What a bad day. My therapist ended up being no good.

[Tony Ramirez]

I found out the true colors of my therapist but let's go back. It started with the emotional text I sent to my coffee shop girl friend who I thought did not want to be my friend because of the way she was not interested in talking to me on Sunday after previous disclosing my autism. My yoga teacher supported me after I broke down who has been a great support. After class when I got the text I was so emotional and nervous I could barely walk so she helped me as I walked home. We both read the text together and it was a big understanding as my friend was just having a bad day and it had nothing to do with me.

I went to the park then walked to the therapist and got lost so when she called I learned her true colors. I was panicking but she did not care and told me that if I kept yelling she was going to hang up. I found out myself how to get there.

When I got there I was emotional, displaying all the stimming autistic traits even interrupting speech and she said I had to leave if I did not stop. All this time the past weeks since telling her about my coffee shop girl friend she was always saying how I would lose her as a friend because of my texting her too much and trauma dumping even though I even told the coffee shop girl directly and she said it was fine and she won't get angry.

What really was insulting was when I mentioned solo hangs and how I finally understand how men hang out solo to tell personal things and women hang out solo too tell personal things like my friend did this Sunday because she felt down. My therapist had the nerve to say but I hang out with my guy friends solo but you can't because you think emotionally romantic and you are going to lose her as a friend. Basically I am no good for any girl because I am autistic.

When I told my mother this tonight I got so emotional and cried and nearly had a meltdown. This therapist is a college student and I said to my mother who knows how college girls treated me like dirt by ignoring me, walking away from me, talking to other people and giving me dirty looks. I nearly lost it screaming and saying things like I hate college girls. I held my mother's hand while she calmed me down. It took a while to calm me down.

Basically now I am out of Prozac on Sunday and they won't refill it. The bad student therapist I trusted putting in notes all this time was putting down I was bipolar and schizophrenia. My mother is going there tomorrow with me and demand they refill it or take legal action. She is going to do all the talking since I am too emotional.

My parents found a promising clinic just for autism that is in industry city which is in sunset park that looks like a good staff. She is going to check it out tomorrow.

I am also going to meet my friend on Thursday which I asked for and me and him are going to have a quick bite to eat to really talk.

 

[Aspychata]

That was a lot to deal with. Sorry that your therapist doesn't understand you at all. But on the other hand, you took care of business. You went to your mother and she is taking some positive action. And you determined you need a prescription refill. And you talked thru some of what you were feeling, after you identified your emotions. And you wrote about here, which will bring more clarification for you. It feels difficult right now, but you are getting through this. It gets easier the more we breakdown the emotions we are feeling.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Thanks. Can't sleep. No surprise. My mother recently has been very supportive. I been surprised all this time. Also if it was not for the support from my yoga teachers and church community friends I would have cracked up by now for sure.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

We talked about my past years in school. Junior high was the best years. I showed my autism fully to all even though I did not know at the time I had autism but I had zero judgement from the teachers and my peers.

High school was tough at first with some bullies but at least people talked to me included girls. It got much better as the years progressed. By the time I graduated even my cousin said you are quite popular as even girls were saying goodbye too me.

College as you know was the biggest regret of my life and it is forever etched in my mind. The horrible experience I had with females basically the being ignored, ostracized no one should go through that. Imagine sitting right next to a college girl for six months and she does not say one word too you not one single word or even looks at you. Or when you even talk to two people about something common a guy and a girl and they just walk away ignoring you. I had to drop out after two years which started the hell of them during college of bringing me to this clinic all this time I thought was helping me was pumping me with bipolar medications which is why I gained over a 100 pounds and was mentally worse. Which is why I completely wasted all of my 30s.

 

[Rodafina]

Basically now I am out of Prozac on Sunday and they won't refill it.

Tony,
Did you get a clear explanation of why your prescription wouldn't be refilled? Prozac is a medication that you are not supposed to stop abruptly, so it is surprising that they would leave you in a situation where you could not taper down like you are meant to.

I'm glad to hear that your mother has been supportive and will help you through this difficult experience. I rely on my parents for support, too.

It is not uncommon to have to change therapists now and then. Sometimes, it is just not a good fit. I hope the clinic is a useful place for you and you can get some support there.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Tony,
Did you get a clear explanation of why your prescription wouldn't be refilled? Prozac is a medication that you are not supposed to stop abruptly, so it is surprising that they would leave you in a situation where you could not taper down like you are meant to.

I'm glad to hear that your mother has been supportive and will help you through this difficult experience. I rely on my parents for support, too.

It is not uncommon to have to change therapists now and then. Sometimes, it is just not a good fit. I hope the clinic is a useful place for you and you can get some support there.

I told them that but they did not care especially this flake of a therapist. She said you might be bipolar so we are not going to chance it by refilling it so you are just going with out it. I said I will climb the walls. I was stimming humming and crying. She did not care saying just basically leave and I will see you next Tuesday.

 

[Misty Avich]

I told them that but they did not care especially this flake of a therapist. She said you might be bipolar so we are not going to chance it by refilling it so you are just going with out it. I said I will climb the walls. I was stimming humming and crying. She did not care saying just basically leave and I will see you next Tuesday.

Oh she called you a..?

(Joke)

Anyway, it seems a lot of spectrumers have similar situations with therapies like this. Aren't these therapists trained or educated about emotions? I mean it's no good saying "it's because we're autistic and so that's why therapists don't understand", because at the end of the day we're all humans and when it comes to emotions or mental health all cases are unique whether you're autistic or NT or other, which is what a therapist should be trained for, for all types of brain wirings.
After all, this fantastic empathy superpower that I thought all NTs are supposed to be hardwired with, surely that should make it just a little easier for them?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Now your wondering why I am trusting people less. Actually I am finding out all the distrust except from my former friend is coming from that clinic. Everyone else from yoga and church have been great supporters.

As I said college was the biggest mistake of my life. If I would have never gone I would also have never been referred to that clinic until recently I thought was a good thing. College sucked and I wish it appond no autistic person sanity.

 

[Misty Avich]

Now your wondering why I am trusting people less. Actually I am finding out all the distrust except from my former friend is coming from that clinic. Everyone else from yoga and church have been great supporters.

Another thing I understand. One place with a bad experience can make us develop trust issues. I've been there and bought the t-shirt.

As I said college was the biggest mistake of my life. If I would have never gone I would also have never been referred to that clinic until recently I thought was a good thing. College sucked and I wish it appond no autistic person sanity.

I'm sorry to hear this.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Who knows what my life would have been if I never stepped my foot into that college campus thinking I can get a headstart doing summer school. Biggest regret but of course I was pressured by my entire family at the time to go but I really in the back of my mind back then felt like it was a mistake. Boy I wish I would have been more outspoken and really refused my family wishes since I was the first ever to go to college even though I only had a 2.0 GPA even though I would try my best and study my butt off it did not improve my grades, so I was also severely limiting to where to go and this school was a last quick pick since the last school was too urban which I felt was bad but ended up falling through anyway when they wanted me to take all math courses when I am terrible at math. I ended up dropping out of college with a 1.0 GPA if you can call it that with a couple of F, D and many W which are classes you dropped out of.

 

[thejuice]

Your mother sounds like a good egg, I'm glad she looks after you so well!

Sounds like your therapist is inexperienced and there might be a neurotype clash going on.

Ive had a similar experience where if you speak with any sort of energy or intensity (not shouting) they start to shut down. Some therapists are feeble, I'm sorry. At the very least this person needs training in autism.

You were having a meltdown but they saw you as a threat. A skillful therapist would recognise it and be able to talk you down from it.

Try not to get upset, they judged the way you are but It's just their opinion. Hope you find someone better and more experienced.

 

[Misty Avich]

A lot of people break down in therapy sessions though. Whenever I've been to therapy sessions there has always been a box of tissues on the table for people who get tearful. A therapist should actually be trained to handle any emotion-driven behaviour (that isn't violent or abusive, which the OP wasn't). Some non-autistic people can rock or do other stims when upset. It's true! One time I was sitting an exam at high school, and a popular girl that I believe was NT suddenly freaked out with nerves and sat rocking in her chair with her head in her hands. When the teacher asked if she was okay she forgot she was in a quiet exam room and started yelling, "I just can't do it!" So she had to be removed from the room to calm down (as the room was supposed to be kept silent) as it was clear she was having some sort of meltdown due to nerves about the exams.

So yes, anybody can freak out or melt down too when dealing with stress, emotions or trauma. Some people have PTSD or mental health problems that need to be addressed in therapy and often people can just melt down. It's quite normal. So I think that therapist was very unhelpful and incompetent, whether you're autistic or not.

 

[thejuice]

Problem is, men's expressions of distress are not socially acceptable. It is usually condemned and not sympathised with.

 

[Misty Avich]

Men usually express their emotions through anger (which doesn't always mean violent or abusive). Last week a guy at work was accused of something he didn't do. He's usually a calm, laid-back guy, but this just got to him and he reacted with anger, marching in to the office yelling at people, swearing, etc.

Yet whenever I get triggered, as a woman my first reaction is to cry. I just can't help it. But I think it's healthy to cry. The OP said he cried, well, I must say I much rather see a guy cry and stim when feeling unhappy, than lashing out verbally or physically in anger. Crying is a very healthy way to release emotion, and I think men should be encouraged to do it more. Yes I know you feel weak crying, I do too, but it's still healthier. I even tell my husband that it's okay to cry, although he never does.

 

[thejuice]

It's not how you think it is, that I think "oh I can't cry because then I'll be seen as unmasculine" It's that crying is not something my nervous system involuntarily does. I have only cried in extreme stress or grief.

I'm not surprised he reacted the way he did. One accusation and you're toast in this current society. I'd meltdown too.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I use to never cry until the past few months. When I was in college I talked to no one, barely even said anything to my therapist which the first guy was good then he left after a year and I had a horrible therapist for over a decade who would constantly interrupt me and use analogies. I got so tired I transferred, then a short time later he ended up retiring anyway. The problem was the new therapist was so busy that I ended up with college interns.

There was only one count them one during the pandemic who was excellent. She helped me through the face masks. I did virtual twice a week even though she was only allowed once a week. She even gave me her own person contact info and called me even from the airport when she would visit her parents from Atlanta which she was not supposed to do. When we started to meet in person again she use to take off her mask in session just for me. Her last session with me, she even broke down and cried. Even gave me a hug and that is not even allowed but she did it anyway.

 

[thejuice]

Yes a good therapist listens and gives you space to organise your thoughts.

 

[Aspychata]

That was a caring therapist. But l have ran into several bad ones that give me the stupidest advice. And l think just why? Just why are you in this profession?

 

[Misty Avich]

It's not how you think it is, that I think "oh I can't cry because then I'll be seen as unmasculine" It's that crying is not something my nervous system involuntarily does. I have only cried in extreme stress or grief.

I'm not surprised he reacted the way he did. One accusation and you're toast in this current society. I'd meltdown too.

Yes, I've always seen it as nature, but so many people have argued that it's nurture. I don't think it is nurture though. I think the way the average male brain is wired is different from the average female brain, which might be where we as humans have picked the social construct from where men are "stronger", although that does not mean men don't have the ability to cry.

Often social constructs are suited to the average nature of the sex, not the other way around.

 

[thejuice]

Often when I feel like crying the feeling fizzles out very quickly and it's not me consciously 'manning up'