hey there tyrantus. don't worry =) you will hardly creep anybody out - there is worse than this by far, and you sound very aware of what you are doing... at least you remember it well. there are loads of people who go raging about, all day that is. most of them are NT.
I would like to offer (offer only) you my advice, that you quit this hiding and mask-wearing. this is what makes you mad and raging - yet, it is absolutely mad to feel like having to wear a mask.
That is what you call a false self, and this is very unhealthy for your mind: viewed from your inner you, you hide your true self from all people. that means you are denying your self (psychologically: the sum of what you are = conscious+subconscious), your reality, forcing yourself to be not you - because you are convinced you are wrong as you are. the more you try to adapt the more you deny yourself, and the more you feel the need do build your false self/mask walls around your mind. the higher and thicker your walls, the more you are locked in - pressures rises: either you think bad of yourself, or of others, or everbody hates you and thinks bad things about you. however, this is all your thinking alone. if you are weird, so be it. others are weird, too, and most people actually do not care at all.
Nobody tells you this, I guess: you tell that to yourself - psycho/wrong, a mistake etc.. via your Ego you are self-attributing hatred and devalueation at your self. either that, or you have internalized low self value, self-hatred etc. which you have experienced in your object relations during your life - and this may force you to think this way of yourself. the problem is this: the denial/negativity you attribute to your self / or which you internalized does not stay there - the self does not like to be disliked, and it needs to get rid of this quickly before it disturbs the system's functioning. now the self has many defensive mechanisms for such cases: like projection - the negativity attacking your self is projected outwards, without your knowing, and thus you perceive others being negative about you. what the mind does, is simply move the conflicting information to a place, where you can defend yourself or counterattack it. However, you prefer to attack either your own self or other people sorrounding you - that is also a possibility of dealing with it. (I've had much of this myself) - I guess you feel like this, because you are overpressuring your true self with denial. in fact you are trying to kill your self. the rage you feel, is your self fighting back your own attack. logical. Don't be so stupid. I think you can do better than this.
So stop shutting up about things - stop the mask-wearing or find yourself a nicer mask, speak openly to people you trust - then to you colleagues, ask for advice, be nice and let them help you with your difficulties. If it proves too much, relax - you are disabled to a degree, and that cannot be changed. Don't force yourself to perform - it makes it worse. Besides, NT face problems of similar impact, too. You're not alone at all. Plus, people at work will feel much more comfortable about and with you, when they know you as you really are.
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psychologically, if you interact with your environment, you relate to an object (humans are objects too). this environment is the objective space. we think the mind as an informational system, or a virtual space. reality then is your personal virtually calculated output of both the objective space and your perceptive processing of it.
the objective space you perceive via sensory inputs - and after some filter and evaluation processes, some perceptional social-emotional distortions this information is delivered to your Ego/I. That is what you experience as reality. Now you have the chance of either trusting this subconscious output / the output of your self - or your Ego is conscious of the self, so you may reconsider what the self wants you to do, think or feel - deciding wether to act on it or not.
in case you had bad experiences: your relation as such to an object in the objective space is called a virtual object representation: the stored information in the mind about you and the object, your interaction, your emotions etc. now: if you have had many negative object relations, this negativity is also represented virtually somewhere in your mind's memory. what you do is this: observe in a neutral way what you think of others, what you think others think of you, what you think of yourself, what you fear etc. you can figure out by the contense of this, what may be a hidden cause - if you do know it.
in such a case, you will find that somewhere there is a true cause for your raging / generally any issue, and in most cases it is within yourself: a self-attributed negative memory /object represesentation, a self-attributed negative self-image, your self-hatred, internalized negative emotions of any kind ..or .. all this virtual information can disturb your functioning. So, if there is anything you dig this up, and take a daring look - by this invalidating any negative effect. then you become aware, that you are just a human being like others, and you are as good as anyone else. this usually solves it.
right now, you are massively self-distoring your perception, ruining and destroying yourself - for no apparent reason as viewed from the outside. I am quite sure, you will be much the same and better even, if you learn to go to work without a mask.
