It’s Because of the Asperger’s

[Sportster]

Can one blame ASD for everything? For instance, should one with it be given a free pass if they act like a jerk merely because they have it? Maybe a person is just naturally rude and a jerk. There have been many times when I’ve said or done the wrong thing and wish I could play the Aspie card.

I have learned over the years that the world does not care if I have ASD, especially if I come across as a jerk. The world does not care if some the amusing, though eccentric behaviors manifest. The world does not care if the lights and noise at Walmart push me to the brink of a meltdown and I sometimes have to walk out leaving an entire cart of goods sitting in the aisle.

It has taken me a lifetime to control many of the manifestations; but sometimes when I’m overwhelmed and find it difficult to control, what do I do? Nobody cares if I am having an episode. Their concern is if I’m doing my job or getting ready to go postal, or whatever may be manifesting.

So, what do you think? Should we be given special consideration? If so, how?

 

[clg114]

You are very right about nobody caring. I believe that is because most of the people ether will not or can not understand. This is why there are very few people who know that I am on the spectrum.

Should we be given special consideration? Well I can only speak for myself. For me the answer is no. I am not disabled in any way and I do just fine taking care of myself and my family. I see my autism as a gift, not a curse. The good things out weigh the bad things. However I do understand that this is not the case for everyone. It depends on where you are on the spectrum and any other disorders that that you may have. Some people need to have special consideration and should get it.

 

[Sherlock77]

I remember cringing the first time that a local lady was innocent of murder charges (against her husband) because she had a severe mental illness, and since then it has happened countless times... Anyone from Canada remember the gruesome Greyhound incident from a few years ago?

But not to get into politics, I firmly believe in responsibility for my actions, even if I can lay partial blame on ASP... I still did it! Whatever "it" is

And that is exactly what the world is like...

 

[“Normal?”nick]

I don’t blame asd for anything in particular but there’s times where I realize it’s the reason for my behavior. Like when my wife meets her parents after work instead of coming straight home. I become furious because it’s a change to my routine. I realize that’s irrational on my part to behave this way, so I try not to let it show. If it does show, she’ll say “it’s just one of those things babe” which is her way of telling me it’s an autism thing without anyone else knowing (I don’t tell anyone) and that kind of reminds me I need to calm down. Luckily for me she’s very patient with me and never holds it against me.

So as far as blaming it on everything, no. But sometimes it is the reason for our behavior and there’s no point in pretending any different.

 

[Suzanne]

I think we should be given dignity!

 

[Progster]

Can one blame ASD for everything? For instance, should one with it be given a free pass if they act like a jerk merely because they have it?

No, certainly not. Acting a certain way because one has ASD and can't help it, and acting like a jerk are two entirely separate things - the former is excusable and ASD should be taken into consideration, while the latter isn't. Being a jerk implies selfish intent at the expense of others, and as such is inexcusable.

I have learned over the years that the world does not care if I have ASD, especially if I come across as a jerk. The world does not care if some the amusing, though eccentric behaviors manifest. The world does not care if the lights and noise at Walmart push me to the brink of a meltdown and I sometimes have to walk out leaving an entire cart of goods sitting in the aisle.

True. The world is most concerned with going with the flow, being socially acceptable, and anything that disrupts the stautus quo, rightly or wrongly, is frowned upon.

 

[Progster]

I fully agree. However, the dilemma I've encountered, especially when working at the university which was abound with Aspies, is it was difficult to differentiate if some of the residents in my building were having "Aspie moments" or were just jerks.

Np easy answer to that. It's difficult to know, unless you know the person really well perhaps.

 

[Progster]

While working at the university I did encounter a lot of cases of "I have Aspergere's, so . . ."

Yes, that is irritating. People with Asperger's might need accommodations or perhaps a bit more leeway given, but this does sound like they might be using it as an excuse to get special treatment.

 

[“Normal?”nick]

Depends on the situation. I mean what are they doing that makes them seem like jerks? Are they reacting to something specific or just being jerks for no reason? If you do something that bothers their inner aspie, it’s an understandable reaction. I know if someone came over and rearranged my closet I would be on the way path, but I don’t just act out for little or no reason.

 

[“Normal?”nick]

I can’t even bring myself to tell other people let alone get special treatment for it. That’s messed up. I’ve never met anyone else with it though. At least not that I know of.

 

[Autistamatic]

Let's talk hypothetical here...
You've got a bunch of guys in a male dominated environment - say some fellas on a building site having a tea break. The conversation turns quite misogynistic and they start talking in Al Bundy type terms about the "hooters" of some woman they are all familiar with. One of the guys there is gay and they all know it. Would they expect that guy to join in the conversation? Would they even have that conversation in front of him knowing it might make him feel uncomfortable? What if the guy wasn't gay but the girl they were objectifying happened to be his sister? Or they knew he had profound religious beliefs that would cause him to disapprove? Or the girl was the boss's wife and the guy had a reputation as a snitch?
People modify their behaviour around others based on their knowledge of the person's situation and distinctive characteristics all the time. Being sensitive to other people's needs is part of the whole Theory of Mind equation that governs the way NTs react to social cues. At the moment knowledge of how autistic minds work and how we express ourselves is very sparse. What little there is in the public consciousness is quite inaccurate and is tied up in knots with unhelpful stereotypes. Many, maybe most of us, keep our autism secret because we know that telling certain people would not help us.
Do I think we deserve "special treatment" - no I sincerely do not. Do I think we deserve the same consideration of our autism as other people get for their own distinctive qualities -HELL YES! Only by educating the world at large about what autism really means to US and how their behaviour affects us, combined with our own awareness of how we affect them, do we stand a chance of being accepted and treated as just another quirk of humanity and given the respect we are due.

 

[“Normal?”nick]

Maybe it’s because I have a generally dark and cold perception of the rest of the world, but I highly doubt the rest of the world will ever care enough to educate themselves on the topic enough to allow them to interact with people like us without making us feel awkward or stupid or uncomfortable in any way. Sometimes I want to tell others, but I don’t want them to look at me differently and I don’t want to be spoken to like I’m an idiot either. I’m also afraid it could cause issues with me progressing throughout the leadership ranks at work.

 

[Bella Pines]

Should we be given special consideration? In so much as we give everyone else special consideration.

In answer to the question, can one blame ASD for everything? Oh yes. People nowadays, especially the younger generation are incredibly adept at blame and excuses. It's not my fault, it's my upbringing, it's not my fault, I have autism, it's not my responsibility, I'm a victim of society, I didn't qualify for benefits, I was bullied, he made me do it, I saw it on youtube. The list is endless. Every single person has some excuse or another.

So yes, I think we should have special consideration, quiet desks, an aspie carriage on the train! But equally so should EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. Considerations for the over-emotional NT, considerations for people with over bearing parents, considerations for people who struggle to communicate, considerations for people who really don't like yellow. The list again is endless.

So I don't think we're a special case and I definitely don't agree with using ASD as an excuse for anything, but I do think that the world would be a kinder place if everyone gave everyone else special consideration.

 

[Autistamatic]

I highly doubt the rest of the world will ever care enough to educate themselves

Go back only a few decades and a hotel or guest house could put up a sign saying "No blacks, No dogs, No Irish" without a second thought. A woman could be turned down for a job because she was a woman, and be told that to her face. An African American could be forced to use a different rest room to a white American. A homosexual man could be imprisoned or chemically castrated and everyone thought it was justified and "normal".
If those perceptions can be changed through a combination of legislation and public awareness, why can't the perceptions of autism?

 

[Mattymatt]

Go back only a few decades and a hotel or guest house could put up a sign saying "No blacks, No dogs, No Irish" without a second thought. A woman could be turned down for a job because she was a woman, and be told that to her face. An African American could be forced to use a different rest room to a white American. A homosexual man could be imprisoned or chemically castrated and everyone thought it was justified and "normal".
If those perceptions can be changed through a combination of legislation and public awareness, why can't the perceptions of autism?

I think perceptions will change but it will happen very slowly, all the while more people with Autism will suffer. Part of the reason is human nature. Humans tend to hold on to their core beliefs very strongly and firmly. For this reason, change happens at a glacial pace. There are still a goodly number of "professionals" that see autistics as "drooling vegetables" or they hold on to the Rain Man stereotype. It's amazing how people tend to hold onto core beliefs that are patently wrong. If one of my beliefs is wrong, I want to know what it is so I don't go around looking like an ignorant buffoon.

 

[OkRad]

I am the opposite. If someone were to even TRY to give me a free pass, I would be enraged. Even in high school, they wanted to curve my grades if I failed to "give me a chance". I was insulted. And I understand. I was non-verbal, they thought I was MI, and it was not a fault that they were being kind. But I realized at that moment that if I let that attitude into my life from ANY person, it would be to my ruin, not my success.

Then, on the other side, there are those who wildly OVERESTIMATE my abilities because I can speak in full sentences. I understand. How can someone who is quoting Kierkegaard be looking straight at an overheaping trash basket and NOT see it needs taking out? I get it.

So it's confusion all around. The only who know how much my ASD effects me is me and family and closest associates. The best I can do is hold myself to impossible standards to know I really and truly did my best and if someone thinks I could have done more or am just an idiot, well, I can't really get into their minds.

 

[Mattymatt]

Many here have viewed and commented on my thread about my buddy’s depression. As I mentioned in the thread, it seems he blames everything on it. That caused me to think about ASD and my own situation. I don’t suffer with depression as severely as he does, but I have my own challenges; many of our community here have the same challenges. That brings me to what I was thinking.

Can one blame ASD for everything? For instance, should one with it be given a free pass if they act like a jerk merely because they have it? Maybe a person is just naturally rude and a jerk. There have been many times when I’ve said or done the wrong thing and wish I could play the Aspie card.

I have learned over the years that the world does not care if I have ASD, especially if I come across as a jerk. The world does not care if some the amusing, though eccentric behaviors manifest. The world does not care if the lights and noise at Walmart push me to the brink of a meltdown and I sometimes have to walk out leaving an entire cart of goods sitting in the aisle.

It has taken me a lifetime to control many of the manifestations; but sometimes when I’m overwhelmed and find it difficult to control, what do I do? Nobody cares if I am having an episode. Their concern is if I’m doing my job or getting ready to go postal, or whatever may be manifesting.

So, what do you think? Should we be given special consideration? If so, how?

This is a tough one to answer. My grandfather had a saying, "A good manager is able to get the best performance from his most vulnerable employee." By that, he meant that a good manager who helps an employee to do his or her best is rewarded with the loyalty of the said employee. Of course, my grandfather's philosophy is a long gone era. Today corporations are purely about profit and someone unable to keep up is subjected to social darwinism. That's exactly how Amazon and Foxconn are setup. The weak die off.

 

[Autistamatic]

I think perceptions will change but it will happen very slowly

I totally agree with you Matt. We have to start somewhere though. I think public awareness of autism (in the UK) is in a similar place to awareness of gay rights issues in the late 1960s shortly after it was decriminalised.
People knew it was now legal, but the prejudice was still powerful. People didn't understand it, still discriminated against gay people and homophobic humour was fair game on TV & movies for decades after. It's still an ongoing fight now, 50 years later, but many battles have been won and now, whilst homophobes still exist, they are the minority in western culture. A gay person does not have to pretend to be hetero in order to be accepted and treated appropriately in most situations.
I'd like to think that in 50 years autism will be as easily understood and accepted and we won't have to hide in the shadows, suffering as so many of us do. I'd like it to be sooner though 'cos I'd like to see it in my own lifetime (along with flying cars and true 3D TV )

 

[Pats]

No one should be permitted to be a jerk toward others for any reason. I don't think our meltdowns usually hurt anyone but ourselves, so using aspergers as an excuse is exactly that.
Although there are times being a jerk is, well...……. There was another nurse I worked with that hated me. I hated having to work with her and a lot of nights it was just she and I and a nursing assistant that also didn't like me. They actually acted so immature about it and neither would speak to me (silent treatment). I didn't care except when something came up concerning one of my patients and they just put it on a note and left it on my cart assuming I would see it - I'd get furious. (And don't think I was going to accept the blame if a problem had arisen because I didn't see it). But, yes, under these circumstances I became a jerk. LOL They sat in the back dining area doing paperwork and I'd be alone at the desk answering call lights and stuff. No one likes getting an admission so when we were getting an admission I'd put it in one of her rooms, knowing she wasn't going to say anything to me about it. I kind of made a game over it. I'd page her when her patients called out or about getting an admission or when there was a call from lab about one of her patients or whatever and eventually she stopped carrying her pager, so I'd overhead page her. She complained to our boss about me overhead paging while patients were trying to sleep, but I defended myself that she refused to carry a pager and I wasn't leaving the desk to run down the hall and tell her everything. She was forced to carry a pager and she got paged quite often. LOL It had nothing to do with my autism when I chose to be a jerk.

 

[Janet]

I most resonate with what Progster said. It's all about the intent. I think when we inadvertently say something hurtful, we beat ourselves up about it plenty. But being unkind is a separate issue, and if we're unkind, we should take responsibility and apologize.

As for whether others will understand, that's another matter. It's not really their fault if they don't understand, but I wish it were easier to explain to others.

No, certainly not. Acting a certain way because one has ASD and can't help it, and acting like a jerk are two entirely separate things - the former is excusable and ASD should be taken into consideration, while the latter isn't. Being a jerk implies selfish intent at the expense of others, and as such is inexcusable.


True. The world is most concerned with going with the flow, being socially acceptable, and anything that disrupts the stautus quo, rightly or wrongly, is frowned upon.