Universally Physically Attractive People With Aspergers

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I know, right?!

These words are used in a sentence only by americans and the irish

Sadly this introduction is accurate and we may need to be more diligent in protecting our children from swine.

I think this thread is in need of a parent concerned about their children to educate this person as it's not good Read the below quote;

I didn't know I had an extreme perspective on Sex... I am okay with Incest and people looking a cartoon children in sexual situations.. But I still believe in consent and age of consent....

https://www.aspiescentral.com/threa...h-sex-religion-or-politics.15900/#post-300965

 

[Dee317]

These words are used in a sentence only by americans and the irish


I think this thread is in need of a parent concerned about their children to educate this person as it's not good Read the below quote;



https://www.aspiescentral.com/threa...h-sex-religion-or-politics.15900/#post-300965

I rest my case

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I rest my case

And here's me thinking you were gonna go all Jerry Springer on him/her lol.

 

[buttercuplols]

Hiya. I read the first 3 pages of this and nearly lost the will to live. But I want to respond saying when I was younger I was shallow and had limited experience. Years later I fell in love with a friend who I had never looked at that way. Tastes change, priorities change and life changes. We're getting married next year!

 

[eonbus]

how did i follow this thread? i am completely lost with this.

 

[MissyMoo]

Let’s just get out of the way the fact that in this discussion I’m not thinking of any person in particular (at least not necessarily on this or any forum), nor am I seeking to judge any speaking on here for their attractiveness.

For me personally, internal attraction seems so much more likely with women on the spectrum (for any number of reasons relating to personality, opinions or common interests etc). But do you get many aspie women (those who actually sometimes really struggle socially rather than those mildly on the spectrum) who have the looks of an atypical glamour model or simply one that many guys found attractive in school (rather than just other guys unknowingly on the spectrum) if just until they discovered she was socially awkward, became uncomfortable around her and looked to NT women instead. I kind of get the impression that those women that are an aspie and are regarded beautiful on a more universal level (rather than by the smaller group of individuals of whom I would not regard as a pertinent example) are only mildly on the spectrum and would still easily intimidate and probably overlook other aspie guys (like me and the majority who are and may forever go without a girl for whom they do not feel they ‘settled for’ rather than ‘settled with’). The same could be true of guys too, but as I’m a hetrosexual guy (one wishing there he was ‘asexual’, but without even the ability to be attracted to others, as is still apparently true of asexuals) please forgive the one gender sided view of this thread.

My point is that it’s actually seemingly easier than I realized for an aspie guy to couple with an aspie girl, but if that aspie guy ends up realizing why this aspie girl was too easy to get with (perhaps because she has low standards), has gone without much love interest for so long or comes to see her as someone he merely ‘settled for’ irrespective of how genuine her love may be for him, then very quickly she is nothing more than a friend at best and still does not serve as proof that he could eventually get a girlfriend he could genuinely and wholly love (like so many other NT’s would quickly or eventually do, without ‘settling for’ someone).



Your thoughts please….????

This is my experience:

When I was a teen I was considered "universally physically attractive" or considrred pretty at least.

I really liked someone in my high school and we got along really well. We were able to talk more easily than with others, we had a different way of looking at things. However, I was too awkward to say that I liked him and I really do not know how to flirt. And he was too oblivious to realise that I liked him. Years later its turned out that we both are Aspies.

Instead I went out with the NTs who persued me.

Its also interesting to point out that although alot of NTs found me physically attractive, many of them found me a bit strange or intimidating and therefore did not want to persue a relationship.

I am now in a relationship with someone who is a NT. He is very quirky too so we get along well.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Hiya. I read the first 3 pages of this and nearly lost the will to live. But I want to respond saying when I was younger I was shallow and had limited experience. Years later I fell in love with a friend who I had never looked at that way. Tastes change, priorities change and life changes. We're getting married next year!

This is my experience:

When I was a teen I was considered "universally physically attractive" or considrred pretty at least.

I really liked someone in my high school and we got along really well. We were able to talk more easily than with others, we had a different way of looking at things. However, I was too awkward to say that I liked him and I really do not know how to flirt. And he was too oblivious to realise that I liked him. Years later its turned out that we both are Aspies.

Instead I went out with the NTs who persued me.

Its also interesting to point out that although alot of NTs found me physically attractive, many of them found me a bit strange or intimidating and therefore did not want to persue a relationship.

I am now in a relationship with someone who is a NT. He is very quirky too so we get along well.

This thread is kinda old now, but certainly an interesting experience you've both had. Me, well I'm 100% asexual/aromantic now and this has finally solved many of my problems providing the medication I want can be prescribed for chemical castration.

 

[Suiseiseki]

Oh damn, the confusion from another forum I posted this on is now spreading to here too, and the worst part is tht I had to tell them I'd forgotten my original point (though I'm sure I'll remember). Maybe have a look at the above answers because though I may not have agreed with them, they clearly had seen my originally intended point. I'll try later to remember it too . Umm, let's say the main point may have been that when aspies (guys anyway) do seem to fall in love and get a GF, that it almost seems like they scrapped the barrel to find one and settled below their true desire. Maybe, but I could be wrong with that being my intended statement/point.

Well one must ponder their place in the wide world.
If you're a socially awkward nut job (this idea goes for anyone), like if you have a whole host of problems who really is going to want to date you?
I wasn't willing to settle for the people I felt were below me (single mothers, former party girls, you know all that crowd, crazy sjw's-kind of confused about that one) I found I didn't have any options left.
It's the reality of life I don't have a good hand, it's nobody's fault, it's just the way the world works, I can't blame that anymore then I could blame the world for making me 5ft6 or my lack of good facial hair.

 

[Cali Cat]

What I hear you saying is that you want a woman who is desired by NT males. If she is Aspie, and therefore socially awkward, this diminishes her value in the eyes of NT males, and therefore in your eyes as well. This is true no matter how attractive she may be. If this assessment of your rather convoluted initial post is accurate, then the problem lies with you wanting something you simply cannot have unless you change yourself completely and determine to don a mask 24/7 for the benefit of fulfilling some adolescent fantasy.

I've never considered it "settling" when I've dated Aspie men. Quite the contrary in fact. They are far more interesting and easy to be with. Sure, my physical appearance allows me a wide range of dating options, but what makes an NT guy better than an Aspie guy? I've found some Aspie males to be very physically attractive, and it doesn't bother me a bit if NT women aren't able to appreciate them. That just makes me smarter than the NT females who passed these men by.

 

[ksheehan88]

What I hear you saying is that you want a woman who is desired by NT males. If she is Aspie, and therefore socially awkward, this diminishes her value in the eyes of NT males, and therefore in your eyes as well. This is true no matter how attractive she may be. If this assessment of your rather convoluted initial post is accurate, then the problem lies with you wanting something you simply cannot have unless you change yourself completely and determine to don a mask 24/7 for the benefit of fulfilling some adolescent fantasy.

I've never considered it "settling" when I've dated Aspie men. Quite the contrary in fact. They are far more interesting and easy to be with. Sure, my physical appearance allows me a wide range of dating options, but what makes an NT guy better than an Aspie guy? I've found some Aspie males to be very physically attractive, and it doesn't bother me a bit if NT women aren't able to appreciate them. That just makes me smarter than the NT females who passed these men by.

Agree...

My friend is an aspie, and I think he is not only very attractive, but I find him incredibly interesting - its amazing that he goes into such detail about things he is interested in, when most would just mention it in passing...

He loves to read too, and will sit and read me passages from his books, which I love... which I've never known anyone else do (I'm sure there are NT males that do... but I've never met one!)

Yet, sadly, he thinks he bores me with his interests and considers himself a "sad git" because this is how people (including NT women he's been involved with) have reacted to the very things I cherish him for.

True beauty come from within.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Agree...

My friend is an aspie, and I think he is not only very attractive, but I find him incredibly interesting - its amazing that he goes into such detail about things he is interested in, when most would just mention it in passing...

He loves to read too, and will sit and read me passages from his books, which I love... which I've never known anyone else do (I'm sure there are NT males that do... but I've never met one!)

Yet, sadly, he thinks he bores me with his interests and considers himself a "sad git" because this is how people (including NT women he's been involved with) have reacted to the very things I cherish him for.

True beauty come from within.

My (now ex) boyfriend liked those same things about me. He eventually broke up with me because I was so shy in social settings, and this reminded him of his mom, which made him question whether we were a good match for each other. I wonder if he ever realized that my shynesd was the result of people other than him disliking the same things that he liked in me.

 

[ksheehan88]

My (now ex) boyfriend liked those same things about me. He eventually broke up with me because I was so shy in social settings, and this reminded him of his mom, which made him question whether we were a good match for each other. I wonder if he ever realized that my shynesd was the result of people other than him disliking the same things that he liked in me.

I'm sorry to hear that

May I ask, was he NT?

My boyfriend is NT but doesn't bother me with social things.. he knows they make me uncomfortable so doesn't push it. I'm quite lucky I think

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

What I hear you saying is that you want a woman who is desired by NT males. If she is Aspie, and therefore socially awkward, this diminishes her value in the eyes of NT males, and therefore in your eyes as well. This is true no matter how attractive she may be. If this assessment of your rather convoluted initial post is accurate, then the problem lies with you wanting something you simply cannot have unless you change yourself completely and determine to don a mask 24/7 for the benefit of fulfilling some adolescent fantasy.

To answer this and other responses in recent months to this thread (which somehow occasionally still attracts responses) I would say yes that's what 'it' wanted. And I say 'it' because in the end I realised I always hated love, sex and all of that kinda stuff (I personally have no interest in being romantically or sexually involved with anyomne, nor to be their fri9end, but to simply give them the respect I'd expect in turn), but I have another part that exists seperate of my true desires that shares my mind, it is what drove me to ask these kind of questions but at the end of the day it perves over women it can never have and just hurts me all the time by making me involuntarily eye up women (that I couldn't care less about), so now I involuntarily obsess over wide hips, big thighs and bums and breasts and pretty faces and the only hope of avoiding this sexual pre-occupation is chemical castration (tablets to reduce or destroy all testorone, I'm so fed up with it). That or otherwise I need to surround myself with unnatractive women with bodies the shape of boys/beanpoles . It cannot appreciate internal beauty and it increasinly sees women mainly as sexual objects (even though it can occassionally more innocently and decently appreciate them in other ways). Ultimately I don't trust that part of me and we've been colliding heavily (to the detriment of my mental health at times) for years now (and uknowingly long before that too), despite me having some succes by never looking at someone twice (when ideally I'd have preffered not to have looked at them once).

 

[Ste11aeres]

I'm sorry to hear that

May I ask, was he NT?

My boyfriend is NT but doesn't bother me with social things.. he knows they make me uncomfortable so doesn't push it. I'm quite lucky I think

Yes he was. I'm over the pain from the breakup. I'm glad things are going well with your boyfriend.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

To answer this and other responses in recent months to this thread (which somehow occasionally still attracts responses) I would say yes that's what 'it' wanted. And I say 'it' because in the end I realised I always hated love, sex and all of that kinda stuff (I personally have no interest in being romantically or sexually involved with anyomne, nor to be their fri9end, but to simply give them the respect I'd expect in turn), but I have another part that exists seperate of my true desires that shares my mind, it is what drove me to ask these kind of questions but at the end of the day it perves over women it can never have and just hurts me all the time by making me involuntarily eye up women (that I couldn't care less about), so now I involuntarily obsess over wide hips, big thighs and bums and breasts and pretty faces and the only hope of avoiding this sexual pre-occupation is chemical castration (tablets to reduce or destroy all testorone, I'm so fed up with it). That or otherwise I need to surround myself with unnatractive women with bodies the shape of boys/beanpoles . It cannot appreciate internal beauty and it increasinly sees women mainly as sexual objects (even though it can occassionally more innocently and decently appreciate them in other ways). Ultimately I don't trust that part of me and we've been colliding heavily (to the detriment of my mental health at times) for years now (and uknowingly long before that too), despite me having some succes by never looking at someone twice (when ideally I'd have preffered not to have looked at them once).

This sounds like a deeply unhealthy way of thinking of/dealing with your sexuality, have you seen a psychologist or therapist about your dissociation and self-dislike?

 

[Ylva]

Maybe your self-loathing is the real problem.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

This sounds like a deeply unhealthy way of thinking of/dealing with your sexuality, have you seen a psychologist or therapist about your dissociation and self-dislike?

Maybe your self-loathing is the real problem.

I have no sexuality, never have (I've always identified myself as a conflicted asexual, but happily asexual). It is nothing more than a parasite of the mind that's out for itself and knows nothing of the rules and my way of thinking/feeling. As for self-dislike, i hate 'it', not 'myself'. But if i go along with it then i do end up having a low self esteem as a result of meddling in scenarios that i have no business getting involved with. What it thinks and makes me feel is just wrong and I'm always happier and unconflicted when I'm free of its corruption. There's nothing a therapist could say that i already haven't said and done, it needs to be hacked down at the core (meaning the feeling itself). There is also the risk that the therapist will give it what it wants by saying things that appeal to its desire and not my own.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I have no sexuality, never have (I've always identified myself as a conflicted asexual, but happily asexual). It is nothing more than a parasite of the mind that's out for itself and knows nothing of the rules and my way of thinking/feeling. As for self-dislike, i hate 'it', not 'myself'. But if i go along with it then i do end up having a low self esteem as a result of meddling in scenarios that i have no business getting involved with. What it thinks and makes me feel is just wrong and I'm always happier and unconflicted when I'm free of its corruption. There's nothing a therapist could say that i already haven't said and done, it needs to be hacked down at the core (meaning the feeling itself). There is also the risk that the therapist will give it what it wants by saying things that appeal to its desire and not my own.

That is exactly the dissociation I was talking about it, you clearly do have sexuality and thinking of it as some separate hated 'parasite' is deeply unhealthy.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

That is exactly the dissociation I was talking about it, you clearly do have sexuality and thinking of it as some separate hated 'parasite' is deeply unhealthy.

It existing and selfishly doing what it does to me is what is unhealthy. As a child it upset me by existing for the first time (at 12, though technically 10) as I hated what it made me think and feel and it scared me- masturbation and porn are hideously sickening things to do and I battled for years to bring an end to them as they're no better than drugs or alcohol abuse. In more recent years (whilst depressed) it caused a very upsetting episode for me too (back then all I could do in my confusion was to tearfully beg it to stop). It's unhealthy yes, and it needs to be suppressed or driven out. The only other option is to embrace it and that's not only criminal but impossible as every element within my personality has developed to hate it and also reflects my incompetence around women in anything other than light conversation and professional talk (not that I have a problem with this- the natural way of things). I have clearly established an identity in which I work many hours of the day, earn good money and have hobbies and interests and a few friends, it threatens to destabilize that all!! It can no longer make me want to have a romantic partner because by exposing me over and over to things I was never supposed to it unfortunately gave me opportunities to see just how truly bad it'd be for me if I really realized how impossible returned interest was. I hold it over a barrel with that because it knows I believe what I'm thinking and can use it (as I have) to prevent obsessions over thinking about relationships and the pointless pursuits. This last bit has made me far less conflicted in one sense and I have noticed I’m happier for it. It wanted me to believe I had to have a girlfriend to be happy and I proved otherwise and that I’d be hopelessly incapable.

 

[Ylva]

Have you checked if you have some kind of dissociative disorder? Other than that it sounds an awful lot like OCD.

On a side note, you can find people attractive without being attracted to them. I get to acknowledge that Henry Cavill is physically attractive even though I'm not attracted to him. Or to put it in another way, just because you can't experience sexual attraction doesn't mean you can't tell.