[sensitive topic] I think I don't have my parents support in this

[Nacho]

Hello,

I am self-diagnosed aspie. Now, some weeks ago I actually told my parents everything, even though I knew my condition since some more time ago. However, since then my parents have been acting strange, and they've been cutting me off conversations, they have been laughing and joking around when I told them to please stop doing something that made me really anxious, in a bad way.

I found myself writing this message right now, I had to enclose myself in my bedroom after 1 hour and a half of talking with my mother. She was receptive about it, asking me my fears and where do my anxious behaviors come from. I was explaining everything to her perfectly until my father sit on the living room with us and joined the conversation. He told me to "please not have aspergers" and started aggressively chewing fried potatoes that made a lot of noise. I asked him to please stop, that I was starting to get very very nervous at that point; what he did was leaving the living room and continue eating his fried potatoes in the kitchen. He closed the door rather aggressively. After that, I left the living room, and I am bunkered right now in my comfort zone, my computer and this forum.

I feel really bad right now and think that my only help is my psychologist and this forum, which are the only places where I feel understood. I am in the verge of tears right now, but somehow writing everything helps a little.

Thank you for reading

 

[Nacho]

It is also very weird because until I told them everything I always felt supported and now that support has been erased and I feel like I weight 2x what I weighed before.

Somehow at the start my father was more supportive than my mom, but since today's incident I think it has turned around.

 

[metalminx24]

Maybe it's a macho thing, but many dads do seem to find these things pretty difficult. Sometimes just time can help, which I know isn't brilliant. You should be proud of yourself for trying to communicate your feelings to them, I know it's hard when these talks don't go as well as you hope. I'm glad it helps you to write here, keep posting [emoji259]

 

[Ylva]

Your parents are ableist. I guess it's like coming out as gay and only then finding out your parents are homophobes.

You could ask your psychologist to talk to them one at a time, or just one of them period, since hearing it from a professional might make them understand. Get your mom on your side and get your dad to stop being an asshole to you.

 

[Nacho]

Your parents are ableist. I guess it's like coming out as gay and only then finding out your parents are homophobes.

You could ask your psychologist to talk to them one at a time, or just one of them period, since hearing it from a professional might make them understand. Get your mom on your side and get your dad to stop being an asshole to you.

Trust me, I've tried to make my dad stop what he's doing when it makes me nervous, he just thinks the whole thing as an intolerant NT, like a policeman that wouldn't care about a wheelchaired person and would ask him to stand up or be arrested.
This happens only sometimes, it makes me very confused and anxious, because I think I haven't done anything wrong. I am trying my hardest to control my nervous breakdowns and I am trying to go to university class everyday because my parents asked it.

The thing with my mother is also complicated, because she says she doesn't know how to really deal with me; I've been answering her questions for some time, but I have the feeling that she thinks Asperger's syndrome is only about anxiousness and nothing else, she can't really understand it, although I have read her some articles and information from webpages. She is a teacher and had a student that was in the spectrum. Since I am not like that kid, she thinks I am lying / over reacting my situation, even though I have told her several times my feelings and so on are very common with other aspies (I usually publish in the forum and I get many responses from people which relieves me).

For both of my parents, Asperger is a tabu word that can not be used and makes them "cringe" everytime I use them. I do not feel comfortable talking to them about my feelings anymore, but if I don't they will think I am angry with me and restrict me from things like my computer, which is like one of my comfort zones. Whenever they feel I am rude to them, they act ruder to me, and casually forget to fix some dinner for me or things like this.

 

[Ylva]

I never got around to perfect my way of handling bullies. Mostly I ignore them and conserve my energy by refusing to take things personally. Of course, in this case, that would practically be turning their own methods on them.

Have you told your psychologist this? If you're a minor, you can enlist help from adults. If you're not a minor, I don't see how it is in your parents' power to take away priviliges from you.

I don't know if lying and saying "okay, you win, I don't have aspergers" (but working on getting the diagnosis in secret) would help or backfire. I guess you could still insist that you still need a psychologist if they are paying.

 

[Mia]

You might try leaving around asperger test scores, where they might be found and read. As well as symptoms of asperger's that apply to you from from 'official' sites like John Hopkins, and the Mayo clinic explaining the disorder, that you have printed out. I did that for awhile with my spouse who could sometimes be found reading them, I left them in various places for him to find and to inform himself about ASD. It took some time, but eventually he began to understand, both about his own symptoms and mine.

 

[artfull dodger]

It took my parents awhile to come around, espicaly my father who has a PhD in psychology and never caught my AS as I grew up, because it was always there, he just wasn't. He basicly called BS on my Dx till he had a couple hours to digest it, then told me he was sorry for being an ass in front of the family. He was the one that initialy trained the therapist that made my diagnosis of Asperger's Syndome. And she is state Licensed to make such a diagnosis as well. Keep in med, that even with an official diagnosis, you dont magicly change, you are still the same person. Just better informed. I took several of the online tests after my offical diagnosis and they just back up her findings. Good luck and just try to lay low and let them digest the fact thier son is on the spectrum. Once they come around, let them know its not thier fault. Nothing they did made you this way. Its genetic and develops in the womb. One day we may know why, but for now we do not. Good luck and stick around, this is one of the best places to hang out!!

 

[The Phantom]

I'm o sorry to hear that. I have hopeless feelings too, I know my parents won't be angry at me for having Aspergers (if I'm ever diagnosed) but I know they won't have any sympathy towards my symptoms (and high emotional sensitivy). I really hope this improves for you, I hope your psychologist can help as much as they can.

 

[Harry1965]

I really like this place. I hope The people here treat you the way I feel I am being tested .. Very very well and with lots if patience. I love that so much.

Just give yourself lots of time and space with great people wherever you can find them .... here is a greet start.

 

[Progster]

When people first hear that someone in their family have Asperger's, they often go and read about it on the internet, see that it is a form of autism, and that, at first, can come as quite a shock. Unfortunately, a lot of the information on the net paints AS in a very negative light. They may go into denial and take a while to come round the idea. I would wait a bit before broaching the subject again, and then find some sources which present Asperger's in a more positive light - how people with AS may have challenges, but can overcome them with the support of their families, etc, or you could mention how having Asperger's doesn't mean that you can't and won't be successful in life, and mention the names of a few successful historic figures who probably had AS. Hopefully their attitude will change in time.