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askI lash out at my parents whenever I'm in a bad mood - verbally. I'm not proud of it one bit, they're great people and this is how I pay them back? I've had trouble controlling my emotions throughout my entire life. Picked so many quarrels with my grandmother when I was a child. Always screamed like a maniac whenever something didn't go my way. Even as a baby I cried way more than average, and that must have been the harbinger. I'm almost 30 years old and I'm still capable of acting this way towards my parents only to realize everything AFTER the ship has already sailed. I still live in the same household and I'd really hate to spend another minute making their lives miserable. I've never been able to control this, and I really wish I could; even my doc told me that he doesn't know a way to make these outbursts go away, and I refuse to take medication (he wasn't offering it).
Another thing that troubles me is why I don't lash out at other people, and it's possibly because I know that I can never lose my parents' love and support - and I'm extremely emotional by nature. I might hold it off at work because I'd get fired if I were to behave this way, but there were a couple of times where I was just so furious at a coworker that I ended up bottling it all up inside until it resulted in a horrific meltdown at home, creeped the crap out of my mother. I said some of the nastiest words I possibly could about the coworker...I just exploded, completely and totally lashed out. The fact that I only allow myself to do this at home makes me feel like a hypocrite, like someone who respects everyone but my parents (and that coworker, I guess...). I would jump in front of a car to save my parents' lives, yet the way I act towards them sometimes is just despicable and deplorable.
These outbursts are quite unpredictable and tend to happen when I'm in a bad mood. In the mornings I'm especially vulnerable and the best thing to do during those times is to leave me alone 100%, not utter a single word. Unfortunately I tend to be in a bad mood for the most part of my life. Just a couple of weeks ago I told my mother that I hated her...triggered by a simple case of car trouble, and me thinking that she blamed me for going too fast over the speed bump. I lash out and then I just drown in an ocean of regret. This is not the type of life I want to lead, I want to get rid of these lash-outs once and for all - more than the anxieties and social troubles combined. Is there any solution to this that doesn't involve medication? I don't want to take something I might become addicted to, and my doc agrees with this opinion.
I lash out at my parents whenever I'm in a bad mood - verbally. I'm not proud of it one bit, they're great people and this is how I pay them back? I've had trouble controlling my emotions throughout my entire life. Picked so many quarrels with my grandmother when I was a child. Always screamed like a maniac whenever something didn't go my way. Even as a baby I cried way more than average, and that must have been the harbinger. I'm almost 30 years old and I'm still capable of acting this way towards my parents only to realize everything AFTER the ship has already sailed. I still live in the same household and I'd really hate to spend another minute making their lives miserable. I've never been able to control this, and I really wish I could; even my doc told me that he doesn't know a way to make these outbursts go away, and I refuse to take medication (he wasn't offering it).
Another thing that troubles me is why I don't lash out at other people, and it's possibly because I know that I can never lose my parents' love and support - and I'm extremely emotional by nature. I might hold it off at work because I'd get fired if I were to behave this way, but there were a couple of times where I was just so furious at a coworker that I ended up bottling it all up inside until it resulted in a horrific meltdown at home, creeped the crap out of my mother. I said some of the nastiest words I possibly could about the coworker...I just exploded, completely and totally lashed out. The fact that I only allow myself to do this at home makes me feel like a hypocrite, like someone who respects everyone but my parents (and that coworker, I guess...). I would jump in front of a car to save my parents' lives, yet the way I act towards them sometimes is just despicable and deplorable.
These outbursts are quite unpredictable and tend to happen when I'm in a bad mood. In the mornings I'm especially vulnerable and the best thing to do during those times is to leave me alone 100%, not utter a single word. Unfortunately I tend to be in a bad mood for the most part of my life. Just a couple of weeks ago I told my mother that I hated her...triggered by a simple case of car trouble, and me thinking that she blamed me for going too fast over the speed bump. I lash out and then I just drown in an ocean of regret. This is not the type of life I want to lead, I want to get rid of these lash-outs once and for all - more than the anxieties and social troubles combined. Is there any solution to this that doesn't involve medication? I don't want to take something I might become addicted to, and my doc agrees with this opinion.
ask your doc about DBT it helps regulate emotions and its good for stress!! if that ISNT the one try CBT ,also you have got to realise your parents could be dead tomorrow you have do a lot more for yourself while you have youth helping you !!!!!
i was and am shattered by living alone!!!! feeling that someone wont do everything they did is very stressful !!!you should try supported living!!!- the feeling of your mother not existing is horrific :'''(being alone a lot is bad for your physical health
ask
@Tyrantus1212
Perhaps you are unable to make good headway on reduction of, or stopping your lashing out episodes due to a lack of enough motivation?
Picturing what you will feel like when your parents are gone might give you that lacking motivation. You will feel much worse when they are gone if you have not managed to stop hurting them now.
This is so true. But, I know from my own experience lashing out seemed to be stronger towards my parents than other people. This could be because your emotions are stronger for them, you feel more able to let it all out and still know they will love you. Others will be alienated easier and like in school or at work you don't need that so you hold it in.Picturing what you will feel like when your parents are gone might give you that lacking motivation. You will feel much worse when they are gone if you have not managed to stop hurting them now.
I just feel like crying when I read these replies. I've been a horrible son and I don't deserve parents like these. Even now, the way I realize just how much valuable time with them has been lost and it's all my fault...I just feel so awfully sorry for them, and it's exactly why I feel like crying a river. I really do love them but boy am I lousy at showing it. I don't want to be the black sheep of the family anymore (they tell me I'm not a black sheep but I know otherwise). I tried to stop myself multiple times, seemingly learning my lesson each time I managed to cause an extremely dire situation. Yet somehow some way I still managed to regress. I hate myself so much. My dad almost stopped talking to me once because of this. It's a miracle God hasn't punished me yet. I've been threatening to commit myself to a mental institution so many times...but right now I think I'd rather just keep on discussing this extremely serious matter with my doc. And no matter what I do, somehow I never manage to lose their love and support, because they know that despite fighting so many inner demons I'm still a good person. They actually admit that they think I'm one of the best people that exist; because I don't commit crimes, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't purposefully hurt people, I prefer to be honest, and I always do my best in school and work. Yet these same demons just totally "overshadow" all the good stuff whenever they surface.
I admit that motivation is not something I exhibit very often and I have no idea why. I would jump in front of a car for these people, just like I said in my previous post, yet I'm not motivated enough to treat them like a human being should? I actually go through good days and can go weeks without lashing out, and it sucks that I cannot predict the notorious return of Mr. Hyde. God, I love them so much and it's really why this hurts a lot. I give myself an F when I rate myself as a son; in fact when I behave like this I'm NO son. I'm glad that there have been specific times where I was able to stop myself early. I will never forgive myself for my sins and I don't think God is very fond of me right now. I just want this crap to stop, I just want to be an actual SON to these people, not someone who stresses them so much out towards an early grave. Any chance I might need to get diagnosed with something other than Asperger's? Could I also be bipolar or borderline?
Lashing out is emotional abuse. My husband has done it too many times to me and my kids.
Last time I told him that next time that he screams at me or the kids, I would remove them, or me, from the place without saying anything.
So he did not lash out. But he went into withdrawal/ recluse mode for TWO weeks. It made me feel emotionally abandoned.
Then, over a minor issue he lashed out at me worst than ever in his life. That same day he told me he didn't want to do anything with me. I told him we should separate.
We've back pedaled.
I don't wish to anybody, not even my worst enemy, being the target of someone lashing out. I cried too many times in desperation, hiding in remote parking lots. I stumbled in my shower, curled up, crying, and feeling not only like a victim, but also humilliated at the fact that I could not do anything about it.
When the aspie is a dad, lashing out leaves emotional wounds in children and in the wife.
In the past, I used to react, lashing out too, trying to salvage whatever was left of my self steem. It just made a hell out of those moments, and my kids were
there sometimes, listening. That's the biggest regret of my life, letting them hear all that yelling.
Right now we are in a good period, and I've changed the rules (not reacting, but removing my self or the kids from the physical space where he is, in case that he lashes out again).
not to debate right or wrong, do you think that for some people - lashing out is actually how they express their frustration ?
Sure, why not?
I mean, it may be quite akin to what is known as a "Freudian Slip". Where someone expresses the truth as they see it perhaps through duress rather than a relaxed, civil conversation.