Sustaining passion for a Writing Project with Autism and Suspected ADHD?

[cfc]

Even this forum post feels exhausting to start writing and is giving me a slight headache, which I guess is one sign of where I’m at. I don’t have an official ADHD Diagnosis. However, I do have Autism, and am on an NHS Waiting List for an ADHD Assessment.

I have lots of passions in my life, but my main life goal is to be a writer. I’m currently developing my own tv sci-fi series about autism, and have got to creating a full treatment and pilot script, which in itself feels like a major achievement considering my passion for writing projects have felt so hard to create and sustain over the years.

However, now I went to develop more detailed episode synopsis and character subplots. Now any tasks to do with the show feel more scary and chore-like. I don’t know if I’m just scared to fail, I’m losing my passion, or a bit of both, but it’s really getting me down. I love creating stories and really want to make tv and theatre that makes a difference, and in the past it was just that sometimes the writing would either be fun, doable, or scary and chore-like, but now all aspects of the show feel like the latter.

At the same time, I also have a huge passion for politics, in particular voting systems and Federalism. I love making my own draft constituencies for the House of Commons and Regional Parliaments. While the amount of work that entails can sometimes be stressful, I can hyperfocus on this far more than my writing and the show. However, if I had the choice between my constituency/federalism ideas being implemented, or my tv show idea getting commissioned, the show wins without contest as that’s really what I feel my purpose and ultimate dream is. I’d give anything to be able to hyperfocus about the show in the same way that I do my political projects. Maybe it’s because there’s no fear in my political things like there is with the show, but I’m almost worried that I’m more passionate about my political projects than the show as deep down developing the show and getting it commissioned is what I really want to achieve.

I’ve also recently lost a job I’ve really liked, so maybe I’m also struggling to adapt to the change. It has felt for a little while anyway that nothing is relaxing and everything feels draining, but now particularly the show is just filled with dread and fear.

My therapist (sadly they don’t deal with ADHD) suggested I break tasks down: Jobhunting, TV Show, Politics. I was hoping this would make me less stressed about the show, and while creating new ideas this way has flickered the passion slightly, it still hasn’t helped me get over the overwhelming feeling of fear and stress while doing it.

I do also feel impatient about creative projects, which may not help me focus towards long we term goals. I’ve also frequently had irrational fears about being too old to enjoy things/gain credit by the time they may happen (I’m 24 for context, I know it’s irrational but I don’t know how to deal with it!)

Does anyone have tips for sustaining the passion for the show, and to not be as scared to not create characters, stories and scripts that I feel are good straight away?

 

[Sasha22]

I’ve also frequently had irrational fears about being too old to enjoy things/gain credit by the time they may happen (I’m 24 for context, I know it’s irrational but I don’t know how to deal with it!)

I had the same fear (still do, in fact) and I try to remind myself that I felt "too old" when I was nine. So I try to think of future-me looking at current-me and shaking her head.

Maybe it's a kind of crippling stage fright? Maybe it's also that the political work has some sort of exogenous structure, whereas it sounds like the show is really just you (if I understand correctly). To me, working on things that already exist feels like putting order in the mess, and that is soothing. Creating my own thing (I love writing) is a lot scarier because there's so many possibilities, everything is open. Much harder to predict/modelize/control.

have got to creating a full treatment and pilot script, which in itself feels like a major achievement considering my passion for writing projects have felt so hard to create and sustain over the years.

Sound like a major achievement indeed. Maybe you can focus on pride rather than fear? And instead of trying to straight away replicate the hyperfocus you have for your political activities, have more flexibility, more TLC for yourself - at least as a first step. Often when I'm overwhelmed with anxiety that paralyzes me, I try to stop yelling at myself and be my own friend. It feels unusual, but it gives me more space to figure out what my problem is and what my solutions can be.

 

[Shevek]

I write all year, and a couple of times per decade, the muse comes by and makes something memorable. I have a weekly zoom call with another writer for mutual encouragement, etc. I go a lot on trying a small essay before thinking a book might be in order. One source of my own hesitation is that if I do write something famous, I'll have far more people trying to contact me than I can deal with. I'd have to hire an assistant somehow, and I've never known a likely candidate. Would you want to do all the other things a writer has to do besides writing to integrate with a production?

 

[Tom]

I think what your therapist suggested a good idea. One does need food and shelter to be able to write. As far as writing goes I find it similar to what I experience with art. It is easier to start something then finish it. Part is that there are different aspects. The initial phase is the creating part and can be stimulating, but the actual task followup tedious. One art teacher said to never start something new until you finished the old. That way you are not stuck with 40 half finished projects. Its a form of self discipline and quite difficult at times, but a principle I have found very useful and ultimately satisfying.

My therapist (sadly they don’t deal with ADHD) suggested I break tasks down: Jobhunting, TV Show, Politics. I was hoping this would make me less stressed about the show, and while creating new ideas this way has flickered the passion slightly, it still hasn’t helped me get over the overwhelming feeling of fear and stress while doing it.

 

[AspieChris]

However, if I had the choice between my constituency/federalism ideas being implemented, or my tv show idea getting commissioned, the show wins without contest

What about changing the show and make it a story of a politician with ADHD and Autism? Every episode could reveal just a little bit more about both worlds to the public.

 

[Wolfnox]

Been on a long spell of no writing. Exhausted most ideas. No real desire to do it. I’ve actually finished stories in the past.