Nummulite
Member
(I'm not diagnosed, still awaiting assessment)
My partner is on the spectrum, and he's a very talkative, expressive person (hammy, even). He often runs into problems at work or in daily life with people seeing him as obnoxious or rude when he doesn't mean to be. I've seen that this is a problem for a lot of autistic people.
In contrast, I very rarely get accused of being rude or inappropriate. It's one of the reasons it took me so long to seriously consider if I'm autistic.
In almost every kind of social situation, my method is to be as inoffensive and low-risk as possible. I speak softly, I use a lot of pleases and thank-yous, I don't talk more than necessary, I don't give opinions or complaints, I avoid talking about myself, and I don't ask personal questions. People sometimes give me weird looks but they rarely get angry with me.
I used to think this was a sign that I'm socially aware and adept, but my partner has pointed out that I just have a different version of the same problem- I use one tool for every situation, and it isn't always effective. Whereas he just says what he wants and doesn't worry about how people will respond because he can't predict it, I just assume across the board that people will respond negatively to me unless I act in this specific way. It gets me through my day to day life, but in situations that call for familiarity, I can't connect to people. I act this way whether I'm talking to my parents, my employer, or someone making conversation with me at a party (the only person I don't act this way with is my partner). I only have two friends (including my partner), and I think this is partly to blame.
Does anyone else do this? Is this just a social anxiety thing?
My partner is on the spectrum, and he's a very talkative, expressive person (hammy, even). He often runs into problems at work or in daily life with people seeing him as obnoxious or rude when he doesn't mean to be. I've seen that this is a problem for a lot of autistic people.
In contrast, I very rarely get accused of being rude or inappropriate. It's one of the reasons it took me so long to seriously consider if I'm autistic.
In almost every kind of social situation, my method is to be as inoffensive and low-risk as possible. I speak softly, I use a lot of pleases and thank-yous, I don't talk more than necessary, I don't give opinions or complaints, I avoid talking about myself, and I don't ask personal questions. People sometimes give me weird looks but they rarely get angry with me.
I used to think this was a sign that I'm socially aware and adept, but my partner has pointed out that I just have a different version of the same problem- I use one tool for every situation, and it isn't always effective. Whereas he just says what he wants and doesn't worry about how people will respond because he can't predict it, I just assume across the board that people will respond negatively to me unless I act in this specific way. It gets me through my day to day life, but in situations that call for familiarity, I can't connect to people. I act this way whether I'm talking to my parents, my employer, or someone making conversation with me at a party (the only person I don't act this way with is my partner). I only have two friends (including my partner), and I think this is partly to blame.
Does anyone else do this? Is this just a social anxiety thing?