Universally Physically Attractive People With Aspergers

[Cosmophylla]

Oh this is an easy one, the few people I've been deluded enough into revealing how I felt about them 'all' let me down in one form or another. As an adult I've never seen any signs of anyone being interested (I see everything and pick up on a lot of things, if it was there I'd see it). Also it's hard to make a connection and never does it progress beyond chatting (usually just on a friendly level, but normally not as friends).

Do you feel as though this is unique to you? That other guys, whether on the spectrum or not, can get it going with the right woman for them, but you alone can't?

I'm really loathe to point this out but you are far from the only person to be "unlucky" in love. In my younger years I had so many unrequited interests it's beyond a joke. Many disastrous attempts, false starts, flat out rejections, embarrassments and painpainpainpain.

And you know something I learnt after all that, and after being cheated on by everyone I was serious about and being turned down and being pushed away? I was trying too hard. I was looking for companionship so hard that it was making me desperate.

It was when I stopped looking that it happened. Suddenly the right person came to me. He didn't even look like the person I thought I was looking for.

I won't say there weren't problems, because there were. I had a lot of crap I'd been carrying around that I had to work through, but we felt we were meant to be together (still do after eight years) so we have stuck it out.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Do you feel as though this is unique to you? That other guys, whether on the spectrum or not, can get it going with the right woman for them, but you alone can't?

I know I'm not, it's fated to mostly all aspie guys.

I was trying too hard. I was looking for companionship so hard that it was making me desperate.

When I was trying at all, yes I was desperate and trying hard (not sure if I'd say too hard). For a fair while I've not been trying at all and that certainly felt better than trying and failing.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I was born slender, long legs, high cheekbones. I may as well had been born with a target on my forehead. After a decade of sexual abuse, I started punking out my look and getting tattoos. All I ever wanted was to be heard. If you guys closed your eyes and listen... you're partner was in right in front of you the whole time! Vanity is overrated

 

[Dee317]

I was born slender, long legs, high cheekbones. I may as well had been born with a target on my forehead. After a decade of sexual abuse, I started punking out my look and getting tattoos. All I ever wanted was to be heard. If you guys closed your eyes and listen... you're partner was in right in front of you the whole time! Vanity is overrated

I also feel like I was born with a target. I am on a mission to protect my kids from even entering situations like the ones I was in as a wondering free range child.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

I also feel like I was born with a target. I am on a mission to protect my kids from even entering situations like the ones I was in as a wondering free range child.

I get that...you go girl!

 

[Dee317]

I get that...you go girl!

The kids have always asked to go on sleepovers, my husband has known me since 14 and very much knows the emotional bits of how I felt as a kid who went through situations like that. We have a rule, no sleepovers, the kids aren't allowed to people's houses that we have never been to, or know the parents well, they aren't allowed to roam in the streets. The danger is so real for kids. I can't believe the parents that send their kids on sleepovers with classmates they never even knew.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

The kids have always asked to go on sleepovers, my husband has known me since 14 and very much knows the emotional bits of how I felt as a kid who went through situations like that. We have a rule, no sleepovers, the kids aren't allowed to people's houses that we have never been to, or know the parents well, they aren't allowed to roam in the streets. The danger is so real for kids. I can't believe the parents that send their kids on sleepovers with classmates they never even knew.

I know, right?! I've watched criminal minds entirely to much to do that[emoji79]

 

[Cosmophylla]

I know I'm not, it's fated to mostly all aspie guys.

I disagree!

When I was trying at all, yes I was desperate and trying hard (not sure if I'd say too hard). For a fair while I've not been trying at all and that certainly felt better than trying and failing.

When I say "too hard", I don't mean the equivalent of throwing yourself at someone. I never did that. But I do mean that when one tries "too hard", there is an inexplicable desperation that comes across to the other person. That usually puts people off. It is often a subconscious thing for both parties.

And yes, it is definitely better to take a break and nurture yourself once in a while if your love life (or lack thereof) is getting you down. However, the key part of taking a break is to not even be interested in having a relationship with anyone. It seems to be a pattern that when you decide to be alone, someone comes along. The decision to be alone is not just about giving up trying, it's about taking time for yourself.

So that brings you back to special interests and other pursuits. Or even work. Maybe finding a new direction for your life, pursuing a job goal, moving house, joining an interest group, etc.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I was born slender, long legs, high cheekbones. I may as well had been born with a target on my forehead. After a decade of sexual abuse, I started punking out my look and getting tattoos. All I ever wanted was to be heard. If you guys closed your eyes and listen... you're partner was in right in front of you the whole time! Vanity is overrated

Ooh, let me see you . Joking. Well I have such a broad range of appreciation that I would indeed insist of good conversations and enjoyable times spent getting to know eachothers minds.

We have a rule, no sleepovers, the kids aren't allowed to people's houses that we have never been to, or know the parents well, they aren't allowed to roam in the streets. The danger is so real for kids. I can't believe the parents that send their kids on sleepovers with classmates they never even knew.

You must be from america.

I disagree!

I did say 'most' and not all.

But I do mean that when one tries "too hard", there is an inexplicable desperation that comes across to the other person. That usually puts people off. It is often a subconscious thing for both parties.

The only way I would come across as desperate (perhaps) was that I worried too much about too much time being taken to respond, keeping the conversation going, keeping her interested to the point where I could get us to meet etc.

However, the key part of taking a break is to not even be interested in having a relationship with anyone.

Ahem, yer that's what I'm doing now and have been for some time (though with any luck I'll have the strength to stay away permanatly and relish in that.

The decision to be alone is not just about giving up trying, it's about taking time for yourself.
So that brings you back to special interests and other pursuits. Or even work. Maybe finding a new direction for your life, pursuing a job goal, moving house, joining an interest group, etc.

OMG, yes that also what I've done (though not entirely just to clear my mind of unwanted sexual and romantic thoughts/feelings), but yes I am doing that too. See aren't I brilliant lol

 

[Dee317]

Ooh, let me see you . Joking. Well I have such a broad range of appreciation that I would indeed insist of good conversations and enjoyable times spent getting to know eachothers minds.


You must be from america.


I did say 'most' and not all.


The only way I would come across as desperate (perhaps) was that I worried too much about too much time being taken to respond, keeping the conversation going, keeping her interested to the point where I could get us to meet etc.


Ahem, yer that's what I'm doing now and have been for some time (though with any luck I'll have the strength to stay away permanatly and relish in that.


OMG, yes that also what I've done (though not entirely just to clear my mind of unwanted sexual and romantic thoughts/feelings), but yes I am doing that too. See aren't I brilliant lol

Yes I am from the USA #1 buyer of child porn in the world. It makes me sick.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Yes I am from the USA #1 buyer of child porn in the world. It makes me sick.

I beleiive Europe (as a continent) claims that title. Um yer, definitely not the best way to introduce or promote your country. America- land of the fatties/ crazies, maybe. I didn't mean that though .
I'm guessing you might just be a christian parent (maybe) and you use the word (which we'd never use here in the UK) 'fornicate' in place of 'sex'?

 

[Dee317]

I beleiive Europe (as a continent) claims that title. Um yer, definitely not the best way to introduce or promote your country. America- land of the fatties/ crazies, maybe. I didn't mean that though .
I'm guessing you might just be a christian parent (maybe) and you use the word (which we'd never use here in the UK) 'fornicate' in place of 'sex'?

Sadly this introduction is accurate and we may need to be more diligent in protecting our children from swine.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Sadly this introduction is accurate and we may need to be more diligent in protecting our children from swine.

Britains answer to this was;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Yewtree
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Hydrant

Now you know where/why the word 'great' comes into our contries titles lol. They were/are extremely effective. Just thought these articles might interest you.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Ahem, yer that's what I'm doing now and have been for some time

Yes, however the fact that you started this thread suggests you are still thinking about relationships, and you've agreed you want one.

You have to not want any of it. It's while you're minding your own beeswax that some things become apparent. I'm sure you've found things you were looking for only once you stopped looking and were busy looking for something else.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Yes, however the fact that you started this thread suggests you are still thinking about relationships, and you've agreed you want one.

I'd rather totally not feel the need/desire to have one at all and to that end I'm unsure why you think I said I wanted one? I'm in conflict with the 'human nature' part of me that always wants one, but generally the 'real me' says no!!
A part of me does wanna go back onto a dating site (probably better accepting that I'd come away with nothing) more so just to see whats changed (in the way of improvements) since my last encounters/online chats with mostly NT women.

 

[Cosmophylla]

I'd rather totally not feel the need/desire to have one at all and to that end I'm unsure why you think I said I wanted one? I'm in conflict with the 'human nature' part of me that always wants one, but generally the 'real me' says no!!
A part of me does wanna go back onto a dating site (probably better accepting that I'd come away with nothing) more so just to see whats changed (in the way of improvements) since my last encounters/online chats with mostly NT women.

Your struggles with your sexual feelings and continued interest in women are indicative that you are still - kind of - looking... But I'll concede you probably haven't said outright, "I am seeking a relationship."

Also, a question: do you think you are more likely to have a successful (mutually happy, etc.) relationship with a spectrum or NT woman?

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Also, a question: do you think you are more likely to have a successful (mutually happy, etc.) relationship with a spectrum or NT woman?

The chance of me hooking up with one are extremely slim (their choice, not mine), I guess I'd need to understand better how atypical an NT womens goals and future desires are and how understanding one could be.

 

[Cosmophylla]

The chance of me hooking up with one are extremely slim (their choice, not mine), I guess I'd need to understand better how atypical an NT womens goals and future desires are and how understanding one could be.

What do you mean by "one"? A woman, no matter her neurology? Or do you mean one or the other?

I don't know... All I can say is I had no idea about being on the spectrum for 39 years, so I muddled through somehow. I think worrying about neurology (i.e. taking it into account or using it as a factor when partner hunting) could make things harder for you.

The best connections I've had have always been with people who share my interests, so we have things to talk about. Neurology is irrelevant to that, I think. Learning about NT women as a whole seems a little pointless to me because they are all individual humans with individual dreams and goals.

I think you would be better served looking for someone with similar interests, goals, dreams, etc. to yours.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

What do you mean by "one"? A woman, no matter her neurology? Or do you mean one or the other?

'One' meaning an NT (but quite possibly women in general irrespective of their brain species ).

I think worrying about neurology (i.e. taking it into account or using it as a factor when partner hunting) could make things harder for you.

I'd try for any type of woman (NT or aspie), but this is what I personally belieive.

I think. Learning about NT women as a whole seems a little pointless to me because they are all individual humans with individual dreams and goals.

Most NT women all seems to have many things in common (guys too) and the same may be true for aspies.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Most NT women all seems to have many things in common (guys too) and the same may be true for aspies.

I agree they seem to, which is why we have stereotypes... But it simply can't be that all the people I have many things in common with are Aspie and the rest are NT. No way. Humans are far more complex than that.