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Should you tell a girlfriend/boyfriend that you have aspergers?

Nobody has the "right" to know so only ever disclose if you are comfortable with doing so.

I think disclosure should happen for a reason, not just for the sake of it. Reasons could be that your partner might understand you better, there might be issues that need to be explained such as sensory sensitivity or social impairment (I despise that term), or maybe you feel close to your partner and want to share that special part of yourself.

We get all sorts of responses. Ive had good and bad and its difficult to tell what you'll get.
 
I recently got diagnosed in the midst of a new relationship.
In Denmark we don't really date (as in asking people out), some of my friends have done it, but it is adopted from American movies.
So with my relations we just hung out at his place and very fast we became an item. I did tell him right of that I had really bad days, and mood swings and that it was a concern of mine not to "drag him into my ****". At this point I thought I had a depression, and had agreed to a psych evaluation for Aspergers (because my father had it).
So my boyfriend found out when I found out, and that has been great, he is really understanding and sweet.
That said I told a lot of my friends that I was being evaluated, and I do regret it know. Because I am not sure I want to tell all of them my diagnosis. Simply because I do not want everybodies opinion or 5cents on my diagnosis, what it means, do I even have it, stereotypes, etc.
I talked to my therapist about this and she said and I quote: "you need to take care of yourself first and foremost, don't tell people if you are not comfortable with it"
Really you only needed the last sentence but I never learned to shorten my stories, my bad!
First and foremost, take care of yourself!
 
Yes, because relationships need to be built on trust. It also helps the person understand you better.
 
I find one problem of people knowing my diagnosis is that anything i do "wrong" (ie something they dont agree with) is because of my aspergers. it seems impossible for people to understand that i have a valid point of view that is different. just because i have my own mind and personality.... its because of my aspergers. grump grump. if i forgot something, its aspergers. if i want to make my felt cat green instead of black and white, its aspergers. my favourite food being carrots is guess what... aspergers. my behaviour and quirks are all aspergers.

i have become my label in some peoples eyes. i think sometimes people see my diagnosis before they see me, and i want to be seen for the person not the diagnosis.
 
judging is just an excuse. making yourself not the excuse is a different story. blend well my friend.
 
you know what i hate is these dating sites. they are the reckoning burden of the internet that make women tell men to **** off. i think that should be against the regulations. the internet needs to be sued. ******** what goes on the internet.
 
S0093679 said:
I find one problem of people knowing my diagnosis is that anything i do "wrong" (ie something they dont agree with) is because of my aspergers. it seems impossible for people to understand that i have a valid point of view that is different. just because i have my own mind and personality.... its because of my aspergers. grump grump. if i forgot something, its aspergers. if i want to make my felt cat green instead of black and white, its aspergers. my favourite food being carrots is guess what... aspergers. my behaviour and quirks are all aspergers.

i have become my label in some peoples eyes. i think sometimes people see my diagnosis before they see me, and i want to be seen for the person not the diagnosis.
Click to expand...
Funny, my wife seems to think I use my condition as an excuse on purpose. I guess it can be a catch-22.
 
Ultimately, anything that has the potential for adverse impact on a relationship should be shared, regardless of the nature of said relationship. The only real questions are when and in what way.
 
Only disclose when you're comfortable doing so. The problem is that there can be a negative stigma towards it and there's a risk that you might lose your girlfriend/boyfriend if you tell them too early. Especially with the things spread around like those "Cassandra" people claiming that we don't have "empathy" etc.
 
S0093679 said:
I find one problem of people knowing my diagnosis is that anything i do "wrong" (ie something they dont agree with) is because of my aspergers. it seems impossible for people to understand that i have a valid point of view that is different. just because i have my own mind and personality.... its because of my aspergers. grump grump. if i forgot something, its aspergers. if i want to make my felt cat green instead of black and white, its aspergers. my favourite food being carrots is guess what... aspergers. my behaviour and quirks are all aspergers.

i have become my label in some peoples eyes. i think sometimes people see my diagnosis before they see me, and i want to be seen for the person not the diagnosis.
Click to expand...
I feel this way too but always told myself I was just being paranoid.
 
Nah you're not paranoid at all. It's easy for people to see the label first and sometimes a bit tricky to understand that an odd personailty is not the label.
 
My view as an NT in a relationship with a guy with ASD is yes. He told me straight away and before we met for our first date. I think he was right to tell me and give me the choice. I have always really respected him for that. Maybe the relationship has more of a chance of survival if both partners know what might lay ahead. For me it made no difference in my decision to meet him for that first date it just made me aware that we may think differently and that certain things would be hard for him. Knowing beforehand meant I did not misread the signs as him not being interested and it also meant I was sensitive to his needs. Of course it hasn't been all plain sailing but two years on we are doing ok :))
 
I tried to inform my boyfriend as soon as I could that I was autistic/aspergers. I know that by doing that, he'll hopefully have a better understanding of me and some of my not-so-normal qualities.
 
I've told every girlfriend I've had since I figured out I have Aspergers a few years ago. The response has always been supportive, and rarely even gets brought up again. Never had a bad experience from bringing it up, a lot of girls think it's fascinating. Of course, your mileage may vary.
 
When I first met my husband I didn't know I was on the spectrum,I just found out two years ago but if say I was single and knew I was on the spectrum and were about to date someone I would tell them just to know where I would of stand with them but unfortunately I went through years in the past without knowing and my habit of going on and on a about a interest of mine actually made a guy not want to date me again.
 
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