons I under-perform at work (and in life). It makes me more prone to mistakes and it makes me more likely to throw childish tantrums. I'm also extremely afraid of making mistakes and disappointing people, and that ironically can lead to those same feared mistakes. The self-hatred can really throw me into depression and thus make me under-perform even more. This self-hatred has ruined my relationships with people, and in turn, led to even more self-hatred; another never-ending vicious cycle. Low self-esteem (even when it doesn't reach the point of self-hatred) also made me miss out on things like chess and judo; I was bullied in judo (taking judo wasn't my decision, but my parents' suggestion) and ended up quitting. I never joined the chess club because I assumed everyone was so much better than me.

Lack of motivation makes me more prone to being distracted, as well as under-perform in life and miss out on a lot of opportunities - just like with the fears. I think it might be one of the main reasons why I'm bored a lot (the others being anxieties and loneliness that results from poor social skills). I don't know, I just don't have any ambitions in life and this makes me feel that I don't really contribute to anything. It's also the reason why I keep abandoning any books that I start reading; I never really enjoyed reading, but lack of motivation makes me simply not stay focused on whatever I start reading. There have been so many other personal projects that I made an attempt to start but then dropped. Combine this with anxieties, and I'm just a useless lump. When I don't work, I mostly just sit at my computer playing games, watching YouTube, browsing Google Earth, listening to online radio, and being active on AC (in terms of AC, I'm actually super-motivated. I love this site and all the people on it!!) This is also why I haven't been taking AP classes in high school and not participating in extracurricular activities (I've only joined a couple of clubs and just took AP Spanish because I'm good with languages); I could have been a valedictorian and I missed out on a golden opportunity (here comes the regret again).

Being a picky eater prevents me from having an optimal diet. I tend to eat mostly meat, and I don't eat full meals - like I might eat a few chicken legs alone, and then I might follow it up with a tomato. I refuse to eat certain types of foods even if my mother offers it, and I never eat store-brand foods. I don't eat a lot of fruits and veggies (I do love tomatoes, though) - so mostly just meats, junk food and desserts (without any nuts, but that's because I'm allergic to some types).

So - after having done tons of research and having done some sessions with my psychologist, I conclude that these barriers are in fact related to my AS simply because I have AS. I know many of these qualities can pertain to NT's as well, but due to the fact that I simply have AS and these qualities happen to be common in AS, it leads me to conclude that in my personal case they do in fact pertain to my own AS. All these barriers simply prevent me from living life to the fullest. I feel like I've only lived less than 25% of what I could have. Ironically, my worst fear (death) is one of the main factors behind it all as I have described in the paragraph about fears.

You sound so much like me. Have u been genetically tested? From a real place? I have. Chrom 6 duplication, and c6 aberrations cause so much! Food, sleep, dev dis , hyperactivity, etc. I joined the c6 research project.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

You sound so much like me. Have u been genetically tested? From a real place? I have. Chrom 6 duplication, and c6 aberrations cause so much! Food, sleep, dev dis , hyperactivity, etc. I joined the c6 research project.

Hello Rad - no I haven't been genetically tested. Should I be?

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Hi there! I have read through your "story" ( in a good way) and what came to mind is that this person knows how to communicate all his issues in text and how his spelling is spot on and text punctuation is perfect. You also do not make your story boring at all.

Second: you are good with languages. That is something to feel good about and depending on your age, you could further this and do translations.

As for veggies, which are not my favourite either; accept tolerating peas and runner beans. I now roast my veggies in olive oil and salt and pepper and they have an amazing taste. I discovered this on youtube.

Nothing wrong in not wanting processed foods.

As for death. I used to be frightened too, but in fact it is the "how it comes about" is the scary part. Now, I do not wish to go further, for fear of being told that it is not allowed, so if you are interested in knowing the truth about death, please do feel free to inbox me.

I know what you mean about putting up barriers. I have chronic social anxiety and it is related to fear of people. It is like I have this invisable wall that goes up, each time I have to venture out where humans are.

I go on a monday, just a few metres away, to the bins and empty the bottles and from there, if I gain courage, I walk in the opposite direction that is only a minute walk, to the post box or the chemist and if I encounter another person, I start to hyperventilate. I go out on a monday morning, because no one is about then.

Low self esteem does not have to stay low for ever. I was so bad at one stage, that had the internet been around then, I would not dare to come on. I still get the feelings of "I am not worthy" if I see that my answer is the first or only one. I feel shy when I see that I dared to post a thread and ridiculously complimented when I get thumbs up or apsie central features my thread.

I am 47 and still have tantrums. It can be the silliest thing. Like, the chemist could not be bothered to put the cheque I gave into their bank for 28 days. If it had not been me being dilligent with accounts ( which I only discovered I am fantastic at, last year, which has also lead me to knowing all about how to get a business going, accept I would be hopeless for myself lol). Anyway, I was so incensed that I had to walk away to calm down. I can go into a fit, if my husband uses a good knife or fork or plate for doing mundane work in the kitchen, or if he used the wrong cloths. Oh, the list goes on!

Thank you for the detailed reply Suzanne, I enjoyed reading it. I really do try to be as detailed as I can and I type very fast, which might make me prone to some occasional typos. As far as being a translator...I'm definitely not as skilled as my father, and that's what he does for a living. He knows many more languages than I do, in fact. I do want to thank you for the encouragements, of course - those are always welcome. People think I'm boring because I always talk about the same things and I don't have any ambitions in life; I also don't go out much and mostly do stuff at my computer. At the same time, people also tell me that boring doesn't equal bad - but everyone around me is just so much more "interesting" than I am!

 

[Suzanne]

Thank you for the detailed reply Suzanne, I enjoyed reading it. I really do try to be as detailed as I can and I type very fast, which might make me prone to some occasional typos. As far as being a translator...I'm definitely not as skilled as my father, and that's what he does for a living. He knows many more languages than I do, in fact. I do want to thank you for the encouragements, of course - those are always welcome. People think I'm boring because I always talk about the same things and I don't have any ambitions in life; I also don't go out much and mostly do stuff at my computer. At the same time, people also tell me that boring doesn't equal bad - but everyone around me is just so much more "interesting" than I am!

Accept for languages, we are very similar. Although I have to say, that my favourite subjects are varied, but still seem to bore people, judging by the way they are not eager to chat with me again.

We both type fast then, but I did not see any typo errors and I do make tons myself and chide myself for not always proof reading.

 

[Mr Allen]

Hello Rad - no I haven't been genetically tested. Should I be?

Nope, unless there's strong evidence or any Familial links to Asperger's in your Family, there'll be no genetic cause.

I'm Aspie, but apart from a distant Uncle called Les, who's been dead nearly 10 years, there's been nobody else on either side of the Family showed any signs... Well I do have a distant cousin on Mum's side who's Schizophrenic, but I've only ever met the guy about 4 times in my life.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

Yes, and it is called stigma. I could be doing fine somewhere or with someone and somehow the "A-Hammer" gets dropped, everyone starts thinking differently about me.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Nope, unless there's strong evidence or any Familial links to Asperger's in your Family, there'll be no genetic cause.

I'm Aspie, but apart from a distant Uncle called Les, who's been dead nearly 10 years, there's been nobody else on either side of the Family showed any signs... Well I do have a distant cousin on Mum's side who's Schizophrenic, but I've only ever met the guy about 4 times in my life.

I feel like I'm the only Aspie in my family, but I have been concerned about bipolar. I experience extreme moods pretty frequently and one of my grandmothers was bipolar.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Accept for languages, we are very similar. Although I have to say, that my favourite subjects are varied, but still seem to bore people, judging by the way they are not eager to chat with me again.

We both type fast then, but I did not see any typo errors and I do make tons myself and chide myself for not always proof reading.

Not eager to chat - people have done that to me. I had multiple people remove me from chats after I rambled too much about either specific topics, or just random nonsense. When it comes to rambling I might just win the Nobel Prize.

 

[Heart of Stone]

AS impairs my social aptitude (obviously), but it's mainly my learning disability that's preventing me from progressing in life. My social anxiety also makes it even harder because I'm already incredibly nervous around people, so once most people realize that a wombat can do math better than I can, they either tease me, treat me like I'm stupid, or both; all of which just exacerbates my already abysmal mental health. To reiterate, AS does create barriers for me, but it's the other BS that I have that seems to be virtually insurmountable.

 

[toothless]

i dont like looking at the negative sides but all aspects of my autism and comorbid intellectual disability are a challenge,from my communication and life skills to my challenging behaviors,my toileting and personal care due to having extreme sensory issues with water as well as an inability to wash self independantly,my need for absolutely no change and a strict routine,inability to do friend stuff with the friends i have got,interacting,the way i think purely in pictures and have to continuously translate that into language or opposite,and having to have 24 hour care.

i also struggle with education because of both being from the severe spectrum of autism and having mild intellectual disability-i cannot write ,and struggle to read because of my visual processing issues,i also struggle greatly with language- i have to have plain simple language otherwise its like listening/seeing a foreign language-online i have to have a dictionary ready to help me understand what im reading and a thesaurus to sometimes help me widen my vocabulary when im just repeating the same words,i have a rigid mind and its hard for me to understand concepts but my often adult and difficult life experiences from childhood have given me a way of thinking beyond what i should have.

of course,my autism and ID affect my ability to have a job, whether voluntary or paid,ive tried to get voluntary but my lifelong severe insomnia and the sedatory behavioral medications im on stops me from being able to get up early.

 

[Full Steam]

Adjusting. It just happens at a painfully slow rate for me. When I make up my mind to do something, I feel I have to trick myself into getting hyper about it to trigger adrenaline, otherwise I get overly anxious. This relates to one of my biggest letdowns these past two weeks and is related to what Judge mentioned here:



I woke up one morning and was weirdly motivated to look for some stay-at-home work. Nothing too big, I was merely going to browse. Luckily, I found a post looking for a cartoonist, stay-at-home and seems fun. Sounds like my cup of tea...I was able to doodle and finish drawings for the application that night, so far so good.

Then the next day, I woke up with the flu. A really bad one with coughs you can hear from outside the house (or so I've been told). I've never been that sick for a while now so it's just crummy luck, maybe. But then, I lost motivation and as I was putting together my resume, I found myself focusing on how I'm not going to make the deadline and got really anxious.

I froze and was again, back to the same "why the heck does his happen just when I've found the motivation to pick myself up. Why can't I just adjust to things? Sure, I was sick...but I'm wondering if I was just ignoring the stress (excitement is stress) and so I kind of doomed myself into getting that sick. If I don't trigger the adrenaline, I feel I lose being passionate about art or writing. It's such a delicate balance that so many things throw me off center.

Then there's the looping "I can't/I can" speech in my head that makes it all the harder. Reminding myself of the futility of worrying helps to an extent, but it feels so crushing when there's an opportunity and I feel it slips by so easily.

Sorry to sound like such a downer. Anyway, I'm trying to pick myself up again and I feel okay enough to talk to people (a.k.a. you guys) once more.

I can very much relate to that.

As soon as things start improving in one area they plummet in another, and often in ways like you say, flu, migraines, sickness etc.

The biggest challenges I experience are;

Shutdown from too many people. This is the biggest and has a huge effect on my business success, as I can't do network events at all, and a more than 3 hours of meetings in one day will floor me for the rest of the day. Some times, just 30 minutes will, depending on the intensity of the conversion.

Difficulty coping with change, or actually wanting change. This is a stealth one for me, as I'm very good at planning and strategising for change, but I think the ASD doesn't really want change to happen, so often it doesn't unless other people are carrying out the change.

If I can get around those two I'll be extremely happy.


I also get executive function problems, and simple processes like filling out forms will almost never get done correctly by me. It's like working memory for non-visual stuff is very limited.

 

[Thursday]

I can very much relate to that.

As soon as things start improving in one area they plummet in another, and often in ways like you say, flu, migraines, sickness etc.

...

Difficulty coping with change, or actually wanting change. This is a stealth one for me, as I'm very good at planning and strategising for change, but I think the ASD doesn't really want change to happen, so often it doesn't unless other people are carrying out the change.

If I can get around those two I'll be extremely happy.

Oh, count me in! Still looking for the ASD life hack that'll help with the physical reactions. I can analyze and plan without issues, but carrying them out? Someone, somewhere must like cranking up extra hard mode.

 

[jeffry7]

I am still trying to work things out, but there have been barriers in my life that have been difficult. When i was in my 20's and 30's, I could not make a habit of paying the bills. Even if I had money. So several times a year I would get one of my utilities shut off. Trying to sit down and balance the checkbook and go through the details of paying them would be overwhelming. God help me if my numbers did not match the banks because I would not be able to find the mistake. I am sure I lost a lot of money to overdraft fees.

I still can't balance a checkbook, but instantaneous transactions have made this less of a concern.

I tried to work in a group that helped each other with financial concerns. One of the things you had to do was track your expenses. I couldn't do this. I think I managed 4 months once, but I was never able to do it again. It was hard for them to help me without this kind of record, so I went with bank statements because it was the best I could do.

When I was a teenager, I read books a lot. Now I can't. I will try and get a few chapters in and then put the book down and never pick it up again. I get around this by listening to audio books. This is fine right up until I need to read a book, such as something my therapist has suggested.

Certain kinds of projects are impossible. I can't make myself do them, or if I push, I can't concentrate enough to make any progress. I beat myself up for these pretty bad because they are things I should be able to do given my background.

On the other hand I have been working on taking better and better pictures of the moon for 4 or 5 years.