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AprilR
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  • My biggest wish is to not be an emotional burden on anyone. I want to be liked and than forgotten
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Me too. I absolutely hate that l am a financial burden on someone. I would work full-time but it's been difficult.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I hate it too. I work full time and i am still a financial burden to my parents.
    Life got so much easier when i started to stop chasing some grand happiness ideal and just stay in this moment. And allow myself to feel good over silly little stuff
    Jonn
    Jonn
    My focus is on simple emotional stability.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    That's harder, but achievable.
    I know i need to meet new friends irl, but i can't find anyone i can connect with and making plans with people i have to mask around is such a hassle.
    So i ended up messaging my ex bff whom ghosted me two years ago. She will prob.not even respond to me.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I am sorry you experienced it too, bluebird. Sometimes i really think people are too irrational for me
    blue_bird
    blue_bird
    It was not like him to just ghost me like that. He was a really great friend. I've tried initiating communication again, but no luck. I just hope his problems didn't make him do something regretful. Unfortunately I have no way of finding out. Perhaps others can give you some info on your friend?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    We don't have any common friends, at least not anyone i can ask.
    The friend i had a fight with called me today. I was not expecting it. I am going to meet her now, i hope everything goes well
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I dont know how i should act
    T
    thejuice
    How did it go?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    It was fine, she acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. So i did too
    I fell asleep in the office yesterday. I am too exhausted
    AprilR
    AprilR
    It happened before too. I am way too exhausted, and since no one knows about my autism i cannot say anything about it
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I wish my paremts were supportive of me quitting this job. But they are not
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I hate my life
    I messaged my friend i had a fight with. She messaged me a few days ago, i was not expecting her to ever contact me again
    AprilR
    AprilR
    It was. Part of it is related to her wanting me to act like my past self. We had an argument bc she mentioned i am always stressed and not accepting of her crazy ideas. So it is deeper than a one time thing
    T
    thejuice
    She's finding it difficult to accept the authentic you
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Maybe but she befriended me while i was masking so its partly my fault
    I still miss my ex best friend and our silly anime talks sometimes. *sigh*
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I have recently started it, and it is fun with lots of interesting characters!

    I used to watch a lot, but i think i liked Cowboy Bebop and Wolfs' Rain the best! What are your favorites?
    honeytoast
    honeytoast
    Rose of Versailles, Chainsaw Man, and Higurashi: When they Cry Gou are some of my favs. It's so difficult to pick them out lol.

    Cowboy Bebop is a classic, haven't watched Wolf's Rain (yet).
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I could not finish Rose of Versailles, my heart could not take it! I watched Higurashi also, but not Gou i think.

    Yes, it is hard to choose among so many good shows..
    I am kind of sad i wasted my vacation with needless depression and anxiety thanks to the fight i had with my friend. Tomorrow i return to work and i don't feel relaxed at all.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Okay. Try to stay grounded. Slow breathing, pace yourself.
    In other news i might quit my job on Monday. I want to consult my therapist first but my appointment is two weeks later
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thank you!
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Wow, big step. I am impressed. Good luck with whatever you decide! You really have changed all for the good. Very impressive. You help me realize that l can be a better person too.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    @Aspychata Thank you so much, i teared up a little when i read that. I have not been feeling well this week
    An old friend has messaged me and we decided to meet. Maybe this is a sign for me to drop the mask and act more like myself with new people.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Being yourself, sounds great.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Yes, he is not someone who knows me well , so it may be the best chance for me to start forming real connections
    So after the fight with my friend i am healing day by day. I still don't know how to be honest with someone since people are scary but from now on i dont want to mask too much with people.
    T
    thejuice
    I find it hard to state my needs too
    AprilR
    AprilR
    In my case it is not hard but impossible. Because the country and society i live in does not care about my needs
    Thinking again, i think part of my friendships all falling apart is bc i am always masking and making so much effort to not appear disabled or abnormal. Sooner or later everything falls apart
    AprilR
    AprilR
    This life was not made for me. I sometimes wish i was not born but it is not bc i hate myself anymore. It is bc even though i changed to accept myself other people will not.
    tree
    tree


    "...sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    My friend and i had a fight on our vacation and we returned early. I am freaking out since she is my only friend but i dont want to be a doormat who cannot speak her mind either.
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    That's a shame. It's important to have friends.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Yep but i am done with being a people pleaser who is always considering things from other people's view. I want someone to do the same for me for a change
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Yeah I can understand that. It stinks when a friendship is a one-way street.
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