As One on the Autism Spectrum, Do You Have Barriers that Seem to Stop You?

[Sportster]

. . .

 

[Mia]

Probably the only thing that I can think of, with the realization that I'm on the spectrum is that I dislike travel more and more. Used to think it was the 'thing' that I should do, that in order to be more well-rounded I should go everywhere. To broaden my perspectives. Have traveled quite a bit, but it's become problematic over time.

Security, customs, enforced regulations and being confined and strapped into a tiny seat for hours makes me feel quite nauseous and panicky. It could easily be a confinement cell. Have passed out on two different flights, from stress or anxiety or lack of oxygen. And people around me may have thought I was sleeping I expect. Have a trip coming up in the fall that I have to take. And I'm not looking forward to it whatsoever.

 

[Judge]

Anything related to seeking work. Holding it was never a problem. But getting there was always a nightmare for me. Though age and healthcare costs have more or less made it a moot point for whatever time I have left.

 

[Mr Allen]

Anything related to seeking work. Holding it was never a problem. But getting there was always a nightmare for me. Though age and healthcare costs have more or less made it a moot point for whatever time I have left.

Indeed, as I'm sure you're aware from my previous topics, I've been saying for years that current anti-discrimination laws in the UK aren't worth the paper they're printed on because IMO the government doesn't enforce them and probably never will, hence I can't get a job! Despite having a 2 page CV (you'd call it a resume') of experience and qualifications.

 

[xudo]

Indeed, as I'm sure you're aware from my previous topics, I've been saying for years that current anti-discrimination laws in the UK aren't worth the paper they're printed on because IMO the government doesn't enforce them and probably never will, hence I can't get a job! Despite having a 2 page CV (you'd call it a resume') of experience and qualifications.

But also on the flip side, it has also been made increasingly more difficult to claim benefits. The easiest example of this being the removal of being able to tell PIP that things cause "emotional/mental distress". This was removed to stop people on the spectrum from being able to claim PIP as 'easily', and also affects people moving from DLA to PIP.

I would say that there are things which have also been barriers to some degree for me, and most have gotten worse as I've aged. I've never been good at socialising and I'm particularly bad at small talk. This has become more of an issue over the years as I have no desire to socialise. Executive function issues have plagued me too I suppose.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Sometimes it's my way of thinking and my lack of understanding of non literal launguage. This was the cas with my GCSE English. I had to receive extra help and work extra hard so get my C (I dit get it).

My anxiety is usually my barrier for example I am not yet able to go to a mainstream collage because of it.

 

[Judge]

Indeed, as I'm sure you're aware from my previous topics, I've been saying for years that current anti-discrimination laws in the UK aren't worth the paper they're printed on because IMO the government doesn't enforce them and probably never will, hence I can't get a job! Despite having a 2 page CV (you'd call it a resume') of experience and qualifications.

You might have to change your approach, such as simply not mentioning your neurodiversity altogether. Or stepping out of your comfort zone to take on the sort of job perhaps that you've never had before. Under the circumstances you may have nothing to lose. At least you're still young enough to pursue regular employment.

As for government, they may legislate civil laws to protect the public, but as civil laws it's mostly up to individuals to litigate them in court. Same dynamic applies here and many other places as well. Leaving government largely to enforce only criminal law unless a civil wrong impacts a great many people at one time, creating mass outrage and angry registered voters.

In my own case just hiding my age seems far more problematic. But time and the health insurance crisis is rapidly "solving" that dilemma as I get closer to formal retirement. Essentially my best working years are behind me. I'll just have to continue relying on my own resources to survive until then.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Employment is the big one. It feels like everyone else was given a map on how to deal with adulthood and I got nothing.

 

[Suzanne]

Socialising is the biggest for me. And meltdowns. I can only allow a bit of time on my own, to get past a meltdown.

I tried so hard to socialise in my younger days. I remember thinking: I don't get out enough and that is why I am unable to socialise like others or why I am so shy. Then it was: well, I have been trying to socialise more, but if anything, it is worse. I had not even heard of aspergers then.

Now, I will only socialise, if I give myself permission to get the heck out fast, if I cannot cope.

 

[FreeDiver]

Sometimes I wonder if the barriers are hard barriers or just soft barriers. The reason I say this is, is for example. I know I should have a wife and kids by now and the social pressures are saying that to me. But really, I have no desire to do so. It's not so much that I can't cross the barrier as it's more I just don't want/care to.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Zillions of barriers.

Lack of social skills prevented me from making friends most of my life; they can be so terribly bad, even to the point of me saying something inappropriate without even realizing it. People always have to be direct with me, NEVER passive - otherwise I'm very unlikely to understand what's going on.

Lack of common sense prevents me from doing my job as well as I should and that brings about lots of very awkward moment with my boss and coworkers. It also makes me say and do a lot of silly things that lead to very awkward and embarrassing situations with NT's. It also causes me to make so many obvious mistakes at work without even realizing it unless I'm told, and that ends up leading to another barrier I'll be describing here (very low self esteem).

Being unable to control my emotions makes me not be as good a son as I should be, and I've written very long rants about that on here. It makes me lash out verbally at my parents whenever I'm in a bad mood, and the smallest thing can trigger it. Even if I lash out at myself, it totally drives them nuts - all the childish tantrums, and never being able to stop them. The meltdowns are the worse, they can get as bad as me punching myself in the face. It makes my parents (and honestly, myself) really worried about my mental health.

Being afraid of so many things makes me limit myself on what I do in life. I never learned how to swim because I'm afraid of drowning and pool germs. Being afraid of insects and bats makes me not go camping, and people were shocked to hear that I've never gone camping. Being afraid of driving (stemming from my fear of death combined with hit & run OCD) makes me stay home much of the time or otherwise ask other people to drive me places (like Sheldon Cooper from TBBT) or waste money on a cab. When I actually drive myself, I never go anywhere far. Being afraid of raw meat germs and getting burned and/or cut prevented me from learning how to cook. The fact that I limit myself so far actually makes me boring. I'm also literally afraid of people's reactions, so it pretty much makes me afraid of people - in a way. Many of my specific fears are actually stemming from one huge general fear - death. I fear germs because they might cause a potentially deadly infection. I fear driving because of deadly accidents. I fear bats because of deadly rabies. I'm afraid of drowning because drowning leads to death. As for insects, I mostly fear them because they're creepy and their stings can be very painful (low tolerance to pain, another fear).

Always worrying about things limits me in terms of how happy I can be. The continuous anxieties about the uncertain future, as well as regrets about past situations, simply make me miss out on half of life. This actually leads to a new regret, over what these anxieties made me miss out on. A never-ending vicious cycle. The anxieties also make me under-perform at work because all these intrusive thoughts are capable of clouding my mind, therefore prevent me from concentrating on the tasks at hand and thus prone to making more mistakes.

Speaking of cycles - being unable to ever let go of things makes me constantly cycle over the same topics and that really pushes people's buttons, at home and at work - often to the point of them screaming at me and really hurting my feelings and self-esteem.

Speaking of which, having extremely low-self esteem makes me limit myself in how I function in this world. I feel like I'm bad at so many things and it might be one of the reasons I under-perform at work (and in life). It makes me more prone to mistakes and it makes me more likely to throw childish tantrums. I'm also extremely afraid of making mistakes and disappointing people, and that ironically can lead to those same feared mistakes. The self-hatred can really throw me into depression and thus make me under-perform even more. This self-hatred has ruined my relationships with people, and in turn, led to even more self-hatred; another never-ending vicious cycle. Low self-esteem (even when it doesn't reach the point of self-hatred) also made me miss out on things like chess and judo; I was bullied in judo (taking judo wasn't my decision, but my parents' suggestion) and ended up quitting. I never joined the chess club because I assumed everyone was so much better than me.

Lack of motivation makes me more prone to being distracted, as well as under-perform in life and miss out on a lot of opportunities - just like with the fears. I think it might be one of the main reasons why I'm bored a lot (the others being anxieties and loneliness that results from poor social skills). I don't know, I just don't have any ambitions in life and this makes me feel that I don't really contribute to anything. It's also the reason why I keep abandoning any books that I start reading; I never really enjoyed reading, but lack of motivation makes me simply not stay focused on whatever I start reading. There have been so many other personal projects that I made an attempt to start but then dropped. Combine this with anxieties, and I'm just a useless lump. When I don't work, I mostly just sit at my computer playing games, watching YouTube, browsing Google Earth, listening to online radio, and being active on AC (in terms of AC, I'm actually super-motivated. I love this site and all the people on it!!) This is also why I haven't been taking AP classes in high school and not participating in extracurricular activities (I've only joined a couple of clubs and just took AP Spanish because I'm good with languages); I could have been a valedictorian and I missed out on a golden opportunity (here comes the regret again).

Being a picky eater prevents me from having an optimal diet. I tend to eat mostly meat, and I don't eat full meals - like I might eat a few chicken legs alone, and then I might follow it up with a tomato. I refuse to eat certain types of foods even if my mother offers it, and I never eat store-brand foods. I don't eat a lot of fruits and veggies (I do love tomatoes, though) - so mostly just meats, junk food and desserts (without any nuts, but that's because I'm allergic to some types).

So - after having done tons of research and having done some sessions with my psychologist, I conclude that these barriers are in fact related to my AS simply because I have AS. I know many of these qualities can pertain to NT's as well, but due to the fact that I simply have AS and these qualities happen to be common in AS, it leads me to conclude that in my personal case they do in fact pertain to my own AS. All these barriers simply prevent me from living life to the fullest. I feel like I've only lived less than 25% of what I could have. Ironically, my worst fear (death) is one of the main factors behind it all as I have described in the paragraph about fears.

 

[Gracey]

I think I may be struggling slightly with this one.
(I seem to want to take out the word "Barrier" and insert "challenge")

If I stay with the word "barrier", lack of information and understanding will stop me. Lack of tried and tested methods I can believe in wholeheartedly and therefore trust to work for me, will stop me moving forward.

 

[SusanLR]

Sometimes I wonder if the barriers are hard barriers or just soft barriers. The reason I say this is, is for example. I know I should have a wife and kids by now and the social pressures are saying that to me. But really, I have no desire to do so. It's not so much that I can't cross the barrier as it's more I just don't want/care to.

That was how my life experience always has been.
I never had the desire and people kept asking me why I didn't marry or want kids or even leave home as far as that goes.
But, I always felt I couldn't even if I had wanted to because of too much anxiety living in the NTs world.
I tried to be social as a child, but, always ended up being made fun of for something. So socializing just got harder and harder. I could put on the human mask and act enough to get me by at work. But, not in long term relationships or social chit chats, parties, etc. I learned living with no close friends was normal for me.
The barriers of certain things that caused anxiety and panic attacks are what I've pushed through, but, no matter how many times, it always comes back. Like driving has been a big one for me. Every time I go to get in the car to drive, there is this sudden feeling of anxiety and I tighten up and want to hyperventilate. I get better when I get to where I am going or sometimes after just driving for a while. But, it's the same thing day after day.
And travelling? Flying? I would have to be sedated to the point of oblivion.

 

[Suzanne]

Zillions of barriers.

Lack of social skills prevented me from making friends most of my life; they can be so terribly bad, even to the point of me saying something inappropriate without even realizing it. People always have to be direct with me, NEVER passive - otherwise I'm very unlikely to understand what's going on.

Lack of common sense prevents me from doing my job as well as I should and that brings about lots of very awkward moment with my boss and coworkers. It also makes me say and do a lot of silly things that lead to very awkward and embarrassing situations with NT's. It also causes me to make so many obvious mistakes at work without even realizing it unless I'm told, and that ends up leading to another barrier I'll be describing here (very low self esteem).

Being unable to control my emotions makes me not be as good a son as I should be, and I've written very long rants about that on here. It makes me lash out verbally at my parents whenever I'm in a bad mood, and the smallest thing can trigger it. Even if I lash out at myself, it totally drives them nuts - all the childish tantrums, and never being able to stop them. The meltdowns are the worse, they can get as bad as me punching myself in the face. It makes my parents (and honestly, myself) really worried about my mental health.

Being afraid of so many things makes me limit myself on what I do in life. I never learned how to swim because I'm afraid of drowning and pool germs. Being afraid of insects and bats makes me not go camping, and people were shocked to hear that I've never gone camping. Being afraid of driving (stemming from my fear of death combined with hit & run OCD) makes me stay home much of the time or otherwise ask other people to drive me places (like Sheldon Cooper from TBBT) or waste money on a cab. When I actually drive myself, I never go anywhere far. Being afraid of raw meat germs and getting burned and/or cut prevented me from learning how to cook. The fact that I limit myself so far actually makes me boring. I'm also literally afraid of people's reactions, so it pretty much makes me afraid of people - in a way. Many of my specific fears are actually stemming from one huge general fear - death. I fear germs because they might cause a potentially deadly infection. I fear driving because of deadly accidents. I fear bats because of deadly rabies. I'm afraid of drowning because drowning leads to death. As for insects, I mostly fear them because they're creepy and their stings can be very painful (low tolerance to pain, another fear).

Always worrying about things limits me in terms of how happy I can be. The continuous anxieties about the uncertain future, as well as regrets about past situations, simply make me miss out on half of life. This actually leads to a new regret, over what these anxieties made me miss out on. A never-ending vicious cycle. The anxieties also make me under-perform at work because all these intrusive thoughts are capable of clouding my mind, therefore prevent me from concentrating on the tasks at hand and thus prone to making more mistakes.

Speaking of cycles - being unable to ever let go of things makes me constantly cycle over the same topics and that really pushes people's buttons, at home and at work - often to the point of them screaming at me and really hurting my feelings and self-esteem.

Speaking of which, having extremely low-self esteem makes me limit myself in how I function in this world. I feel like I'm bad at so many things and it might be one of the reasons I under-perform at work (and in life). It makes me more prone to mistakes and it makes me more likely to throw childish tantrums. I'm also extremely afraid of making mistakes and disappointing people, and that ironically can lead to those same feared mistakes. The self-hatred can really throw me into depression and thus make me under-perform even more. This self-hatred has ruined my relationships with people, and in turn, led to even more self-hatred; another never-ending vicious cycle. Low self-esteem (even when it doesn't reach the point of self-hatred) also made me miss out on things like chess and judo; I was bullied in judo (taking judo wasn't my decision, but my parents' suggestion) and ended up quitting. I never joined the chess club because I assumed everyone was so much better than me.

Lack of motivation makes me more prone to being distracted, as well as under-perform in life and miss out on a lot of opportunities - just like with the fears. I think it might be one of the main reasons why I'm bored a lot (the others being anxieties and loneliness that results from poor social skills). I don't know, I just don't have any ambitions in life and this makes me feel that I don't really contribute to anything. It's also the reason why I keep abandoning any books that I start reading; I never really enjoyed reading, but lack of motivation makes me simply not stay focused on whatever I start reading. There have been so many other personal projects that I made an attempt to start but then dropped. Combine this with anxieties, and I'm just a useless lump. When I don't work, I mostly just sit at my computer playing games, watching YouTube, browsing Google Earth, listening to online radio, and being active on AC (in terms of AC, I'm actually super-motivated. I love this site and all the people on it!!) This is also why I haven't been taking AP classes in high school and not participating in extracurricular activities (I've only joined a couple of clubs and just took AP Spanish because I'm good with languages); I could have been a valedictorian and I missed out on a golden opportunity (here comes the regret again).

Being a picky eater prevents me from having an optimal diet. I tend to eat mostly meat, and I don't eat full meals - like I might eat a few chicken legs alone, and then I might follow it up with a tomato. I refuse to eat certain types of foods even if my mother offers it, and I never eat store-brand foods. I don't eat a lot of fruits and veggies (I do love tomatoes, though) - so mostly just meats, junk food and desserts (without any nuts, but that's because I'm allergic to some types).

So - after having done tons of research and having done some sessions with my psychologist, I conclude that these barriers are in fact related to my AS simply because I have AS. I know many of these qualities can pertain to NT's as well, but due to the fact that I simply have AS and these qualities happen to be common in AS, it leads me to conclude that in my personal case they do in fact pertain to my own AS. All these barriers simply prevent me from living life to the fullest. I feel like I've only lived less than 25% of what I could have. Ironically, my worst fear (death) is one of the main factors behind it all as I have described in the paragraph about fears.

Hi there! I have read through your "story" ( in a good way) and what came to mind is that this person knows how to communicate all his issues in text and how his spelling is spot on and text punctuation is perfect. You also do not make your story boring at all.

Second: you are good with languages. That is something to feel good about and depending on your age, you could further this and do translations.

As for veggies, which are not my favourite either; accept tolerating peas and runner beans. I now roast my veggies in olive oil and salt and pepper and they have an amazing taste. I discovered this on youtube.

Nothing wrong in not wanting processed foods.

As for death. I used to be frightened too, but in fact it is the "how it comes about" is the scary part. Now, I do not wish to go further, for fear of being told that it is not allowed, so if you are interested in knowing the truth about death, please do feel free to inbox me.

I know what you mean about putting up barriers. I have chronic social anxiety and it is related to fear of people. It is like I have this invisable wall that goes up, each time I have to venture out where humans are.

I go on a monday, just a few metres away, to the bins and empty the bottles and from there, if I gain courage, I walk in the opposite direction that is only a minute walk, to the post box or the chemist and if I encounter another person, I start to hyperventilate. I go out on a monday morning, because no one is about then.

Low self esteem does not have to stay low for ever. I was so bad at one stage, that had the internet been around then, I would not dare to come on. I still get the feelings of "I am not worthy" if I see that my answer is the first or only one. I feel shy when I see that I dared to post a thread and ridiculously complimented when I get thumbs up or apsie central features my thread.

I am 47 and still have tantrums. It can be the silliest thing. Like, the chemist could not be bothered to put the cheque I gave into their bank for 28 days. If it had not been me being dilligent with accounts ( which I only discovered I am fantastic at, last year, which has also lead me to knowing all about how to get a business going, accept I would be hopeless for myself lol). Anyway, I was so incensed that I had to walk away to calm down. I can go into a fit, if my husband uses a good knife or fork or plate for doing mundane work in the kitchen, or if he used the wrong cloths. Oh, the list goes on!

 

[Momo]

I just make it up as I go along, and so far that life policy hasn't failed me... Yet.

 

[Blast off]

I have many sensory barriers, like noisy,bright,and strong smelling places make me want to run away and hide. I don't like being in close proximity of others, and also unexpected touches are a good way to get your arm broken around me lol.

 

[Momo]

I have many sensory barriers, like noisy,bright,and strong smelling places make me want to run away and hide. I don't like being in close proximity of others, and also unexpected touches are a good way to get your arm broken around me lol.

Everyone who has ever touched me without warning now resides in Davy Jone's locker...

 

[Alaska]

You might have to change your approach, such as simply not mentioning your neurodiversity altogether. Or stepping out of your comfort zone to take on the sort of job perhaps that you've never had before. Under the circumstances you may have nothing to lose. At least you're still young enough to pursue regular employment.

As for government, they may legislate civil laws to protect the public, but as civil laws it's mostly up to individuals to litigate them in court. Same dynamic applies here and many other places as well. Leaving government largely to enforce only criminal law unless a civil wrong impacts a great many people at one time, creating mass outrage and angry registered voters.

In my own case just hiding my age seems far more problematic. But time and the health insurance crisis is rapidly "solving" that dilemma as I get closer to formal retirement. Essentially my best working years are behind me. I'll just have to continue relying on my own resources to survive until then.

Better check how the laws will affect u. If u have not worked enough hours recently u might be denied Social Security and medicare.

 

[Judge]

Better check how the laws will affect u. If u have not worked enough hours recently u might be denied Social Security and medicare.

I've never had any thoughts pertaining to claiming SSI disability benefits prior to retirement. I survive on my own resources. But just making it to retirement to claim my existing benefits may be a struggle. Though I've never envisioned SSI as anything but a supplement to retirement income. To be continued...

 

[Alaska]

I've never had any thoughts pertaining to claiming SSI disability benefits prior to retirement. I survive on my own resources. But just making it to retirement to claim my existing benefits may be a struggle. To be continued...

I am not talking about SSI. This is about social security that people count on when they age, and Medicare. If u r not getting SSI now, u could wind up with nothing when u hit retirement age. U really need to take care of this.