*Little* Things That Annoy You (Pet Peeves)

[Anthony Nasti]

Finger snapping. Mostly because I never could do it, but it's such a harsh sound for me.

Citrus smells. I don't know why, but I need to leave a room when someone eats an orange. It's a very unpleasant smell for me.

 

[Sarah713]

Is it bad to say the as someone who isn't autistic and there has never been any hint that I could be, 99% of the things you guys mentioned get to me too, especially the predictive text thing, argh

 

[ksheehan88]

People who know you have Aspergers but have no way of knowing how to deal with you. In many ways it would be easier if they didn't know. This can get so frustrating. It really makes me very cross at times.

It could be worse in that they are not trying to understand.

Although I understand it must be extremely irritating when someone doesn't know how to 'deal with you', it could be helpful to remember NTs usually don't have any experience with Autism/AS so therefore wouldn't really know how to behave or react.
I am NT, and although new to the world of AS I try my best to glean as much information as possible on the subject and ask questions and understand as much as I possibly can xx

 

[Judge]

Although I understand it must be extremely irritating when someone doesn't know how to 'deal with you', it could be helpful to remember NTs usually don't have any experience with Autism/AS so therefore wouldn't really know how to behave or react.
I am NT, and although new to the world of AS I try my best to glean as much information as possible on the subject and ask questions and understand as much as I possibly can xx

True. The odds of coming into incidental contact with an NT who has some basic understanding of Neurodiversity are remote. Approximately 1 in 68 if you follow the CDC's alleged statistics on autism in general. For most NTs there's no real incentive for them to be aware of us Neurodiverse folks in whole or in part.

As I've posted many times over the years, I see three possible outcomes when those of differing neurologies interact with one another for the first time:

* Those who don't understand but want to and succeed
* Those who want to understand and fail
* Those who rationalize that autistic people must conform to the social majority

 

[ksheehan88]

True. The odds of coming into incidental contact with an NT who has some basic understanding of Neurodiversity are remote. Approximately 1 in 68 if you follow the CDC's alleged statistics on autism in general. For most NTs there's no real incentive for them to be aware of us Neurodiverse folks in whole or in part.

As I've posted many times over the years, I see three possible outcomes when those of differing neurologies interact with one another for the first time:

* Those who don't understand but want to and succeed
* Those who want to understand and fail
* Those who rationalize that autistic people must conform to the social majority

IMO, its pure laziness not to try and understand. I also think if someone isn't willing to try, then you shouldn't be willing to entertain their company, especially if they are trying to change you to be more... well, whatever they want/expect you to be xx

 

[Judge]

IMO, its pure laziness not to try and understand. I also think if someone isn't willing to try, then you shouldn't be willing to entertain their company, especially if they are trying to change you to be more... well, whatever they want/expect you to be xx

Maybe. Though this isn't a simple thing for much of anyone to grasp even if they put their heart and soul into it. I mean, in the simplest way it's trying to get into the mind of another person to better understand their thought process. The reality IMO, is that there are no guarantees of people "getting" this.

And unless someone on the spectrum of autism is self-aware and outright tells another they are Neurodiverse neither may ever know! Which was the case of myself for more than five decades and everyone who knew me personally.

Up until then I not only had no understanding of autism, but wasn't aware of anyone in my social orbit who is or could have been on the spectrum. Of course in hindsight I can look back and identify certain people in my life who were most definitely on the spectrum. But only after having embarked on this "odyssey" of sorts to discover that I myself am on the spectrum of autism. And it's usually a "bumpy ride" in the process.

Above all, consider the reciprocal. I can't fully understand a lot of NT traits and behaviors myself. I don't consider myself lazy. However I have limits to what I can comprehend...just like certain things I can never properly process such as incoming sarcasm. And in all honesty my mimicking NT behavior isn't the same as being it.

 

[ksheehan88]

Maybe. Though this isn't a simple thing for much of anyone to grasp even if they put their heart and soul into it. I mean, in the simplest way it's trying to get into the mind of another person to better understand their thought process. The reality IMO, is that there are no guarantees of people "getting" this.

And unless someone on the spectrum of autism is self-aware and outright tells another they are Neurodiverse neither may ever know! Which was the case of myself for more than five decades and everyone who knew me personally.

Up until then I not only had no understanding of autism, but wasn't aware of anyone in my social orbit who is or could have been on the spectrum. Of course in hindsight I can look back and identify certain people in my life who were most definitely on the spectrum. But only after having embarked on this "odyssey" of sorts to discover that I myself am on the spectrum of autism.

And above all, consider the reciprocal. I can't fully understand a lot of NT traits and behaviors myself. I don't consider myself lazy. However I have limits to what I can comprehend...just like certain things I can never properly process such as incoming sarcasm. And in all honesty my mimicking NT behavior isn't the same as being it.

I don't mean not understanding is lazy, I mean making no effort to attempt to can be, when in relation to trying to understand friends etc. There will always be things I can never comprehend, but I will do my best to, because for me I have a reason to ensure I do xx

 

[Judge]

I don't mean not understanding is lazy, I mean making no effort to attempt to can be, when in relation to trying to understand friends etc. There will always be things I can never comprehend, but I will do my best to, because for me I have a reason to ensure I do xx

What if some of us might not understand or relate to that?

I can think of others much further on the spectrum who might not really get it, or even care. That they simply don't have the capacity to "underwrite" their friends to optimize a social bond. Would that offend you?

I myself understand what you are saying, but I'm not sure if it socially transcends our differing neurologies. Do I optimally "underwrite" my friends in such a way?

Probably not to the degree that would satisfy you. Of course if this is something you consider incumbent of NTs to be preoccupied with, I'll just have to take your word. I'm just thinking though that if the Neurodiverse may or may not have problems with such expectations, would you still uniformly expect them of Neurotypicals?

 

[ksheehan88]

What if some of us might not understand or relate to that?

I can think of others much further on the spectrum who might not really get it, or even care. That they simply don't have the capacity to "underwrite" their friends to optimize a social bond. Would that offend you?

I myself understand what you are saying, but I'm not sure if it socially transcends our differing neurologies. Do I optimally "underwrite" my friends in such a way?

Probably not to the degree that would satisfy you.

I was referring to NTs understanding their AS/Aut friends, not the other way round, as I can only go on an NTs perception of the subject

I'm sorry if I've caused offence, it wasn't intentional xx

 

[Judge]

I was referring to NTs understanding their AS/Aut friends, not the other way round, as I can only go on an NTs perception of the subject

I'm sorry if I've caused offence, it wasn't intentional xx

No...no offense at all. I just wanted to understand that your perception was exclusive to Neurotypicals in your opinion. It's just that I'm mindful that so many NTs I come into contact often expect or demand a certain degree of social parity. And that there are often instances where we simply cannot equitably meet such a standard.

Which sometimes make me think that if we cannot make parity with a certain social dynamic, why should we expect it of you?

I guess it's the best I can do in attempting to reach out and be "fair" in the event I cannot be "equal". It's the sort of dynamic that seems critical to maintain optimal relationships between the Neurotypical and the Neurodiverse IMO.

That we realize it can be a "two-way street", but that we do have some real limitations. That sometimes we can "offset them" in some way, and other times you as an NT must pull more weight than we are able. Sometimes I think people can be really put off by this given there's never a guarantee of social equality in a relationship whether it be a friendship or something more.

 

[Judge]

TBH, your post forces me to dwell on the fact that I probably don't make the effort to deeply understand NT friends of lovers in the same way you mention. Just another nail in my coffin when it came to failed relationships with NT women. <sigh>

But in the case of real-time social interaction, for many of us it can be overwhelming. That we just can't do it while trying to sort out other things that may well come naturally to you where you need not give it a thought.

That for us, once we are alone and can better process things, that we might give such concerns more focus and attention another time. To "script" it.

 

[ksheehan88]

TBH, your post forces me to dwell on the fact that I probably don't make the effort to deeply understand NT friends of lovers in the same way you mention. Just another nail in my coffin when it came to failed relationships with NT women. <sigh>

But in the case of real-time social interaction, for many of us it can be overwhelming. That we just can't do it while trying to sort out other things that may well come naturally to you where you need not give it a thought.

That for us, once we are alone and can better process things, that we might give such concerns more focus and attention another time. To "script" it.

I understand there will be times I will have to make more effort than my friend can or is able to, and that I don't expect him (or anyone else) to mould themselves to ideals held by the majority. He wouldn't be him if he tried to be anyone else, and he's the person I care about not someone he might pretend to be.

As you read from my own thread, I'm attempting to navigate through this with an open mind and acommodate the things that I'm not used to to ensure we can have a healthy, happy friendship. I'm not even sure if I'm replying on topic now, kind of just typing whats coming to me lol xx

 

[Judge]

He wouldn't be him if he tried to be anyone else, and he's the person I care about not someone he might pretend to be.

Nice to hear.

Sometimes it can depend on where one is on the spectrum. I can only say though that the process of "masking" my behavior to temporarily fit into specific social situations is almost always both exhausting and unfulfilling. Not all of us can this.

But then I've always had the sense that no one wanted to be with the real me for very long.

 

[ksheehan88]

Nice to hear.

Sometimes it can depend on where one is on the spectrum. I can only say though that the process of "masking" my behavior to temporarily fit into specific social situations is almost always both exhausting and unfulfilling. Not all of us can this.

But then I've always had the sense that no one wanted to be with the real me for very long.

Although I couldn't comprehend that feeling of exhaustion from trying to mask yourself and fit in, or the feeling people don't like the "real you" from your perspective, I can, from my own perspective, say I have the same feelings xx

 

[sisselcakes]

Sounds reasonable and if it works, even better! Reading this, I was so intersted to see how many people are sent over the edge by advertising. Must have to do with the "untruth" of them.

I'm sure! The challenge for me is when my bf cannot allow new information in bc of his rigid beliefs. He thinks the same of me though! I guess each person's reality is different.

 

[Nitro]

Although I understand it must be extremely irritating when someone doesn't know how to 'deal with you', it could be helpful to remember NTs usually don't have any experience with Autism/AS so therefore wouldn't really know how to behave or react.
I am NT, and although new to the world of AS I try my best to glean as much information as possible on the subject and ask questions and understand as much as I possibly can xx

I have pushed since my beginnings here that we as auties are in fact the minority in brain wiring and I honestly don't believe that the NT population gets up in the morning to target the autistic community with nonsense just for fun.

 

[sisselcakes]

We don't

 

[AGXStarseed]

When you read an online newspaper article and then, when you look through the comments section, there's usually somebody who makes a comment who either says something that has nothing to do with the article or makes a non-existent 'link' to justify their own belief.


I'll give you an example:

ARTICLE: 'They're scum': Furious sister posts pictures of her autistic brother's injuries after he was beaten up in the street for just £5

(In this article, a boy has been mugged and beaten by a gang of thugs who stole £5 and his bag from him, with his sister now making an appeal on Facebook to try to catch the gang).


Now, here's what I mean regarding the stupid comment:

COMMENT: "Poor lad, the Brexiteers are a violent bunch of thugs"

(There is nothing in the article relating to Brexit and the subject of the article has nothing to do with it, so why the heck is this person trying to make out like the gang who committed this horrible act were all people who voted to leave the EU?!)

 

[AGXStarseed]

Trying to make plans at Christmastime when everyone wants to do everything their way.

 

[zeroninja]

Most things that annoy me are in general considered annoying I think: being cut off mid sentence, being talked down to, insulted or ignored, advertising (thank god that industry is dying), people being willfully ignorant on a topic they know nothing about, hypocrisy, etc...
There are some things that annoy me more than they should and don't annoy most people though.
One is certain smells tend to set me off, like the smell of boiled eggs, kim chi, and certain other strong smelling foods.
Another is a lot of tags on clothing, especially if they tend to stick straight out and scratch around on my neck.
A third is political correctness since it's been used so often these days to attack many of my favorite things, like gaming and heavy metal.
Also I despise pop music, not as in popular but as in what we call "pop" today, like Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, etc..
I also tend to get upset over the complete disregard for source material by movies and shows based on books, comics and manga.